My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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JFL~I guess it would make sense that intelligent people would worry. But I wish I wasn't a worry wart. Never got me anywhere anyway. I hope you're doing well my friend!
Lynne~ come on back home sweet friend!🌹
Tanya~ thinking about you!! When is this scan? Make sure you wear deep pockets. 💜
Lynnwood~Hoping for you and Grannax relief with these new side effects. It's a perfect example of starting from scratch. I just hope they adjust it for you both and that it kicks some major ass for you both.
Marian~ waving hello hoping you're doing good sweetheart!
Parry~ Love you sister of mine.
Donna~I remember AC. But as soon as it was over with. My mind wanted to hurry up and forget it! Hope yours does the same thing. Like that Steelers blanket. Eagles are my team, but the Steelers are second for sure ! Adorable.. also drink water Add strawberries and fruit to it m, it will help the metallic taste during ac And eat during the doses it helps absorb it better ! 💜 aleve before and after always helped me too. Love the Puppers cozy and warm. Love the puppers ! I hope my Tag makes it through the night. He's like a see saw up and down. We don't want to put him down unless we absolutely have too. That is so damn hard to do. Ugh!
Tomorrow is my day off from my visit for my Dad. Today, wasn't supposed to be my visit day. I had to go because the laundry I had taken the day before was four loads full in the hamper that my step mother for some reason didn't take. So I called my dad this morning and told Him I would be around after lunch. He sounded weird then. So my DD and I show up around 1:00. They are moving him back to the other area into a new room away from the crazy dude that flipped out in his original room last week.
He was so upset, he had tears in his eyes and he was scared, they were taking his clothing and everything out his room. He was just sitting there with his phone and cards. He looked like a little boy. I held his hand and said let's get you outside until they are done. We got him into the chair and outside. He was exhausted. Hadn't had a nap and wanted to lay down. I sent my DD into see what progress had been made. Well NADA. His bed was just a mattress. No gel pad ready nothing hooked up,so I found some sheets and made the damn bed myself for him , all he wanted was to lay down and get his medicine. His back was killing him. They were just going to meander around and take their damn good old time transferring him. That really sucks for patients. He only has limited time he can be out of bed. If I had not arrived when I did. It would have been him alone sitting in some hallway, in pain waiting until they got a clue to get his new room together. Because another roommate made my dad be the one who had to move. Now he did get a private room for almost a week. But he was scared. This man was hurling wheel chair legs through the air and assaulting the staff my dad can't get up without help. At least I think he knows I am always there when he needs me. So we waited with him and got him settled Then my step mother comes waltzing in Oh if would have known Blah blah blah I was out to lunch with my sister and blah blah meanwhile I’m about to faint three hours later. Not to mention after that I still had to go and get my medicine. I wasn’t expecting to be there that long But it figures. I don’t dilly dally I make things move. There was No way he was sitting in any hallway !
What a day! Goodnight ladies and Daniel!
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What a day for you, Micmel! I doubt SM would have taken any control of the situation, so you saved your dad from endless waiting and pain. I know it’s not how it should be with you doing the “heavy lifting” but somehow it is. I would have a hard time not saying more to SM but then I’d probably regret it. Hope you can get some rest before heading back.
Lynne 50s, miss you!!
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Rosie~I went to bed at like 7:30. Last night. I didn't sleep. But had quiet time for my body. I'm just slammed exhausted, it's pouring outside. So I am taking a day off today. Letmy stepmmother deal with this rain. There is no smoking on days like this. Wow lotta rain for sure. I am just realizing this is going to be a long process. He is fighting now. He's moving more and eating more. Being stimulated. Before he would lay alone. Waiting for someone to come. My step mother had to work. So he was alone. For months. My sister never did what she said she was going to do. He was giving up. He is no longer giving up. He's fighting. I can see it. He wants to interact with my kids and my DH and I. He realizes. The other side of the fence was where he should have landed when this ugly divorce started with my ex. Instead of choosing his side of the fence with the step monster. I blame her honestly. No parent should ever Interfere with a step child, unless there is danger. Or the real mother isn't involved! And the child isn't an adult. She just thought she was the boss and he let her do it. Now look... the one daughter he gave up, is the only one he can really count on. That is some circle closing. If you ask me. Hope you're well sweet Rosie. 🌹
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Hi all
Micmel I had my scan Tuesday and didn’t get the results yet. The nurse who usually calls is on vacation I think, so I have to not know until Monday. Tuesday’s Pet was actually one of the best ones. First needle got a vein and maybe due to medication I was relaxed. I know you guys are with me in there bc we are all there for each other.
