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My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

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  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Leapfrog~ I am relieved that you do allow yourself some rest. I know it's essential for fighting this disease! I try every night to go to bed at least by ten. I need ten to twelves hours to really feel functionable. I had to laugh at your description of how you don't dash around all the time. Lol. I hope your sleeping well right now. Hugs ~M~

  • Lynne
    Lynne Member Posts: 368

    Hope everyone had a good weekend!

    Gracie-I pick up the results from my CTs and Bone scan, the day of or the day after I have them done, from radiology. That way, I know the results before my next appointment (which is usually later that same week). I don't want any surprises (and I hate the wait!).

    Claudia-Big decision. How exiciting!

    Leapfrog-Enjoy making your patio garden! I'm glad you are doing what's best for you.

    Chelle-Sorry the fatigue is getting the best of you! Hope it gets better for you.

    Mae-Looks like you had a great time, great pics!

    Minnie-I too started dating my husband at 17 (he was 16). Our first date was a dance at our high school, that was 38 years ago. We've been married 34 and have 4 kids and 3 grandkids. I too dread leaving my husband alone. We've been together so long. I know there will be a lot of women trying to get their claws in him. I worry that he'll make the wrong choice (I told him I'd haunt him if he does! LOL). I hope the kids will keep an eye on him. We just have to take one day at a time, and love them while we can.

    Lynne-I'm feeling much better, thanks! It will start all over again after chemo, a week from Fri! But at least I should feel better Christmas (I am having my husband's family Christmas Eve, and my family Christmas Day). We did have my Mom's 80th birthday party on Saturday. She was surprised, but had an inkling something was going on, thanks to my cousin's flowers that were sent to her (that my youngest sister brought over from her house), my cousin has never sent her even a birthday card before. Also I told her I made a reservation at her favorite restaurant for 2:30 on Sat, and she said they are only open on Sunday afternoon, I told her they must be open extra hours because of Christmastime. She told us later that that was the first birthday party she ever had! She always had a cake, but not any friends over growing up, and Dad never gave her a party (besides us immediate family), so I guess it was about time! My sister's small cape was packed, but everyone seemed to enjoy themselves (especially Mom). Today is her actual birthday. My husband and I took her out for dinner (since we didn't make it on Sat!), to another restaurant, with a promise to her favorite (it was closed today) soon.

    Tomorrow is another day my friends!

    Lynne


  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Lynne(Man)~I am so thrilled your mothers party went well. I guess some people are harder to surprise than others lol but how wonderful for her to know that she is so loved, that her family wanted to show her how much! What a nice thing to do. I love the idea of actualFunctional families with no hang ups or estrangements! I am so thankful that your mother felt So special. I'm smiling thinking about it. Now maybe rest up? Get some good rest. Good night dear friend ~M~

  • Lynne
    Lynne Member Posts: 368

    Yes it is harder to surprise some people! I guess we should be glad she didn't catch on until 2 days before the party! Now to get rid of this rotten cold. I hardly had any voice for the party from all the coughing. It's a little better today. I'm holding out going to the dr until my blood work/dr appointment on Friday. I don't like going anymore than I already do. No fever, so I'm waiting. ;)

    Good night, Mel. You get some rest too!

    Lynne

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Lynne(man)~You take care of that terrible cold. Seriously, have you had your flu shot ? I was a little icky today as well and I was worried I felt feverish. I haven't had my flu shot so I worry about getting it. My oncologists office called today to talk about ibrance and she told me that they have had three patients hospitalized from the flu this week alone, one unfortunately died from pneumonia. Please take care of yourself and keep yourself hydrated and rest up from the party, you were around a lot of people. I agree with Lynne (50'sgirl) that although it does note as a potentional side effect is getting infections frequently, I also haven't had one. So just rest up and get some good sleep. Good night my friend! ~M~

  • Leapfrog
    Leapfrog Member Posts: 406

    Siarobinson...I seem to have missed your first post but I've just noticed you're on this thread so welcome! We're all here to help each other and if there's anything you want to know or if you just want to air your feelings, go right ahead. We've all been there some time or another. Happy one day, down the next sometimes. And sometimes it's for no apparent reason. Well, that's stretching it a bit far, isn't it. Of course we have a reason but we're all learning to live with it. My plan is to enjoy every moment that I can.

