My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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mae and denny (I think), I'm sorry you got COVID. I hope it's short and that febrile neutropenia doesn't put you in the hospital.
mara, I'm sorry you're still sick. I hope you can kick this bug. You've had it long enough!
So far, I've escaped any bugs over Christmas/New Year's Eve & Day. Hopefully I'm not jinxing myself by saying this.
It's been crazy, weather-wise, in California. Thankfully, we're in Southern Calif and just had a bit of rain. We even had fog in the Palm Springs area. Weird!
I see the pulmonologist next week for the "ground glass opacity" in my lung. Hopefully it was "just" COVID related and nothing to do with cancer.
Love and (masked) hugs to all,
Carol
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I am still waiting to hear if I need anti virals, probably not, as I am not getting worse. I contacted 111 as my GP , in UK, does not have an out of hours service so went to the 111 advice line. Someone I know who is GP and works for 111 had 600 calls on her list on Saturday. If I can get through this without too many dramas I will be pleased as natural immunity will kick in, better than more vaccines for me.
Get well Mae and Mara, everyone else try and dodge the germs and keep healthy.
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Mara~I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. I’m just checking in. On you. Keeps hydrated please.
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Mae, Denny and Mara get better soon. Whether it's covid, cold or flu it all makes you feel miserable. Mara rest your body and don't worry about your steps until you are better.
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This is what it’s been like here. Some bickering , some arguing. But this is what he does at the end. Keeps me dry. 0 -
Mel,
I love it! That caption is so true.
My hospice group changed my meds and I am no longer on any Oxy drugs. They have put me on Morphine (both MS and IR) and that works ok. My dilemma is a drug called lorazapam. I truly feel like I am hallucinating. I can’t keep track of time and feel just plain weird on it. Has anyone else has this drug with these symptoms?
I truly hope for a big breakthrough this year with a BC drug that would change everything. There are too many people looking at the data and seeing things that look promising.
I wish you all a very Happy New Year
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Laurie, I was on this drug when I could not sleep during a terrible chest infection in 2015. I too had strange dreams on it and was never told to stop taking it or else it would have the reverse effect. I did not properly sleep for a month. What is the lorazepam itself supposed to be treating for you?
I know I thought I was getting better but if feels better today. Still coughing but a lot of the junk is clearing out. Will never stop using masks in public again. Had to skip Herceptin last week and begged off a change to this week. Asked them to leave it the same. Going out for a cane walk for fresh air and the ability to walk slower after breakfast. I need to move but also want to take it a bit easy too. Our stores are out of stock on cough syrup as well. Not sure it was the cough sryup working as opposed to time. In future, may just take advil and tylenol.
Having rice, beans and cheese, steak seasoning, mayo and ketchup to bind. I have also taken quite the fancy to an afternoon milkshake containing chocolate milk, occasional coolwhip, oreo baking stuff, crust etc as well. Going to try adding chocolate chips and the baking, premix to powder and adding it to the shake. Good source of the protein I need, not horrible for calories.
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mel, I love that picture.
mara, I hope you're feeling better.
booboo, I'm sorry the drugs are making you feel so weird.
We're back home after spending a couple of weeks with my dad. Piles of mail to go through. DH's insurance changed as of the 1st, due to his bank being bought by another bank. Big pain having a new employer but am grateful that he has a job and insurance.
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OK, milkshake idea with 2 tbsp of choc chips chopped with 2 tbsp of oreo baking stuff is delicious, it is far too thick, need to probably put in 2 teaspoon size of each. Will try it tomorrow with those measurements.
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denny10 - that's horrible, now the news is saying masks should be coming back due not just Covid but all the flu and that other respiratory thing going around. OH is booked for his flu shot Sunday finally, but with all the train strikes we have no reason to really be out anyway, which I guess is sort of helpful.
Boo - I was once on diazepam (another benzo aka Valium) as a muscle relaxer for my back and it made me feel floaty and sleepy. The amitriptyline, on the other hand, made hand, made me kinda nuts. I figure any time you start taking something that can alter brain chemistry you've got to be careful and possibly expect something off the wall. Lorazepam does have forgetfulness and amnesia as a side effect
Grey and dark here and even the cats are bored. I had to turn on a mouse video on YouTube for boy cat earlier today to get him to stop harassing me for snuggles. Decided to get my hair cut before my WB MRI tomorrow so I can go into the tube in STYLE.
Hope everyone feeling under the weather gets well soon!
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Sending lots of healing wishes to Mae, Denny, and Mara (and anyone else who is currently ill with cold-flu-covid that I may have missed, so sorry!)
Scans completed this morning, it's sort of amusing how they keep happening, despite my new widow status - that word is going to take some getting used to, ugh. Lovely female tech and I were bonding over hot flashes.
Booboo, I've taken lorazepam in the past, it made me feel out of it. My Mum occasionally takes a super low dose for sleep and says it helps her get a good night's sleep. I know it can be prescribed for anxiety and for sleep, I'm hoping your team can suggest an alternative med for you.
