My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Scans, day 1 - Whole body CT and Brain MRI. Ugh, I hate getting up early on the weekend
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Mae, I am thinking of you and hoping for good results.
Lynne
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Mae- I hope scans go well...
Im pretty sure I am quitting the class...just not sure how I am going to tell them I quit...I think I just need to say It is to much for me right now...I just am not good at shit like that...kept me awake last night...no reason to be this worked up about it but it will all work out....still a bit sore from last weeks class dont need to keep up with that..
Supposed to hit 20 today...its been a long few weeks of really cold weather0 -
Keetmom ~ I agree it's been way to cold. Horribly so. Makes me feel like I live in a cacoon with my blankets and pillows sometimes. You know it's cold when the heat in your vehicle struggles for 20 mins to even get to normal temp. Ridiculous! If those classes aren't working out too well, then don't stress over it, find something else you do like. I miss running so much, don't give up!!! Much love for you and the girls ~M~?
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Mae~You're on my mind and I am thinking of you and good scan results. Sending you thoughts of strength and positivity! We love you!! 🧡~M~
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waving hello to Lynne(50’s) always wonderful to see you here beautiful! You’re always And sweet and kind! Much love and hugs ~M~
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Divine~your post was really sweet and it helps to know that you understand exactly what I feel. It means we are not alone! I know it feels like it. It's so sad we all aren't closer in the miles. The support would be wonderful. It's so sad sometimes to just admit that this has even happened. And like Minnie said. I am only also into this diagnosis 2years January 22! You give me hope as well!
I have been feeling worried and anxious about the eagle court of honor 🦅! For my DSS, I haven't really been ready to go out to public much, and I honestly am just a home body, but this was very important and special to us all. Especially my DH, so many years of commitment and being the scout master. Everything he does, he does so well! It was a wonderful day and the pride is unexplainable. He presented me with his mentor pin, as a surprise, blew me away and made me feel so full of joy and happiness. I love this young man and I love our blended family. I truly cannot express. How I feel seeing my three kids together! Even though he is my step son, it doesn't feel that way in my heart. It was so great and I Am so happy I Made it. I am tired and had a rough ride home. But I made it. It was a really beautiful day of family and making memories. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Having them all there. Such a great day. Even though it was frigid outside. Like -2 on our way home. Just waiting for the temps to hit 40. I'll take 40 really I will. It has been a horrible two Weeks like keetmom mentioned and she is in WI. For her to say that means it's freaking cold!! So I'm resting all day long. But it was well worth going. To see that accomplishment and moment. Much love ~M~
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Thanks everyone. Odd, I’m not really concerned about the results, I want to hurry and get the MRI over with, so I can get the IV out. It hurts, I hate it!
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These are my kids... my son Zachary is on the far left and my DSS, Justin...obviously in the middle with the eagle honor sash and uniform, and my daughter Gabrielle is on the end. It was a magnificent day! ~M~ 0 -
Mae~I agree completely, I don't know how they would even find a vein on me! They just don't exist! I had to have a guided ultra sound tech find a vein to use for the last PET scan I had to have. It's annoying. But then again what about cancer isn't annoying, except for all you ladies of course. You have been the shining sun in this storm. ~M~ thinking of you Mae!
Apparently someone had gotten an update on patty peppermint, she's been in the hospital with an infection of unknown origin and has been in isolation, since before Christmas! I hope she will be ok. I am sending thoughts of strength and hope to her and her family. Her boys especially!None of this should be happening !
Grrrr ~M~
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I am so happy for you, Micmel! You did it. And you have that family moment to remember forever. Obviously, your DSS thinks highly of you to give you the pin. What an honor. Love the pic. Proud, happy siblings. 💞
Now you can be home in your cacoon of blankets. Don't come out for days, if you want. You did it, you were there. I'm sure your DH was so proud of you. 💟
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Mae, sending positive thoughts for your scans. Michel, love the picture! So nice that he gave you his mentor pin, such an awesome gesture. I'm glad you had a good time. I was thinking of you in the horrible cold. I'm so over this weather! My exhaustion and pain are getting me down. I've been trying to stick to Advil rather then Tramadol but I think I need to just go with the Tramadol. Looking forward to the warm up..first have to get through the sleet/ ice storm coming tomorrow. Stay warm everyone!
