Stupid comments ....
Comments
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Beachbum- life is too short to drive an old car. What did you get?
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Cheryl- partying in your honor tonight!
Not a real party, I have bronchitis. But I am filled with gratitude for your news
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The dumbest comment I've heard since my diagnosis was when I called to make the first appointment with the BS. I was actually asked if I really had cancer ... I said yes, I have the biopsy report saying so. Uhh ... do people really make appointments for this and NOT have it?
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Hi Jazzy, I traded my older Malibu for a '14 Cruze. I love it!
Thank You everyone for all the good wishes, like you I pray it lasts for a very long time! Hugs, Cheryl
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Tempy- as though you would make up having cancer.
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So my sister called a few months ago and asked "so you are doing chemo, why, do you still have cancer? You had a mastectomy, didn't they get it all. I though you said they did, so why do you need chemo" I answered the question and got very upset with her..she wouldn't stop, so I told her i don't like questions like that, it makes you start thinking things... So just the day before yesterday she calls which was the day before I went in for reconstruction and she starts asking about the surgery. Asked what kind of implants..I told her silicone...they she started "aren't those not any good, weren't they supposed to stop using them... so again I answered that they are now okay...'how do you know" just what I need before sugery. I told her if my PS thought they were okay I trust him. Then she asked the " are you getting tested for cancer" I told her I am not answering that, "how do they test you then" "how do you know' I AM NOT ANSWERING THAT QUESTION, IT BOTHERS ME, GO SEARCH YOU QUESTION ON THE INTERNET.
Some people!
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Thinking- oh boy with your sister! The thousand probing questions thing is the worst. Especially because they often ask us things we cannot even answer. I think sending people to the internet is great idea (I usually just told people to stop, that their questions were not helpful to me.)
You are going to do fine with your surgery. Let your sis be the armchair expert somewhere else. You might want to "park her" somewhere else until after your procedure. When do you go in for the recon?
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jazzygirl thanks! I had my reconstruction yesterday! All went well. Back to PS today for followup. MX reconstuction doesn't really hurt that much. Its the lift and reduction on the good boob that hurts.... verysore. Using my pain meds!
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Thinking- feel better. I did not have that procedure, but my sister when through the exact same thing you just had done. You keep taking those pain meds and feel better!
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thanks jazzygirl
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Hi all,
First, a huge thank you for all the support. BCO seems to be the only place where people actually understand. A huge hug to all of you!
I had the biopsy on Tues. the wonderful news is that it's not cancer. I'm waiting on the cultures to see if it's a fungi, bacteria, or mycobacterium. Others had told me that it would hurt like hell. The radiologist had me so full of fentanyl that a nuclear bomb hitting me would not have hurt. The strange thing is that the initial pathology report suggests the damn thing was blood. So now I've got to be probed and hassled until they can figure out why I had blood adhering to my T3 vertebra. And just to be on the safe side, I get to have another full body pet scan in two months. I really, really just wish I could catch a break from all of this. Just for a few months even. Damn cancer.
With many hugs for both my new friends and old friends
bride
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Beach Bum,
I'm so glad that the news is so good! And I totally get what you mean about eyelashes -- my new, good MO said eyelashes start to grow back and then fall out several times before they decide to stay. And, I understand the big toe nail thing: mine look like fish scales. I'm hoping they will eventually grow enough so I can start cutting of some the scales.
I am thoroughly pissed off about all the sh!t that comes with BC. I felt a hell of lot better physically the day I was told I had IBC than I do now. Still, I'm slowly getting through the havoc of cancer -- I know you'll keep fighting that havoc and I'll keep cheering for you.
bride
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That is great news, bride!!! I wish they could have given you a more definitive answer on what it is, but it's the best news on what it's not!
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Bride, I am happy dancing like crazy for you, it's not cancer!!!! Funny how we get so excited that its not, that we worry about what it is later
I wanted to send you some happy flowers, but one bouquet is not enough, I sent the whole flower bed!0 -
Beachy ... your daffodils are beautiful ...looks like the tulips and iris' are next. So glad the sun is finally shining for you and you can walk on the beach.hugs
Bren
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yea Bride!!!!!!!
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Love the flowers! Glad to hear your great news Bride
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Thinkingpositive.....your post just goes to show me that the people around us might not mean to be mean, they just don't know what to say or do sometimes. I don't mind when people ask me a million questions, shows that at least they are interested. It must be hard dealing with a cancer patient and not knowing what to say so you don't offend them, because people get upset at different things. So from now on I'm not going to take offense lol.
