Topic: STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Forum: Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts — Meet and support others who are affected by these issues around anxiety, depression, and other emotional effects.

Posted on: Jul 16, 2015 07:21PM - edited Aug 2, 2017 08:46AM by sas-schatzi

Posted on: Jul 16, 2015 07:21PM - edited Aug 2, 2017 08:46AM by sas-schatzi

sas-schatzi wrote:

This thread is meant to be for RANTS and RANTING. Then Rant again. We need a place to simply get rid of the anger. Write it here. Unleash it all. Get it out. This isn't meant for the Stupid comments(great thread). This is for the gut wrenching, tell them off anger.

IMPORTANT: When done ranting don't necessarily stick around. Toxic. Drop the rant and find a better thread.

Only rules: Please, follow them as the Mods will shut it down in a heartbeat( waving Mods)

1. Be careful to not mention docs, nurses, hospitals by name. Defamation and all that tedious legal stuff

2. If it's caused by someone on BCO, just don't mention their name. I think the exception will be if someone is stalking you, blow their anonymity wide open. A stalker doesn't deserve politeness.

3. If you think the rant is about you, let it go, they're no names. Don't take it personal. This is the steam room.

4. If they're is a fight, don't expect the Mods to moderate, it was your choice to come here.

5. After writing a rant, do nothing more, re-read at a future time. Decide if it's important enough for you to cut and paste the rant to whomever caused you the anger. It's a choice. Sometimes it needs to be done, but remember they're can be fall out.

6. ######## pound those keys, SCREAM(caps), J*&R$WSDF&(swear)

7. Religion and politics discussion should go to those topical threads. IF their is something that impacts cancer, it belongs here.

I will revise topic box as needed-sassy

For puking and the color works pukeewogh

Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out shouting "holy crap....what a ride".
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Apr 4, 2018 10:11PM Egads007 wrote:

Runor,

After reading what you wrote, feeling the EXACT same way, feeling just as viciously angry at the unfairness of it all and continually thinking it’ll switch back to the way it ‘was before ‘ I’m left with little or no advice on how to deal. Will we ever come to terms and accept the ‘new normal’. Maybe, if we’re lucky. I can’t tell you what to do, nor how to feel. For me it’s akin to alcohol recovery, they say one day at a time. That’s all I can do at this point in my life. Today you are angry...really angry so roll with it. Fuck the Mary Poppins and yell to the treetops. it IS unfair and it DOES fell like hell worrying over whether a pimple or ingrown hair is cancerous. There are no words for the heinous hell we all suffer! So why try to figure it out when we are in the moment. Roll with it. Tomorrow might be better, might not be but I hope so. Getting angry at it is a way of facing it in my books. I think you’re more angry at ‘it’ than the nurse, she was simply the vehicle that brought you to this today. So rant away, your raw honest anger is understandable and appreciated by all here. Just do me one favour if you can, don’t EVER let this bastard named cancer steal your amazing sense of humour...it’s taken enough of you already. Great big hug!

"I base all my fashion choices on what doesn't itch" (Gilda Radner) Chemotherapy 3/20/2013 Doxil (liposomal doxorubicin), Taxol (paclitaxel) Surgery 8/23/2013 Lumpectomy: Right; Lymph node removal: Right Radiation Therapy 11/1/2013 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Dx IDC, 4cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Apr 4, 2018 10:56PM lolotte19 wrote:

my rant totally outside of current talk. But i need to.

Feeling like shit after round 3 AC. No nausea or vomitting but unable to concentrate, stay on same position, sit walk lie down nothing works. I am really fed up. Have an appointmemt Friday with onco to see my numbers if I stoo treatment now and go straight for surgery and obviously no radiatiin. My tumir has shrunk with AC already and surgeon things lumpectomy instead of mastectomy. So what the heck. I'll take the risk and do just surgery.

I hate how i am feeling right now. Sleep deprived lost of appetite inability to concentrate and more. Just ranting and this morning was hitting my had on my sofa like a mad woman in distress. I hate this disease and i hate it happened to me because i am not a fighter.