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Thank you Grannax~that means so very much! It was so very special! I realize I would have been shattered if I had not been there. The pin was a very special moment for me! I cried like a baby. So did my daughter, the other special part was I got to see my Aunt Lil and uncle ted, my DH's side.. my DH's cousin had a gorgeous son and he is two years old! The last timeI had held him, two weeks later I was diagnosed and the hell began. So seeing him finally and spending time with them after was a wonderful thing. I am more than happy I went. My DH's sister...and her fiancé were also there. I adore them both...so it was very special. It's times like those, we fight! And we fight hard!! ~M~ ☺️
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Lynnwood~The weather was awful, like painful on your skin awful! But I am so happy I did it. It was a memory to deposit in the bank for sure! My precious family I adore them all! Thanks so much for the kind words! ~M~
Ice storm yuck really ? Don't need that. I just need 40 degrees. And I'll be ok. Too much of this cold is depressing. Use the tramadol honey, being in pain makes you think about this awful disease more, because you allow it to take hold and control what you think and do! That's why I had to force myself. There were times were I wanted to cry, because I needed to lay down. But I forced myself to do it. By 630 I was done. But we drove home. DH surprised me and Came home with me for the night! I was in heaven! 🙏☺️💙. But I put my seat back and I had my blanket and I was in and out of sleep! Just watching him drive whenever I would Open my eyes and see him, my heart was so big it couldn't hold back the tears of love and pride I feel loving him. So hard knowing you're sick, .....crushing, gripping, heart snapping, emotional torture....fear with no end.....worries that this roller coaster has become our lives....and as I went down that road I looked at the passing lights fly by wondering.... why did this happen to me? To Us? Why is living with cancer so hard. And emotionally paralyzing? It's a living torture we cannot escape. A cruel joke that cannot be undone, it cannot be taken back, or simply said sorry for. Its damaging permant depression that we swim in and get out... grab our towel and blot off, for the next swim. Sometimes the swim feels good and other times as you walk away from the pool.... you look back and think.... will I ever swim again?
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Micmel, your words are poignant and oh so true.
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Illimae I love the way you handle these tests. Get the IV out I hear you it always sucks. I pray you get wonderful results that you don't even think about.
Micmel I'm happy you ventured out into the freezing arctic and went to the eagle ceremony. I'm happy he gave you the pin. What strong bonds and memories love story stuff!
Minnie and Divine you both inspire me with your 15 month stage IV and your 8 years Mrs. M you are divine.
Grannax thank you for sharing your. daughter's strength and resilience. I'm hopeful that she is out of pain and glad that procedure is behind you all.
Minnie enjoy Ireland. When I do the late night family friends things I just excuse myself and go to sleep. Sometimes I make it back after a nap because my sleeping is weird.
Thank you all for being here. Have a good evening.
Tanya
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Mel, your children are all beautiful!!! Glad you made it and big kudos to your DSS for presenting you with his pin!!!!
Mae, thinking of you and hoping for good scans
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Tanya and Gracie~ it was such a special day thank you! I am so glad I went! I would have regretted it always had I not gone! The stronger I get, the more I can go there again like before I got sick. (I hope) It is sad to see life go on around you and you get to sit by and watch people living healthy, and who won't need a place to lay down for a spell throughout the day. It's after 11:00pm I should be asleep. But I Am not. Sometimes , sleep comes so easy andother times not so much! Keep warm much love ! ~M~
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Micmel, you should write a book!! So,often you are so in tune with my thoughts and feelings xx
Tanya, I may take your advice, as so far we are booked for 6 nights in a row!! I know it's not right but somtimes I can say to DH to use me as an excuse for an early exit.
