My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
Comments
-
Time softens these painful edges...
Prayers for you now,
Gumdoctor
0 -
thank you sweet friend. I have to go back to the home today with my DD and step mother. Going back there is going to be so hard. Going into that room, I don’t even know how to drive there. I’m in a fog. Like i am not really here. 😞. Love to all
0 -
That fog is your mind helping you to distance yourself from this pain. It is a coping mechanism that can help you deal with it. Try to embrace it in some way as it will help you, not hurt you...
Gumdoctor
0 -
thank you Gum Doctor. I never thought Of it that way. I've never gone through this loss type before. I'm so devastated. Even more than my own diagnosis. When he was alive and I was helping him. It gave me a purpose. I wasn't always the patient. I needed him and much as he needed me. I love him dearly. I know Time will help. But. Time is also another precious thing I may have to loose. So much sorrow in these past three years. I'm so tired of feeling such heavy losses.
For us all! Not just me. I realize. Sadness and loss accompany all of us at some point. For that alone we are all sisters and brothers along with this dreaded disease
0 -
Mel, I'm so very sorry for your loss! I know that right now words of comfort sound like grating gongs on the ears. I'm thinking of you as you go through this horrible loss and sending you love and hugs.
0 -
Gracie~My sweet sweet friend. Hello honey. Thank you. I’m just in a fog. Can’t think, can’t eat, don’t want to do anything but see him. It’s like torture. Love you sister!
0 -
Micmel..so very sad to read of your pain with losing your dad. He was probably scared he was going to lose you before he got so sick.
Keep up your strength. The upcoming days will be hard.
0 -
Mae. I just saw you have brain mets to zap. Damn. I am not familiar with that process, but your calm indicates that you are feeling positive of a good response. So onward and kill those bad boys in your brain.
0 -
Mae, I’m sorry to hear your news of new spots! Will be hoping and praying cyberknife zaps then into oblivion
0 -
Mae~Will kick ass because she always does. She’s my hero! As all of you all are. My body crashed. 5 hour nap. I’m exhausted. Need the rest. Ty Sandi!
Gracie~ I love you honey. I needed to see your name and Lynne’s. And Parry’s. I got my wish! ❤️ (Ahem Lynne?)
0 -
Oh, Micmel, I am so sorry you have to go through this crashing pain! After you loose a parent you never will be the same... But we are alive and have to pick up our broken peaces and continue to fight for us and the people we love.
Sending you warm, gentle hugs, my friend.
0 -
thank you ladies. Thank you Blueshine. It's been rough don't know what to do with myself. But one day at a time.
To anyone scanning, bloodwork, anything. Wear big pockets. I'm sleepy and may nap. I'm on deck this month for bloodwork and scans. So.... that doesn't help at all. My nerves are basically shot. But then again, weren't they already? Ugh! Hugs to all
0 -
Hi ladies and Daniel! Hi Michel, I hope with every day your pain will fade-away.
I started Joe s protocol : Fenben , supplements including CBD and I am very hopeful to be among the successful cases. I found an interesting article, and I’ll post the link
0 -
-
Blueshine
Wow just wow.
Tany
0 -
Micmel,
I am sorry to hear that you have lost your dear father....so hard to lose an anchor in our lives.....Peace be with you.
Love, Mary Jane
0 -
Blueshine-Thanks for sharing the link about the measles "cure." I'd try that for sure. I have heard that high fevers can destroy cancer. One man I know, in the middle of his prostate cancer treatment had to go to Belize to help his mother-in-law. They stayed in a cabin in the jungle that had not been inhabited in years. He was severely bitten by scorpions over night. He swelled up and ran a high fever. But when he got better and returned to the states, his cancer was gone! Good luck with Joe's protocol. I hope it works for you. Wouldn't it be wild if all of a sudden we didn't have cancer.
Micmel-thinking of you and hoping that the happy memories of the past several weeks are a comfort. Thank God you and your dad were reunited. Love never dies so nothing can separate you really.
0 -
Thank you beautiful ladies. MJH~Chicagoan ❤️ Welcome back. It's been a while since I've seen you. I'm having such a hard time. Today the obituary was posted and I'm devastated seeing it officially in writing.
