My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Thanks for all the compliments on my kitchen. I couldn't have asked for more in the space we have. Adding the little breakfast bar gave me extra counter and cabinet space I really needed. I'd like to say my counters are always that clear, but I can't. Lol. I'm trying. When I staged my last house for showings, I loved how my kitchen looked with the counters almost empty. That looks good, but I find there are a few things I just don't want to haul out every time. Kikomoon - I didn't have a dishwasher before either. I had to give up a double sink to make room for an 18" dishwasher. It's smaller than the usual 24", but it serves our needs perfectly and uses less water than hand washing.
Sunshine - I'm sorry you've joined the insomnia struggle. It's something that doesn't bother me very often, but it really messes up the next day.
Kittykat - I'm glad you're MO thinks it's worth giving your current treatment a chance. Hopefully, it will kick in quickly.
Goldens- my daughter had COVID arm. Hers was more like hives, I think, but resolved fairly quickly.
Mara - ugg! I hope you're able to get more sleep tonight. Your retro TV shows sounded fun though.
KBL - I hope you're enjoying your time away. You really needed the break. Who knows? Maybe it will help your grandson adjust to the new living arrangement- you know - settle into a little routine without gma to run to.
I got all my bloodwork results from my appt Monday. Everything looks good and TMs are still down. Doc said this is as good as it gets (meaning as good as it can get) and scheduled my next appt for 3 mos. We'll still scan at 6 mos.
The girls and grandson are here,, and we pick up my son from the airport tomorrow. Fun, fun!
Happy Canada Day to our northern neighbors!
Goodnight, everyone.
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SeeQ, I’m thinking the same thing. I think he’s probably enjoying a break from me too. Lol. He and I can have some long conversations.
I usually have broken sleep but not insomnia per se. I’m sorry for those suffering from it. I wish I had something I could say would help.
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Kikomoon, brisket and pork butt, nice!
We’re going to our friends place for the 4th, he’s doing a beer can chicken and DH is making his delicious potato salad. I’m doing nothing but relaxing and drinking 😁
Not much happening here. SE’s from the 2nd cycle of Enhertu have gone, so I’ll finish some mountain chores this weekend.
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Sunshine, I had a LOT of trouble sleeping in the beginning with steroids for initial systemic chemo. To cope with that, I started listening to a sublimal hypnosis for keeping me asleep. I did not like the voice but did like the rain falling. Just a good white noise to have. Next, I adopted 4-7-8 breathing a few times and my body and mind would relax more. If necessary as possible, tense up all your body muscles, hold for a few seconds and release them. Wear earbuds if you could stand to sleep with them or listen to the rain at a low volume. I always found sleep aids compounded the problem or made it harder to sleep when I went without. Other option is just to nap as you will if you fall asleep in the evening, get up for a few hours, go back to bed. I sometimes have to do this when now when I unexpectedly fall asleep on the couch in the evening so I adapt it. In your pocket sending peaceful thoughts. I would also suggest not reading right before sleep, keep the bed for sleeping until back to normal and computer glasses that will avoid the blue light altogether for at least an hour.
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Sorry for the previous verbal diarrhea, will keep this short.
Hope my US friends here have a great July 4th coming up, in anyone's pocket who needs me.
I am just doing housework and laundry, 10 minute Paul Eugene sessions and starting a squat program as well. Food is the usual beans and beefless ground, rice will figure in somewhere. Tired of bread products and keep forgetting I bought cookies which is not a bad thing though I mean to have one cookie a meal if it is more low cal. Not doing anything in particular over the weekend except my few online things to earn extra money.
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Last night was better. I shortened my afternoon nap (set an alarm for 30 minutes) so maybe that helped. According to my Fitbit, I went to sleep at 10:52 pm and woke up at 6:53 am. I know I got into bed at about 9:40, but 10:52 pm is a lot better than 1:30 am. I did read a bit, but I also tried the breathing pattern and that also seemed to help. If I do get a nap in today, it will probably be earlier in the day. I need to keep them short, though.
Carol
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kikomoon/Seeq: our house was built in the late 1920's. The kitchen was renovated in the 1940's or early 1950's. Old style Formica like you see in old diners with the metal strip along the edge. The cupboards had several decades of paint and I added more. We had a portable dishwasher that we wheeled up to the kitchen sink. When we updated last year we "sacrificed" one lower cabinet that was thin/narrow and mostly used for cramming in the now totally banned plastic shopping bags. That way we got a built in dishwasher and actually gained a bit more counter top. The upper cabinet boxes are much bigger and taller than contemporary cabinets so we had new doors custom made. Just stained pine. We didn't want the kitchen to look like a new condo's. Our contractor also talked us into wallpapering the 10' high ceiling (it now looks like painted tin) and putting up crown molding. I was skeptical at first but it looks fantastic!! And it suits the age of the house.