Love to everyone here, and Mel, I loved that drawing of the man holding the umbrella over the woman's head, despite both of them clearly being grumpy with each other. It's amazing to be loved, even when we're not our best selves.
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Thank you for the get well wishes. I am starting to feel better, allowing myself to cough today instead of trying to suppress it. There is still a bit of stuff but much thinner and colourless which is good. Feel confident to possibly walk tomorrow. Early bed will be a good idea as well. I also intend to use Tylenol and Advil to feel better and honey. My area is out of cough syrup no doubt to cold, flu and RSV. Once I get well, will get my covid booster and flu shot. Still have not worked up to walking. If it stops raining, may try outdoor walks tomorrow, build myself up again.
Bought myself a pizza hut pizza box with boneless chicken and four slices of pizza. Got full after one slice of pizza so it is in the fridge. Not much more than a burger meal. Will incorporate beans, rice and beefless ground to make several meals out of the leftovers.
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Hello All and Happy New Year!
Mel's living room and all the traffic going in and out has been on my mind. I can smell shortbread, eggnog and other good things to eat. For those of you with covid who can't smell, you'll just have to take my word for it, it smells great! Christmas here was pretty low key as I got a cold. I was due. Hadn't had a cold in quite a few years. I was much sicker than I was with covid, but covid laid me out like a baseball bat to the head. Not very sick but NO energy at all. None. This cold made me feel sick and miserable but at no point was I unable to move, as with covid. Weird.
It's always a sobering time for me when a new year clocks over. Sobering isn't the right word. When a new calendar flips into use there is that moment with me, always, when I wonder if I will be here when the calendar is done. This pondering is true for every human at every moment. But I think it's not quite full frontal as it is with cancer patients. So I am often accused of not being very festive and it's true. I'm not. I have big things on my mind, things that scare me. Makes me not festive.But in a festive and devil-may-care mood I cut my own hair tonight. I followed a Brad Mondo video on the butterfly cut. I think it might have been a mistake. But considering all the other insults age is handing to my body, the flab, the broken veins, the weight gain, the sagging wobbly chins, boobs that don't match and chin hairs that I only ever notice as I"m about to walk into a public place .... my hair is the least of my worries.
Love, hugs and a peaceful year to all of you!
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Healing vibes to all who have been under the weather lately, tis the season for sure! Still dodging the Covid bullet so far over here just hoping it's a mild case when it arrives. I am more concerned with my DH than myself since he has heart failure.
Mara glad your feeling better, take it slow. You will build up your stamina a little each day. Oh that oreo shake sounded delish!
sfcakes Sending good vibes for a stable scan. Hugs to you, I can only imagine how you must feel being in the widow status. It just plain stinks and yes what choice do we have but to carry on.....
runor Glad your feeling better too. I had thoughts of will I be here next Christmas also as I was buying discounted Christmas items for next year. It's so hard to turn off sometimes , so I allow myself the thought and then quickly get passed it. You're absolutely right , for us it's definitely a full frontal view! Ha I'm always snipping at my hair . I'm happy to have it this time around but it doesn't grow much figure it's not worth a salon visit. I am lucky to have curly hair I guess it's more forgiving if you botch it up.
Hello and big hugs to anyone who needs one today .
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Runor, good for you for cutting your hair. I love Brad Mondo myself. I would do the same if I had much. I just use a clipper without a guard and take it as short as possible.
Still coughing but I did do a Paul Eugene workout. I keep forgetting to do it when my body says it does not want to walk. It's a chair workout that I do standing, simple, 10 mins and engages arms and legs. Reminds me of my Mom as we did this together, she hated exercise programs. No shortness of breath, can manage it throughout the day. Although I am still coughing and feeling there is stuff in there, it did not cause me to pant, reminds me of colds I would get as a smoker and the cough hung on forever. I did not miss that. I will ALWAYS mask now no matter what.
I did have pizza hut, ate a slice and have some left over so after breakfast and another Paul workout, will put together some meal ideas, prebake beans, make rice etc as I know the amount of food I have will not stay fresh in the fridge, got laundry on the go as well.
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Back from my scan - no one told me that the whole body MRI involves a head cage, padding, cameras draped all over you and your arms velcroed to the side! I had to wiggle my toes to let the tech know I was good when he checked in from time to time. He found me a good Spotify playlist as well to pipe in the headphones so I could at least relax. Results on Monday. Tired tonight so we will be either ordering burrito or pizza.
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Wow, never had a WB MRI. I have only had planning MRI for brain radiation which involved me in a mesh mask and then fastened into the machine, glad you got some music. I tend to sleep whilst in the machine. Have a good sleep.
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Well, it was inevitable that the flu found me I guess. I've been down for the count since yesterday. I think last night was the worst. I could feel the heat radiating off myself. I'm actually sitting up today but even that is exhausting. Temperature seems better today. It peaked at 102.1 and I'm down to 99.4. Not doing much but keeping up on fluids and trying to find something on TV.