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Debic..its sometimes hard when people ask you questions that bother you...especially when you finally get to a place where you feel as though you can move on a litle, them wham..someone makes a comment which starts you thinking all over again. I would rather hear do you need anything, can I do anything for you...and simple question like how often do you see your doctor now.. etc. but I guess there are just some people that don't think before they say certain things.
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Questions with judgments and opinions to go with them were the issue for me. Not the questions about what was happening and when, so people could offer support to assistance otherwise. I do believe most people mean no harm, but some people feel in the process of you sharing about you that they need to project what they think or feel they would do in the situation. How are you doing translated into here is what they would do. Those were the people I had to say "not helpful!"
That experience really helped me when supporting another recently through her cancer treatment. Different kind of cancer and treatment plan, but I understood the process. She knew I had gone through bc treatment a few years ago. Yet, I was careful to not ask too many questions, even with having gone through it, because I knew what that felt like on the other end. I had to ask myself "is this going to help this person or is it just for my own information?" She just finished treatment this week (yay!) and in a few weeks when she is up for an outing, we are going out to have breakfast to celebrate at one of her favorite places!
Going through cancer treatment is overwhelming. Our job going through it is to not let anyone make that harder for us or to create more stress for others if we are supporting them.
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I totally agree with you. I go through periods of not thinking about it...and it helps when people talk to me about it, it makes me feel like they genuinely care. So far its only been my sister who asks questions that bother me and every after explaining it bothers me and why she still does it. So from now on moving forward, I will continue to tell her, don't me that or I am not answering that. And It also helps to have someone to talk to that has been through it...like you are doing for your friend. She must feel blessed to have someone that can relate and be there for her.
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For me, there were two types of people who wanted to talk about my cancer. The ones who cared, genuinely, about what I was going through, how I was handling it, and what is breast cancer all about. THEN there were people who were just nosy about the gruesome details and wanted to know if I was going to die of breast cancer. One woman wanted to know if any of my radiation techs were men. "Did they get it all," and "what's the prognosis" rank in the nosy (and very rude) category.
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Oh, jeez, Sbelizabeth! If the question comes up again, tell her that ALL your rad techs were men, all under 30 and very well-built, and they wore only thongs, at your request.
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I had a co-worker (another RN), when I told her that I was diagnosed with cancer ask with genuine surprise ... "well I thought they had gotten it all already the first time and that you were all done." The first one was the stereotactic biopsy and I had told her that they had taken core samples. I just looked at her and said ummm nope.
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Tempy, oh my, I am so sorry! You would think she would get it. But you can tell her they did not "get" mine the first time either just the core samples. But the second time, the mastectomy got it all. Crap, define all.
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Tempy- I had the same thing with my core biopsy. My IDC was really small (0.4 mm). The breast center was worried they might not actually be able to get enough sample, but they are an outstanding center that is nationally known. Everyone was just so good to me going through that.
But like you, when I told a few folks about the biopsy, they were like "didn't they just take all that out and that is that?" Those are the people that don't want to understand, they just want to get on with whatever they want to talk about.
Larkspur- that is funny!
Sbelizabeth- I agree, the ones who care and then others who are nosy, looking for info to gossip about, etc. You cannot make people care about you, that is for darned sure.
I always think about what is being said and how it is being said. There is a lot of merit in paying attention to people's tone.
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Beach I guess "all" would be at the mastectomy stage if it's a total radical. Silly educated people but I guess we're here to help educate them?
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bump
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I went to see my family Dr after my RO found 2complex cysts that he said should be watched. My family Dr said that was a "pass the buck" term and can't figure out why I have so much anxiety. I'm getting so worn down by having to justify my feelings. I also am tired of people judging me by how I look. Do you want to lift up my shirt and see these rad burns so that maybe they might understand why I am in pain and freaked out??
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JJ, you are so not alone! I have been passed around so much, I have 16 Doctors. Yep 16. It's to the point that I have to keep binders for all the visits, reports, and blah, blah, blah..................
I also struggle with the rads "leftovers", and everyone looks at me like I am crazy. It's just a sunburn I get told. Well I haven't been to the equator at high noon lately. But I still have pain, and it is difficult to wear any bra. I finally found a sports bra that works! I am sorry that we all have to deal with all of this, without a lot of help and support from our Doctors. No wonder we have anxiety trying to justify our pain, burns, and side effects. Hopefully we will find a way to feel better without the denial of side effects from our Doctors.
Stupid comment: "Oh my gosh, your haircut is so cute short, I didn't realize your hair was so gray, was it always that color?". No it wasn't I had a makeover - at the Cleveland Clinic! Bite me.
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