Take our poll: How are you feeling as we near the New Year?
I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
Comments
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Matt,
For myself, an intimate relationship was and still is a very tough thing.
I first worry about the body image. Yes, I can accept that I've been thru the mill... but I don't have to like it.
Mast, chemo, rads, tamox, recon, and a hysterectomy.
I couldn't stand to look at myself, let alone anyone else see.
Then comes the side effects of all this. Loss of self image, libido and moisture. Does not make much for desire for sex.
Then the fear... holding hands, kissing... OMG... that might lead to sex.... so, none of that on the menu either.
From my perspective, she may be so fearful of intimacy for various reasons, therefor your needs don't come close to what she is dealing with.
The fear of rejection [in her eyes], the fear of physical pain, the fear of not being able to respond... coupled with the fear of dying.
She may very well be pushing you away on purpose, to spare you even more pain.
Please be patient. Try a nice, long talk about your feelings and your fears. Hopefully she will let down her wall for a moment and let you see her internal struggle.
And I don't mean to tell her you want sex, but to tell her how you miss the intimacy in your relationship and want to have that feeling again.
A counselor/friend of mine broke down the word and meaning of intimacy for my husband and myself. I will remember it always.... IN TO ME SEE.
Be close and sharing with your wife. Be truthful and respectful. She is still in there somewhere.
I am still working on myself after MANY MANY years.
My husband and I go without relations for long periods of time. I fear being in pain, and he fears hurting me.
Hopefully we will have a change soon.
I got permission [right, like I needed it] to use a hormonal remedy to ease my desert down below. The onc was not thrilled, but wants to see me every 2 months.
I hope that relations won't be as painful as they have been.
Fear has a way of bringing everything to a grinding halt.
It is no one's fault. Damned this disease!
Diane0 -
I have not tried this product yet, I don't need a lubricant for "moisture" but remembered that some of you mentioned a need for something... I saw this on the CVS web site.
Very Private Intimate Moisture Take Along Packets
Description
Very Private Intimate Moisture feels and functions like a woman's own moisture to relieve vaginal dryness instantly and enhance the pleasure of intimacy. This transparent lubricating fluid feels totally natural; never cold, sticky or runny. It leaves a protective, silky-smooth film on delicate tissue and is totally discreet with no taste, smell or residue. Gynecologist tested and approved. Hypo-allergenic, pH balanced. No scent, no taste, no residue. Very Private is not a contraceptive. Safe with latex condoms. Contains 12 individual packets.
top
Directions
Apply a few drops between vaginal lips and around vaginal opening or on your partner for comfort and greater enjoyment of intimacy. Use daily after washing for comfort, and before intimacy. Try Very Private Body Wash. It's pH balanced, extra-mild, contains a bacteria-stat to help keep your body protected.
Ingredients
Water; Glyceryl Polymethacrylate; Glycerin; Sorbitol; Propylene Glycol; Panthenol; Sodium Hyaluronate; Sodium PCA; PEG-90M; Carbomer; Sodium Hydroxide; Diazolidinyl Urea; Disodium EDTA0 -
Dang... where did all our MoJo Go?!?!
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Bumping this up....
And for those of you that have read about my "adventures" with my new man on this thread, thought you might be interested in reading the "My boyfriend did the coolest thing" thread. It's about BETH NY and me.
I'm scheduled for a consult with OB Fri 10/14 to get the ovaries yanked. YUCK! Am hoping to still be able to have HMS afterwards....well, not immediately afterwards but you know what I mean.
I have a fear of becoming a dried up old hag with no estrogen.
Donna0 -
donna I'll be at the GYN on Friday too... I'll be thinking of you...ugh.
oh and for the mojo part.... my little getaway with Donna was the best.
I had GREAT, PASSIONATE SEX, and now I run around with my top off all the time.
lol....0 -
Yes, Beth and I had a GREAT time in Baltimore, and we both had GREAT, PASSIONATE sex, but I would like to clarify that it wasn't with each other
(although Scott and Mark would have probably been all for that!)
Donna0 -
LMAO!!! Thanks for clarifying!!
Jen0 -
hahahaha thanks for clearing that up! I was going to recommend that you and Donna visit that other thread for our lesbian sisters...
I haven't had sex in six months; you know, when my scumbag husband picked up some monosyllabic whore at Home Depot of all places.
Nothing slanderous here, only the truth: (1) She's a slut (2) she's stupid (3) she doesn't understand when you speak in words with more than one syllable.
Don't get me wrong, HE is a jackass of all jackasses. Now he's dipping his stick into some disease infected trollop. Oh, and did I mention that they live together? She abandoned her kids, just like my ex abandoned his. What a disgusting pair. Glad to be rid of him.