Booboo1 - can your hospice team decrease your dose? Lorazepam can effect people differently.
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I’m happy to report that we’re both feeling better. I’m not great because I just had chemo too but feel mostly my normal, DH is still tired, we are just taking it easy. I did explain to him though that Covid wasn’t that bad and very similar SE’s to being on chemo, he gasped and said “ you feel like this all the time?!”. Although not all the time, some days are nearly identical, just without sinus pressure. My next treatment will be delayed by a few days, not that I mind.
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Emac, sorry you are sick, hopefully you found a good show to take your mind off things.
Mae, glad you and hubby are feeling better as well.
I am still coughing but stopping any cough treatment. I don't cough as often which is good. Did the workouts I wanted without too much trouble.
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Happy New Year everyone….Despite covid rearing it’s head amongst some of us! Good to hear folk are recovering ❤️🩹.
Our country seems to be going to pot, strikes galore and NHS not coping well….just hoping not to need an A&E visit anytime soon….
On the plus side my latest scan shows stable and even some healing in my bones,so we’re going to fortnightly taxol and my hair is showing signs of growing back. My nursing team seem to think that can happen when on long term taxol. Anyone know anything about that? Can’t find much online.
DH finally had his Datscan but still waiting on results. He’s no longer working or driving and even walking is an issue for him, so I’m designated driver everywhere now.
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SF-Cakes - I am so very sorry for your loss. It's lovely that you have old notes cards and letters to still feel his presence. My heart is with you as you navigate a new path.
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Sending hugs and prayers for healing to all those who are ill.
Mara - your shake concoctions sound delicious and right-sized, so you can enjoy them more often.
Candy - I'm waaay late in responding, but I still wanted to chime in. I took the approach your counselor/therapist mentioned. I considered which course of action would truly cause me the most regret, and I proceed accordingly. There will be regret either way, and I think making a conscious decision of which one helps you accept it when the time comes. I try to make a decision and make peace with it (stop second-guessing mysef). I started using this approach when my kids were little and it seemed (at the time) every little decision could be earth-shatteringly important and there was always conflicting 'expert' guidance and informal advice. I decided to inform myself, make the best decision I could, and console myself with the thought that I did my best if things went to sh*t. For things that are absolutely beyond my control (e.g. son in combat), I pray and try to "Let God, and let go."
Karen - yay for stable scans. Sorry to hear your husband is getting worse. Any idea when you'll have results?
Here, scans showed "no definite PET evidence". It's a new-to-me radiologist, and it sounds like she's hedging her bets, but I'll definitely take it as a win. We had a good visit with the family that could be here (DD, DSD, DGS), and a very quiet New Year. We are in the midst of having a new well put in, new patio paving, and a new sea wall built (is it still a sea wall if it's on a lake?) There is mud and dust and dirt everywhere. It will be very nice when it's all done, and we're reclaiming and protecting some yard area that was washed away by boat wakes.
Waving to everyone - you all have been in my thoughts.
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Karen, I am glad you are improving, nice that your hair is coming back but sorry to hear about DH. In both your pockets sending support.
Seeq, glad your scans are stable too.
I still have a bit of cough but definitely on the mend. Slept 10 hours last night. Had usual bean type breakfast which was good. Having my afternoon milkshake. I put 1 tbsp of mint chocolate chips, 1tbsp of oreo stuff and 1tbsp of coolwhip. Put that in my magic bullet with chocolate milk and whipped up, tastes very nicely mint, not too over powering. Surprisingly, with all the chocolate chips on hand, I am not eating them hand over fist. That is good. This also solves a chocolate addiction by giving me an option that is not too high in calories. I also prefer the oreo stuff for baking too.
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My latest scans are clear of any progression, but a mild compression fracture on my T9 vertebrae (original site of metastasis). My MO had not started me on a bone strengthener earlier but is now recommending it. I asked about the difference between Zometa, Xgeva, and Prolia, and she favors Zometa, said there's less of potential negative impact on kidneys and teeth. Curious if anyone has any thoughts about the different options.
Seeq and Karen, glad to hear about your scan results, too! Emac, hope you're feeling better. Love to everyone.
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Pocket duty for tomorrow please. Bilateral urinary stents going in. I’m sure it will all be fine but I have no idea what to expect. Hoping for zero issues! In the meantime, my hip has decided to ache like all get out with some sciatica down the leg. 🙄 I would dearly love to take some ibuprofen but it’s forbidden pre-surgery. Sigh…
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pocket duty for anyone. Who needs it.
Congrats for stable news.
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on our way home tomorrow back to PEI. We are so ready!
Sadie's- definitely in your pocket for tomorrow
Yay for all stable scans!
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Pat, in your pocket for the stents.
Living, safe driving.
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Jumping in for pocket duty too and hopes of a quick and full recovery.
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