My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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thinking of you Chicago
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Candy~I have to admit I am a napper. I could sleep for three hours no problem. It gets some through the day. I’m speaking to my therapist about it. I’m just so tired all the time . Ibrance has been Amazing but it kicks your arse. I’m just thankful to be stable. I’ll cope with whatever to stay on it.
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chicagoan, that's awful! I hope you're out of surgery by now and not in too much pain.
mara, that totally sucks. How can that not be a major violation of SOMETHING to not have your buzzer work to let people in??? That can't be legal!!
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Mel- I agree that Ibrance kicks butt. And the Lynparza is even worse I am finding out, in my opinion. Good grief.
I hope you can find something to help you. Yeah, sleeping 3 hours during the day is probably making your nights worse. I hope you can find something to fill your days so you don't have to sleep them away "to get through the day". Occupy your mind and time. Then do short naps when the fatigue gets you. But then get back up and move around. I don't have a lot of hobbies or things to do, but I try to stay up and do something/anything. Today I did laundry, texted a friend, read on a book I got from the library, talked to my cat, and light dusted. Nothing major. But I kept moving and did not lie down. Some days though the fatigue is so great I must lie down, or fall down. I actually will feel sick from the fatigue. But then I nap for 1 hour and then make myself get back up. Turn on TV. Watch a movie. Surf the computer. Talk to myself. Talk to my cat. Pray. Anything.
I hope your therapist can help you. Give you some ideas to help you.
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mel, I totally get the nap thing. I need to nap every day. I still have trouble staying asleep and sometimes falling asleep at night. I take melatonin and Tylenol PM. No idea if it actually helps. I hate the insomnia and am so happy when I actually sleep through the night. I wish I had the magic bullet to make it happen every night.
Carol
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Re: insomnia and sleeping through the night - when I wake up its like *ping* Christmas morning! Its time to get up and do stuff! What, its only 2 am? Who cares! Thursday night I managed (thanks to an Advil PM) to go from 10pm to 430 am all the way through and I was so happy :P But that was also the day when I had actual in person work thing the whole day so brain and body were active more than they normally are, the one APM just put me over the top.
The US time change just threw me for a loop - I keep my computer time on CST and add 6, but for the next few weeks its 5 hours, so was very confused (and glad!) to have noticed it was only 10am (by the microwave) and not the 11am I thought it was
Weather is warming up here so we can leave the back door open and the cats run in and out all day and the laundry in the sunroom dries quickly. Got new fabric for a sewing project - easy pair of pants. Have a concert this week (unfortunately its a venue by the hospital - ill never get away from Kensington!) and may go in for lunch with office friends end of the week pending fatigue/barfiness. Lotta hospital tomorrow with multiple PT appointments, blood, MO, Xgeva shot, new drugs.
Chicagoan - how scary! I hope its nothing too bad so you can get back to playing by summer.
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Morning all. I am dragging this morning. The friend I texted yesterday--I mentioned in my post--called me last night. We had not talked in over a year. We talked for over an hour. Then I was wound up and thinking of memories I had with this friend. I miss her friendship and the things we did. So, I called my "texting buddy" as I refer to him on here. And we talked for a while. So.... I got to bed late. Then with the time change I am dragging now.
Oh, how I wish it was pre-cancer, pre-Covid, days again. I miss that old friend and things we used to do. My "texting buddy" said that maybe I could keep in touch with the old friend and do some things with her again. I doubt it. Times change. People change. We left the conversation, with the old friend and me, with that we will keep in touch, but I doubt we do.
Pocket duty list for week of March 14---
emac--Bone biopsy Monday
mae- Brain MRI Thursday, results Friday
Anyone else?
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Hi Everyone,
Thank you for your support. The surgery went well. Turns out I broke both of the bones in my lower left leg-tibia and fibula so now I am thinking I must have fallen first. I haven't talked to the surgeon yet but before surgery he said he doubted that the breaks were from cancerous lesions. I have screws and a titanium plate now in my lower leg. I'll be in the hospital for at least a few more days. We'll see how I do in therapy and whether I will be able to go straight home or will need rehab. I've been up walking a bit but my blood pressure gets very low when I stand so they are trying to work on that. I live alone but friends and family are offering to help. I don't think there is anyone who could actually stay with me so we'll see.