Had to get that out. Thank you. Now I need to find a partner who (1) has a brain in his HEAD and (2) knows how to make love to a woman.
Suggestions are welcome.0 -
Mena- keep looking! There are good men out there,
just hard to find!
And, so glad to hear that Donna and Beth had fun in Baltimore! I did read that twice Beth as I thought maybe you and Donna had something going!!! Hey, it is ok with me! Good mojo is good mojo!
I have booked a romatic/hot weekend away for when I finish rads!!0 -
Question: Are any of you still going through chemo? I'm still about a month away from finishing and my mojo is sketchy, to say the least. Add to that my husband is only home on the weekends and sometimes not even then.
I'm assuming it gets better after the chemo - when you don't have the chemo side effects anymore. What say you??
Jen0 -
LMAO-- totally love PENIS.... although Donna wears her post chemo cut well...lol....
mena-- ever hear those freak accident stories about things falling on peoples head at Home Depot???
love to all0 -
Mena - your asshole ex and the monosyllabic slut sound like they totally deserve each other and make a great couple! Thank God he's HER asshole now and not YOURS.
I was lucky and found a man who has a brain AND knows how to make love to a women. After being married for 20 years, the last 10 of which were basically sexless, and when we did "do it" it was never based on pleasing me, and certainly wouldn't describe it as "making love".
Before meeting Mark a couple of months ago (who I met on match.com by the way) I didn't even know sex could be like this! OMG! I hadn't had sex in TWO YEARS before Mark. And he knows how to MAKE LOVE and not just hop on for a ride...none of that wham bam thank you ma'am crap.
So I KNOW there are good men out there, although they may be rare....Mark happended to be the first guy I actually dated after BC tx and divorce. I know there are creepy guys out there (had some phone conversations with a few of those) but there are definitely some good ones too. Or at least one....you don't suppose I got the only good one, do you? LOL
Here's to good mojo for all of us ~
Donna 0 -
OMG, you ladies are hilarious and my reading this thread throughout treatment has been a total godsend. I'm now done with chemo and my lumpectomy and getting ready to start rads on 10/24. Having been screwing my brains out throughout the whole ordeal (outta fear that, any day, it could all go away!), I'm ready to chime in. My 'mojo history'...married for a million years to a great guy with whom I didn't want sex. Found me some young boy-toys towards the end of the marriage and made up for lost time. Had a pretty hot bf from right before my dx thru about a month ago. Met the most terrific, hottest, horniest, sweetest guy possible around the same time I broke up w/bf and have been having HMS every day/night since! And ya know what? This guy is not only waaaay hot for my body despite the scars, etc., but he's been an advocate for 'the cause' since before we met. His stepmom has bc and he's done fundraising and did the Race. PLUS, on the day I was hysterically nervous about getting my big path results, he wore his pink bracelet and a pink shirt to work while thinking of me....how sweet is that??
Anyway, my sexy sisters, I'm glad to be joining you all and look forward to sharing tips and tales of our escapades!
Marin0 -
OMG, you ladies are hilarious and my reading this thread throughout treatment has been a total godsend. I'm now done with chemo and my lumpectomy and getting ready to start rads on 10/24. Having been screwing my brains out throughout the whole ordeal (outta fear that, any day, it could all go away!), I'm ready to chime in. My 'mojo history'...married for a million years to a great guy with whom I didn't want sex (too boring & hung-up...no HMS there!). Found me some young boy-toys towards the end of the marriage and made up for lost time. Had a pretty hot bf from right before my dx thru about a month ago. Met the most terrific, hottest, horniest, sweetest guy possible around the same time I broke up w/bf and have been having HMS every day/night since! And ya know what? This guy is not only waaaay hot for my body despite the scars, etc., but he's been an advocate for 'the cause' since before we met. His stepmom has bc and he's done fundraising and did the Race. PLUS, on the day I was hysterically nervous about getting my big path results, he wore his pink bracelet and a pink shirt to work while thinking of me....how sweet is that??
Anyway, my sexy sisters, I'm glad to be joining you all and look forward to sharing tips and tales of our escapades!
Marin0 -
Welcome to our "anything goes" thread, FitChick....
OK....as much as this divorce hurts and as difficult as it is...I did feel frisky yesterday! Not for the jackass, of course, I think I was watching Christopher Meloni on Law&Order SVU hahahha. Seriously, I was....I looooooove him. Crap, even Mariska Hargitay turns me on and I'm supposedly hetero hahahaha.
Sooooooo....HITACHI TO THE RESCUE!! The Magic Wand, of course, with attachments...woooo hoooo!
Count 'em....Three, that's THREE orgasms. My loser husband could never bring me that far.