    Claudia...I'm sorry you have the same problem I have when you try to nap. It's nice to know I'm not alone but I don't wish it on anyone. It makes me want to keep on the move because then my legs stop twitching and they don't ache so much but if I move around too much the bone mets in my back ache like crazy! I just try to go with the flow.

    I'm feeling quite thrilled, though, because I went for an evening walk! I've always loved walking and I used to walk - fast - morning and/or evening every day for 40 minutes. Then after my diagnosis my MO told me I'm not to go for walks until he gives me the ok. I guess it's the jarring on my bones, because they were really fragile and I was snapping bones right, left and centre. Well, he hasn't exactly given me the ok. Ive given it to myself because I think, as long as I'm careful, I can do it now. I make sure I wear laced up sneakers with high tops so I'm not wearing shoes I could trip in. It was probably only 100 metres (yards for you guys) there and back but it was enough to feel part of real life again, living in the city as I do now.

    To those who are downsizing, it's really a hard thing to do because we accumulate so many things that have sentimental value and you can spend ages picking things up and putting them down again without deciding what to do with them. I started with clothes and anything I hadn't worn for the last season or two I sorted into three bags ~ those I would just throw away because they were past their used by in terms of being worn out; those I would give to charity and those I would keep. Having just had the mastectomy helped because there were a lot of things I simply couldn't wear anyway. With other things, like pieces of crockery that have been passed down after our parents left, I found it better to give them away to whoever I wanted to have them after I'm gone before I go and give them the pleasure now. Then there are all the little bits and pieces. Be ruthless. If you don't use it just throw it in a bag and get rid of it ~ you know the sort of things we collect without meaning to; stationery, junk jewellery that doesn't look good any more, gloves that have one missing, handbags that are out of fashion or that you don't love. In fact that's a rule in itself ~ if you don't seriously love something, don't keep it. I don't know whether this helps because I still own a lot of junk I don't really want and I'm not even a hoarder!

    I know I've missed a few out but I've started posting on this page and i've found in the past that if I go back a page to check, I lose the post I've started writing so Gracie it seems you still need lots of hugs and prayers ~ you've got them.

    Mel ~ I found your post, I've been looking for it. Please, please watch your step. None of us needs a fall. I know it's Christmas and all that but I hope no one is climbing ladders to decorate the house and the trees. I sound like Mother! But our health is so much more important.

    I'm about to get ready to get ready for bed if that makes sense. By the time I do my three different mouth rinses and take my lovely (not!) Movicol drink because the pain killers slow things down, and make sure I have everything I need, like a book, in case I'm awake in the night, it takes ages to get to bed! And because I'm tired, I get slower and slower and .....

    I suppose you're all starting your day so I hope things are good for you all. Hugs xxx

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Leapfrog~ I know I don't really need a fall, no I certainly do not! Luckily today, I feel okay. Just a little creaky! I hope you're asleep and resting welll. I woke up today at 1043! I just need to be in bed about 10:00 or 9:30 latest. I feel so sleepy all the time. I used to have the jumping nerves in my legs especially. Chemo can sometimes upset the current that the nerves would usually follow. I take nerve medicine for that. Amptitriptaline. Lyrica also works great. Just in case you guys didn't know that. Great job on that walk! It does feel like air into your lungs. Awesome feeling! I am going to get my grandpuppy today. So I am happy. Don't know how long I'll have him. It's kinda chilly today Have a great day. Much love ~M~

  • Shenanigans08
    Shenanigans08 Member Posts: 9

    Every time I come here you ladies make me feel better and not so alone in this journey!!! :)

    Micmel, I hear ya!!! For me, it started right before Halloween which is my favorite holiday which was right before Bi-Lat surgery. I did a little decorating since we had Thanksgiving at our house this year for the first time. We bought our first home three days after my diagnose. Thankfully my husband's family the men take care of cooking which is perfect for me cause I don't cook. It was a long day but the family was so sweet to me consistently asking if I wanted to go take a nap. It was nice to be at home as well. I'm feeling the same way about Christmas. I've got the decorations are out but I'm having a hard time finding the energy to get much done.