If I can get a decent photo I will post it.
Our basement reno is another story. It has totally gone from a basic updating to a rebuild. Taking down ceilings for new plumbing and some walls for wiring uncovered a host of issues. The previous "renovator" in the 1970's didn't bother patching up old walls and holes, he just laid drywall over original framing, uninsulated spaces........Waaaaaaaaa. $$$$$$ I soothe myself by saying "it needed to be done" "It will be so nice and such an improvement when it is done" AND (my favourite since our Line of Credit is taking a beating) "Even if property values go down, we will still have considerable $ resources after the sale and paying off the LOC. Combined with our modest pensions we will survive"
The basement was crappy but serviceable when we bought the place. But 30 years only made it more dingy and awful. I hated going down. We are going overboard with lighting. The old lighting was so poor the place felt like a dungeon. One section is going to be my studio for doll and jewelry making, another section will be for my DH to practice his music . He'll have enough light to see his sheet music.
Okay, I have rambled enough.
Hope all you insomniacs start getting some decent ZZZZ's. Sleep is good. I love dreaming. I can recall a lot of them.
Happy July 4th to my American sisters if I don't get back to the BCO before then.
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I get to spend the 4th at the hospital for my monthly visit. Yee haw!
Today I made THE worst batch of granola ever. Im in this cleaning/using up mood right now and I didnt double check the bag of oats and apparently they were quick cooking. It was like eating burnt sand. Guess thats why that bag was hanging around in the back of the pantry!
For the Aussies in the crowd - tonight I made something called a Zucchini Slice for dinner, which looks like an egg bake, but uses self-rising flour. OH got the wrong type of pancetta and goat cheese, but whatever, itll still be tasty (i hope - smells good so far!).
Last night we went into town to see a movie at a tiny tiny independent cinema (40 seats total), showing the most random absurdist film I never thought I would ever see shown in a public space. If you got tickets for it, you had probably seen it before, but it was a great little venue showing all sorts of classic film, so looking forward to visiting them again to see some greats on a largish screen.
Hope everyone is having a great summer weekend, with family or friends or favorite tv shows. Im watching Stranger Things tonight!
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elderberry- all this kitchen talk is really making me want to do something to mine. I’m afraid of what we’d find though if we really got into it. Pease post a photo if you can! Your basement studio sounds really nice. We have one guest bedroom that is now the “cats room” and one upstairs very quirky room, a wonky addition from the 40’s or 50’s with a secret stairwell. I am using the cats room as a sort of studio but cannot leave anything out and fur gets everywhere. I am going to try upstairs as I am starting some resin necklaces that need to sit out. Problem is there is not a level surface anywhere up there!
Illimae glad you have energy and feeling good for the holiday weekend!
Mara- cookies sound delicious!
Sondra- zucchini slice sounds really good too. I would love a movie theater like that. Closest we have is Alamo Drafthouse which has “movie parties” for older films. Mae knows what I’m talking’ bout! Haven’t been to movies since before Covid.
Sunshine- DH doesn’t sleep well either. He takes CBD sometimes and it sometimes works. My doctor prescribed super low dose Remeron for my appetite but touted its sleep quality. I am out like a light but always have been.
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secret stairwell?! I love hiding places in homes!
Never been to Alamo drafthouse myself but I like the idea of it. DH and I saw Halloween in the theater last year but it was a Wednesday matinee and we were the only ones there.
This mountain is kicking my ass, everywhere I walk feels like it’s uphill and I think I need to do less for now, between insulating the bar and building a short rock wall, I’m beat.
Tomorrow I’ll rest more.
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Mae! I am pooped too! Been cleaning up the patio and made a lot of progress. Your bar is going to be awesome!
I can’t believe you’ve never been to Alamo Drafthouse. They have beer, wine, and awesome queso, pizza, and other food. Man I want some queso and chips right now. It looks like El Paso has two theaters and the East one has a Legally Blonde, Escape from New York, and the THING!! showing now, along with all the new releases. You should check it out sometime, maybe after treatment,but yeah, having the whole theater to yourself is awesome.