Voila my rant.


Dx 1/2018, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, ER+/PR-, HER2- Chemotherapy AC + T (Taxol)
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Apr 4, 2018 11:26PM DancingElizabeth wrote:

Lolotte19 - I'm sorry your're feeling so awful. :-(

BUT - that is GREAT that your tumor SHRUNK with A/C!!!! And, lumpectomy instead of mastectomy!!!! :-) I know the chemo feels like hell - but - just imagine it whacking the shit out of your cancer!!!

Runor - Exactly!!!!! I told my DH - to just "imagine" for even one second - how it feels to be at high risk for metastatic cancer - the rest of your life. It literally is a living nightmare. He wouldn't even try to imagine. Oh well.

Everyone Else - thanks for the kind words and replies!!! It really helps to come to a board - where everybody "gets it".

So - I got my results back and MO said they are "great!!". She said she usually has her patients do an annual bone scan. But, based on my labs, she doesn't feel it's worth it - so no bone scan!!! Whew!!!!! And, I've graduated to 6 months (instead of coming every 3 months). I feel lucky - but - still scared - like - how could *I* be so lucky? Is this really true - I don't know why my brain can't accept that I'm Ok. Its just slowly sinking in....

Dx 4/13/2016, DCIS/IDC, Right, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 3/23 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 5/18/2016 Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Surgery 5/31/2016 Lymph node removal: Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary Chemotherapy 7/6/2016 AC + T (Taxol) Radiation Therapy 11/8/2016 Hormonal Therapy 11/9/2016
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Apr 5, 2018 01:14AM runor wrote:

DancingEliz, I get the feeling of relief and yet being guarded at the same time. We have all learned there are bears in the woods, having all been bitten when we were doing nothing but minding our own business.

Egads, I don't know that I'm angry over the unfairness of it all. Life is not fair and something was going to get me eventually. I just hoped eventually would raise its head 25 years or more from now. So, I have never really felt 'why me'. But I am truly pissed off that you can be working in the medical field, in a designated cancer clinic and be so utterly out of touch with the experiences of your patients. She wasn't just some random nurse. She had a clip board, asked me questions and handled her response with an absolute lack of professionalism. I expect, and bloody well should get BETTER service from the people in the industry. She dropped the ball BADLY.

The end result is what I think more and more of us slowly learn; Keep it to yourself. Having a shitty day? Keep it to yourself. So tired you can't move? Keep it to yourself. Arm swelled and hurting and having pains in your boob and armpit? Keep it to yourself. Feel repulsed when you look at what's left of your boob? Keep it to yourself. Do you look at your husband and have thoughts of him sitting on the sofa watching tv with another woman 10 years from now and you long gone? Keep it to yourself. While no one can take this off my shoulders or fix it for me, having someone look at me like I was a freak was extremely not helpful. I didn't ask the woman to help me, fix me, or counsel me. She asked how I was doing and I told her. She SHOULD have said, "This is a terrible jolt and no one is prepared to deal with it. Healing mentally can take longer than healing physically. You are not alone because this is what I hear from so many cancer patients. We offer some services if you ever need someone to talk to and you can pick up a list of names at the desk if you want. But be assured that you are perfectly normal in feeling all of this and finding it a struggle." THAT would have been helpful.

Dx 3/23/2017, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/12/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 7/4/2017 Whole breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Apr 5, 2018 01:23AM wrenn wrote:

Runor, when I was younger I'd have left that office in tears. Now when I walk out they are in tears.

Triple Negative Metaplastic. I had one dose of Cytoxan/Taxotere and was then cut off due to complications. Surgery 8/16/2013 Lymph node removal (Left): Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy (Left): Simple; Mastectomy (Right): Simple
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Apr 5, 2018 01:28AM meow13 wrote:

A friend(facebook) just posted a joke, if they were a plastic surgeon they would 100% put a squeaky toy in every breast implant. I should post on the stupid comments.