Maybe I'm gonna be ok..................xo0 -
Post deleted by Mena; got so excited over those multiple orgasms that I posted the same story twice.......xo
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Mena, of course you're going to be okay.... seriously. You are such a trooper... You've been through so much shit, and you seem to bounce back, stronger and stronger no matter what curves life throws your way. You have great integrity, and you honor yourself by knowing what you deserve an expect.
So onto my mojo--the guy I was dating for the last 2 years who is my best friend, that I am madly in love with-- some of you know we hit a rough patch a few weeks ago. Just in time for Donna and I to meet up in Baltimore, and give me the freedom to hang with an old flame. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and that my opportunity to be with someone else gave me a renewed, refreshed sense of sexual self. Does that make sense?
So fast fwd, and of course my guy and I are talking and hanging out again. What can I say? I seriously love this kid, and no one laughs harder than we do on a daily basis. Our sex life has always been great, but I think there was an element of passion that was missing, and I think it had to do with my feelings about my reconstruction. I love my new girls, do't get me wrong, but I was missing that little something-- that I totally found again while away on my trip. Needless to say, I have a new found sexual confidence, and I think my body looks fantastic. Long gone are the chemo days, and being bald, and feeling fat, and having a port sticking out of my chest while having 5 hot flashes per hour....
I've started to play a little hard to get, and boy is it working in my favor. I was sitting in terrible traffic this morning, and I'm sure the cars next to me were looking at my shit eating ear to ear grin like I was crazy... but all I could think about was last night....
here's to good mojo for all... whether with yourself, or someone else...0 -
Hey "little sis" - sounds like the Baltimore trip was rewarding for you in many ways, some of which are just now being recognized.
Glad to hear you've got a shit-eating grin on your face, and that your mojo is better than ever!
And Mena - Beth is right. You're a trooper and you're going to be okay. Trust me. And good for you and your recent mojo experience. Sometimes your own cookin' can satisfy you like nobody else's cookin' can LOL!
Donna 0 -
Bumping up........
Hugs........
Candi0 -
I couldn't find this topic so I wrote my question on "help me through the treatment"...I'm so upset I cant organize my thoughts....If you can, please, go and read what I wrote there...The summon is that i'm still on chemo, (finished taxotere and herceptin and began a/c and herceptin) in menopause beacause of it and I don't feel the same things than before during sex...I'm really worried 'cause I can't imagine to live the rest of my life this way...orgasm is less deep and less intense....is chemo?
is menopause? Will it stop? I want to feel the same wonderful sensation than before. ..please let me know if someone else has had this same experience...thanks!
laura0 -
I couldn't find this topic so I wrote my question on "help me through the treatment"...I'm so upset I cant organize my thoughts....If you can, please, go and read what I wrote there...The summon is that i'm still on chemo, (finished taxotere and herceptin and began a/c and herceptin) in menopause beacause of it and I don't feel the same things than before during sex...I'm really worried 'cause I can't imagine to live the rest of my life this way...orgasm is less deep and less intense....is chemo? is menopause? Will it stop? I want to feel the same wonderful sensation than before. ..please let me know if someone else has had this same experience...thanks!
laura0 -
I couldn't find this topic so I wrote my question on "help me through the treatment"...I'm so upset I cant organize my thoughts....If you can, please, go and read what I wrote there...The summon is that i'm still on chemo, (finished taxotere and herceptin and began a/c and herceptin) in menopause beacause of it and I don't feel the same things than before during sex...I'm really worried 'cause I can't imagine to live the rest of my life this way...orgasm is less deep and less intense....is chemo? is menopause? Will it stop? I want to feel the same wonderful sensation than before. ..please let me know if someone else has had this same experience...thanks!
laura0 -
sorry I did a mess with these messages....
Laura0 -
It takes time and patience, but your mojo WILL come back. I am now two years out of treatment, and am nearly back to normal. I have to use some type of lubrication because I have vaginal dryness, but my desire and ability to orgasm have returned. The urge to mate is a pretty strong one, just below the need for food and water. It takes a severe blow during treatment, but it does survive.
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Thanks, Hooptie!! I was so anxious about it! Thanks again, and good luck!
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Laura....you have come to the right place. You speak of things that are the very reason for which I started this thread.
Now listen, most everyone here knows how my scumbag husband left me 6 months into my Stage IV diagnosis. They also know how incredibly painful this divorce experience is for me; but I won't stay married to a dirtbag so I filed and am going through with it.
BUT even I have had about 6 megamaniacal orgasms in the last two days with the Hitachi Magic Wand. I never thought I'd ever be horny again as I am devastated by my husband's infidelity. I certainly thought I would never ever have an orgasm again. Fortunately, they are back and better than ever and there's no partner involved hahahahahha.