    I'm gone back to work this week mainly remote. I'm still so amazing how quickly I get tired. I was telling a friend its frustrating that my mind is still the healthy, active woman from before diagnose but my body is not :( To make it worse I've been about a week off of Rx pain killers and getting tired of achiness all the time!! Anyone else having advice? I'm still about a month or two from reconstruction surgery. I'm finding it hard to feel comfortable with where my body is right now. The holiday season and activities is not helping. I've put on a bit of weight due to chemo etc. plus the change in my body after surgery. Seeing the PS on friday and hoping to get the "girls" more even looking. My husband and I have a Christmas party and would love to feel pretty and as "normal" as possible. On the upside, I have been enjoying not having to wear a bra but I'm very self conscious about how I'm look in clothes. Anyone having the same issues?

    Keep fighting ladies. Love you all. Thanks so much for the candid stories.

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Shenan~my palliative care doctor prescribed me ritilan and started in small doesages. It helps me feel more awake and I only take it when I know I have things to really take care of. I understand the feelings of not feeling pretty anymore. I've often felt embarrassed if I'm honest. I am considering Reconstruction, but maybe I don't have the balls to do it. Fear, I think holds me back. I don't want to awake the beast lymphedema in My left arm. I wear a very heavy and warm prosthesis on one side. I spend an awful lot of time adjusting it. It's shitty cancer, no other way to put it. So I came here and found others who understand, and made some wonderful relationships along the way. I am thankful my DH never faltered. My family is my main priority and really nothing else matters. I am hoping for many many many years more. With the holidays coming, I find I have nothing to wear. I've also gained enough weight to be a little uncomfortable with myself. I miss my hair.

    I miss who I used to be. So yes we completely understand. Welcome to our special place, it's really great to know that our thoughts and stories help you. It's reasonslike that why we do it ! Welcome and we hope you'll continue to share your own important life stories with us!

    Hugs and welcome again to you! ~M~

  • tanya_djamila
    tanya_djamila Member Posts: 1,541

    welcome slaroninsom

    Everyone here is supportive.

    I come and laugh at the posts sometimes I don't respond because I get busy with my grandkids homework and suc

  • tanya_djamila
    tanya_djamila Member Posts: 1,541

    good afternoon ladies

    I'm sitting in the infusion room getting zometa and shots and CBC and so I couldn't remember who said what. Tomorrow I return for a flu shot maybe.

    When I go back on my phone it doesn't list all the posts so I have to go to email.

    Gracie I pray your scans are good. Truly the waiting is torture.

    Grannax im sad to hear about your DD. I have a friend with it single mother of 3. She's one of the most upbeat people I know. May God make it easy on her and your family.

    I had to get an IV in my hand for the CBC then an extra Miss for the zometa. Waiting for all of this when an animal would have ran out the door. Faslodex next.

    Leapfrog I laughed aloud when I read about your cleaning escapades. I drag myself from one chore to the next.

    Micmel im sorry you fell. But I also laughed at the hound peeing on the tree.

    My DH and I are going to Texas for a few days to visit with imlaws. Leaving tomorrow.

    Thanks all of you for making my day.

