I WANT MY MOJO BACK!

flyaway

Orchid, go to the gyno who specializes in sex issues. I'm not sure all oncologists are in tune with this--mostly the "big picture" of BC. I am dealing with similar problems and would welcome such help.

Bianca

Ok,in my ongoing eroscillator research, I found a tidbit about water-based lubes and why some of them go from slippery to sticky after awhile. (These are ones that are safe for condoms since they have no petroleum products.)

Apparently the problem is that the water in them evaporates. Some people keep a small mister filled with water at bedside and give a quick spritz to rehydrate. They say it works like a charm!

SpanArtist

Hi Bianca,

I tried this product before BC (and before chemo and Arimidex) and found it to be disappointing back then...not powerful enough for me!! I still find the Hitachi Magic Wand to be by far the most effective vibrator! I DO think a better vibrator could be designed, but I haven't found anything actually out there so far that's better than the Wand. Here are a couple of links to places that sell the Wand and attachments:

http://www.libida.com/content/shop/toys/item.php?product_id=1037

http://www.drugstore.com/qxp70221_333181_sespider/hitachi/magic_wand_vibrator.htm

Good luck!

Hugs,
Liza

mmfeelgood

Bianca,

I have had an eroscillator for about 3 years, and I love it. The different attachments are fun to try, especially with a willing partner. I truly think it's worth it's weight in gold, and have it plugged in at bedside all the time. I've named it "Jacques"...after the attachemnt called the French Legionnaire's Moustache. Provides better orgasms than my ex ever did - lol. I've used it all thru treatment, and even more now that I'm done with chemo. Now I suppose I need to find a man who also will play ;-)

I've definitely gotten my money's worth :P

Jan

jaybird627

Orchid, I don't know either. I just started Tamoxifen about two weeks ago but my orgasms have been less than inspiring since chemo. I'm on no other drugs so I'm thinking it's the menopause angle? Chemo made me post-menopausal and before all of this my orgasms were definitely something to behold. I'd hate to spend the rest of my life not interested in sex (I'm 45) because what good is a long life without good sex? I'm single, though, so I can't complain all that much I suppose. It's definitely keeping me single as how do I start a relationship if all I want is friendship? My gyne and my onc both say it's (my long lost libido) going to come back but I don't believe them. I used to be very aware of my body and most days now I just forget I even have a vagina since there are no real feelings there anymore. This new 'normal' is not one that I like very much. I wish you luck though.

Janis L

orchid

It all seems so frustrating... First we get BC, then (in my case due to mastectomy and recon) mourn losing a breast, losing sensation on that breast, and losing sensation on my tummy where they took the recon tissue from. And then, to add insult to injury, guess what? The meds make what remains of your sexual experience totally lame...! I spent a lot of time being sad about this, and now find myself more and more resigned to it. What can I do? I can still have sex, but it sure ain't what it used to be.... I am married, and though my husband is extremely sympathetic, when I'm less interested he is also less interested. We still have a sex life, but its much less frequent, and for me just much less interesting and compelling.

But I DON'T WANT IT TO BE LESS INTERESTING! And damn it, I don't want to not care about it anymore! Its never in my life been that way for me, I've always had a healthy libido, and while at first I mourned the loss of my breast, now I find I'm mourning the loss of my libido and general quality of my sex life.

So you ladies who went through a natural menopause before you got BC -- was this what menopause was all about anyway? Did it just sneak up to you more naturally and more slowly over time, instead of all at once for those of us who have chemically or meds-induced menopausal symptoms? Like I said before, I still bleed every month, but the sexual symptoms (lack of sensation and diminished climaxes) happened all of a sudden with the ongoing use of the tamoxifen. And for those of you who had natural menopause, did it change over time and how did you acclimate yourselves to the new world order?

Orchid

casinogirl

I am afraid of losing my newly found sexuality (was in a sexless marriage for years, but thx to new BF it's now HOT, HOT, HOT)

I am scheduled for ooph on 11/14 and worry about becoming a dried up old hag at age 43. When I had consult with OB last week, he originally said he wanted to take uterus and cervix too. Then he told me it would shorted my vagina about 1 cm, and that my uterus wouldn't contract when I orgasmed (b/c there wouldn't be a uterus there to contract) so I also consulted with onc, and she said there was no reason she could think of to take the healthy uterus and cervix if I wasn't comfortable with it. I've never taken tamox so no worry about the effects from that.

