My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Micmel: I just wanted to pop in here to thank you for having such an open and fun thread. I enjoy all of the truth you share here. Living with cancer is not easy. I have felt all of what you have been sharing . We pick up and go on in spite of the fear. We live in between denial and the sword of Damocles.
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Cat~Thank you so much for letting me know how you feel about my second home. I enjoy getting to know each of you and learning about your families and life. It makes me feel not so alone. I am happy that you took the time to share with me how it makes you feel. Welcome to the family 🌹🌹😉🦋0 -
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Good morning all
Its so nice to come here to a place where everyone understands. I was diagnosed last august ...de novo. So it's been chemo, surgery and rads are coming next followed by ibrance. I guess in a sense I'm lucky as I responded well to chemo and while there was some active still in the breast my lymph nodes were clear and I have no pain in bones and can breathe really well. That said I feel frozen in place .... like I could curl up and stay here and just give up.
I met the love of my life 6 weeks before diagnosis and I have 2 teenage boys. Did you ever feel like you aren't enough for them?
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Good morning Becks~ welcome welcome to you. I question my worthiness every single day. My sweet DH is amazing he never complains as he takes care of everything. I combat fatigue like crazy aches and pains in places that we don't even realize and a constant fear and worry. I always say to him, you'd be better off finding someone else that can hike along with you, instead of being alone. His response is always the same. Honey I am not going through the dating process and baggage opening. Our kids are grown. I want to see our grandchildren and talk to them about you and I will have the kids, until I am able to come to you. He doesn't even care about the thought of someone else. I guess love runs that deep. I know in my heart I would feel the same exact way. They say you have only one true love.. I know I have found mine. They love us no matter what. But yes. I quite often feel less of who I used to be and less of a woman for him. I want the best for him. It shatters my soul is what it does. Wrapping you in a great big hug. Welcoming you with open arms of understanding andsupport ! 🌈🦋❤️ ~M~
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I know what you mean. Mine says this is showing him what love truly is even when I say I feel like I'm not who I was when he met me. I got an angel when I needed him most. I guess we can't know what is best for someone else right? Your hubby is right...dating is a gong show and he won't find someone as sweet and generous as you. You are valued on this thread ...so I can't imagine you not being valued at home too xo
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Welcome Becks! I often joke with my husband that he got a lemon with me but he thinks he got gold, what a keeper, right?!
Good morning all, much to do today but first, coffee....
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Oh! You are making me appreciate my hubs so much right now! I'm newly diagnosed and start my Ibrance this Friday but up until now I've just been processing, processing, processing doing some rads to my back and starting Femara.
Last night I had a dream that my husband and I were on a little trip and he was acting a bit cold and distant. I volunteered to let him be free from me and in my dream he said "yes, good, ok see you later Wilmot". My name is Janet. Wilmot is the name of our cancer center here.
I called him this morning to tell him about the dream and he said "never never never would I want to be anywhere else but walking with you on this road". He's been absolutely wonderful and I don't feel I deserve it at all. I'm a wife and mom and grandmother - I take care of everyone else right? It's hard to switch the gears and let everyone love me for a change.
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I know what you mean Janet. I'm a single mom and have taken care of everything. I wonder if that's why we are in this boat? Would love to hear how you do on Ibrance. I'm on FeMera now and it's not bad.
So grateful for these awesome men! Yes Illemae you are gold!!!
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moomala~welcome to our slice of home, I feel as if love for me as made me a better woman. I want to be the best I can be. For this wonderful man I have been blessed to love. Special doesn't even begin to express the devotion and faithfulness that I have for him. I would never need anything else in my life. Ever. I am a complete saved happy soul. Enter cancer. That's where my house of cards enters. A strong wind or a bad scan could send them tumbling and then I will have to start from scratch... the only thing in life that's free is love. It may not cost anything but the heart isn't easily repaired when grief enters. With true love.
Becks~Love makes my world go around. My children. My father. Who is in hospice currently and very fragile. I am trying to spend as much time with him as possible. My heart breaks in several ways. Everyday. One way or another. So good to have you ladies here with us. 🌈💐💐💐 to you both !
Mae~yes you are certainly are gold of the purest form. I feel lucky to even know how wonderful you are even with the miles between us. I consider you a strong beautiful friend. That I value. There are many strong wonders here.i would love to be as adventurous as you are.
Parry~ honey. Are you ok sweetheart ? Thinking of you!