    Much love

    Tanya

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Tanya~Hello darling! Hope you're feeling good today. Nothing like being distracted by those grandchildren! Such a sweet sweet reason! I had my grand puppy today and it was photography day with his mommy! She's such a great doggie mommy. Not to mention I adore this young girl. If she wasn't my sons best friends girl, I would say hey. Open your eyes buddy! She's a great girl, she's not only gorgeous on the outside,but just as beautiful on the inside. My sons best friend is also a great down to earth guy, so she is being treated well and I adore him as well! I will post the Christmas pose in a few mins! Melts my heart, not only because it's precious. But because, he's getting so big! Have a great day beauties! Much love ~M~

    Please have a safe trip to Texas! As least there it's not 40 degrees. I just took Chief outside for a walk. It was brisk. I think my head shrunk. I put on a hat, that I used to wear before cancer. It was slip sliding all over my head, either my head shrunk, or my hair is no where thick like it used to be and that makes me want to hurl!

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    image

    Here is my special baby grand puppy's Christmas pose much love ~M~

  • Minnie31
    Minnie31 Member Posts: 494

    all good thoughts going to Gracie for the scan. I hate waiting for results. I have a free month this time, only a heart check next Tuesday followed by normal chemo treatment. Sorry about your daughter Grannax, lots of love going your way. So funny Micmel you having a Spanish grandmother. Where was she from?

    Just had a nice meal with a friend who is leaving, going to live far away, and may never see him again. A little sad but we all move on, and I wish him well. We meet so many people in our lives, in many places, and now I am finding my latest group of friends right here. Long may we continue!! Trying to get the Christmas presents purchased and sorted, but energy lets me down. A little more tomorrow. Sleep now I hope, have taken a pill tonight to shut down my mind!! Love to all x

  • Minnie31
    Minnie31 Member Posts: 494

    Micmel he is so gorgeous. I want him

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Minnie~Hi there!! She was from Madrid. I was never lucky enough to ever visit there. I know she had a hard life before she came to the United States and never got any better at English. My mother was going to name me Tiffany, all my grandmother could piece together was titty. So needless to say I didn't get the name Tiffany. Her accent was so thick. I did even understand and when she got mad, oh boy look out. It was like a tornado blowing through. I would have loved to see the place where she had grown up. Makes me sad that people come And go. I am so happy you found your place here with us Minnie. Hopefully if you all feel the way I feel about reading everyone's posts, well all be together a very long time. Much love ~M~

    Thanks sooo much about the baby boy! He is my sweet grand puppy. I have so much fun with him and he brings me such joy. I exercise by walking him three times a week, and I am trying to continue even thought it was freezing. Yuck! Have a great sleep. Hope that pill helped.

    Chelle?

    Keetmom? How is your Dad? How are you. ? Miss seeing you.

    Nan~Beyond worried 😩

    NO1? Hope everyone is doing ok !! Thinking of you Gracie. Lynne(man) hope your cold is better! Grannax~ thinking of your daughter. Only strength coming your way! Waving to Claudia

    Hugs to all ~M~

  • Lynne
    Lynne Member Posts: 368

    Mel-I always get my flu shot every year (even before I got cancer 12 1/2 years ago). I got this year's the beginning of October. My voice is back, but still coughing most of the night, even with Nyquil. I have the head of my mattress straight up (it's adjustable), it helps, but makes it hard to sleep. Only 2 more days until my appointment. My older daughter has had this cough for about 6 weeks. I thanked her for sharing! LOL I love the picture of your grandpuppy!

    We have our 8 year old granddaughter over tonight, since our son has to be to work at 6, 45 minutes in the opposite direction of her bus stop So either our daughter or my husband we'll bring her to her mother's in the morning. That way, she'll get to sleep an extra hour or two.

    Hope everyone is feeling ok. Off to bed for me! Goodnight!

    Lynne


  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Lynne(Man)~I always usually do get my flu shots like clock work. The one time I wanted it, I had a mild fever and they didn't want to do it. Then the second time I was so wrapped up in my worries about my scans I just forgot about it. I think I'm going to run up to cvs tomorrow and just have it done. My next week is my week off ibrance. If I just force myself to get moving I seem to do ok once I am moving. But getting out of bed is such a challenge! This week I walked two times already and last week I had Chief three times. We walked a lot that week. Trying to increase my activity.