Just before my surgery, I saw on FB that another pickleball friend who had lung cancer died. I hadn't seen him since last fall since we were part of an outdoor group. It was a gut punch but today is much better. You'd be surprised but I know at least 5 people in my pickleball groups who are also dealing with cancer. It's nice to have that support.
Wishing everyone a happy Sunday!
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Chicagoan, glad to hear the surgery went so well my friend and that you are up walking. Glad you have cancer support within your pickle ball team as well. May you get back to it soon and hopefully the low blood pressure resolves as well. Healing thoughts to you.
Well, had weird but really super good toppings on my breakfast. Took 1/2 cup of the black/pinto bean and chicken with rice mix, added 1/4 cup beefless ground, only around 40 cals worth, put a bit of spinach on top. Cooked in the microwave for 90 seconds. Seasoned with a bit of salt, added sprinkle of bran for extra fiber. The weird comes in the form of ketchup, I squeezed a fair amount overtop, added a tbsp of regular mayonnaise and seasoned with steak and onion burger seasoning. Sound like a ton of food but given that the 1/2 cup of beans is around 100 cals, the beefless ground no more than 40 cals, ketchup is low in calories, bran is neglible as well, the mayo only added 100 as well, the net calories probably number around 250 to 300 tops. That is good to know and again, though the ketchup sounds strange, it was actually REALLY good to me.
Still annoyed by not being able to let people in but not to bent out of shape anymore. People here deal with so much more than that here with their cancer and of course around the world with wars and atrocities across many countries, notably Ukraine. It puts my petty little worries into so much context for me, I find it easy to remind myself how good I have it and not to complain about stuff, just do my best to solve stuff.
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Chicagoan- so happy to hear the surgery went well. You really did mess up your leg . You will need that extra support in the coming weeks. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. We are all here to support you anyway we can.
Candy- I am glad you spoke with your friend. If she lives nearby then maybe it would be possible to get together. Pre cancer and pre covid are times we wish we could take back. Unfortunately we can't and we are forced to deal with the situation we have been given. Living alone would be very difficult also. With the church meeting coming up I hope that door has been opened to better times ahead for you.- SondraF- this time change throws everyone for a loop. This is something that was done for the farmers over 100 years ago. You have a busy day tomorrow with all your appointments. Definitely on pocket duty for you. I wish I could open up the patio doors to let the fresh air in but unfortunately the snow we are getting would blow into the house.
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Living, sorry to hear you guys are getting snow. We're finally getting some warmer temps next week so snow should mostly melt. Hope the mild weather hits you soon as well.
Sondra, in your pocket as well.
Don't know what I did exactly but my lower back area suddenly erupted in pain so am popping advil and tylenol and marching for exercise. Have to remind myself I could march very slowly to the kitchen, bathroom or living room and get more steps anyway. It does not hurt when marching like that and is better than nothing. Did a 15 min march post breakfast and will just plod along through my day. Laundry done, cooked up some baking soda to make wash soda and that is about it. May put off taking out the garbage until my back feels better or take out more bags, we will see. Also found out older DB and SIL can get into my building in an emergency so I can chill out about not being able to buzz people in. Will still email and try to get a number for someone in case there is an emergency but not feel agitated or annoyed.
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Chicagoan- I hope you are doing ok pain wise, and the BP gets better. Keep us informed of your progress with therapy while in the hospital and your plans for discharge.
Living- My old friend does live close. We just grew apart, I guess. We do not run in the same social circles anymore. And with Covid the last 2 years and me being holed up in my house, and also my cancer, and not doing as much anymore. I just miss those days. I will try to text/call her again in a couple months and see if she is receptive to getting together----pending Covid cases locally and my health situation then.
