My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Hi everyone, a tree planted in memory of Gracie, that's really nice.
Good to hear from Mary Jane, sending my love.
Good results for me on latest scan, no new lesions, treatment doing its job! Number 43 coming up!
Reading up here every few days, think of you all xx
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Yay Minnie! 🎉
50’s, I meant to say this several pages back but it was really nice to see you back here after Gracie’s passing, know that you are missed on this thread.
Now it’s coffee time 🙂
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Shetland, yes, thank you for the correction. Ugh, so sorry Beautiful Sunset! I edited my post but so glad you’re alive and doing ok!!!!
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Dh and I hopped on a quick 3 day bus tour to Atlantic City, NJ this week. The US. Air Force Thunderbirds had an air show while we were there. I know some of you have seen them. And they were impressive. But I have to admit, I actually enjoyed Canada’s Royal Air Force Red Arrows even more. They performed about an hour before the Thunderbirds:
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So this happened! Our new rescue dog from a senior dog rescue. He’s 11 and his only owner had to go into a nursing home. My brother met him at the vet when the rescue brought him in for a check up. He texted me his picture and it was love at first sight. Now we have 3 cats and 1 dog. Love my rescue fur babies!0
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Hi all.
Divine- Yay on the job !!!!
Mara- Last couple of days I have walked on my treadmill too- 20 min each time, but on low speed. A little something. I do wish the weather would cool here. Cooler now- 80's vs 90's but still humid. I want 50's during the day. And no humidity.
Philly- Sorry to hear of your friend. Cancer diagnosis for anyone is bad, but Stage 0 is definitely better than some (you know). My sister was diagnosed Stage 1A last year (1 year after my diagnosis). She had a lumpectomy and 10 radiation treatments and now on Tamoxifen. She has to go to doc every 6 months and gets mammo alternating with MRI every 6 months. But she feels great now and moving on with her life. Hope your friends situation goes well too.
Millie- Woohoo on the scan !!!!!! Love to hear that kind of news.
I have been fighting depression the last few days. Wednesday was tough. Yesterday was better. Already fighting the feelings today. You all know how it is. I have a friend (guy) that is gone for the weekend to a car show. He texted me last night from the hotel room. You could just hear the excitement in his text. This is his thing. Not mine. Sitting in heat and maybe rain showers in a lawn chair all day. Looking at old classic cars. Eating "fair" foods. The crowds. Walking a lot. Sounds exhausting. But also I envy the excitement, the lightness of his attitude. I just feel depressed, down, like a heavy cloud is over me. Like I cannot feel excitement about things anymore. And I feel cruddy health wise-- the aches and pains, the fatigue, the mild nausea, the hot flashes multiple times a day and night. I could not do something like he is doing this weekend. Mentally or physically. Sigh...
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Lynnwood-- LOVE THE PICS. Your fur babies are great. And rescues too. Mine (cat) was a rescue also.
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thanks sisters ❤️
I know we have a long road ahead of us. It just sucks that she’s “in the club” now. Sigh. So much info to gather and so much decision making to happen.
I love the doggy and kitty pics! Those make me happy!! I want to snuggle with all these fur babies!!
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Great Friday ladies
Divine love the air show pics
Lynnwood your new puppy is beautiful. He doesn’t look old. I love all the cats. They’re well fed I see.
Mel thanks for mouth sore tips.
Philly sorry about your friend. Knowing what this cancer thing is makes it tough to hear about those we love entering the club.
Waving hello to all have a lively weekend and take plenty of naps.
Tanya
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mara, your kitties are so cute cuddled together. They remind me of ying and yang, like my avatar.
Lynn, beautiful new pooch! Love your kitties, too.
Candy, my suggestion is to dig deep and ask yourself what is your passion? What really interests you? My dh and ds like to go to those car shows, but no way would I find the shows of any interest.
