My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Hi everyone-nice to catch up a bit. So thrilled for those getting to do special stuff and more than proud of those "just" soldiering on......and we all know the huge effort required for that.
I have not been able to get back in the groove since returning home from Florida; I am getting by with essential tasks, but not much more. I attribute a lot of it to the absolute dismal weather here in Maine. 50 degrees and cloudy with showers for days and days. Too wet to do much garden prep.
It is promising to be a great baseball season for my grandson and we sure enjoy watching him play.
I had my 3rd Doxil infusion yesterday and it went very well. The port site is healed and it works just fine. Will see if this months tumor markers are down and will have PET scan on the 24th to see if Mr. Doxil is doing his job. Feeling quite well overall. In shock that I don't feel worse, actually.
Going to try and clean up kitchen a little today and create a pot of lentil soup. See how it goes.
Love to each and every one of you. May the force be with... Mary Jane
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good morning fam!
Just checking in to say hello and spread some love ❤️
Hope everyone is feeling as well as can be today!
I am about to leave to have my monthly blood letting 😆 (aka bloodwork)
In a week from now I’ll be on a flight to Milan, Italy with two of my besties. I am very excited for this trip! We are going to rent a car and be staying in the beautiful rolling hills of the Piedmont region, near Turin(o), where the Winter Olympics were held one season. We are expecting to do a ton of eating, wine drinking, sight seeing, hiking, sleeping, gabbing, flirting, and overall being silly as can be! I’m so excited!!
Monday is my monthly MO visit, and I have a nice list of items to talk/ask about. I love my MO, but struggle with the fact that when I received my innumerable bone mets de novo diagnosis, he told I’d have 1-5 years to live. I just passed year 2 and still going strong here! In contrast, my naturopathic oncologist told me about her first patient, who had the same diagnosis, lived till she was in her 80s (diagnosed in her 50s...I was diagnosed on my 40th bday) and she died from a heart issue rather than cancer. Now that’s what I call giving a patient some hope!
It is amazing how our brains remember the negative words sooooo much more loudly than the positive!! I am currently in the practice of pushing away the negative life expectancy numbers spoken by my very lovely MO and only “hear” and feel the positive, hopeful, encouraging words from my ND. Man, it’s work!!! Why does the mind want to cling to that negative so tightly??
I am so ready to let it gooooooo!!
Sending hugs to all on this also gloomy and cool day in Philly (in the 50s and grey as can be!)
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Changedname, it’s unfortunate your first mo gave you a timeline, perhaps it was thought to be beneficial for you to have that kind of info. Or is unaware that some of us are livng longer these days. Love the story of the naturaopathic onc’s patient living many years.
Micmel, one more tip in dealing with your ds. Appeal to his masculinity. For example, say he carries a basket of laundry up the stairs for you, Make a comment like, “Oh, you’re so much bigger and stronger than me, carrying that basket is effortless for you.” Men like hearing that we recognize their their strength. And compliment him on his energy, say he goes to the store for you and comes back quickly, say, “You have so much energy getting to the store so fast to pick up the bread and milk!” Because, hey, these young ones do have energy! So we need to remind them.
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Tanya, it was a quick 3 day trip, so my packing wasn’t all that impressive, lol
Got home last night but haven’t caught up yet, had a great time though.
Ichangedmyname, have a wonderful adventure in Italy and please post some pics!
Hi to all 😀
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Ichangedmyname, have a wonderful trip ti Italy. It sounds so fun.
illimae, you are the most awesome traveller though I get-away with 2 friends to Gulf Island not far from Victoria for 3 days this week. Perfect weather and two friends, a bit of ambling hiking, good food and games playing and I did not have to do a thing.
Back for end of Cycle 6 Paclitaxel and my Hg was 122!! Feeling good.
Have a good weekend all.
Marian
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Hi all! i wanted to say i am here, So far everything is good. My last scan was stable. So we have 3,4 months to celebrate ....
Have a good weekend and whoever has coming tests best luck!
Sending love and prayers
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MJH~very nice to see you my friend. I always know how busy you are, between your creations and grandchildren time. Your skiing-pic was etched into my mind. Loved it! It’s been dreary for sure. I wish it would always be in the 60’s. It’s a comfortable temp for me. I am hot flash Queen. Hugs to you!
Philly~Italy Wow! Pics please. We are begging.! My bucket list for that will never be filled, travel safely and Be safe and watch your back. Always watch who is around you! Enjoy every second. From your traveling, to your salsa dancing. That’s amazing. You’re inspiring!