I have been given the most profound beautiful gift, of loving him for the past four months. Each month the love regrowing beautifully. I can't express the trust and love that was there and had never left. He trusted me with his body, lifting him and taking care of him, feeding him. Loving him. He knew I was there everyday. He told me. “You're the one that's always here". “I love the way you take care of me “. Getting him into a home four miles from my home was a blessing. I was the one who went the most. I was the one he waited for knowing I would be there when I said I would be. His smile and grin at me when he told me I was the boss of the nurses and had them under my spell, I was close to them all. Everyone-of them knew who I was. They each told me they hadn't seen a daughter that devoted in a while. It lit my heart a blaze. I will never forget that time ever. It was perfectly fixed at the perfect Time.
My step mother came home wed night. Thursday he wasn't good. I was taking a break from my six days, while she was away. After she left that evening, I went back, it was dark and around 8:00 pm. He was struggling. I knew it was coming. When I walked in he said in a very weak tone, “what are you doing here? It’s dark.” I told him I was worried about him, he said , “I’m worried too Boo” I sat with him and held his hand. The nurse and I got him to eat a half of Ppj and some coffee and water. He was staring in my eyes. He also knew. He held my hand the entire time and kept mouthing to me that he loved me. Over and over again. I stayed until his morphine kicked in. The next morning when I walked in. I knew to call who mattered. I did and so did my step mother and they all came. We spent the day taking care of him, in and out. All surrounding him and he was talking slightly. His one eye never opened again. He was 100% mentally there. It was beautiful. His blue eyes. Faded slightly over night and he took his last breath at 1030 am recorded at 11:06 officially. Called. Saturday may 11th. I will never forget the timing. May 4 step mothers birthday——may12 Mother's Day—-my birthday May 25— smack dab in the middle of the two woman who provided the most care at the very end. It's just too strange.
Chicagoan yes I'm going to lean on that phrase you provided me. Thank you.
Love never dies so nothing can separate us really. Beautifully Said. Thank you
0 -
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Just can't imagine. But you were there and he knew how much you helped him and loved him. He went feeling so loved. May time help heal your broken heart.
0 -
Thank you Bella~Each day I am told from some wise people, I will get stronger. It's just still so raw only 3 days. I feel like I have to stop looking at the weather, I was always worried about getting him out for the smoke of the day. He looked forward to it. And his Burbon.
It was Interesting to see that at the end of your life, in hospice they pretty much let you have what you want (within reason if course. My dad for years had his burbon every night. I think it should be that way, if I'm going to die and I know it's obviously occurring each month in the form of deterioration. Please give me my medical marijuana, and a lot of it. We just wanted him happy. Happy he was. So I will have to find a way to realize I have my Kids and my DH to live for. The problem I face now is this.
My step mother has voiced to me that she doesn't want the relationship to be severed again. She would like to keep his children in her life. Of course the grandchildren without a doubt. She wasn't a very nice person to me and my DH throughout 15 years with some despicable behavior that was difficult as a new blending family to handle at once. There was no support for me. Just opposition and meanness if I'm honest. She helped the distance with my dad. Now I'm not an idiot I know his fingers worked, he could have called. But I put that aside because his blood ran through my veins. Now unfortunately he's gone and I just don't know if I want that type of person in my life again. It's really just a huge effort to even finish a sentence around her. I don't want her disrespecting my DH of almost 16 years. He didn't like that feeling and I was in too much of a fog to even realize. This has hit me hard. But I have to be civil I know but I don't really know if there is room for someone who didn't want me to see my father when he was in danger of dying before. now that he's gone , she wants to spend Time with us? It is maddening actually. I'm off to bed. I'm so drained. I could be pushed over. Gn. Ladies. Thanks again
0 -
Micmel, sending heartfelt sympathy. You were the best daughter a father could want, and you were with him to the end. Big hugs xx
Mae, good luck with your procedure. We know you will be fine. I am up to episode 4 on Game of Thrones. I see that Cercei earned 1,000,000 dollars for that series! The costumes are amazing as always. I hope there will be a spin off. I recommend a series called Killing Eve. It's about a crazy Assassin, with a lot of dark humour. I think you would like it!
I came home from hospital yesterday. After scans the surgeon told me that my bones are not strong enough to anchor a prosthesis. He said there was a risk of death. He is recommending radiotherapy and then would look again. I need to talk to my Oncologist to get her views, because I feel that that alone will not improve my bones, but can affect organs. The last lot caused diarrhoea for weeks afterwards. Would appreciate anyone else's views.
Parry, sending love. Welcome Moomala, Hi to everyone else.