I asked myself, what really, truly appeals to me? And it was flowers. So I started looking for botanical gardens to visit when we went places, and let me say that they did not disappoint! It fills me with a special kind of joy seeing flower gardens and blooms of all kinds.
And at one point I became interested in genealogy. Not even so much my own, which is harder to search as all my grandparents were immigrants. But I love learning about dh's side of the family whose dna also belongs to my son, and they go back mamy years in the US.
I also came across a few old coins I inherited from my grandfather, and that sent me down the road to learn a more about coin collecting.
I tend to stay very interested in some new thing for a season, then I’m ready to move on to the next thing. If I don’t know what that is, I sort of search for it.
Try to make it a point, once a week, to do something new that you've never done before. It can be simple as trying a new restaurant, cooking a new food or making a new recipe you've never tried before, taking a drive to somewhere you've never been, shopping in a new store or new kind of store you've never shopped in before, etc. Do this once a week. It's known as an artist's date. I started doingthis several years ago. It helps get us out of a rut. I admit, sometimes I don't want to leave my comfort zone. But the new experiences I've had are worth the nudging I occasionally have to give myself to explore.
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Divine- Great advise. I need to find something, to get out of this rut. But I think it is a mixture of depression and physically not feeling up to doing things. I have some ideas milling around in my head, just having trouble acting on those ideas. And I feel like crap so much of the time. I don't have the energy to put feet to the ideas. I need to try. Thank you.
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Micmel, Milo is part lab part jack russell. He was rescued as a puppy from a kill shelter. He hates car rides and hates water, both things most dogs love. He prefers a lap, and a full food dish. He'd like a plethora of toys, but he just unstuffs them all over the place or rips them apart. We have tried to "world's strongest" and "indestructable" toys...nope, he destroys them all. He should be a test dog for strength of toys...seriously.
But he finds chasing his sister cats Vera (2) and Violet (14 weeks) very entertaining. Catch them all sleeping together in a pile often. Too cute. One of my childhood cats growing up used to sing at night and he loved to make geometric designs with string on the floor- each line was perfectly straight too, if I had a banana forget about it, he'd beg for at least half. The kitten picture, is the baby Violet. She plays fetch like a dog and will do it for a solid hour if you let her. Couldn't get Milo to do it to save his life!
Candy, I know how you feel. I really do. When your in that place, I'm most likely there with you. I'm married to a truck driver who works 13/14 hr days tho thankfully gets to come home every night, outside of weekends, I am alone alot with my thoughts. Housework, lawn work, pets, and some hobbies to try and keep me busy, but when side effects hit me and I can't do things to keep me busy and I get TV burnout, the loneliness gets to me. A small handful of people have stuck around to check in on me now and again. But my MIL/family are out of state, and all my other acquintances/"friends" disppeared with my cancer diagnosis for the most part, then REALLY disappeared when Stage 4 happened. If your ever lonely, I'm available.
Mary Jane - me too! I love his reply to Gandalf who questions how much he and his rabbits will be a distraction to the orcs - his response is "These are Rhosgobel Rabbits, I'd like to see them try!"
It's amazing how you ladies live my feels everyday, i don't feel so alone with these feelings, crying spells etc. That they aren't just unique to me, and that its kinda normal for what we're going through. The emotional rollercoaster. I do happen to love rollercoasters, but not this kind. I related to alot of what you wrote. Divine - congrats on hubby's new job. Hubby's happy, wife's happy
Those airshow pics are AWESOME I would of loved to have seen that. Philly, I'm so sorry. It's like a punch in the gut, I know. My MIL was diagnosed a yr before my initial diagnosis of Stage 2 with Stage 0 breast cancer. It was just treated with a mastectomy. She was given more options (rads, hormone therapy) but for her age bracket it wouldn't of really made much a difference at 70 statistics wise, so she declined. Thinking of you as you help your bff through this.
