Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
Comments
-
I'll be okay, thank you, Dragonfly....just get lonely. I never imagined at this age that I would still be single, but I know it's better than being in a bad marriage...
0 -
Fearless, I never thought I'd be single at this age either (we're the same age). I'd love to be in a happy marriage with kids right now, but many marriages are not that happy, and as you said, it's better to be single than in a bad marriage.
0 -
I don't even pretend to know what men want anymore.
0 -
You, too, Hadley! *smooches*
0 -
Luv you too, Hadley! And I love your positive mantras, acting as if you already have what you want.
0 -
Hadley, that is interesting about your ex and the woman he ended up marrying. It does seem to me these men are drawn to alcoholics and messed up women. This guy I speak of, his wife was an alcoholic and my ex-ex, his wife was an alcholic. Maybe they have a savior complex? Or they find healthy women boring?
0 -
He could have at least called. I can't believe he did it in an email, but I guess it doesn't matter. Just further proof how little he cared. Guess he thought I was good enough to ban*, but not good enough for a relationship.
0 -
I didn't respond. I am sure that is fine with him, I doubt he would have wanted me to reply.
It is ironic that he is the one who will have someone to hold tonight and I will be alone. Maybe I'm not the better catch....maybe it is he that deserves the long and happy relationship, I don't know...
0 -
No, of course not. It's just that he treated me poorly and led me on for like 2 years, and he is the one who has someone in the end and I have no one. That's all I meant. It just seems unfair. But that's life.
0 -
Hadley, you have a good head on your shoulders and you never lose hope - you are a pretty awesome person.
Yeah, it makes sense that he would be drawn to someone wishy-washy like him - which is probably why he always ends up calling me when it goes in the crapper with someone else. But next time (if there is one), I won't speak to him ever again.
0 -
I don't feel in my heart that I ever will hear from him again, though. This time he sounded different, somehow. Colder.
I would be very surprised to hear from him again, but if I ever did, I would not respond. No point.
0 -
This probably sounds like a cold thing to say, but What is so bad about being alone? You can be with someone, partner, husband, whatever and still feel alone. I already posted about this and have had people I met who loved me and I thought I loved after BC and I was the one who broke the relationships off for one reason or another....the truth being that they all got on my nerves and I actually think I like being on my own, other than have pets. I am now married, but the reason I am married is strictly for insurance purposes, not because he supports me emotionally or is much of a helpmate. I have many friends and get my support from them and from these boards. He really isn't even like a roommate....he stays in his own little world of drug and alcohol induced oblivion and I more or less do what I want to do. I know a lot of people are lonely and want someone to cuddle up to at night, but just because you are married does not necessarily mean you are going to have that. If I did not need insurance, believe me I would be back to just living with pets. Keep busy, get out and do things, try to give joy to others, and one day when you aren't even expecting it you may meet a truly wonderful guy who loves you for all that you are....but missing what you do not have is not a good thing. You know that song....you can't always get what you want, but sometimes you just might get what you need.
PS/ Just went back and read that you have not been taking care of yourself.....DO...do something nice for yourself....go get a facial or a makeover, go sit at the bar (a nice one, not a dive) talk to the person next to you or, even if it's just the bartender, have a conversation with someone. Buy yourself something pretty, something you have wanted, but think oh, that's too much, I don't need it......you deserve it, be nice to yourself. I don't even mind going to movies by myself, but for sure go see a movie that will make you feel good, not a depressing or disturbing one. Do you have girlfriends you can pal around with?
0 -
Mary, I know you are right - I would certainly rather be alone than be in a bad marriage. But I have been alone most of my adult life, and yeah, it gets old.
No, I don't have a support system, my friends are married and don't really want to do things with me, and I don't have money for the little things to treat myself like a mini-vacation or new dress to feel pretty.
I will try things at home , like tonight maybe give myself a manicure/pedicure, a home facial. I like doing things that, I like to feel pretty. Especially since just getting dumped.
0 -
I agree Marybe, being single is not so bad. I find myself wanting the whole package, family, etc.... But then when I did have a boyfriend who came around all the time he annoyed the heck out of me. I am independent and I do enjoy having my own place, to myself (with my daughter of course) I am strange like that. After someone visiting for 2 or 3 days I'm so ready to just have my house back to normal etc... So who knows, maybe the whole "package" deal isn't for me? Time will tell. I know I was very happy before I met this guy all on my own, so if it doesn't work out with him then it's ok. yes it will hurt, but it'll be ok!
Fearless, even going out for a walk, or to a cheap movie, do something! That's why I suggested the support group through the doctors or hospital etc... Lots of people like us ladies in the same shoes but you can actually visit with them and they would be closer physically to you to actually help you get out and do stuff.
Well I hate to share because I know you're going through a hard time right now, but I did surprise this guy with tickets to the NBA game in a couple weeks. Come to find out his really good friends have season tickets so they'll be at the game too. I told him I hoped that would be ok, I was worried he'd be uncomfortable because he hasn't told his kids about me yet, so I don't know what he's told his friends. He said no it will be fine, and that we'd have to at least say hi to them. I was pretty happy about that! Then last night he called and said he talked to them, and that if I can get up there (an hour away) after work in time for dinner, then the 4 of us are going to go out before the game! Wow.... not sure how I feel about this. Like I'm happy he wants me to meet them and hang out etc... However I'm super nervous, they are a couple, and his best friends so I hope it's not awkward and that we have fun and they like me
0 -
Well, I think being single sucks. At the end of the day, going to a movie or bowling is fun, but doesn't replace being in a relationship. I guess I'm not as independent as the rest of you. I like having someone in my life.