    My DD worked with this sweet special girl and when I was diagnosed, her mother would reach out to me, because she had some sort of colon cancer. She was doing really well at the time and I wasn't, so she was so helpful and kind to me. Now my DD transferred to another branch for a promotion and my DS moved into my DD's position so now he works with the daughter now of the woman I am speaking of. My son came home the other day and said that suzes mother wasn't feeling well and went back to the doctors again. Two weeks later (yesterday) the had to operate on a blockage for her. She couldn't go on her own. Something was blocking it. So I hadn't heard from her because I didn't want to bother her. Today she texted me and told me that when they went In for the blockage, they discovered that she was full of cancer everywhere. So much they don't know what to even do. They are opening her up again in January for an 11 hour procedure. It's so bad, that they aren't even sure chemo would help, that's why they are going in. They are trying radiation to shrink some of the worst parts. But apparently it's in her stomach, intestines, the entire colon is spotted with tumors and there is some all over her bladder and leading into the kidneys and pancreas and liver. She was terrified. She said to me that it was even considered morbid cancer. Not even advanced. Morbid. She is a wonderful woman with three wonderful children. They aren't young. But they are young adults like mine are. I don't understand why it has to always attack such good people. Cancer I hate you.

    Hope all is well ladies. Much love to you all, please enjoy every second, and the little things. I feel so guilty being happy for my results and then my friend gets handed this. After being ok for years. Sometimes. I can't make any sense of anything. Sorry I was rambling. It's just so hard. Hugs to all beautiful ladies. ~M~ She said. I am stage four. I said ....so am I honey ....so am I. She said.....you're in remission......I said, so were you...... that says it all!!!!

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Haven't seen Mae today! Just thinking of you and hope you had a good day! I have watched a few episodes of the walking dead. Where that guy sawed his hand off because they all left him there on the roofafter the key fell down the air vent thing ! Is that the same series you're talking about what your Sunday night tv nights, that you're watching now ? Trying to get into it.! Hugs to you ! Much love ~M~

  • illimae
    illimae Member Posts: 5,739

    Yes micmel, that’s the walking dead, although several seasons ago. Spent most of today at a meeting with coworkers and contractors, when I get called to attend, we have a serious problem, I come in diplomatic but firm and thos that need to fall back in line. Then I got so involved in a jigsaw puzzle at home, I pretty much snacked for dinner and am late going to bed. Goodnight all :)

    image

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Mae~ I have been looking for puzzles for a while now. I don't seem to know where to find them. Ive checked Walmart and and ollies. And some other places. Just can't find them. I enjoy puzzles gets my mind off of everything. So you got called into to kick some mild asses huh? Hope everything went well! Hope you sleep well, not far behind you!! Much love ~M~

  • Minnie31
    Minnie31 Member Posts: 494

    my DH and I are fans of the walking dead, right up to date at series 8. Keep watching, it's a good show. I have started Game of Thrones, have watched 3 seasons in last few weeks. For those of us with time on our hands, it's good viewing. Had a good sleep. Time to get up and going!! Micmel, I love Madrid, about 4 hours drive, been a few times, but this damn cancer hip doesn't like To walk. Grrr

  • illimae
    illimae Member Posts: 5,739

    I bought a couple puzzles from Walmart but the selection sucks, now I get them from amazon, I buy a few at a time for the free shipping.

  • MJHJAN1014
    MJHJAN1014 Member Posts: 622

    Hello! Been a member since Jan2014, but took a break for a while and haven't ever posted on this thread, but have followed it! I related to your feelings about someone else being with your husband, Micmel. When first diagnosed with MBC, those feelings were so intense for me. A year and a half later, not so much. My DH is a TALKER! I am more reserved. When I think about it, I realize that he will need companionship. It will take a special person, as my 31 year old daughter lives with us(long dysfunctional history), and we are raising my 8 year old grandson. Not to mention this old house that needs constant attention.

    The hardest thing for me is thinking about my grandson, because I am Granny/mom to him. My daughter does what she can, and my husband is wonderful, but still....