Lynnwood - look at the face! How could you not fall in love?! Love your cat pics
Finally got my consult for ovary removal at the big wig place, its not until Sept 16th, I couldn't get anything sooner. I let my MO know about the date that was given, sort of to put a bug in her ear that if she's not happy with the wait, that maybe she can pull some strings for me. Trying to be satisfied that I still have semi working lupron in me to tide me over until surgery hopefully and some zometa for my bones. Next Zometa is the 17th - the day after consult. Still staring at Ibrance and Aromasin pills I can't take yet...I really hate this waiting. Been sorta greiving the loss of my ovaries that's coming...it solidifies no children for me - as if Stage 4 didn't already but still...I had lost 2 pregnancies early in our marriage, but hadn't had any success since then. The sad part is, right before my initial diagnosis we were really trying for a family. Even adoption or fostering. I really had wanted to be a mom.0 -
Candy, I can understand how the way you physically feel can bring you down. That's why I suggest finding what it is that really drives you, what you truly love, what makes you feel good on an emotional level. I hadto ask myself these things because at one point, I realized I was always doing what dh, ds or others wanted to do. But I was not honoring myself! I would plan a day trip or vacation around what dh or ds wanted, or join in a hobby that was someone's else's interest more than mine. I can still fall into this habit.But, when you tap in to what your own true interests are, it will give you incentive to get out there and do things. They don't have to be hyper activity things, either. A drive along a country road, taking in a movie, or stopping to take in a scenic view are some things that take less energy. I have to pace myself when doing things, but I just move at my own speed and don't worry so much about keeping up with others.
But heck, genealogy and learning about coin collecting are sedentary activities and they held my interest. When I was laid up last summer with a broken foot bone, having these these interests helped!
I am also an avid reader. Sometimes I love reading gossipy things about rock and roll stars, and other pieces of fluff just for entertainment. And its always great to find a Netflix series to binge watch. It's okay to get lost in something like that and some shows are really outrageous enough to take your mind to a whole different place for awhile!
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Silly question for the crowd:
Does anyone wear antiperspirant?
I have never worn it, but now with the hot flashes the armpits drip and it is impossible for me to wear long sleeves in professional or dressing up type settings.
I rationally know that antiperspirant has not been proven to cause BC, but in my mind, I feel worried that I am clogging up my armpits and lymph nodes.
I just sweated through a gorgeous green long sleeved top at my office. Thank goodness I have a sleeveless professional black shirt I left here to change into! Ack!
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Philly, I started using this fragrance-free Almay antiperspirant after diagnosis. I know what you mean about the worry does it cause cancer part, but I’m not giving up good hygiene to this disease.
One thing I stopped was wearing wired bras. I used those things forever for perkier boobs but immediately stopped after dx. It’s not proven they cause cancer, but I felt the rigidity and confinement of the wire was something that didn’t sit right with me after diagnosis.
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Rabbit, I am so sorry to hear about the fertility issues you had and now have to face the loss of your ovaries. It isn't fair, and is a lot to deal with on top of the stage iv diagnosis. My heart is with you.
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Rabbit, please let me echo everyone's regret about your situation. Wrapping you up in a virtual fuzzy blanket and serving a hot cup of tea.
I do use deodorant because there is a specific kind I like. At this point, I am not too concerned about the risk of cancer from it with all the scans I get. I worry more about lung cancer or colon cancer taking me out though I know all the scans I get would show it early on. If I live that long, I can totally see those taking me out as well.
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Thank you ladies for all the encouragement.
Radagast- Thank you. I may just PM you when feeling lonely. And you can PM me when you are recouping from ovary surgery. Hugs.
Divine- I LOVE to read. Always have. I do stay busy reading fiction books. I get them at my local library. I can go thru 2 books in the 2 week timeframe for checking out books. But reading is a hobby that is not very sociable and can be done when I am alone in my home. I am thinking about my passions, my loves. And seeing where that leads. Don't know yet. Thinking.
Philly- I have always used antiperspirant. And continue to. Secret brand.
