My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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I had to let it out somewhere, sometimes it’s just too much.
Pocket duty for anyone!
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Sunshine LOL the back pocket noises, eating pork rinds!
Mara I need some Cadbury chocolate too now, thanks. In your pocket for the 12th.
Mel, I’m sorry you are feeling down. You are not alone. Yesterday I had another meltdown because I just couldn’t get the energy to make some Kind Bars. Energy to do anything really other than sit in my chair and watch TV. I went to take a shower and the drain was sort of clogged so I just said f-it. Went to bed. Feeling like I’m wasting time and now Istink. Such an awful feeling. Mara’s breathing exercises helped with the meltdown.
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kiko~I understand that fatigue. It takes you down. Like a sludge. I have the same problems. Awful
Absolutely pocket duty forMara.
Hi Candy!
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I hate all our various symptoms. No one understands them except us. I’m glad we can vent here and know that everyone gets it. I hate when folks have to endure suffering.😢😢
Forgot to say that I had scans today. At the hospital for 5 hours 🙄 no results yet in my patient portal.
Saw a new pain management doc yesterday and she recommended trying a pain pump implant. I’m willing to try but need to get my left knee replaced asap. The pain is unreal. I had rapid degeneration and am knockknee’d. See an Ortho on 8/10. So fun to have so many damn doctors
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Kikomoon and Mel- slumping down on the couch with you! The fatigue is so bad I can't get anything done When I try to explain to my husband how I feel he just looks at me and comes out with some stupid comment. I want to wring his neck at this point!
Mara- I'm jumping in your pocket too!
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Goldens- hoping for great scan results!
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pocket duty for Goldens !
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Goldens waiting with you for the scan results
Mara pocket duty for the 12th
Had trouble sleeping last night so insomnia slog on top of med fatigue. I fell asleep on with a heating pad on my back and woke up to ac broken in Tampa in the 90’s.
So I’m sitting outside with fan blowing and comfortable for now. waving hello to the living room.
Tany
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I hope an ac repairman was in your immediate future Tanya! I would freak out. One thing I cannot take is heat. (Thinking hmmmm okay maybe second thing ) I just sit like a sweating bubble ooozing sweat and dripping like an animal. I hope your ac is fixed by the time I am writing this. Sweet woman. Hugs to you.
BooBoo ~ thinking of you Sending hugs and kisses.
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I’m in pockets where needed. I sorry for the fatigue and can so relate. I’ve been taking a little nap every day.
So I’ve been up at my vacation home for a week with just me and my husband. It’s been nice. Part of me wants to go home and part of me wants to come back and live here. I’m torn. I love my grandson so much, and after living with him every day for two months, I am starting to realize I don’t have the energy he needs. I’m also knowing my daughter and her husband would probably like their life back as well. My only concern is care for my grandson. He’s supposed to start preschool in early August. We are all he’s known. I so hope he likes preschool.
My husband met a friend who just moved up here a few months back. I finally got to meet his wife this week. We went out for dinner, the four of us, twice. We hit it off. It’s been so nice. We had a great time. I haven’t had a couples friendship in so long, I forgot what it was like. I am so happy to have met them. I am going home tomorrow and will be having a serious conversation with the family about next steps.
Why do I always feel so guilty when I take care of me? Ugh!!
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I've been reading along, eating chocolate, and so very glad you all voice the things I think and feel. Maybe I'm not going bonkers after all!
KBL, your comment about getting guilty when you take care of you, oof, yes, it can be ridiculously hard. Please do take care of yourself.
Mara, in your pocket for scans on the 12th. I also have a CT and a bone scan on that date, we're scan sisters!
Sunshine, I too loved your comment about the noise from the pocket duty friends eating pork rinds...lol
Goldens, also waiting with you for your results.
Kikomoon, congrats on stable! Woo-hoo!
Illimae, the ears on that donkey are the cutest thing ever.
SeeQ, your kitchen is gorgeous!
Mel, your post about feeling like shit daily helped me a lot, because I've been having a rough month with the worst fatigue I've had so far. I keep trying to focus on gratitude (which definitely helps me) but realize sometimes I just need to scream at the unfairness of it all.
Hello and love and chocolate to everyone here.
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Sunshine - loved the visual of pocket duty with snacks, crunch, crunch, crunch! And the imaging tech wondering WTH?!
Tanya - I truly hope your a/c is back on - your heat and humidity is no joke
KBL -maybe it will be a relief for your family to know - and be able to support - what you want/need. It sounds like they all want to do the right thing - you just have to let them (Miss Type A- lol)
I'm loving my family visit and I am wiped out, so I totally relate to the fatigue issue. And, Texas welcomed me with a Grand Jury Duty summons for right after my son leaves yay. Yeah, only if I can NAP. And, now I have to reschedule my dentist appt. I know - small problem - just a little PITA.