I’m going to keep gardening and enjoying the weather.
Take care all
Tanya
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Tanya i'm glad the procedure went well. I'm sure the results will be just as good:) I have my Pet scan tuesday and I'm a little worried because I have had some back pains. I'm hoping
Micmel you father is very lucky to have you. I wonder what his life was like before getting sick because it doesn't seem that his wife is very attentive.
Mae- Diesel (our pitbull) is a very good dog. He just loooves my daughter. Sometimes he acts like a jealous husband. LOL
Skitz thank you! My granddaughter are my world! When I was first diagnosed I remember that all I wanted is to see my daughter graduate high school. I still want that of course but I want more time with my grandchildren and I want to actually be there when my daughter has her first to help guide her. Getting a little sappy now and I don't want to bring everyone's day down.
I hope that everyone has a great weekend!! It was very rainy here today. We actually had a tornado warning and had to have the children take shelter for 20 minutes. That was fun! LOL
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Holmes that tornado warning sounds scary.
I had some different twangs of pain over these last two months so of course I always think the worst. I’ve been exhausted too, but that sounds like everyone on these message boards. No matter what I have to wait now.
Your grandchildren are precious. I remember when I was first diagnosed with stage 3 I hoped to see my daughter graduate, then marry, college, grandkids and I am grateful for all of the time that I’ve had and all the time to come. It’s hard to live happily ever after with a cancer expiration date.
Micmel your step monster always shows you who she is. She still works so she must be tired. I don’t think you expect anything from her. Sad for your dad. He may be feeling some regrets now, but there’s nothing he can do about that now.
Tanya
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that's the thing. She got fired last month! She doesn't work. And I do expect, that in love and marriage you would want to take care of your husband. If it were my DH, I would have a cot next to his bed. Now granted, When she worked it was so hard. I will give her that much. No one could do it all alone. And still She does need help, but I feel sometimes she doesn't have her priorities straight. You are totally correct that she continues to show me who she is. Hit the nail on the head! Us ladies would do whatever we had to with cancer even. Look at you. You travel. You love your family with your entire heart and soul. Always putting everyone else's needs ahead. I honestly believe if you don't have children you don't have that nurturing way as you learn from a mother. I could be wrong. But when I look at her, I see a vacant person.
Holmes ~ Hello darling. Loving that doggie. Mine are old and smelly now a days !
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Good Morning from the ED.
Just got here for severe rib cage, shoulder and neck pain. Waiting. Don't know anything yet. Breathing was very painful until I took some hydrocodone I already had.
Not knowing is the scariest, as we know too well in this thread...
Gumdoctor
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They did not find anything so they are sending me home.
Good news that nothing obvious is wrong.
Bad news is we don't know what caused this whole pain episode.
Gumdoctor
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gum doctor- i’ve had the same pains a couple of times and it showed nothing. i felt very frustrated because i knew what pain i was in and to find out its unexplainable?! it seems like when you finally get in a good mental frame that things might be okay cancer does something to remind you that it’s not. i hope you feel better.
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Gumdoctor wow. Feel better. Maybe Monday your onc will order some more tests???
Good Saturday morning all.
Tanya
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Gumdoctor~Thank goodness you're home. I have been dealing with the same exact thing. Rib pain coughing. And aches in places I never ever dreamed of! I am so happy you're ok. And at least know this time it Is nothing to worry about right now. I'm thinking muscular? Big girl hugs for you sweetheart !❤️
Holmes~ Cancer is what I call an Indian giver. It gives us false sense of management and then lures is into a false sense of understanding that this second we are ok. Then the creeping of the next scan sets in and cancer goes to work on our emotions and our minds. Torture.... viscous ride. You’ve told you can get off this ride, but there we are purchasing another ticket for bloodwork and ct scans. Step right up!
Tanya~ windy windy gusty gusty here today. Wish I could look at your beach. I need peaceful surroundings sometimes, but then I realize how beautiful everything is and I grieve even more. We just can’t win!!