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Minnie~🥂🥰🌹 I am sending you a serious happy happy joy joy hug. Treatment do it's thing. Always a pleasure to see you. I agree, the planting of a tree for Gracie is a beautiful idea. Giddy up must have one heck of a property! Sleep tight!
Agree completely with Mae about seeing 50’s here. I beg her regularly. I may be loosing my
Touch!! 😞.
Divine~ awesome spectacle to behold. I am envious of you seeing the Canadian fleet. Something I haven’t been lucky enough to see. The pictures are Divine... lol. See that play on words there lol also Congrats to the DH I had a feeling in my heart it would work out. Persistence pays off and shows willingness to work. Something some of these young kids lack.
Lynnwood~ I am such a dog person, so I love any dog saved as a rescue, that does looks like a puppy. You’re precious cats are nice enough to accept a lovely dog into their home. I think I even hear a smile in your voice. I’m thrilled for you. Hug them for me ! That black cat with the napkin lol too cute
Candy~ oh candy. You’re not alone my sweet. I’m also sooooo struggling. I want to come down to a different milligram of chemo (ibrance after 34 successful wonderful months.) but honestly its kicking my ass. I’m tired all the time. Alllllll the time. So much I’m Going to ask for a break at least a few months. I need it. I’ve been NEAD for 3 years and 8 months. I don’t want to tempt anything, but I want to live not sleep. I want to go to the gym. I want to walk on that treadmill. Again. So you’re never alone sweetheart. Never !
Philly~🌹 for a sweet friend. You’ll be her line to the anchor. You’ll listen when she needs you to and speak when your knowledge is needed. I honestly think with you as a friend, she already has a leg up. Because she has you. I’m so sorry. I would never want my friend to ever go through this. Ever. Hugs hugs!
Mara~Those cats looks like they are actually holding hands. How freaking adorable is that!! I mean seriously, do they lay that way often? Adorable !!! Maybe even in the sunshine!!!! ? My cats loved the sunshine!
Tanya~ Hello beautiful friend. Hope your mouth sores are doing better. My mouth burns also. Not just with the sores, like I ate pizza too quickly. Uh I hate it. Aches everywhere. What round are you on ???
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thank you everyone for the love and support with my bff. The story continues to unravel here. We will sip some wine and cry and laugh at the absurdity of it all tomorrow.
And thank you for the deodorant suggestions! I think it’s time to get some and suck it up. I have sweated through this summer and the last two. It’s time. I love my deodorant that I use from Lush - it smells so amazing, however, the sweat is an issue at this point.
Isn’t it funny that it looks so unprofessional to have sweaty armpits??? Like, why in the world is this a sign of weakness????
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Rabbit~Sweet woman. My heart bled reading the part about being a mother. Damn that makes me so mad. There are people out there beating there children, neglecting them and just using them as cash cows from the government. Good women, loving families wanting children. Ugh! I sometimes am not too gracious to accept the things I cannot change. I think you’re a wonderful soul that has found her second home. I am also always available, like seriously. Always home alone. Everyday with my thoughts. They wrestle with me daily. 😇 Sometimes saying hey you’ll be ok. The other little devil on the shoulder 👿, poisonous thoughts and depression takes over. You’re not alone!!!! Not in the least. I am hugging you beautiful woman! Oh yes I am !
Philly~ I only use deodorant on the non effected arm pit. On my Mastectomy side, I no longer sweat, although I have the heat flashes from hell! I feel For you! But I have to use it.
Divine~ id love to try that brand thanks !
Candy ~ I love to read!! Also. Jean M auel. Clan of the cave bear!! Great series. Love the entire thing But it’s soo long the books are thick. Which is why I was so happy. Because that meant many hours occupied!!
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Mel, they lie like that pretty often. Overall they are very friendly until their pent up energy takes over, then they chase each other around and play fight. They are cute when they are not destroying my furniture with picking.