Divine~I have really taken my time with this and I really appreciate your view and advice. I decided to let him come to me. He did and we talked. It was calm and polite but stern enough to know it was important. I left emotion out of it! I learn something everyday as I became a parent, it’s the hardest job I know!
Mae~Welcome Home our correspondent! Get some rest and I absolutely hope you enjoyed that banging suite update. Waaahooo. I had an item off my bucket list two summers ago, when I saw Elton John.. and Barry Manilow they were fabulous! Hugs to you, you must be exhausted! How is DH?
Marianelizabeth~Vey glad you’re feeling well after your round of chemo. I kind a like the sound of that! You go girl. Keep those liquids flowing. Water water. Please get your rest as well. Hope you sleep well! Feel even better Tomorrow!
My step mother is going out of town for four days and I am on. I know that I will be responsible for everything. Her birthday is tomorrow, my-dad with tears in his eyes. Asked me to get her some flowers and a card. So of course I couldn’t say no. He said he didn’t have any money and any way to get anything for her and he wanted to be a good husband because this may be her last birthday they spend together. So I called the flower shop and had a beautiful bouquet made up with feminine colored ribbons and vibrant flowers mixture. I’m doing it for him. Because I love my father. He deserves the feeling of happiness. I hope everyone has a good weekend. Much love ~M~
Parry? Honey 😞
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Hello All...
So much to catch up with your many goings on...
I just wanted to share I just watched Game of Thrones epic Battle of Winterfell...I know...we don't any spoilers here...
I cannot find the words to say how significant and meaningful this episode is to for me...I am very sure I just saw the blueprint for how I am to deal with cancer moving forward from here...smiling with tears of joy...
Gumdoctor
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Gumdoctor~I totally agree about that episode. It was amazing and I have watched twice. I really think I will cry every episode for sure. I am so sorry it is over.... my favorite of all time! It makes me feel as if I’m in another world. Which I honestly need! Who doesn’t!
Hugs. ~M~0 -
gumdoctor, I totally agree. ........Not today.
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Mae~”That bitch did that..... that bitch did that. Yes she did”. Sophie Turner quote after the show aired about her best friend Maisie Williams and how perfect it was the way it went down. I got goosebumps when you said “not today”. Holy moly Sunday can’t come soon enough! It was something worth waiting for !!
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Good morning Ladies. Anyone have any energy to spare today. Lots to do and I have no idea how I am getting it all done. My tummy is a mess today. Don't know why. Ugh! She's gone for four days. It's showtime for me. Please send good thoughts I can do this! DH will be with me Monday and Sunday so that's soowonderful but argggg. I wish she wasn't going away.. of all times she leaves on her birthday! My dad Is upset. Stepmother? What are you even thinking ?
Ok Lynne. Come home
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Micmel, I totally feel you on this. It is TOUGH to be responsible for someone else's care when you have so much on your own plate - including your own self-care. I'm still soooo new at this...Just diagnosed about six weeks ago and started Ibrance yesterday. Anytime - and I mean ANYTIME anyone asks me for anything I feel like a mess and honestly a little pissed off. I hope that goes away a little bit because my goal at the moment is to get back to my life and my grandchildren and some semblance of who I was before all this hit me like a mack truck. That's what *I* want to do.
No wonder your tummy is a little upset today! One day at a time and four days will be behind you before you know it.
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Moomala~Truck is such a truthful way to put it. I am three years and 4 months out. (How pathetic that I count months.geeze. Talk about grasping!!! At wanting time). I am always tired. I am also on 125 mg ibrance, kicks my ass. I am starting month 31.. I get scared and happy each time I swallow a pill, how long will I have this tx last? Our sweetheart lynnwood was into the months in the 40’s. Like 44 months on it. Which is amazing! It stresses me out seriously it does, I won’t lie. I haven’t even left yet and I can’t wait to come home. I can do one thing usually in. The morning. But then I have to nap. I believe it’s accumulative.... at least for myself it is. I have to get gas. I even dread that honestly. Okay I’m off. Hugs to all. Hang in there if we can! It’s the weekend !
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Micmel, I wish I could send you some of my energy! Maybe your DD and DS could take some of your “dad responsibilites” for you. Or would it be possible for your sister to lend a hand? I know that you are inclined to do everything yourself, but if you can get someone else to help you should definitely do that. (If you don’t take care of yourself you won’t be able to take care of anyone else!) Tell your dad that you (and your family) are thrilled to have him all to yourself this weekend and maybe that will make your stepmother’s absence less important to him. I’ll be sending strength and healing thoughts your way. You - and so many others on this thread - continue to amaze me with everything you do. Thank you for being the best role models ever!!