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Gumdoctor, it's surprising that pain the level to bring you to the ER would be unexplained. I hope a specialist can get to the bottom of it if it returns. It can't hurt to think positive!
I agree completely with you on the mental frame, Holmes. I've had no appointments for the month of April and should be feeling fancy free, yet I'm over analyzing every little thing and wondering what news my scans a month away will bring! I was recently at a wake and saw my ex and many of his lovely siblings with whom I'd had great relationships. They were all well meaning in asking how I was doing but it was a bit tiring to keep being upbeat without glossing over the diagnosis. I'm feeling quite good right now but of course I have no idea how long that will last.
Hello Tanya!
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Thank you all for your sweet comments. Yes it is frustrating to not know but also a reliefI am not dealing with fracture.
Today it does feel like muscle so I just took some flexeril I had from last ER visit with pain in mid-back. We'll see if that makes any difference.
I threw up pain meds last night on the way to the car and have not taken any more.
I had a plan to get alot done today and tomorrow...looks like that is out the window.
Gumdoctor
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Me wanting to nap but it just doesn’t happen ! Ugh0 -
ya know as I went through the heavy chemo process and when I lost all my hair, all I could think about was getting it back. That will
Make me feel like myself. That’s it, yeah the hair. If you could just grow it back to where it was when you lost it, maybe then I will feel like my old self again. That has to be it. I watched my hair grow everyday longer and longer, now it’s really almost exactly where it was before. I realized I have my hair exactly the way I want it. The cancer pain is still here, the thought of heart wrenching pain and sorrow of leaving my family. Yup, still there. The tears oh hello there familiar salt taste, you’re still here too. The searing fear of my scan coming up in May. Welp yup that’s still happening. I may have my hair back. But when I look into the mirror, I still see that scared little girl who is losing her father while actively possibly dying myself. Who is now a woman. I’m tired of feeling like my sell by date is way expired and people are now looking at their watches saying well the stats say anytime now she could croak.. the loss of even seeing the sky the same, gone. Any possible plans of my beautiful DH fishing and me on our porch letting him know that still to this day my heart flips and flutters when he looks at me and smiles. Real loss. Real suffering. I hear my three kids laughter and it rips my soul into a million pieces, that even a million tears shed couldn’t even compare to the heavy weight carried inside my heart daily. I guess this is what grief feels like. All this time my heart never got used to any of this 3.4 years later. Will it ever accept that I will have to leave them all years earlier than even a worst nightmare would be. Speechless most times anymore. But the tears they still flow! Funny how we never run of out of those. Treatments. We may run out. Tears. Never. 💔
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Micmel,
So many common themes among us...I just changed my Facebook profile picture from more current to my favorite of all times picture of me with all my glorious hair...I had glorious hair...GLORIOUS HAIR...Of all the things I have had to endure, losing this hair that identified and distinguished me all my life...this is hardest of all.
Intellectually, I know it does not mean anything because I am still the same person...
But all the things you mentioned...all the things we work to accept...it is just SO MUCH TO DEAL WITH. Some days, to me, it seems overwhelming and I can't possibly imagine I can keep going. Today is one of those days. I can breathe so I am feeling slightly better than 24 hrs ago...but moving around the house is nearly impossible. If I cough, the pain in my neck, shoulder, ribs are 9 of 10. I just took more pain meds and forced down some food and am sitting still to not aggravate the pain. I had 20 things to get done between yesterday and tomorrow afternoon. ZERO of those things will get done now.
Angel Husband is saying not to worry about anything. But all the things I planned to do was all for him...
Please know I and many of us here can relate to what you write. You are not alone. You are so kind and loving to share what you are going through. While I don't "really" know you, I feel like I do know how much you care about others, even while going through such hard times yourself.
Thank you for sharing your journey and your self with us here. You help others every single day. I am so blessed to be here with you.
Love to you, Gumdoctor
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Gumdoctor💜 thank you. I needed that shoulder! More than you know !
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my bird brain forgot who posted that flag of stark house !!!!! Mae? Maybe. But I want one. Like that is awesome. Two episodes down and it’s moving fast. I dont want it to end theeee best series ever made in my opinion.
And oh Mae~ roll call?
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I'm here, Netflix watching with DH tonight. My dear friend and work husband made me my own Game of Thrones title, it's so awesome.
