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Topic: Open Letter

Forum: Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment —

This is a place to discuss concerns, tips and strategies for all types of side effects from all types of medications and treatments, (chemo/rads/hormonal/targeted/pain meds/etc.

Posted on: Feb 25, 2013 04:38PM

Colt45 wrote:

I am a husband/ caregiver...

I didn't know where this should be posted---and since my wife is going through treatment now, I just picked here.

I have lurked since my wife's diagnosis and have been posting only for a few days. I can recognize a sisterhood when I see one. An army of kind souls.

I am humbled by your humanity. Your grace. Your power.

My wife says she's just doing what she has to when I tell her I'm proud of her. But she's doing more than enduring treatment for self serving means. She's doing it with a grace that doesn't frighten our 2 small, sensitive girls. THAT is strength. I see my wife comforting our 4 year old over something trivial (the kind of thing only 4 year olds think is apocalyptic) and I see a women of strength and beauty the likes of which I cannot imagine life without.

I read your posts and I see my wife or sister or mom. I see a beautiful woman who is power and grace and humanity.

I read accounts of people letting you down or failing to support you.

It breaks my heart to think that you aren't being held or hugged or listened to to the degree that you deserve or more importantly NEED.

You are beautiful. Worthy of love and support and someone is missing out on YOU. It's not your fault. People with a heart and a soul and a brain are inspired by you. Touched by you... whether you think you deserve it or not.

People in pain don't reach out like you do to comfort others. You ask very little. You deliver day after day for others. And you think you aren't worthy of praise or wonderment or fanfare. You are wrong.

You are to be cherished and held and loved. And even on days when someone in your physical environment doesn't seem to be doing quite enough of this, you are being cherished and held and loved from afar by someone you have touched----even if quite by accident.

Know this to be true.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Posts 121 - 150 (209 total)

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Sep 2, 2016 04:00PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Oct 1, 2016 09:10AM Colt45 wrote:

Bump.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Nov 8, 2016 05:22PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Nov 8, 2016 06:26PM Maureen1 wrote:

Colt45...I so enjoy reading your posts and hearing how your lovely wife is doing. I am grateful to be over 4 years since diagnosis and appreciate the positive stories and messages of support from people like you. I think your wife and I were diagnosed around the same time...I am so glad she continues to do well and that she has someone like you at her sideHeartMy husband has also been my rock and I am grateful to have the love and support of family and friends as I work towards year #5...take care, (((Hugs))) Maureen

Dx 7/31/2012, IDC, 1cm, Stage IIA, Grade 2, 3/11 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 8/5/2012 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary Chemotherapy 9/18/2012 AC + T (Taxol) Surgery 3/3/2013 Prophylactic mastectomy: Left, Right; Reconstruction (left); Reconstruction (right) Hormonal Therapy 3/18/2013 Aromasin (exemestane) Hormonal Therapy 7/21/2013 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery 11/22/2013 Reconstruction (left): Silicone implant
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Nov 12, 2016 01:36PM Colt45 wrote:

Maureen1,

How wonderful to hear from you! I remember you being a beacon in my darkest days as I was trying to deal with this from my position as a caregiver. I felt so inadequate, so powerless. You have always been kind and supportive and inspirational. You and a lot of other great hearts here helped me gain some traction in my role as a support for my wife and girls. I will always owe a debt of gratitude.

God bless

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Dec 4, 2016 11:56AM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Dec 5, 2016 09:35AM littleblueflowers wrote:

Hi Colt, l I wish my husband could be friends with you and learn from you! Thanks for the positive support.

If it stops the nightmares, it probably won't kill me Dx 3/9/2015, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IB, Grade 3, 2/16 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- Surgery 3/9/2015 Mastectomy: Left, Right Radiation Therapy Lymph nodes Chemotherapy AC + T (Taxol)
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Dec 11, 2016 07:16AM Colt45 wrote:

Littleblueflowers,

Blessings of strength and healing to you

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Dec 13, 2016 04:37PM Colt45 wrote:

KB870,

All strength and healing to you. It's good that you are allowing people to do things for you. Let them pitch in. A lot of times a circle of support needs something to do.

Bless you on your road to recovery.
Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Jan 4, 2017 06:30PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Feb 3, 2017 11:52AM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Feb 6, 2017 12:50PM PatZy wrote:

You are a rare and lovely person.  All here deserve my prayers/cudos/applause as we warrior on to the next phase.

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Feb 12, 2017 01:59PM - edited Mar 2, 2017 06:20PM by Colt45

PatZy,

We all wrap our arms around one another here and move forward. It is truly a remarkable group here. Such strength. Such resolve. I am in such awe of it all---the love, the power. Such amazing people. I am so blessed and proud to have made peoples' acquaintance here. Blessings of strength and healing all around

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Mar 2, 2017 06:19PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Mar 3, 2017 09:16PM kbt wrote:

Colt45,

Thank you for this post. Your words have touched many, even if they haven't commented. Your wife and girls are lucky to have you and others like you out there silently supporting and lifting up their loved ones. Caregivers are so underrated - ((hugs)) to all the caregivers. My husband is the stoic rock, who has been so wonderful up to this point. My sister has been "my person" when he can't be present.

Fortunate to find this tribe of warrior women (and men); in awe of so many who continue to come back and encourage and give advice to us newbies or like you offer kind, loving and caring words. Know you too are cherished. Blessed for finding several bosom buddies here, wish it wasn't under these circumstances. Finding comfort and peace knowing that my family, friends and even strangers are on this journey with me. Hope your wife continues to do well on her journey, hoping she is dancing with NED Winking. Thanks again for being a light in the darkness for those who may not have such a carrying soul by their side.