Hugs to all. ~M~
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Mae~OMFG I forgot to tell you. GOT was amazing. Wow. I held my breath the entire time and I have goosebumps!! Absolutely fabulous like wow. I am soooo saddened that there is only three left. And where was Cersei? That’s interesting huh
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Micmel, I agree and was holding my breath too.
So, I played the cancer card but very politely. I explained that I had a terminal illness, this is a bucket list trip and asked Planet Hollywood hotel staff if there was anything they could do to make it better/more amazing, so they upgraded us to a suite. Yup, I was amazed 😮😀🎉
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Way to go to ask! How nice of them!
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Mae, you go girl! Don’t know if I would have the nerve to do that! Good for you
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way to go Mae! I’m not surprised one bit. You deserve to have the best! Great view and great photos. Have a blast. Hugs sweet friend!
Hi Santa and hello Donna. Good to see you all
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Mae, you are definitely "ballin" in that hotel room. Love it!
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Hello ladies!! Advice Time! Last year at this time it was my DD and having issues with her. Now it seems it's switching to my DS. Talk about clueless, he has three jobs. The lawn (weed eating and using the blower) once a week or when it needs to be done. Keep your room clean. Which to me isn't included in the three jobs. Trash emptying and taking it down. If there was a week he did the all without a big deal I would fall over a rich woman. It would rain $100 bills. So he delights me by informing me his behavior is my fault lol. Excuse me what? Did you just attempt to say before my need to bitch slap you occurred? Basically he was telling me I was too good to him and did too much. I couldn't believe it. We haven't spoke for four days. We have given up and sacrificed 15 years of living in a different home from my husband so my children could stay in their school districts could keep their friends. While I only saw my sweet DH on weekends and holidays and summer vacations. We drove up and down the highway each weekend to Maryland or he up To Pennsylvania for going on 16 years for their stability. So they could be near their father.
That is the thanks this stage four cancer mother and wonderful sweet step father got this week. I know he's terrified of my cancer and my dying and so am I. But I'm not going to be blamed for things that I know in my heart I have been damn good at. He has a way of deflecting responsibility just like his father would. That's what worries me. Seeing that. Sooo I have left the crickets go between us for four days to make him accountable for his own behavior. I'm not holding his hand through this one. My feelings are very hurt because all his life I was thee only one he could count on and fully trust. It shocks me. My DH gave them everything he could and so much more, Or maybe he's trying to pull away to protect his feelings. I don't quite know. But whatever it is. He needs to figure it out.
Any room in that palace for PA guests Mae? Lol oh how I wish. My DH and I could travel like you guys do.
Much love ladies. Hello JFL. Lol @ ballin.
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Vegas correspondent checking in. DH and I stopped by the Flamingo to see the flamingo’s before dinner at Hell’s Kitchen (soooo good), then I won $450 on slots at Caesars Palace 😁
Today was a great day!
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Mae~You GO Girl... I love to hear that today was a great day for you. That’s what life is all about. Awesome pics and so happy that you’re enjoying every single thing about it. Now I’m officially hungry and feel the need to go shopping. Lol. Congrats on your win! You deserve it! Hubby does too!! Be safe and party on! 😉🎰 Nice GOT mention! Sleep well you must be tired with all those winnings weighing you down. Not to mention that awesome looking meal ! Damn girl! Lol
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Mae - I am so jealous that you can rock that epic shade of lipstick! I love those bold, intense colours and when I wear them it looks like my face is collapsing inward. Like a black hole in space - with red lipstick.
Micmel. Your son is right. This is your fault. All his shortcoming are your fault. What else is there for you to do but acknowledge your responsibility? "Son, I am so sorry that I failed you, that I have made you soft, pitiful and a little bit stupid. I owe you a serious apology for not whomping your ass when it needed a good and swift whomping. Out of respect for the woman who will one day become your wife, I am going to correct my past sins by now enrolling you in Micmel's Military Maneuvers. And buster, buckle yourself in because you are about to learn life right between then eyeballs! You will be pathetic and useless no more! I shall make a responsible and dignified man out of you if it kills you. And it might. But I'm game!" And then open a can of whoop ass on him. Silent treatment? TO hell with that! Get ugly. Get mean. GET EVEN! Otherwise, what is the point of children if not to torture and frighten them now and then?