“Supreme” is an American horror story reference, the witches season)
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Mae~That is pretty damn cool! I knew the supreme mention the second I read it. I've seen every season. It's fitting for you for sure. I was sitting today after my nap after I again dumped my soul, and I thought to myself. Mae, never falls apart. She always holds it together. I again thought to myself how pretty special you really are.... how special you all really are.
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Aww, micmel, you're sweet. I do fall apart but typically only in the hours following bad news. We all deal with this differently and luckily for me, finding the good has always been my style.
I wish everyone a great weekend. I have treatment Monday, then I'll be reporting from Las Vegas!
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Flag of Stark House is a series ? On what?
X is hard to predict. But, I think my body is trying to get used to it. Out shopping yesterday morning, bed the whole afternoon . The day before I got a lot done and felt pretty good. I've got to stay busy all day today. My sister and her BFF are coming on Tuesday to stay till Friday then my brother comes on Friday to stay till Sunday. My sister is a busy beaver, she'll probably wear me out. Thankfully, my brother is just the opposite and we are only planning one thing: watch the Kentucky Derby together and eat. Yay
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Grannax~It is from Game of Thrones “House of Stark “. Mae I believed posted a picture of a home who hung outside of their house a stark banner flag. I want one !!! I would have that bad boy hung that day!!!
Xeloda or any new tx scares me. I will be bugging you all with questions about it, should I face progression this time around. One never knows. So I am silently bracing myself, everyone else thinks I’m fine. Only the scan knows. Such a mind fu*k. Have fun watching the derby. Always so much fun. I love the hats!
Mae~ Las Vegas, see what I mean you energizer bunny 🐰! 🥁!! 😄😉 have a safe. Trip darlin !! Much love to all..
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Mae burn up the strip!
Good Sunday afternoon all.
Grannax I m happy you’re adjusting to the X. Enjoy your plans
Tanya
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Tanya~ Hello beautiful! Hope you had a good weekend. I know you're always up to something. I don't know how you even do it. I'm not sure I could keep up walking. But there is no way I want a wheel chair. I will wait for that until I have no choice. Of course I know one would all feel that way.
You ladies amaze me. Parry... honey are you ok? 🥺💙
Lynne. Miss you friend 🌹
Runor my sweet sister! Mariannelizabeth...Blueshine...Bigbhome...Minnie??Grannax....Edwards. Haven't seen you. Chicagoan, longtime. As well. Gracie. Miss you as well. Rosie...egads...daywalker...Philly....hope your ok in philly! Mae our correspondent!! Donna!😉 thinking of you! Chelle of course and always! NaN been a long time as well! Sunset.....stilliving...skitz.....muddling.. you ok too sweetheart? lynnwood!! Cold tonight. Grab a blanket.! Booboo~ have you moved and settled Yet in Florida ? Jackboo...Haven't seen you around either ...JKL...JFL....MJH...., elleonwheels...Pip....Gumdocotor~cure-ious....Divine.. hope ibrance is treating you well! Holmes...💐💐waving to you!Santabarbarian....Hope all is well with you and yours! Dorimak....hello to you too!!!😌 Daniel and Leslie....Masonsma...my friendGP.... Pots...Iwrite...tracywithbc....Jensgotthis....Joe777....Kayla.........Moonshine...
Goodnight everyone !
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Ok, no Game of Thrones spoilers but damn’ I’m really proud of a few of them and like we needed another reason to love Aria Stark.
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My new garden
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I've been completely irresponsible the last few days and have been on a winery tour with my niece who is visiting from the east coast. We have never travelled together so this trip is special. We visited 22 wineries over 4 days, sampled wines in every one...more like just a mouthful from each wine for me. I was happy to be able to do a bunch of the driving too. I feel for this moment in time, cancer is not #1 or #2 in my thoughts. And yet this trip is bittersweet because I know I may not be able to do it again and that breaks my heart. I love the area, the mountains, the sun, the vineyards, the wines and so want to do it again with my daughter or my husband. Isn't that how it goes? we're fine, fine, fine, not fine. So i'm Savouring being here and this moment. Sad inside.
Gum doctor, your pain sounds very weird. Something is very off but what???
Micmel, your time with your dad is so special. Bittersweet too. Do what you can, when you can.
I may be dying, but not today. I don’t remember who first said it like that but it has become my mantra.
Be well dear friends
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Gorgeous sunny spring day
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