Funny, I used to complain that my job got in the way of things--- an activity I wanted to attend but had to work, etc. Now... I have LOTS of free time, but either Covid concerns or feeling icky keeps me from doing things I want to do. There is a Christian Concert coming in May to our area. Back in the day, I would be begging co-workers to trade a day with me so I could go. Now, I am free, but do not want to be in a large, indoor crowd for the Concert. Or I feel too nauseous or tired to really enjoy the event. Sigh... Life is ironic.
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Candy, I was thinking about how much life has changed since COVID hit two years ago. Things will never really be the same for any of us. Even kids, who are usually so resilient, have had their lives remolded. College students lost so much of that college experience, first graders had such an important year of learning disrupted, adults’ careers took unexpected turns, and many of us who are cancer patients isolated ourselves from all aspects of life. All we can do is move forward in the best way we can. I am glad you are going to the church meeting this week. You should be fine with the mask on. I suspect that you will enjoy seeing and talking to people again. COVID cases in my area are down dramatically. I won’t abandon precautions, of course, but I do feel more positive lately.
Mel, I look forward to seeing your painting when you are done. I am still considering buying a kit for myself. I have lost my hair again, fourth time, and don’t feel like wearing a wig right now. Instead I bought some simple chemo caps. They are soft (knit fabric) and comfortable. I think you could get a free pattern and make them if you are still looking for something to do. You did a great job on the masks. You could even sell them on Etsy if you wanted to or you could donate them to the cancer center. Just a thought.
Chicagoan, I am glad that surgery is over and you can start the recovery process. I hope you don’t need to go to rehab, but don’t push yourself beyond reasonable limits.
Booboo, I assume that you are starting to get settled into PA. I hope you didn’t hit any bad weather on your drive up there. Has your bed arrived yet? When you have a chance, let us know how you are doing.
Mara, I must admit that your breakfasts are much more interesting than mine. You have a creative mind. I hope your back feels better soon.
We had some snow here yesterday, and today it cold, but the rest of the week is supposed to be fairly warm. The snow should melt. Spring is coming.
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50'sgirl-
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50's girl, I just try to find what I think will taste good. The added bonus is that what I typically eat is less expensive so that is good too, but it is super nutritious as well. My back is sore but am finding that taking a marching step which looks and sound silly actually makes the pain go away a bit. Mostly painful as I get up from the couch. I am marching around my apartment for extra steps and really need to realize that when I don't want to do the treadmill or that, just take marching steps and a 20 min march to my favourite music after meals will suffice. I just lifted the handle of some 30 lb cat litter with one hand and that is when it caused an issue. Not as bad as you all with pain probably deal with. I remind myself of that when I think about complaining to myself. I may pull out my TENS and have that go for a bit this afternoon as I sit.
Mel, I definitely could see you selling chemo caps on etsy and masks as well to give to people or sell to patients who still want to mask. My masks are in great shape and I do wear them overtop of a surgical type mask. Not hard to breathe through at all. Nice to have the lovely colours to look at beyond the blue or sometimes black of my masks. We are removing masking rules in Ontario except for public transit and a couple of other places that I have forgotten about but when out in public, will stay masked most of the time anyway. Enjoying not having colds and flu besides the ever present COVID. Outside I will not bother to mask.
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I’ve got a routine brain MRI on Thursday (results Friday) and I welcome you all to my pockets! I’m not particularly concerned, no new issues but spots have been popping up more frequently in recent years, so who knows.
Until then, it’s more packing this week. Next week I’ve got a couple mold remediation companies scheduled to assess areas where we had unexpected and unknown leaks, then a couple of realtors late next week. Hopefully the hit we’ll take for selling as is won’t be too bad.
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I went to Costco the other day without a mask. Our indoor mask mandate was lifted in Oregon on Saturday. My church and gym have not enforced them for a while but it was nice to be able to just walk in and shop without one! I agree, I think the world has changed and in some ways not for the better. Healthcare settings still require masks so while we have some things that feel pre-pandemic I still have to carry them in my car and one in my purse. I think my area has not recovered from the hit to restaurants, employment and the division of it all either. I hope we can get back to that, or at least closer.