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Sondra, I love zucchini slice, it's great to slice up and freeze for an easy lunch with a garden salad.
Living alone and not working my sleep is all over the place, I'll sleep in the afternoon, watch TV until 3 in the morning and not get up til after 10 unless I have an early doctor's appointment. I'm having a quiet weekend with Finn, we went to the park yesterday to fly his new glider. Enjoy the rest of your weekend the best you can.
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Loving the conversation about old houses and crappy kitchens! My house was built around 1910. The kitchen I liken to early trailer park. I’ve made numerous improvements, mostly replacing crumbling plaster. Contractor is cued up to do work on the veranda this year but the kitchen? It needs a major overhaul but it’s impossible at the moment. I live a dream….
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Sadie: we put off for too long much needed work because we just knew "what was behind the walls." So no surprises when the sheer horror was revealed, just BIG SIGHS. I will be happy when the basement is done. A lot of the stuff from down there is up here. So our living room is crowded out with an electric piano in its bag, ukuleles, a guitar, a few boxes of books for beading, doll making, music sheets. I can barely reach across all the stuff to dust the shelving in behind. Early trailer park --- OMG - the vision!! I laughed.
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Sondra, enjoy the Stranger Things from the current season. It is quite good.
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Just emailed the property managers today re trash sitting out back. We have bins that residents are supposed to put trash into and it used to be collected regularly. The cardboard from a recent move was collected but not the garbage. We all were given letters saying we will get garbage bins of our own. I don't want one myself, use bags and blue bags for recyclables and have been following city garbage pick up. I asked if someone was coming to collect because I can just imagine rats etc showing up. I asked the property manager to remove the bins and provide garbage containers to residents and forbid throwing stuff out back. I hope the listen to me. Next garbage day, I will see what garbage I can take and bring it to the front as I cannot stand it anymore if the building people will not bring it. The people in the houses should complain too.
Well, my silicone breast prosthesis just died after 7 years of service, I think that is a good long amount of time. Ordered a foam
one from Amazon, I don't need perfection but some shape would be good. The bras I wear now have their own pads inside the bra so fitting into the pocket should not be a problem. More into my price range too and would not pop a leak as the other one did.
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Look at this pretty girl 😀 We said hello on our way to our friends place for a 4th of July meal.
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Mae- she is so cute. Enjoy your 4th of July dinner
Happy 4th of July to all our American sisters ❤️
My special sons birthday is also today so balloons and cake and ice cream are on the order of the day 😋
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She's a little cutie pie! How cool.
I'd take some cake lol…..
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Mae, she’s beautiful.
LivingIVLife, I hope your son enjoyed his birthday. Happy birthday to him.
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I’ve been waking up early and I don’t know why! Driving me crazy. Either insomnia or up too early …. Sum crazy shit there.
Hope everyone is doing good.
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Hello to the group! All this talk about renovations makes me curious to see photos! SeeQ the kitchen looks great! I love the backsplash and the high ceilings. My home is not old by some standards. It was built in 1987 but I am having some work done to it. I just had guards put on the gutters so I don't have to crawl up on a ladder and clear out the leaves every fall. I also had the trash compactor taken out of the kitchen and had shelves built in instead. It's an oddly shaped space, not square, so it took some work. The guy is coming back today to finish a railing on the back deck and I have someone coming to fix my fence that fell down last year in a wind storm. I have photos of the garbage disposal and new shelves on my phone. I'll have to log in on that and post them.
I am getting a couple days off after working the last four. We had a crazy rainstorm the other day and got an 1.3 inches of rain in 15 minutes. I haven't seen rain like that since I lived in Arizona and we had the monsoon season. Fortunately it was short lived so the damage was minimal. Lots of full gutters and a few downed limbs on trees.
I am almost through season 4 of Stranger Things. I'm going to watch episode 9 tonight. I might start it from the beginning. I'm finding I have forgotten a lot of what happened in the first few seasons.
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Emac, if you want to dive into the current episodes, this is a good recap of seasons 1 to 3. If not, enjoy it again.