    Hope all of you are able to enjoy this day. I am decorating slowly although hindered by pain my right abdomen from liver mets hopefully being brought under control by Fulvestrant.

    Love to each! may the force be with.... MJH

  • MJHJAN1014
    MJHJAN1014 Member Posts: 622

    P.S. Nice puzzles from catalog called "Bits and Pieces"!

  • Grannax2
    Grannax2 Member Posts: 2,387

    I did get to go to my granddaughter's school play. It was small and fun for the kids. It was all the Fifth graders at her school who are in choir. So it was not a big, elaborate production like the other three she was in at Temple College. BUT, it's now my favorite. She had the starring role. I am such a proud Granna. She had several speaking parts and a solo. Oh my goodness, she did so well. For her part she was sitting at a desk, in her Christmas pajamas (her costume). Writing a letter to santa. Then she would sing what she had written ( typical musical). Her voice was clear and she didn't miss a note. Not to mention that she is adorable, everyone loved her. The Musical tweet Dear Santa was a movie in 2011. The whole family has their priorities mixed up, except for Molly who writes a sweet letter to Santa. He comes to tell the family how much he loves Molly's letter.

    It might be a fun movie to watch.

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Minnie~Game of Thrones is one of my all time things Ever! I am hanging onto season 7 like it's my pillow. I still have like 5 or more to watch but I am getting upset that it's getting too close for my comfort of being over for the season. Word has it, that... season 8 willl be the final one and it won't be released until 2019. Say it isn't so.......I don't want to wait that long! I am trying to follow the walking dead. How many seasons of that are there even ? The woman who has one of the leading starring roles, use to be on the series prison break. Which I loved!! I am always open to any suggestions. Because I admit I'm a binge watcher!!! Have a great day. I wanted to decorate outside, ok start outside. But there is no way I am going out in 40 degrees and his wind. Grrrrrr. I really don't like winter at all! Much love ~M~

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Mae ~ thank you for the suggestions for the puzzles. I really enjoy doing them. I have not really thought about doing one in a long time now. When I was dealing with all the chemo, it bothered the tips of my fingers. They were numb up until some months ago it finally let up! I think now I'll be able to do one. I'll have to browse amazon and the bits and pieces catalog that MJH mentioned! I am on it! Thanks guys. Much love ~M~

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    MJH~welcome to our little home, I understand your feelings about your DH. Mine is my world and I adore him more than a little thread could ever convey. He is the love of my life. I do not even want another near him. That's why it makes me want to fight!! It's a crushing thing to think of, even though I feel the same and wouldn't want him unhappy or alone but cannot let go of the deep intense love I have for him. I am blessed to be in remission for a year now. I'm praying it continues! I am only 47 this shouldn't be happening to any of us. There should be a cure by now. It's that simple. This thread. We laugh and cry and tell stories about the wonderful things our families do together. The joy spending time with them brings and the happiness we can share and take in every second of the family time. I love my family so very much I wanted a place to put down my feelings as I Feel them. We un load when we need to un load, scream when we need to scream, on our dark days,Or cry on each other's shoulders when needed. We have a great close group here, and we would love it, if you would join us in our place we like to call our little pub! We have as many chairs as needed. So nice to have you here. Thank you for sharing your love story! I think our feelings need to be written down and shared. I'm giving you a big welcoming hug! ~M~

  • micmel
    micmel Member Posts: 10,057

    Grannax~I had to smile big reading your post about your precious star of the show ⭐️! I cannot imagine the joy you had seeing her in her precious Jammie's, singing her little heart out. That is so very sweet, my heart is so full of happiness reading your post. It really must have effected you to say it was your favorite! Now soon your grandson will have another gymnastics show as well! I am so happy you're able to watch them and have that love. The pure grandma love. I hope against hope I am alive long enough to see and love my grandchildren. It's one of my worst fears. I am living vicariously through you! Such a sweet show. Wish I could have seen your eyes watching ❤️ much love ~M~

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