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In Mae’s pocket with chocolate strawberries 🍓!
Spoke with my DH tonight about getting another dog since my sweet Deeohgee has passed. I want to rescue one. I’m realizing it’s quite a process I have to figure it out, because it will be my deal. I miss the companionship of a fur baby. I’m mulling it over.
Lynne 💕~love my paint by number so far. Keeps my mind busy and I love color. It’s fun and addicting! I may check out the free patterns. Give me something to do. It’s always so good to see you here! Hugs !
Hello to all the lovely ladies. I’m still not sold on the loading times on this site. Hope it improves
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Mae, in your pocket. Boy, that seems like it came fast for your next scan. I’ll bring some pistachios since that’s what I’ve been nibbling on lately.
Mel, I think that would be wonderful to rescue a pup. I hope you can get your DH onboard.
Mara, I’m sorry you hurt your back. I hope it feels better soon.
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Mae and everyone who needs me, I am in your pockets for sure bringing the peanut butter, straight out of the container.
KBL, I put a TENS machine on my lower back for a couple of hours while watching The Adam Project. Felt good and much less painful than it was. Keeping up on an advil plus one tylenol. Not overdoing the dosage but just to bring it down to a dull roar. I want to walk tomorrow normally. Was too painful to do anything but march though I did march all through the house. Thankfully, I will adjust to the time change easier as I have no appointments next week, just planning on filling out my rent geared to income forms. I know it will take forever possibly but if I live long enough, more inventory opens up when I am 55. I am also good at stretching food and cleaning supplies as well so if I only paid 30 percent of my disability, I would have more than enough money to live on for a long time.
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Mae- jumping in for pocket duty with chocolate covered almonds
Mel- can't wait to see your finished painting . Hoping your DH agrees with your dog wishes.
Mara - take it easy with your back.
It's 1am so off to sleep I go. Goodnight ladies. Will talk tomorrow.
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Lots to read since last time I checked in. Chicagoan - sorry about the broken bones - hope your recovery goes without problems. Mae - I’m there for pocket duty - bringing Girl Scout cookies - the yummy Samoas. Mara - that stinks about your buzz in button. That sounds like a violation of course. Try a heating pad for your back. Mel - there is a rescue pup just waiting for you! Candy - I know how you feel about inside concerts, etc. would love to go ….. but not right now. If you wanted to go to a Christian concert, try listing to a contemporary Christian music station. I listen to one during the day and the music is very soothing for the soul.
Sending wishes for a good week for all
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I hope you're healing well Chicagoan, and Mara, I hope your back pain settles down soon. In your pocket Mae. Candy, I'm glad you're going to your church meeting this week and hopefully you can reconnect with your friend from work.Mel, I hope you can get your pup, it would be great company for you. Not much happening here, I've got a quiet couple of weeks appointment wise so I'm just going to kick back and spend a bit more time with Finny. I hope everyone has the best week possible.
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I did get a different buzz code they can use, I will still have to pay attention when Amazon comes. Will give my phone number so they can call me and then have the buzz code I was given today IF it works. Will try it after breakfast and my treadmill walk.
For some reason, woke up quite irritable feeling though not for any real reason, back is better than yesterday, the TENS machine really helped but just irritable. Hoping the walk will work through that because I would almost rather be sad then feeling so bitchy. I don't have anything I have to do other than a big load of garbage. I am surprised and rather impressed that the property place did actually give me a code, here's hoping it works.
Edited to add, surprised and impressed they got back to me so soon, but the code works, I will just have amazon call me when they are here and give them the code if I have a delivery to get or just have them leave it at the mail box.
I have done a 10 min walk on the treadmill with the TENS machine on, felt pretty good. Was not up to the 20 min so I will leave shoes on and attempt another 5 or 10 minute walk later. Once the snow is gone, will do some outdoor walking but not planning any super duper long walks unless I take my walker to sit anywhere on the route. We will see. Only need to get my garbage out today, the rubbermaid tote I keep it in is bursting at the seams. Also have a pile of cardboard to go out as well.