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JKL~You’re so very sweet, thank you. I am literally exhausted. My sweet DH is coming up first thing tomorrow and he will be able to go with me. I have no choice to but to take it day by day. When I got home today, I literally went to bed from 100 to 515. I was out like a light ! My body is aching and of course since it was my week off, I can tell there is fluid in my ear and it’s working it way into an ear infection. Always on my week off. Of ibrance, It’s just one thing or another. Just in time for my four day spread with my father. I’m already wiped out. Like I’m stressing over the timing of all of this. Honestly. I just really really need a week or more to rest myself. It’s becoming increasingly clear I can’t keep this up. I’m strong but holy Hannah. I feel like I’ve Been chasing a bus. Not to mention tomorrow is supposed to be really bad weather. Don’t know How I’m going to even get him outside for his smokes in a down pour. Going to have to get creative. I guess when it rains it pours! Literally.... I really hope you’re doing well and not being rained on. Enjoy your Sunday!
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There has always been a battle or debate over the correct way to hang toilet paper lol. I believe we’ve always done it this way, I just thought it was interesting to debate among other homes.
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Micmel, listen to your body and rest... Your kids can and should help here. The lynchpin of the laundry ought not be a stage 4 cancer patient...
I pick up from what you write that there had been some estrangement in your family in the past, and that your Dad has more recently re-entered your life. I am sure you want to nourish the connection, now that it's back... But at the same time, connection needs to be a two-way street, where you and your strength and happiness and needs matter as well. My Dad is loving, but also can be crotchety and a PITA because he has no patience, and gets frustrated easily, and wants what he wants immediately. Age 92 meets age 2. I'm sure he'd be happy if I waited on him 24/7, regardless of whether I had cancer up to my eyeballs... Your Dad seems toddlerish too, from what you write. That alone can be exhausting. Never mind the other levels of difficulty introduced by alcoholism... I understand you being in a position to help and wishing to help, but I also think that personality type (your Dad's) is never actually content.... that's why they self-medicate.... so it's always an uphill battle without ever reaching much of a plateau.
I helped a friend with her two babies, once a week, all through my chemo treatment... but that was easy. Sitting on the floor doing a puzzle, holding or rocking a little baby, playing peekaboo... to me those were the most fun and relaxing tasks of my week! My friend told me she felt ashamed of taking my help till I told her, "it's actually one of the highlights of my week!" But it made me feel good, too, that she was reluctant to impose on me an respected my needs. I am sure you get a 'highlight' feeling just from bringing comfort to your Dad, but on the other hand, you are feeling the need for more rest, and you deserve your needs met as well. YOU MATTER. Dare I say, based on your descriptions, your DH deserves your limited energy WAY more than your Dad. It does not sound to me like anyone feels any shame at 'letting' you do all the work! You might need to be the one who puts you first.
Let your kids know how much it would mean to you if they covered a few visits. Maybe they can go with you once and learn the routine. They can roll the chair out, etc. If they have little relationship with their grandfather, that may not be their first instinct.... but perhaps you can frame it as them helping YOU.
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Haha! I am an “over” girl, like Oprah, and will reverse the roll if its on the wrong way!
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"Under" works better if you have a cat.
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hahahaha true!!!!
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never thought of that!!! Would make sense... I’ve always had a heck of time at night finding the paper if it’s not over. Then it’s like a scavenger hunt!!
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I was reading about drinking water in my state and came across this about California. It specifically mentions Er+ cancer.. and a connection. I know my state and area I grew up in is also having some issues with that. Been reading a lot about it!
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it amazes how sometimes cancer slows me way down and sometimes I can go go go.
I had a busy weekend! I was asked to ride in a survivor parade in a semi for a benefit. All money raised goes to relay for life. One man and his wife started this after their daughter died of cancer and has been such a big hit. I normally don't tell people anything about my cancer, that I have cancer, how treatments are going. I jumped out of my shell, mostly bc it was for a good cause that i can relate to and donate.
I finally made it to my cabin for the weekend but started to really clean. I have a rock wall surrounding my fireplace. My daughter and I washed each rock and then we piled each one to them a shine. That was a workout. We painted a few walls in the kitchen. Picked out branches and sticks outside. I'm whooped. My everything and more hurts. I'm always jealous and wonder how in the heck do people on chemo do things like 5k runs?