0 -
Dragonfly, Just be yourself....if he didn't think you would fit in, he would not suggest you have dinner with them. And Fearless, maybe it has to do with age....I did not get married until I was 58 yrs old, was actually engaged two times before, but just did not want to get married.... so I had a lot of time by myself and got used it it. Are there any clubs around you that you could get involved with...cards, a knitting group (it's made a comeback, not all knitters are old fuddy duddies), book club? I was in a book group and the women in it were a lot of fun and sometimes we would go out to dinner or would take turns with the entree and everyone would bring something. Look up organizations in your area on line....like on Craigslist, although I would not recommend looking for someone to date on there simply because I think a couple of women met a bad end doing that, but they do have a section that announces community events. Do you have a pet?....I always meet used to meet people when out walking the dog or at the dog park.
0 -
Marybe, I def need to expand my social circle. But for now, I need to be alone for a bit, This guy just ended things with me on Tuesday, so it's only been a few days and is still raw. Hopefully I will feel better after a little while.
0 -
I'm with you hymil, being one of the dumped a week after my boyfriend of 2 and half yrs. found out about my cancer diagnosis. Now is the time to think of all the strange things one would like to do. For some reason they seem so much more attainable now! The men will always be there when you're ready to let them back in. I like to think I'll be a little more careful in my choice next time.
0 -
I'm just starting to learn that men are just really shallow. I guess it's just biology, they are drawn to the attractive females. And the women that usually strongly disagree with this are often very attractive themselves, so I don't think they can see it.
0 -
Hi Single Sisters - Happy V-Day! Just wanted to say that I recieve a dozen red roses from a guy I used to date before BC. It's completely OVER, for all of the usual reasons, but lately, he's been trying to get back together. I'm not interested, but it was sure nice to get flowers for Valentine's Day. Makes me feel like maybe love will come my way, even with my dented boobie. Hope everyone has lots of chocolate tonight.
0 -
Did you ever see that movie Shallow Hal?
0 -
Marybe, yes. I thought it the most unrealistic movie ever made, but a good movie. After getting dumped after sending this guy my post-cancer photos, I realize now how much men value health and beauty. At least I have my health now.
0 -
Fearless, I have been away for awhile, but tried my best to catch up on what has been going on. I am sorry that the reoationship did not pan out for you, but happy that IT WASN'T YOUR PICTURES! I didn't think it was. You must work on making yourself feel better about how you look. I am guessing you are being too hard on yourself.
(((Hugs))) Take care.
0 -
Meece, I am still trying to figure it out. He didn't call for a few days after I sent them. Then he started calling again for 3-4 days. Then I stopped hearing from him again . When I asked him about it, he dumped me from his blackberry (you know, how an email says "sent from my blackberry').
I guess I will never know, but I didn't get the impression lately that there had been anyone special in his life.
0 -
Men are as much and enigma to us, as we are to them.
0 -
So well put Meece!
0 -
He is very cold. I deserved better than a blackberry text after nearly 3 years.
0 -
Technology isn't all it's cracked up to be when it comes to relationships. Have you seen the commercial that a woman breaks up with her BF in person but uses text, email and phone? Where is Emily Post now?
0 -
I was dating a man for three months when I got diagnosed with BC. He has been there for me through the entire thing. This would have been very hard to go through alone or with a non supportive spouse (I was married for 22 years to an abusive narcissist).
My philosphy on men is they are who they are. After many years of therapy I've figured out other people's behavior is not about me. If a guy is a cheater, a drinker, a gambler, an abuser.....not a stand up guy....it's not because of me it's just who they are. If I choose to think I can control it or take their behavior personally that is my problem. Think of all the beautiful women in the world that have been cheated on....when some woman worries that she might have kept her husband if she had lost 20 pounds or dressed better that is ridiculous....she would still be in a loving relationship if she had married the right guy!
Have you girls looked at middle age men...they don't have perfect bodies, they have hair growing out of their ears and nose, they have joints that don't work to well, they have sexual dysfunction problems (have you turned on TV recently...all those ads are for someone), they are balding.....I could go on and on. They are just as worried as us about being naked and judged!
Go out, be yourself, have fun, try something new, live in the moment. If you want to be in a relationship, admit it. don't obsess about it but you can't get something you don't admit you want. Nice, smart, interesting men want nice smart interesting woman! I've had a pack of kids and I have 5 scars on my torso, veins on my legs and a bald head, one eyelash left and just a few eyebrows.....I think I look pretty darn good and I'm still alive.
0 -
Mary, what a great way to look at things.
I would have died had I stayed with my ex who was abussive. He wanted me to take blame for everything. I dated several guys during tx, and none of them cared about my hair (or lack of), my weight, or my scars. I had more interesting conversations and outings with these middle aged guys. Go for it girls, there are guys out there that will consider you a prize!
0