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Micmel - just wanted you to know I haven't forgotten about the photo of Gracie's tree. Hopefully your instructions will work. I am taking a ten minute work break. I finish a seven day straight run with being on call through the nights as well. I am done at noon tomorrow (thank goodness because I am so tired) I just finished rads ten days ago and the fatigue is really special. Anyway I saw your comment about my farm and thought about how you like love stories. I am totally in love with my farm. It is not worth a ton of money because it is protected from development so my trees and my land will always be safe from the developers. I found it when I was running away from something and it turned out that I was really running towards something. It is a place where everyone is welcome to find peace and acceptance. It is a place of warmth and love and peace - so yes I am totally in love with it and the comfort I am able to share with those who need it. I will post tree pictures on the weekend and if you'd like I can post a few pictures of my place. I wish you all the peace and comfort I find when I step out my back door and see the land that was here long before me and will be here long after me Hugs and Blessing to each and every one of you.
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Rabbit, my heart felt so heavy with the understanding of your loss of possibilities. I think we all go through that to some extent but becoming a mother is a very big deal and part of the natural order - it's just something many people do after they grow up and get married. I'm so sorry and I grieve with you dear one.
It takes a lot for me to sweat. I mostly sweat between two very small breasts and my underarms seem to stay dry for some reason. But my mom told me to wear deodorant a long time ago and it's just a habit now. I'm allergic to a lot of skin products so I use Crystal Essence. It's not very fancy or glitzy so it's usually found on the bottom shelf of the grocery store deodorant aisle.
Clan Of The Cave Bear - good lord I think I read that in the 80s Micmel. Remember there was a movie with Darryl Hannah playing Ayla?
Candy I cried at the psychologist's today. And cried and cried. Then my SIL came to visit from California today and when I saw her I hugged her and cried more. I don't know - this week has been really hard. Sorry you are going through that too.
Today I bought a ton of leafy greens to make a nice big salad as i was having dinner guests from out of town. The cashier at the grocery store rang through my greens, tomatoes, brussels sprouts and carrots and said "I wish more people would eat like this, we'd have so much less cancer". I was a little dumbfounded and wondered for a sec if i should tell her! I was just in a mood so i said "well actually I eat like this and I have stage 4 cancer". Poor thing. I felt a little guilty for embarrassing her but she was so sweet and apologetic and said the usual 'you don't look like you have cancer'. But then she shifted a bit and said she was so glad I came through her register becuase she learned today that she doesn't always know what someone else is going through even if they look awesome and are eating a lot of veggies.
Big hugs everyone! It's a beautiful weekend here in western NY. A bit cooler and sunny. Big airshow this weekend in town and I'm not going. Big music festival in my village and I'm not going to that either. My psychologist suggested today that I stay away from social media and do some nourishing activity like playing my piano - even if it makes me cry. And it does make me cry. I am shorter at my instrument becuase of my compression fractures and I'm always having to adjust my seating. I'm tired more easily and it hurts a little to sit upright longer than 30 minutes. I'm out of practice. And nearly every time I sit down to play I begin to cry becuase music hits me somewhere very deep that connects with my grief. But I really want to get back to my music.
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Ooooh GiddyupGirl I am looking very forward to pics of the farm and the tree! Your description reminds me of my Steinway grand. It's in a beautiful corner of my living room and surrounded by plants and piles and piles of music books. It's really my haven and I have not spent nearly enough time there lately.
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Moomala: I totally get the piano peace. I haven't played in a long time but I remember when I was sad I would play for hours and lose myself in the music. We just had a little upright but it had a beautiful sound. Please find time to spend with your piano - it does help heal the soul. I will try to get some pictures of the farm as well as my beautiful horse Storm - he is the most loving guy and gives the best hugs.
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Philly, I use Dove, I think it’s cucumber (I’m sensitive to heavy scents) but only on my non cancer side. My RO said I wouldn’t need it on the radiation side and she was right, that side stays bare and dry.
Lost a friend from a young stage IV FB group today, her 40th birthday party is Sunday (it’s been planned for several months) 🤬😭
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