I always sit around and wait for my bf to do anything. I would say I lived my life around others all the time. I try to please everybody else, besides myself. My sister is going to Florida for work. She asked me months ago if I wanted to go. I was wushy washy and said I can't really commit bc I don't know how I'll be or what chemo I'll be one. The time has come to book the trip now. I did the same I don't know how I'll feel and blah blah senario. Finally at the end I said yes my daughter and i will be going. I told my bf I was going, like he does to me all the time and now he wants to play the game he thinks he will get back at me. Not happening, no longer care to spend what time I left in my life chasing him around.
Ok glad I got that off my chest! Here is a pic of my ride in the parade. 39 semis with cancer survivors in total. Glad I went and wish I could do more to help.
Parry I'm on the list hoping your ok.
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Man, Game of Thrones was intense.
Goodnight all 🙂
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Skitzblitz, you amaze me here tonight reading this, starting with the survivor parade then the cabin cleaning. Then the decision to go on the trip and let your bf deal with it. Love the pic too.
I let GOT tape tonight. Last week my husband was away and I missed the first 30 minutes of taping and tonight too tired. Husband leaves tomorrow for 2 weeks with our son up north to help him work on his starter home so we watch it all later.
Bone scan tomorrow after I drop my husband at the airport at 0515.
Marian
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Good for you Skitz! Enjoy the trip. Waiting for others has seldom been good for me. I've become Teflon woman...guilt just slides off
. Of course Teflon causes cancer so maybe that's not the best analogy...I saw that article about cancer causing drinking water in CA...these toxins are everywhere and many are unregulated sothe municipalities don't test or treat for them.
It's so easy to filter all drinking water. I use a Pur faucet mounted filter and a LifeStraw home pitcher. Now I know I'm not drinking lead, nitrates, PFAS, or any other toxins. One more level of self care.
Why take all these treatment drugs and continue to drink contaminated water or eat Gramoxone in my cereal?
Rant over
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Hello Ladies~welcome ping!! I grew up with cats and they love to shred the paper with their claws. Lost many a roll to that!
Mae~ Oh Mae Intense is a very good word for that episode of GOT, I really hate that bitch! Like I’d like to take my cancer ass and beat her up myself she’s so evil!
Skits~Awesome to represent!!! Awesome pic. And yes that is what I saw when the diagnosis was handed down. A huge big peterbuilt MAC truck barreling down my. Life. What a metaphor. Seriously. The treatment all of. Emotional, that’s what it feels like. Been ran over by a truck. You’re also pretty amazing yourself. Go girl go!
Iwrite~My childhood home has become in question because of the location of some golf courses and the fact that we had a well, the fertilizer would run down ward towards or home and filter through the earth natural filters. However, obviously it was a toxin somehow, somewhere. There is no cancer in my family history. Just me. It makes me so mad also because the regulations for everything back then weren’t strong. I would ride in a huge station wagon with no seat belt bouncing around from front to back with not even a thought of danger. Would be out all day without a phone glued to my hand, and I was a okay with that. Ages twenty years and wham. Cancer. Has to be something environmentally wrong everywhere. There are too many young people just getting cancer. I met a 27 year old MBC woman. Never married nor have children. It’s something going on food etc... awful.
Marian~ will be in your pocket for scan tomorrow!! Wear big pockets it’s get crowded!!
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Good evening all 🙂 Sharing a couple of internet gems today, enjoy.
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mae- love the sayings. Can’t say that I’m fat more like to damned skinny and I’m looking for a butt so I can fill out some jeans. I’m having a hard time not looking baggy saggy in clothes bc nothing seems to fit me nice.
Micmel- I know my uncle had said sometimes I just feel like running out in front of a semi and having it over. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer same time I was with breast cancer. Now it feels like well, who’s is going to put live who? My 99 year old grandma, my uncle or me? Neither of us told my gma about our cancer bc she over worries. My worry is to out live her now. She isn’t one tough cookie.
My bf is trying to make me pay for it now over the Florida trip. The man goes and does as he pleases all the time and now I can tell he is mad bc he is telling me he is golfing next week and again while I’m gone. I’m ready for his games. Pathetic.
Hate to say this out loud but I guess I should watch game of thrones from the start. Seems to be all the rage, my son wouldn’t even answer me when it was on, lol. I’m missing out.
Best wishes for all scans and dr appointments anyone has this week.
Sarah
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