Read this thread from the beginning and you will find a plethora of suggestions/advice and actual "consumer reports" from those of us who have purchased toys, lubricants, etc.
You're going to be just fine...Mena xo
P.S.....Now, about your three posts hahahahah....just go to the two that you want to delete, click on edit and delete them....or not...whatever makes you comfy. That's why we're here.0 -
Dear Laura,
I'm so sorry you're having this experience. I escaped chemo and radiation (was stage 1, DCIS with some invasive cancer, had mast and recon), but have been on Tamoxifen for the past year. I am pre-menopausal (age 46 now), but the Tamoxifen seems to be giving me many of the menopause symptoms but I still get the joys of bleeding every month (the 'best' of both worlds -- ugh...).
The symptom that disturbs me most is loss of libido. This includes not only general lack of interest (I DON'T WANT TO NOT BE INTERESTED!), but the sensation is much more muted than before. I can have climaxes, but they are lame by comparison to what I used to have. I feel like someone has removed about half my nerve endings.
I spoke to my onc about this, she confirmed that this can indeed be a side effect of the Tamoxifen. Don't know if this happens with chemo. I have four years to go and by then I'll probably be menopausal, if the meds haven't pushed me into it early. I don't know if this is just a preview of what I'd get from menopause anyway, or if this is specific to the Tamoxifen. But I am very bummed about it. At the end of the month I have a gyno appointment with a woman who specializes in sexuality issues for women with BC. But after speaking with my onc, I don't have a whole lot of hope that the gyno can help me.
Anyone out there have better things to report??
Orchid0 -
Dear Laura,
I'm so sorry you're having this experience. I escaped chemo and radiation (was stage 1, DCIS with some invasive cancer, had mast and recon), but have been on Tamoxifen for the past year. I am pre-menopausal (age 46 now), but the Tamoxifen seems to be giving me many of the menopause symptoms but I still get the joys of bleeding every month (the 'best' of both worlds -- ugh...).
The symptom that disturbs me most is loss of libido. This includes not only general lack of interest (I DON'T WANT TO NOT BE INTERESTED!), but the sensation is much more muted than before. I can have climaxes, but they are lame by comparison to what I used to have. I feel like someone has removed about half my nerve endings.
I spoke to my onc about this, she confirmed that this can indeed be a side effect of the Tamoxifen. Don't know if this happens with chemo. I have four years to go and by then I'll probably be menopausal, if the meds haven't pushed me into it early. I don't know if this is just a preview of what I'd get from menopause anyway, or if this is specific to the Tamoxifen. But I am very bummed about it. At the end of the month I have a gyno appointment with a woman who specializes in sexuality issues for women with BC. But after speaking with my onc, I don't have a whole lot of hope that the gyno can help me.
Anyone out there have better things to report??
Orchid0 -
Sorry it's been so long ladies, been dealing with more you-know-what crap. Anyhooo... am on Cymbalta now one month and so far have seen no improvement in sex drive. Now that I'm menopausal (darn meds) I have basically no interest. Zip. Zero. Nada.
Any of you tried the EROSCILLATOR? Gawd the name makes me think of the Terminator! Apparently it's the ONLY sensual device EVER endorsed by Dr Ruth Westheimer, and it's made SPECIFICALLY designed for excitement of female genitalia.
Apparently there are 3 versions, and the cheapest (which is discontinued, so only available at a few sites) starts at $99.
Here's the link to Dr. Ruth's site:
wwww.eroscillator.com
And to the site with reviews:
http://www.intimategifts.com/Intimate/showdetl.cfm?&DID=6&Product_ID=2270 -
Reviews of the Eroscillator seem to be unanimous:
From a dr. who did a study of 3 diff vibes talks about the Eroscillators unique oscillating movement: "This action produces "stronger, more intense orgasms, easier, faster, deeper, multiple orgasms, and was overwhelmingly preferred by women".- Dr.Louis Lieberman Ph.D
Others from consumers online...
"Worth it's weight in gold." "Took a while to learn to use... the Eroscillator 1 [orgasms]are among the most intense that I've ever known." "Something that's going to last...it's going to give you some damned fine pleasure." "The Eroscillator is worth every penny...the Cadillac of the vibrator world" "As quiet as it claims to be." (Ad says virtually noiseless) "After [trying & enjoying]enjoy so many toys, it was amazing this one could actually stand out and deliver the goods. a must have. When one considers the quality, versatility, and pleasure payoff...the cost seems a pittance. you'll save on NOT purchasing other,less effective toys."
Well ladies, the more I read, the more I want one. Doubt hubby will balk at the price if it gets me back in the sack! I will check around for best prices, free shipping and money-back guarantees. Many sites do give refunds minus a "sanitary disposal fee" on these types of items if they've been used.
Keep ya posted..... bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz0
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