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Apr 5, 2018 01:41AM SheliaMarie wrote:

Runor, I’m proud of you for sticking around. Even though I was crazy scared, I left the boards after my original active treatment ended. I think for me it was easier to pretend I wasn’t as worried when I didn’t talk to other cancer survivors. Even as a stage IV now, I still consider myself a survivor, btw :)

Your humor is one of the things I look forward to as I’m reading the boards. And your raw truth is totally relatable.

I think I must’ve missed something though. I guess I thought you were “in the clear”, so what is it that they are“watching”? That in and of itself would cause panic in anyone.

Dx 7/7/2008, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 7/10/2008 Lumpectomy: Left Chemotherapy 8/7/2008 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Ellence (epirubicin), Taxotere (docetaxel) Radiation Therapy 1/1/2009 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Surgery 2/1/2009 Prophylactic ovary removal Hormonal Therapy 2/15/2009 Arimidex (anastrozole), Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Dx 5/24/2017, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, 1/1 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Targeted Therapy 5/25/2017 Kisqali Hormonal Therapy 5/25/2017 Aromasin (exemestane) Chemotherapy 4/10/2018 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Chemotherapy 6/10/2018 Halaven (eribulin) Radiation Therapy 6/18/2018 External: Chest wall Chemotherapy 8/27/2018 Ixempra (ixabepilone) Dx 10/30/2018, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to lungs Dx 11/7/2018, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, ER+/PR-, HER2- Radiation Therapy 11/12/2018 External: Bone Chemotherapy 11/12/2018 Xeloda (capecitabine)
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Apr 5, 2018 03:25AM runor wrote:

Swess, way back in the beginning a big, hairy looking object like a spider web (radial scar) showed up in my boob. They went in and did lumpectomy and got clean margins.

I found a new lump in my good boob, had mamm, new lump was a cyst. But the bad boob, well it looks like whatever that big hairy thing was, that was supposedly removed, IS STILL THERE. So they cut out something, and yet the original finding of architectural distortion remains. It has been explained to me that this could be post surgical scarring, or this could be typical changes after radiation. But this hairy looking thing was there BEFORE biopsy, surgery and radiation and it is still there! So what is it? What is it doing? Did I have more than one blob of cancer and we missed one?

Last mamm (on the 20th of March /18) says it has not changed or grown. Well that's a bonus. BUT THERE IS STILL SOMETHING THERE! It was not cut out, it was not radiated into dust. No one is saying it's cancer. Nor are they saying it's not. They're saying we will look again in 6 months and see if it changes. And this makes me feel anxious and like taking risky street drugs might be an appropriate reaction. And then I get lady with clipboard telling me, in essence, that I might need help getting over this. Well, it ain't exactly over, is it? It seems to be just hovering, not good, not bad, not overly concerning but a little concerning .... I give up. I am going to spend the next 6 months pretending I'm fine. It's what I do everyday anyway.

Dx 3/23/2017, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 4/12/2017 Lumpectomy; Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph node removal Radiation Therapy 7/4/2017 Whole breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Apr 5, 2018 04:20AM - edited Apr 5, 2018 04:23AM by Artista964

This Post was deleted by Artista964.
Dxd at 50. Went thru it all on my own by choice. Dx 6/2/2015, IDC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/4 nodes, PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/6/2015 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Silicone implant Chemotherapy 11/3/2015 AC + T (Taxotere) Radiation Therapy 5/4/2016 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 6/28/2016 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)
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Apr 5, 2018 04:29AM Artista964 wrote:

good luck notered. Cbt therapy helps to deal with other aspects of life too in dealing with things or people you can't change. These should statements while may be true cause even more distress, which could put someone like me back in the psych ward, 5150. I have a long list of shoulds I've given up on for my own mental health sake.

Dxd at 50. Went thru it all on my own by choice. Dx 6/2/2015, IDC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIA, Grade 3, 1/4 nodes, PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/6/2015 Lymph node removal: Left, Sentinel, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (right): Silicone implant Chemotherapy 11/3/2015 AC + T (Taxotere) Radiation Therapy 5/4/2016 Whole breast: Breast, Lymph nodes Hormonal Therapy 6/28/2016 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)

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