I say this after having had a blow out with DD that left me shaken and angered on a level that I didn't think I'd go to. We didn't speak for a long time. SHe acted in an unjustifiable and unforgivable way and I decided that as much as I love her, I will never, NEVER eat shit like that from anyone. Including her. Since then there has been a change and the change is in me! The change is that I know and more importantly, she knows, that if she ever pulls that bullshit again I will slam a door in her face so fast and so permanently that it will make her head spin. I had to finally get good and truly mad and say that I have not been perfect but I still do not deserve that kind of treatment and she can piss right off (I used much more colourful language). ANd you know what? Things are better. So if you are feeling that enough is enough with this boohoo, mommy failed me crap, correct past mistakes and go hard, go hard until he pulls his head out of his ass! GO MOM!
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Runor~Yeah seems to me he needs an ass kicking. They all do at some point in time but man. I think sometimes boys are slower to get it. But this is shitty. My family is so special. And I each us all struggle to keep a handle on our relationships. It’s a difficult task when it’s more than one you have to whip into reality. I’m just sick of having to explain hey people I’m sick over here. Yeah my hair is long. Yeah I look much better... I’m still sick. Ya know dying ? Slowly everyday ? (Yes I know everyone is one way or another.) but you know my meaning. It’s Hurtful and shouldn’t be allowed at all.. thanks for the advice. I’ve never danced this dance with. My son before. So I’m not thrilled with. This behavior at all! ~M~ ugh!!0 -
Runor,
I applaud everything you said. Our adult children will treat us any way that we allow them to. I have similar blowout experiences with both my daughters (both in their early thirties). Very painful and exhausting emotionally.
It was my cancer diagnosis that jolted me into reality with my kids. I don’t let toxic people (even adult children, sisters, etc.) into my space. It was a learning experience for me that I didn’t have to be their doormat just because I am their mother. Yes, things changed.
MicMel, follow Runor’s advice. Free yourself. You don’t have time or energy to put up with this crap.
Blessings to all Moms
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Momming is the HARDEST job! Obviously I was being sarcastic when I told Micmel it was all her fault. After a certain time it becomes the responsibility of our children to figure out their own shortcomings and GET OVER IT. We didn't teach our kids how to use their cell phones, they figured it out on their own. Same applies to taking out the damn garbage - figure out on your own exactly how and why you ought to do it! BUt you are correct Micmel that it takes all the energy you have to fight these kid battles and you're running on fumes as it is! Hope he grabs a brain and grows up a bit. Kids!
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He was always my challenge really. My DD was always more independent, and not clinging to mama. My DS was more so. I'm freaking exhausted, I have errands to run. And then it's my turn to see my dad. No energy but somehow I'll find it. Like we all seem to do. Ty you ladies 💐
Bella. Hello sweetheart so glad to see you back! Hugs to you beautiful woman !
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Idea! -- Micmel, your son can earn his way off the shit list by helping out w your Dad! He can get the chair outside, etc. He can run the clean laundry over there for you. That might help a lot.
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Sometimes certain words can produce results. Tell your son you “need" him to take out the trash, deliver laundry or whatever. Men like to be needed. Also thank him for the least little thing he does, like get you a drink of water and of course for the bigger things. He wants his efforts to be seen. I wouldn't actually worry about his room. He can have one area in the house that he feels is his space. My husband keeps his clothes in a small room across from our bedroom and its kinda junky but he follows the tidy rules in the rest of the house, so I don't worry about it. He has his own organizationsystem so I just go with it.
Also, start asking your ds for his opinion. A good phrase to use is, “What do you think...." I do this with both dh and ds. Like, “What do you think if we get pizza for dinner." Or “What do you think about that episode of the show we just watched." Or “What do you think your sister would want for an anniversary gift." Or even, “What do you think, is it gonna rain?" Everyone likes being asked for advice and to give their opinion. “Think" is the operative word, it gears them into action.
Finally, let your ds know that learning doesn't ever stop. Maybe you took care of things for him when he was younger, but now its time he learns how to help out more. Tell him its about team work with everyone doing their fair share. I'd say it in a nice way. Oh, and one more thing, try to have some fun with him. Guys like having fun. When you have some fun moments, they forget about the disagreements.
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Good after noon all
Mae that is a spectacular bucket list fulfillment. You look amazing as usual. I realized that you didn’t do your outfit display before this trip. I’ll use my imagination. I hope you and your DH continue to have a wonderful time.