For the first time in ages, feeling a bit lazy this morning and having a lie in. Coolest morning too at 5 Celsius!
Happy Monday ladies x
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Our Saturday lunch venue with friends, looks gorgeous doesn't it. Sometimes you forget to look at the beauty around you
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Minnie, beautiful location!
Micmel, fabulous photo of your young adult/children! What an HONOR for your dss to present you with his mentor pin.
Mae, best wishes for your scan results.
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Minnie~ that is amazingly beautiful, I could sit there and dream and gaze, for hours. What a peaceful place to be. I am thrilled you have availability to someplace so lovely. I would love to see those beautiful places. If only I wasn't so tired all the time. I hope you had a wonderful lunch with your friends! Banking memories is what it's all about! The sky is so clear and crisp, I am picturing myself now, little umbrella drinks and all. Thanks for sharing ! Much love ~M~
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Divine~ Thank you so much. It was an honor. I couldn't stop smiling for him. My face hurts lol. I felt happy and got to see the importance of seeing this young man. Make a commitment and stick to it. A lot of kids these days do not realize the importance of this Eagle Scout. It's an honor to have been apart of it.
Mae thinking of you! Sending good thoughts and vibes!
Much love ~M~
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Thanks everyone, day 2 is NM injection and bone scan, labs, follow up with MO, then H&P treatment.
Micmel, glad to see you out and about, great pic
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Mae-Hope scans get good results!
Mel-Great pic! Congrats!
Minnie-What a beautiful place to be!
Lynne-Yes I was able to have my chemo on Fri. I decided to come home from Laconia on Wed night instead of Thurs, so we didn't have to deal with the storm. My older daughter drove with me and stayed till my husband got there (it's easier for him, now that he works 30 min in the opposite direction from home and the oncology office). I felt really crappy yesterday, I know it will be the same for about a week, slowly feeling a little better each day. Thankfully, I only get it every 3 weeks, so I can function the other 2 weeks. I actually went to Walmart yesterday with my husband. IWe usually stop in Hooksett after my chemo, but he had an appointment this time. I went around and picked up everything on my list as quickly as I could, but still sat down while he checked out. He then ran into Hannafords (I stayed in the car) after to get me stuff I could eat this week. I just hung out in front of the tv the rest of the day. I've been a little dizzy so far, hopefully, it doesn't get worse. I hope you kept warm these past 2 weeks. Feels like Spring now that we are in the 30s! LOL
Have a great day everyone!
Lynne
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Mae~you do always have an awesome attitude about everything. Another thing to adore about you! We are thinking of you and sending our love 💗! Hugs ~M~
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Mae - Hanging out with you while you have your scans! Good news is the only acceptable news, right? I love how cheerful and positive you stay! I thoroughly enjoyed your reporting on your trip. Thanks for sharing!
Divine - I feel like you go into my head and see my thoughts. Fortunately, you are able to articulate them much better than I am, its a little scary. I find that instead of worrying so much about progression, I am just staying up on new treatments for the future, otherwise, I just want to live my life. Like you, so many of my relationships have changed. I refuse to be bothered by petty b.s.. Life is too short! Its funny how this diagnosis rips the rose colored glasses right off! I understand now why heart attack patients suffer from depression. One minute you are living your life, the next minute you are smacked in the face with your mortality. Death becomes real, not a far off wisp of a thought, happening to others, not you.
Minnie - Your picture is beautiful! You are right, there is so much beauty in our everyday lives! I am so envious of your trip to Ireland! Years ago, we had planned a trip to ride across Ireland, when Dh's back reached a critical point, where he needed immediate surgery , or he would be paralyzed for the rest of his life. We were hoping to go The following year, but honestly it took him a good 2 years to completely recover. Just one of those things that we missed out on. Enjoy every minute of your family. I find just slipping away when I get tired is the best way. That way conversations are not interrupted and I don't have to wait around during a lot of good nights. Our friends and family are understanding.
