STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

bcincolorado, I say do Thanksgiving the way that makes you happy. Your picture of just you and your mom sounds perfect! Not that you need a valid excuse, but you could always use your health as a reason to stay home. Maybe your son could come visit YOU on the weekend.

Ccm, this is your first holiday without your husband, right? I hope the mini vacation with your kids is fun.

We're going to my dad's place for Thanksgiving. My sister and her husband will be there. I'm looking forward to it.

@kidi919 perhaps this is the forum you are referring to? https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/78/topics/883515?page=2#idx_13

Ask everyone to bring their favorite dish, then fill in what else you need. Men can cook too! Especially when TOLD to. And it is a great time for grandkids to set the table! They need to learn sometime and around family is best. Spread the fun around!

spookiesmom, I make chess pies too. A favorite!

bcincolorado - I agree with Spookiesmom that you might want to check out local grocery store offerings. So many put the whole thing together in a box now and all you need to do is re-heat, and add your own "favorites" or special touches, etc. After my mother died and my father wasn't as up to things as he had been (he was in his late 80's) he started ordering from the grocery store too, and then I would do the reheating at his house. The first year after she died, he wanted the two of us to try and do the whole thing like before, but neither one of us had enough energy (I was in my late 50's and he was in his late 80's). For those last few years he was alive it was just him, my brother, and me - circumstances had just kind of left the 3 of us to have holidays together at my parents' old house. After a few years, my father got so bad (but still insisted on being the host and primary provider) it was too much for him to even do the grocery store re-heat thing, so we decided to just do our regular Sunday get together thing, where we all just had a sandwich - we just made sure they were turkey that last year of his life, and then I brought pecan pie (his favorite) and wine. That turned out to be a real nice Thanksgiving and just that pie, ice cream, and wine added to our turkey sandwich fare went real well. No mess, no fuss, no overtired people afterward, but lot's of togetherness and a good time.

Since Covid, I've been doing Thanksgiving alone in my apartment and I just get the deli food for myself. I go to my local organic co-op sort of place and they have everything all ready either as a boxed up and re-heat sort of thing, or you can get separate turkey and sides, which is what I usually do. I add a couple of extra things to the stuffing before I reheat it, pour my self a glass of wine and top it all off with the store bought pie (some of the local small businesses make great pie!). I just get enough for T-day and a little left over for the following week-end and it's great. I love the food, just miss the company.

I am glad that something worked out for you, bcincolorado, and that you will be together with so many of your family. With that sort of crowd, you should be getting lots of help, and either the pot luck idea or the grocery/deli package and re-heat suggestions (or combo of both) should work well. I don't see where the burden would or should fall on you with so many adults coming to your home. You should have a whole crew of help there. Whatever you do - have a real nice Thanksgiving!

Decided to pass off one turkey to my neice to cook in her roaster and bring over already cooked and then we can just do one here and the rolls. Letting my mom boil the eggs for deviled eggs at her house and make cranberry relish at her house. I will do pies the day before and my mom is making another dessert to bring as well. Having son pick up suffing mix and take home since just him and kids and easy to carry and he can put in a dish and we can warm if we need to. Trying not to sress too much and focus on 2 doc apointments this week I have.

Met deductible earlier in the month at least but hopefully the one today won't order more tests which could mean more I end up paying for since they seem to bill later and could just see it being and issue if it is. We are trying not to touch our retirement money right now and live on SS which we can do most of the time and not get into our savings account at all but with the holidays coming I can see that happening.

Uncle who has cancer in another State said he is not cooking and sounds like kids are spending holiday with their families and he is going to be alone. Sad. I remember those days too. Had a turkey tv dinner one year.

My neice used to live in in another State and she cut off all ties with her sister (my other neice from same sis in law who died) since even though grown can't get off drugs and lives her life ignoring her child and her step father is raising her daughter since she unfit. My neice feels closer to us anyway and is about 2 months older than my son so our kids were kind close anyway and live up here not far from now. She wanted her daughter raised in a "healthy environment" anyway from the familiy drama. Life is too short to spend time with people who drive you crazy.

Just going to try to take it easy and not stress too much here if I can and delegate some stuff.

Finished one doc appointment yesterday and off for a few months with doc. Another tomorrow morning and will be cold and thinnk snow won't start until later in the day after are home from that one.

That is terribble. My Uncle who has Stage IV cancer right now was notified that after attending a birthday party for a 1 year old grand-daughter (his only one) with just family around who is vaccinated someone there tested positive. Now he is going to be checked out as well at this point since he gets treatments regularly and has ived past when they thought he would die already. Makes you feel like not seeing anyone and live in your own household again sometimes.

Oh, Odyssey305 - So sorry that you are feeling so down. Trust me, you will have those times of feeling joy again. They will be interspersed with the "forever being a cancer patient, whether NED or not", but they will come, and they will appear more often as time goes on.