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I hope you're healing well Chicagoan, and Mara, I hope your back pain settles down soon. In your pocket Mae. Candy, I'm glad you're going to your church meeting this week and hopefully you can reconnect with your friend from work.Mel, I hope you can get your pup, it would be great company for you. Not much happening here, I've got a quiet couple of weeks appointment wise so I'm just going to kick back and spend a bit more time with Finny. I hope everyone has the best week possible.
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ood morning, ladies (and any lurking gents)
I'm writing this in a Word doc, so that I can cut and paste, hopefully not forgetting anyone.
Mae, will be thinking of you on your MRI day. Packing is a pain, and I can imagine that having to do mold remediation just adds to the fun.
Emac, I'm still masking, but I did feel guilty when I was outside yesterday, without a mask, and an older couple walked by on the sidewalk. She was wearing a mask, but he wasn't. I don't know why I felt guilty. We drove home from Utah to San Diego yesterday and stopped for a "Beyond" or "Impossible" burger (I forget which one they serve) at Carl's Junior. I was the only one wearing a mask, but no one seemed to be giving me "the look" for wearing a mask and the girl behind the counter was super nice.
Mel, I so hear you about thinking about getting another dog. We do miss our big stinker boy, but life is a lot less complicated without his messes, his attitude, and just the general pain-in-the-arse he could be sometimes. I do miss him – and each one of them in their own way. I've kept the dog bowls, and the basket of dog toys. Our neighbor dogs run into the house occasionally, if we happen to be sitting on our front porch with the door open. They run straight to the toy basket and run out with one. They're so proud and so excited. We feel like the fun grandparents with the cool toys.
Kbl, I love pistachios! Hmmm. I may have to pick some up on my grocery run today.
Mara, I thought about getting a TENS unit. I used one in PT when I hurt my neck, but I never ended up purchasing one. It's pretty funny to be hooked up to the machine and having my muscles jerk and contract.
Hi to living, goldens and kittykat. Chicagoan, I hope you are doing better today!
I've been working on my next blog post: Scanxiety. I don't have any images yet in any of my posts but thought I would try one. I saw a photo of the word "ANXIETY" using Scrabble tiles, so my DH helped me make one with the word "SCANXIETY." I liked the way it looked but decided that the image was a distraction from the post itself. I'll attach the image in this post if I can.
Happy Monday, everyone!
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I'll try again to post the image:
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KittyKat, thank you for your good wishes for my back. It is feeling better today. I was able to walk properly. I would venture to say it will be less noticeable tomorrow.
Sunshine, I cannot tolerate it on a high setting. It goes 1 to 5. I tend to leave it between 2 and 3. It also feels more like a vibration that changes speed and intensity and does not jerk anything. I don't like my muscles contracting that hard either. The vibration is more soothing to me than the actual massages. I once was trying to heal my tendon that was causing trigger finger but all it did was cause the worst pain I have felt with that. Now I wear a hand and wrist brace at night, feels much better.
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chicagoan - oh no, sorry to hear about your broken leg. Hope your recovery is fast.
I'm leaving to see my MO soon - almost guaranteed my Wed chemo will be delayed again as my neutrophils are super low again.
I'm still masking all the time with an N95 & have no plans to stop. My family is masking as well... not on walks outside where we can get lots of distance but anything that takes us close to people or indoors, N95 or KN95 is on.
hugs everyone
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I’m feeling frustrated today that my first day of radiation (to clean up the lesion on my spine) was a no go. I had a call at 8 am saying don’t come, because they’re still working on getting insurance approval. Aggravating that this wasn’t done already. We received a copy of the denial letter about 3 weeks ago, figured it would be a revised plan. Maybe I don’t know what they’re dealing with. But I’m dealing with neuropathic pain in my upper legs and groin, and probably a delay in starting chemo now. It’s hard enough to hold it together and this didn’t help.
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