Grannax - I am so glad that your daughter is doing better! That picture made my eyes tear up as soon as I saw it. That must be so difficult for you! We mothers, bleed when our children are sick, and you are so right in how you feel! I hope this surgery works for a long time! Actually. I do understand how your daughter feels about her hair. When I lost mine to chemo, I was devastated! As time went on, I found it to be freeing. I could jump in the shower, slap on some makeup, get dressed and be out the door in 30 minutes! It was great! I only had to decide which scarf or hat I was going to wear. I periodically threaten to shave it all off, because I am terrible at styling it and more often than not, I wear it in a pony tail, just because I don't want to bother with it.
Lynnwood - I'm sorry you are feeling blue, this time of year is always tough. It shouldn't be, we should be excited to begin another year, and look forward to all that it brings. In unfortunately, I seem to spend more time thinking about all I did not accomplish last year. I keep reminding myself that the past is over, and to live in the present, while looking at the future. Its hard some days, but usually I succeed. I'm offering a hand, figuratively speaking, to help you out of your funk. What can I do to help you feel better? Maybe a little chitchat, a funny picture, or just be here for you! Whatever you need.
Micmel - I am so proud of you that you went to the ceremony! It sounds like you made some beautiful memories with your family! Memories that you can treasure forever! For me, that's what its all about! Memories my family can hold in their hearts to comfort them when I am gone. I treasure the memories of my loved ones who have gone before me. Rest up.
Keetmom - I agree with you telling them It is just too much for you right now. None of us needs to deal with feeling inadequate. Trust me, you are more than adequate and I greatly admire you! You are dealing with this disease, its treatments and se's, while raising 3 kids, 2 with special needs! You are Wonder Woman! Don't let any one or anything make you feel like less!
Tanya, Lynnes, Leapfrog, NO1 and Gracie - Waving hi and hoping all is well!
Claudia
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Minnie31, amazing photo, and beautiful environment!
Mae, we're all here for you!
and hugs to all of you amazing people here!!
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Lynne(Man)~Hi darling! Keep up those fluids drink drink drink. Always helped with my dizziness after chemo. I am sorry you're dealing with that.nothing is easy is it anymore? I used to think things were hard..! HA! Big joke on me now huh?
After the actual ceremony was finished. I went outside into our car and laid down in the back with my blanket for 20 mins, I was out of steam and needed a little time to get myself together, I had to re group my pain in my spine, which I only get from sitting or standing or walking for long periods of time. That's why I change up what I do. Then we had a celebration dinner for him at DH's aunts and uncles. We played ping pong and laughed like crazy. I held the beautiful angel baby I had missed the two years of him growing up. Because of getting sick! Aunt Lil kept running around the house saying kiss auntie Melissa! It was a heart filled day I will never forget! I am sending vibes for you to feel great through the next few days. Much love ~M~
Anyone facing scans. This week and or soon we are here pulling for you every day and every night. We understand and love you.
Hello to.... MJH...(and daughter)...Grannax...(and daughter). Tanya .....Claudia....miss you love...Chelle, thanks for reaching out to me the way you did. It made me so happy. I love that we can communicate that way now. I so value your friendship! All of you...more than I can even say!........ hello blueshine.....my sweet Gracie...Divine......Keetmom.... Minnie....you're a very special bunch. 💗❣️ Nan😞💔 always here waiting for you. Love you honey. You’re one of the originals. I think of you everyday. I think of ways to find you, just to know your ok! I miss you so much !
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another person I haven't seen in a little while is Leapfrog! I hope everything is ok with you darling. Just sending thoughts your way! Hugs my friend ~M~ And yes Claudia NO-1! Hope all is well. 💗
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