I was diagnosed in late November of 2018. My appointment wasn't until after Thanksgiving, but during Thanksgiving that year, I was anticipating the appointment and dreading having to go to it, the Monday after Thanksgiving. In my case, the surgeon had to confirm his suspicions with a biopsy that gave results later of course, but he told me on the spot that he was certain it was cancer. I spent that whole holiday season as a complete mess, so I know something of what you're talking about. I also finished my "active treatment" in the middle of November in 2019. Radiation was that last thing I had and it left me pretty fatigued, so that Thanksgiving, I was happy in the sense that I was done with a big part of my treatment, but also sad that I was extra tired, and then looking at starting Letrozole soon. The oncologist wanted me to start the Letrozole that mid December and I declined, saying I wanted to have a nice holiday season that year, especially because the radiation fatigue was getting better, and sure enough by Christmas I was much better, so had a good Christmas and New Year's. By the time New Year's came around I pretty much felt like my old self again, and still had 2 more weeks until I started (my choosing of the date) the Letrozole. It was real hard to start, because I had finally, after over a year, begun to feel pretty good again.

Sure enough, the Letrozole did a number on me, and continues to do so these years later. The fact that I had that good Christmas and New Year's in 2019, though and 2 good weeks before starting the Letrozole, is one of the things that told me "the old me" is still there somewhere and capable of experiencing the good times, and indeed joy that I could feel before cancer. Also, just plain old time, will give you help in getting back to feeling those good times, in spite of having to be a cancer patient forever. I now find random moments in my life where I'm not thinking about cancer and have nice old "before cancer" type interactions with other people, and I have come to make mental note of, and treasure them. They have gotten more frequent over the years, and I imagine the same will happen to you. I also find that taking walks around my neighborhood and admiring all the flora and fauna throughout the season changes, also gives me opportunities to not be a "cancer patient" and to not think about it and really enjoy what's "out there" instead of focusing on the lifetime cancer issues.

I really think things will get better for you. It's only been a year, and it is all still very fresh at the end of that first year. With time and space, I think you will see a big difference. Again, the good and joyful times will be mixed with the "cancer patient for life" worries, but they will get bigger and more frequent . "It gets better!" Please dry your tears and have a real nice Thanksgiving!

You are very welcome for my story, Odyssey305! I'm just glad that my long rambling was able to provide some support and hope.

I think we are both going to have nice Thanksgivings!

After the one I had left and another one took over in the same practice who has a very different bedside manner and questioned the treatments I had already and would have been more agressive at the start made me wonder about the one that made me feel better about seeing to start with. I stuck with her though and hav egotten used to her now after a few years.

If my MO determines whatever I'm feeling isn't directly cancer-related, she refers me back to my primary care physician. I had a (clear) nuclear bone scan earlier this year because the MO said I shouldn't be hurting as much as I do (I'm not on a hormone blocker), and in the notes, which were also sent to the PCP, she emphasized the PCP needed to follow up with that. That's what the PCPs are for - to treat the non-cancer stuff, or to make a referral to another kind of specialist, if necessary.

What I found helpful in the Year of Shit 2018 (Mom died, I lost all my top teeth, breast cancer with lumpectomy and re-excision, kidney cancer with nephrectomy, 33 sessions of radiology, up from the planned 22 due to a positive sentinel node, whew!) was to deliberately schedule as much fun stuff as possible. It wasn't anything elaborate - lots of day trips and picnics, a few weekend road trips, and slightly longer ones before surgeries. What's strange - and cool - is that I remember those outings much more clearly than all the other crap. We still try to do similar fun things throughout the year, and it does help to keep my mental or emotional state from going to the scary places, at least for any extended amount of time. Sometimes feeling better takes a bit of work and planning.

Oh Alice, Year of Shit indeed! I’m truly sorry to hear about all that you’ve been through. I’m sorry about losing your mom. Your conscious efforts to “keep on keeping on” in spite of two cancers(!) and all the treatments and heartbreaks from that year speak to your amazing resilience. And I know you and the other wise BC sisters are right, it takes effort not to spiral. In times like this I would usually go for a walk to clear my hea, but the recent snow has made the ground a muddy slushy mess. Oh well if cancer hasn’t taken me down yet, a little mud won’t either lol.

A few months ago I started having persistent hip pain. Thankfully the x-ray and bone scan were negative, but then instead of referring me out, my MO basically said to exercise more and stretch better! I go crazy with all the TM checks, bloodwork and aggressive scanning, but i do it, and would just like for the other parts of me to be cared for with the same diligence. I’m sure now that it’s sciatica, but I’ll contact my PCP for suggestions on relief. I’ve been relying on my MO maybe a little too much, hence my disappointment, and I need to remember that I have other providers.

Off to walk the pup and brave the cold and mud! Take care!