Waving to everyone! 👋👋
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Thank you for the pocket duty sfcakes!
KBL, taking care of yourself can be guilt inducing if you are normally the person taking care of everyone else but try to remove that thought from your head if you can and let them help take care of you.
Tanya, have they fixed the AC yet?
I am awaiting a Walmart grocery delivery, usually get at least one a month. The delivery fee was free due to survey earnings, getting 1 percent back on my credit card and 1 percent back as well on my survey site so that gives me some extra money. I like to order heavy items for delivery. Walmart prices are the same online as in the store as well which is good. Can still go out later if I forgot anything. Nice day here so when groceries have been delivered and I have had breakfast, will probably go out walking for a bit. No real exciting food news. Taking some beef pies I am getting and will split those across a couple of meals to combine with beans and such. Addicted to Renees caesar dressing as a binder for bean meals as well.
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Jumping in pocket duty too for Mara and Goldens 🙂
Not much happening this weekend but I’ve got treatment on Monday, then off to Home Depot for flooring, wall panels and paint for the beach bar. Gotta go back to MDA Wednesday for a brain MRI and follow up, pocket duty welcome. After that, it’s back to getting my bar ready.
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Nice to hear I’m not alone in the aches and pains, and fatigue, but sorry so many are struggling. My current issue is lower back pain and right leg pain. Sitting in most chairs isn’t bearable for long so I end up lying on the couch a lot. Yesterday I had myself diagnosed with another lesion compressing the spine, today I think it may be a pulled muscle or something not cancer related. I’m obviously no doctor, lol. I see my doc on Monday and expect he may order an mri soon.
KBL, I hope the family talk goes well. And I hope there’s a solution where everyone gets what they need. If there’s not, I want you to get what you need. 🌺
Pocket duty for Mara and SF Cakes.
Where is Candy? I feel like it’s been a while, or did Imiss a post? Just hope she’s ok.0 -
Hi everyone. Been following along, keeping up with this thread, but haven't felt appropriate joining because it seemed to be about family and romantic relationships and I don't have either anymore. But micmel's post describing the toll all this takes on us really hit home.
In addition to fatigue, pain, and the isolation of immunosuppression in a pandemic, I have a rare development in my cancer. It's growing out of my body. The tumors in my breast are breaking the skin. It's taking weeks to get a new treatment going, and everything I read online is discouraging. Life expectancy 6 months to a year, and there is no recognized protocol for treating it. Studies have been so few and so limited that they could be considered anecdotal.
I see my MO tomorrow, and he says he is working on the approval for Enhertu. I will ask about radiation, electrochemotherapy, 5FU topicals, and a referral for a second opinion. Hope everyone else is doing well.
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Hello Ninetwelve- we talk about everything on this thread. I'm so glad you posted. With what you are dealing with right now my hope is your MO can set up a treatment plan that will knock the cancer to the curb!
KBL- so happy you have had a chance to go out with another couple. You have to do what's best for you. We all know how much you love your grandson but it would be very tiring to keep up to him.
Mae - in your pocket for your next treatment and the MRI next Wednesday.
Rosie - isn't it funny how we can all self diagnose or seek info from Dr. Google
Tanya- hopefully you are in a cool place
Waving hello to all!
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I am here. Reading along. Just not feeling like posting much right now. Cancer stuff is the same-- last scan May was stable and next scan August. Non-cancer stuff bothering me--- arthritis in joints, staying in home due to extreme heat (heat index is 110 degrees) and germaphobe (Covid rising here). Just reading and being alone.
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Changing this post. I was irritated because the delivery person did not help me cart my grocery order up a half flight of stairs to my place. Got over that but did not get my mayo so just contacted the Walmart website for a refund. Note to self, save money and get it myself on the bus.
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candy: Glad about your "stable" and may it is the same in August. I am sorry about your joint pain, the heat, the Covid crap.. It just never seems to end
Rosie: I do Dr. Google too. I cannot believe the horrible things I believe I have when I self diagnose. But I cannot stop myself.
Ninetwelve: Mel's living room is a place to talk about everything and anything. lately it's been a lot of family and reno's. Your new cancer issue is a terrible development. Please let us know what your MO says
Tanya: I hope you have got relief from the heat. I don't do well in hot weather. Most of us here don't have built in AC because a fan is all we normally need. Last year's heat dome was brutal
Goldens, Mara Pocket duty and hoping for good results.
KBL, LIvingIVLife, Kikomoon: and anyone I didn't mention. I'll slump on the couch with you. We can turn up the telly to be heard over the pork rind crunching
Mel: sweet lady, this is YOUR room and we have all popped in and out, laughed, cried, vented...............I wish we could all line up and one at a time walk up to you and give you a big hug. We'd squeeze the stuffing out of you.