Micmel sorry about your son. I’m blamed by my eldest son too, well both of them. They’re both in their 40’s.
Another family member of mine blames my father for their drug alcohol addiction, they’re in their 60’s and the blamed parent is dead. I wonder at this logic bc will her children blame this mother or her deceased father?
At some point no matter what kind of parenting or hurtful things that happen in our lives we have to take responsibility and change what we can change. Heal ourselves at least emotionally so we can have our life. Own it. Make ourselves come true. I agree more with Divine probably because I hate hurtful arguments that don’t accomplish anything. Family feuds. Productive conversation with words that are nurturing and leading to an outcome that both of you can live with.
By the way I can get past a junky room with the door closed but I can’t stand slobs with hair all over the bathroom and dirty dishes etc.
Finally, my DH and I live alone. He was an army sergeant and is neater than I’ll ever be and organized.
Tanya
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Becksbeatingit: I totally understand the frozen. I still feel frozen, well - now partially thawed - since changing MO to one who gives me some hope. My DH keeps me anchored. Keep reading the posts from those wonderful ladies who are living good lives years after the DX. I check daily.
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Hi everyone. I'm here, just not up to much.
Mae, you've got the lipstick game going on to perfection! I've tried but can't pull it off. So glad you're enjoying the trip.
Micmel, hope your DS gets his act together. He could be feeling overwhelmed with life- your illness, his grandfather, a bad few days at work and taking it out in a place he knows is safe. Not to say you ignore disrespect just maybe help him find out where it's coming from.
I had bloodwork yesterday and will have scans in a few weeks whenever they get it lined up with the insurance. It all gets mighty tiresome. I like my MO a lot but he does not seem to hear me about side effects. I spoke firmly but he still just brushes it off. Nothing will make me see red like being told "oh don't worry about weight gain" or brushing off other AI side effects. So, that isn't enough for me to find a new MO, but I'm going to follow up somehow. This is one of the rare times I wish I lived near a large cancer center with more associated services for their patients.
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Santa~hello hello! Funny you should mention my father. After five days of no talking at all, my DS asked if I went to see him today. He used him as the ice breaker knowing it's important to me. I had wondered how long he would be able to not talk to me. I feel better we are talking. I'm not one to hold grudges. I needed him to want to talk to me. One day at a time.
Divine~Thank you for your view. When he wanted to talk to me. I just let him. I took one look and knew he'd had a bad day. I just listened and didn't really bring it up again. After about two hours of talking. I said.... soooo what do you think about what happened? Do you think we can avoid that again? I'd really like too. He said yes. I'm trying to u set I'm not alone in this disease. I know it scares him. It really sucks period. It's so beyond complex.
Tanya~I totally agree with you. My sisters kids are still blaming her for everything wrong in their lives even though they were choices they all made themselves. Adults sometimes feel the need to blame others. I realize my family isn't alone in that. Thank you for sharing that with me.
Elderberry~welcome to our second home....I hope that you will share in our stories, and become part of our second family. We all know cancer changes our lives. Finding people to walk through it with makes all the difference. Having a supportive DH is honestly priceless. I thank my lucky stars everyday that I have one that I love and love to fight for. My kids also of course. Love is so powerful.....
Muddling~Glad to see you're back and I have been told the same thing about the weight gain, I had lost about 15 lbs and he wasn't happy with that. He wants me to keep maintaining my weight. DH insists he agrees completely, I just want to feel like myself before. I was very thin and lean. Now I sit, and I don't really eat too much. But it's so difficult to loose anything at all not even if I starve myself I believe. I'll just make myself feel worse. It's definitely the tx and medicines. For sure. Hugs to you. My onc just shakes his head and agrees with me about the side effects. I guess I'm doing all I can with those. I just love in severe fatigue. I am starting month #31 of ibrance this weekend. I scan the 29 th and blood work a few days before. This time I got raspberry ct scan contrast pre liquid we drink that usually tastes like hand lotion. I'm hoping it tastes better!!! Yikes.
I'm off to bed. Have a docs appt at 1030 primary care. No biggie. Then some small errands. Then napping. Saturday I see my dad! My step mother leaves Sunday morning and then I am on call everyday into the 9 th four days I think it is. I know I'm going to need help. My sweet DH will be. With me Sunday and Monday. I guess I'll just push through the other days. It's a lot of work. But I do love spending time with him.
Parry~ honey. 😞 worried about you.
Lynne miss you to ! 💐
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