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I have heard good things about this show. I’m thinking I’ll give it a try. Thanks for the sug
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I'm sitting here adding up all of the physical problems that I’ve acquired since diagnosed. Neuropathy, hands,feet, painful scars from liver resection and mastectomy. Lymphadema in one arm. Thorasic syndrome in my other. I have beginning of what is copd because of a lung complications during a surgery. Menopause has ruined my skin , my digestion and gastrointestinal issues are starting. I basically feel like shit daily. What kind of life are we forced to live. I’m sorry to each and everyone of you precious ladies who understand in your own ways. It’s so maddening. Too see so many people living normal happy lives. Breaks me over and over. How the heck can we be forced to suffer. ? Year after year for some. But then we want those years. I cry with agony over my family. Because If it wasn’t for them I’d stop treatment and just slowly fade away. Which is how I feel somedays. Weak tired bones achy and brittle feeling. The medicines sure knock is down pretty Damn good. Balancing all of this is so difficult. I sometimes think I’ll loose my mind
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micmel, we are so sorry for all that you are going through. You are truly a soldier and we commend you for your bravery and strength. We are glad that you have found a space where you can speak freely without being judged. We will continue to check in and we hope you feel better soon.
Warmly,
The Mods
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Hi micmel, I am with you. I was only thinking yesterday the cancer has not made me feel quite as bad as the 'treatment' that has slowly chipped away at my capabilities. I miss my long walks ; neuropathy. I miss my hair ;chemo. I miss bounding up the stairs , fatigue; it's so wearing, the list could go on and on, but ... as hard as it is, I try and relish everyday I wake up and am in contact with my family and friends. I certainly dont want the alternative, but how I wish I could have the occasional day when I could feel like the old me. Hugs x
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Mel, I am so sorry you are feeling so physically unwell with many issues. In your pocket giving healing energy as well.
Denny, I call in sick for treatment maybe once in six months just to give myself more time out of the cancer clinic. I only do this because I am stable but sometimes, I just need the time off and to feel less exhausted or skip the neuropathy for the few days. I am not like my old self, physically I am fine overall but mentally no way. I lost the ability to hold back tears at a work place if needed. I would cry everytime a co worker or customer said something I thought was rude. I can hold back with SIL and DB but my sensitivity was not helped by WBR that is for sure. That is too bad as I could really use a side hustle for extra money.
Nothing new with me, usual meals and activities, going to Walmart by bus if it does not rain for caesar dressing but that is it.
I do have a CT scan July 12 if you want to or can note it, appreciate any pocket duty.
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Oh, mel, I'm so sorry you're hurting and that the physical stuff is just feeling too much right now. Cancer sucks and it keeps giving us more "gifts" to add to the pile we've already been dealt. I used to have a FB "friend" who would say how she went for a run, took a wrong turn, and ended up running about 300 miles (OK, I'm exaggerating, but you get the picture.) She was super annoying, and I stopped following her. Her perfect life, her perfect health, and everything else about her perfection was just too much.
There is something different here about sharing our victories – even if it's as seemingly small as sleeping through the night or getting through a whole day without needing a nap. Cancer takes so much from us and there are so many times I'm just ready to cash this one in.
Then there's the guilt when we see someone who has it worse than we do. It's hard not to compare – whether it's someone who has it so much "better", or so much "worse" (at least on the surface) than we do. Sometimes, the thing that helps the most is just knowing that someone else UNDERSTANDS and cares.
I had a friend share my blog on Facebook. He is a dear person and I truly appreciate it, but when he talked about my Stage IV cancer, he said that I was "in remission." I won't correct him, but is that what people think when they hear we're "stable?" I want to scream, "I'M NOT IN REMISSION!!! THIS F-ING DISEASE IS GOING TO KILL ME!!!" I won't do that. What would be the point? People care, and I am grateful for that.
Pocket duty for mara on the 12th. Any snacks you prefer? I've never had them (think Kosher), but my local grocery store had pork rinds on sale and then end of the aisles. We could save them for after the scan since you're supposed to arrive with an empty stomach. I just got this image of you in the CT room, strange noises coming from your pocket. The techs would ask, "What the heck is that???" Your response: "Oh, that's just a few of my friends. I think they're eating pork rinds."
Love, hugs, Kleenex, snacks, wine, but mostly LOVE to all this morning.
Carol
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I enjoy Cadbury Dairy Milk Chocolate bars OR the Cadbury Milk Chocolate with Hazelnuts or Almonds. Damn, now might have to pick one of those up when I finally go to Walmart, I made 15.00 for Walmart playing some of my mobile games so this trip is essentially free minus the bus ride.
Carol, I hate it when people want to say I am in remission as well. I am not, I am NED but don't consider that remission. To me remission means you are not having to continue treatment to remain stable. I still receive treatment so to me, that is not remission.
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