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Mara - I feel like delivery is not worth the cost anymore. We've stopped almost all food delivery because what we were getting (and when!) was substandard. Same with grocery delivery - a weird substitution gets thrown in or I get vegetables/fruit I never would have picked myself. Just easier to get it yourself! I do like to group delivery for heavy things - like ill get a lot of flour, sugar, soap, detergent, etc in an order every 4 months. And of course cat food and litter.
NineTwelve - That must be very frightening to deal with - and I hate to ask, but are they not in an area for surgical removal? I suppose at that point you are looking at a skin graft which is difficult even without MBC. I hope they can get you on something soon - its never good to be flailing about in uncertainty and feel like your medical professionals could be moving it a bit faster!
emac - it took me two or three days to finish those last two episodes of Stranger Things, now I need to find something new to watch
Tanya - Its going to be upper 80s all next week here, so I feel you on the lack of a/c. At least its not as humid as Tampa, though the housing sucks up and holds heat in.
Went to see Top Gun finally last night, at the giant Imax (theatre schedules are decided on a 5 or 7 day rotation, not for blocks of time like the US, so you have to check weekly). Was pretty cool to see it on a screen that big, even if the script was very.. well it tied some action sequences together. I wish I could look as cute in jeans as Jennifer Connelly. Jon Hamm seems to have two speeds: Don Draper or Frat Boy and I think he gave Don Draper in Uniform for this one. After we went for a burger and then home, a busier night than normal for us.
Political/general atmosphere is a mess and this PM situation has downstream impacts on my job and projects about to start so.... I guess we are going to be taking it easy a while longer. Whats a few more months after 2.5 years. Oh well, best to get more training so I can go get a new, better job!
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Deleted my last post, decided it was a whiny entitled post not worth mentioning.
Candy, I still mask up when out, apparently we are in the 7th wave of Covid here. I don't go out too much but when I do, I will always have a mask on. My older brother and wife and family do not wear masks which is their right since there are no mask mandates on now. I do notice quite a few people out and about still wear masks too. I do not hug or kiss anyone so I do not stress about them not wearing masks when out.
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Mara, I didn’t see your last post, but I’m always up for reading whatever any of us has to say.
Candy, sorry for your pain, and I miss hearing from you, but I get quiet sometimes too, so I understand.
Thank you, everyone. I think the talk will go well and we’ll all end up on the same page. I appreciate you all.
Mae, in your pocket. Boy, those MRIs come up quick.
I have a CT on Thursday, the 14th. Haven’t had one for six months. Never shows my cancer, so I don’t expect it will show anything this time either.
Ninetwelve, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.
Tanya, I hope the air is fixed. waving hi to those I missed.
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Candy,
I can relate…it was a very hard holiday weekend and not much better this week. It’s taken me awhile to want to post. My OH came to visit, and went to two family functions intoxicated. Wouldn’t you think the idiot would know how wrong that is, given his wife left him in Florida to get away from that whole scene? I guess he just can’t live a day without it. I asked him to leave, so he’s visiting with some old friends before heading back to FL. So sad.
Mel, thank you. I could use that hug.
Hi to all of you, especially those who are struggling with more than just MBC. As if that isn’t enough!
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BooBoo ~I am so sorry….that he couldn't be an adult while visiting. Sometimes people just are clueless. I'm sorry he did that. But happy you have your family around. Good choice in asking him to leave. Sometimes people just suck. Hugs hugs hugs.
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Laurie, so sorry to hear about this, I am also glad your family is around for you to lean on.
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Booboo, I’m so sorry. I’m sending you hugs.
I had a talk with my daughter, and I will be moving up to my other house except for treatment. I will come back for a few days a month for that for now. My grandson was happy to see me but had a huge meltdown later in the day, which she said he didn’t do the week I was gone, and it’s just not healthy for us to live together any longer. We gave it a try, but it’s not good for my grandson or us. I will still see him monthly, and he will come up to us and stay a few days periodically as well. I’ve come to terms with it and am okay. It’s too stressful for all of us and not good for any of us. I want to thank you all for being here for me during this time. I love your support.
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KBL~wrapping you in hugs of support. At least you’ll still get to see him on the regular. I know how hard this must be for you all. Nothing is easy. That I’ll surely say. Hope you’re okay.
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Thank you, Mel. You know, I’m realizing I am codependent in some ways. To know my daughter was happy made me happy. But I think it’s my turn. What a revelation. It really kind of feels freeing. I will be fine. I am grateful. I’ve had three years of being with him and will still get to see him. Those hugs he gave me today and didn’t say a word, I’m so blessed
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Laurie - sorry your OH was inconsiderate. Just proves that you did the right thing to be with family. 🤗 🤗🤗
kbl - 🤗🤗🤗 as well. Sometimes our decisions really are for the best. Your grandson will always have your heart.
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