Feeling very deflated
Xx
0 -
Minnie~Thank you. I did do whatever I could to ignore my pain and discomfort cancer or not. I was needed. I’m over the moon that I did it. I knew it was the right thing. Step mother or not, it was in my heart and meant to be..
GOT most amazing, I will be bummed Sunday when it’s all done. I love the entire show all 8 captivating seasons!
I am holding your hand, nothing dealing with cancer is easy. Keep fighting Keep loving you’re strong and amazing . You’re one of us, our sweet sister. Sending you hugs and love. Much love ! ~M~
0 -
Minnie, I watch killing eve too and love it! Will rads help with pain and are you able to walk ok? Also, is there nothing to help strengthen your bone like xgeva or has that already been ruled out for other reasons?
0 -
Mae, I somehow missed that you will be probably be doing rads to your brain. Please forgive me!! So much to catch up on. You know we will all be in your pockets!
0 -
Micmel, you don't have to decide anything about your stepmother right now. Too much to do and emotions are naturally too raw. When you're ready to think about it, just do one visit or phone call at a time. Don't commit to anything even as casual as "see you later". You can say "maybe we'll talk on the phone next week". In the meantime, rest and eat well.
0 -
muddling~I really needed to hear that today. I don’t want to be mean or dis respectful, but she has been so disrespectful to my DH and that bothers me very much. It’s a hard pill to swallow because he is the one constant that has always been there with me. Cancer or not. Especially with the cancer. He’s my world. He was there for my little family when even my own blood wasn’t. So thank you for saying that. I totally agree with you. Perfect timing!
Much love ~M~
0 -
Dear Micmel,
I’m so sorry for your loss! It hurts even when you expect it.
Being civil to “step” at this time is a very nice thing to do (and you’ve shown remarkable restraint in recent months!!!) Can’t think of a good reason to keep any negative or hurtful people in our lives at this point...especially someone who has been so deliberate about it for so long. You know we’ll support you whatever you decide. Sending hugs to get you through the days ahead.
0 -
Mae, I can move around with a crutch to help, so I am not too bad. I also have a little folding electric scooter which can travel anywhere with me. I have xjeva every three weeks, and take calcium too. Guess I need to drink my milk!! Another tv series, have you watched Tin Star. Starring Tim Roth. Great music from Leonard Cohen. Enjoy your upcoming trip. After the disappointment, we booked a trip yesterday too x
0 -
Thank you iwrite, my heart is heavy and it hurts. But I have no choice but to keep fighting and I hope that one day I will see him again. Love never ends. Just didn’t want to let go. But who ever does? Thank you again for your kindness.
Minnie~ I am so sorry you’re in pain like that. I know it had to be hard. I haven’t been having a good time with my shoulders. Both sides hurt in the same exact spot. It’s so weird. I’m hoping it’s from lifting my father and all of the tough physical lifting I have been doing for three months. I was always lifting him to and from his wheelchair. Thank goodness for pain medicine or I wouldn’t have been able to do anything like that. I pushed and pushed. I’m so glad I i did. So glad.
I love the scooter idea. Take a picture of that bad boy! I’d like to see what they look like... my spine is a ticking spine bomb for sure. I scan soon next week even. Blood work Friday XGeva. 😦 ugh! My birthday is the 25 th and my dads memorial/life celebration is Sunday the 26th. Don’t know how I’m going to push through that, but I will. Somehow.
Muddling~already today I have 10 texts from my step Mother today alone, it’s such a torn feeling. I known how she must feel. The love between a wife and husband is un touchable especially after 43 years. That respect I have to have and acknowledge. But as his daughter, I don’t want to be over looked because we were close, very close at several points, in our lives. So I’m taking it one day at a time. Like you said, I don’t have to decide today. Or even tomorrow. So thanks.
Hope all is well
0 -
Micmel, 10 texts already today are too much!!! She is obviously trying to lean on you. You have been very respectful to her through all of this and I’m sure you will continue throughout the service. My opinion and my opinion only... once the service is over, be done with her. You must protect yourself and the peace of your family at all costs. She made her bed all of those years ago and now she must lay in it. I may seem cruel but we have had to do this to a few family members. We have peace in our lives and at this point it is essential! Cancer is hard enough and you must put yourself first!! You did what you did for your father and now it’s done.. be proud of yourself for all you did, you did it with love for him, not her. Again just my opinion.
0