Blessings to you and yours.



Dx 2/3/2017, IDC, Left, 6cm+, Stage IIIB, Grade 3, 5/11 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- (IHC) Surgery 8/6/2017 Lymph node removal: Left, Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Radiation Therapy 9/21/2017 Whole-breast: Breast, Lymph nodes, Chest wall Hormonal Therapy 11/8/2017 Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Mar 3, 2017 09:42PM Colt45 wrote:

All strength and healing to you, Kbt

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Mar 3, 2017 10:33PM Kayla250 wrote:

Not quite sure how I missed this post 'til now.

Colt45 - I had tears tonight. I have a wonderful husband, looked after me and gave me my every need with my first diagnosis. I was diagnosed with a recurrence this past week. We won't know the extent until after the next surgery. When we were in the surgeon's office, I looked at my husband and we needed no words, we knew we're in it for the long haul, again. After reading your letter to "us", it was the words I saw in my husband's eyes. And for the first time, since the first diagnosis, surgery, chemotherapy, late side effects and now my recurrence, I cried. Thank you, 31/2 long years later, I needed that.

Dx 6/2013, IDC, Right, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 6/20/2013 Lumpectomy: Right Chemotherapy 10/1/2013 Hormonal Therapy 3/17/2014 Femara (letrozole) Hormonal Therapy 10/15/2014 Arimidex (anastrozole) Dx 1/2017, IDC, Right, 1cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2- Surgery 3/30/2017 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Pedicled TRAM flap; Reconstruction (right): Pedicled TRAM flap Radiation Therapy 6/21/2017 Dx 10/2018, IDC, Stage IV, metastasized to liver Targeted Therapy 11/28/2018 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy 11/28/2018 Femara (letrozole) Chemotherapy 4/11/2019 Xeloda (capecitabine) Chemotherapy 7/11/2019 Navelbine (vinorelbine) Chemotherapy 9/18/2019 Halaven (eribulin) Chemotherapy 12/26/2019 Doxil (doxorubicin)
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Mar 5, 2017 11:45AM Colt45 wrote:

Kayla250,

Wishing you strength and blessings as you advance towards recovery. It's comforting to know that you're in good hands with that supportive husband of your's.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Mar 19, 2017 05:41PM obsolete wrote:

Bump...... thank you.

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Apr 4, 2017 07:05PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Apr 6, 2017 07:34PM Colt45 wrote:

SusieM49,

Warmest wishes of healing to you on your journey to recovery.

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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May 3, 2017 12:54PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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May 3, 2017 05:43PM HoneyBeaw wrote:

Bumping

Surgery 11/27/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Dx 12/5/2016, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 12/25/2016 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 1/15/2017 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
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May 3, 2017 07:14PM CeliaC wrote:

Wonderful posts by all. Thank you, especially to Colt45. You are one truly special man - We are all blessed, and your wife even more so, for your caring thoughts and uplifting words.


Dx 12/2/2016, DCIS/IDC, Left, <1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 12/21/2016 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Sentinel Radiation Therapy 2/21/2017 Whole-breast: Breast Hormonal Therapy 4/5/2017 Arimidex (anastrozole)
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May 5, 2017 04:23AM Colt45 wrote:

Honey Beaw and CeliaC; Warmest thoughts of healing to you. Prayers of strength to you

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Jun 5, 2017 07:45PM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Jun 6, 2017 06:13PM HoneyBeaw wrote:

Bumping, this is a great post and we need to keep it alive and upfront

Surgery 11/27/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Dx 12/5/2016, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 12/25/2016 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 1/15/2017 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
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Jul 6, 2017 06:23AM Colt45 wrote:

Bump

Husband Dx 10/9/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 1, 1/21 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 11/7/2012 Mastectomy: Right; Prophylactic mastectomy: Left; Reconstruction (left): Tissue expander placement; Reconstruction (right): Tissue expander placement Chemotherapy 12/13/2012 AC Chemotherapy 2/7/2013 Taxol (paclitaxel)
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Jul 6, 2017 06:25PM HoneyBeaw wrote:

Bumping

Surgery 11/27/2016 Lumpectomy: Left Dx 12/5/2016, IDC, Left, 2cm, Stage IIB, Grade 2, 1/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- Surgery 12/25/2016 Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary; Mastectomy: Left Chemotherapy 1/15/2017 Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), Taxotere (docetaxel)
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Jul 6, 2017 06:44PM illimae wrote:

Thanks for the kind words colt. I agree, I see so many under appreciated here, those that set aside their own pain/problems to be there for others in need.

I'm one of the lucky ones, I have the man I always knew I deserved but thought didn't exist, I see it more clearly as we battle this curse together :)

Diagnosed at 41 Stage IV De Novo Dx 11/16/2016, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to bone, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+ (IHC) Chemotherapy 1/1/2017 Abraxane (albumin-bound or nab-paclitaxel) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Herceptin (trastuzumab) Targeted Therapy 1/1/2017 Perjeta (pertuzumab) Surgery 6/26/2017 Lumpectomy: Left; Lymph node removal: Underarm/Axillary Radiation Therapy 8/10/2017 Breast, Lymph nodes Dx 10/5/2017, IDC, Left, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, 3/13 nodes, ER+, HER2+ (IHC) Radiation Therapy 10/19/2017 External: Brain Radiation Therapy 4/18/2018 External: Brain Radiation Therapy 5/22/2019 External: Brain Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone)

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