SO - although I was originally scheduled for total hyst, now I am scheduled for just ooph and hope it won't effect sex too much. I do seem to be in somewhat of a peak right now and hope it continues.

Here's to good mojo my friends!!

Donna

Sierra

Hi Gals:



re a natural menopause

I went thru one

any of you can e mail me private



OK>



but now today

frankly

I do not care about intimacy..



perhaps a new mate will change that



but.. have other issues on the go



I read a few of your posts..



Woweee.. Maui... LOL..



More Power to you.



PS.. A few weeks ago

I posted about the FIREMen..



LO AND BEHOLD I received in my

e mail a box . .mail from a fireman

Young.. LOL.. no.. I am not interested..



but it was nice to get the mail



Best of luck to all of you on this..



I also took hrt.. during menopause

so that helped with some issues..



Needless to say, they took me off it

pronto when Dx.



Plse respond private.. if you want any info.





Hugs.. and good wishes for all

laura59

Furious, no, more than furious!!!!I'm goimg to end my damn'chemo on december (happy about it, tired of my loss of libido, my half climax and all these wonderful things, and my onc tells me I should be on tamoxifene for FIVE years.Hot flushes, vagina dryness, loss of libido, weight gain and so on.It means that , maybe, I'll emerge from all this mud when I'm, 51 years old. I'm considering not to have tamoxifene at all. Do you think that it worths all this? Please, if somebody has opinions about it, answer. I need suggestions....
laura

FitChik

My heart goes out to you ladies having libido and/or orgasm problems. All of losses that we need to endure in this journey and then to lose such a vital source of fulfillment...way unfair! I did want to post though and suggest that these losses might be temporary and, in the case of tamoxifen, might not even happen at all. Can't speak to the menopause issue because I went through it when I was 17 (yep) and I've always had a very strong libido. My sex drive and enjoyment actually increased during chemo, I think because of the extra skin sensitivity I felt. Now I'm on Arimidex and still no problem. What I'm thinking though is that whenever I want an extra boost, a good vibrator and some juicy porn helps. Since my new bf of one month, I haven't used a vibrator (this man is a master at oral sex and believes in pleasuring me until I can't stand it anymore...what a find!), but it's always 'at the ready' and I know I can get off in a minute or so with it, so I highly recommend giving one a try to see if things improve. Speaking of these little gems, I'm wondering if anyone has tried 'The Rabbit'? It's expensive, but promises lots of pleasure. Right now, I have an 'Apollo' and it certainly does the job..I am, however, always open to new possibilities. Has anyone tried it?

Marin

Claiire

Just bumping it up... Nothing exciting to share... Maybe after the weekend!!!

holli

Hi,
Just reading thru everthing and getting a little nervous about things. I have 2 chemo treatments and have 6 more to go and then hormones or surgery to have menopause. Kinda thought at first that I didn't want the surgery but now all that I'm hearing about the hormones makes me very nervous. So would be interestd in what some of you thought of the pro and cons. Maybe the surgery is better (just git'r done) so to speak!! lol

Thanks
Holli

casinogirl

FitChik - I too have a BF of 2 months that is a master of oral sex. Especially coming from a 20-yr marriage that was basically sexless the last 10 years. He's a dentist/oral surgeon and I told him he gives a great "oral exam"! Life is good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have the Krystal Wabbit (yes, it's Wabbit, not Rabbit) and another one that's "something" Rabbit. I LOVE the Krystal Wabbit or loved, I should say. Guess I broke one of the mechanisms near the top so that part of the rotation part is gone now. Guess it was my vice-like thighs that did it LOL!

Here's to good mojo for all!!

Donna

iodine

Holli, please post your question on a new thread and label it re: harmones vs. surgery or something like that. You'll get a lot better response and more information from those who have been there and can offer you some direction.
So sorry you had to find us but hope you will keep comming here and let us help you.
This thread is mostly about sexual responses and I feel you would do better on another heading/thread.
good luck, Sweetie, wish I could offer info, but I was already in menapause when I was dx'd.

FitChik

Donna...That's hysterical about your bf being an oral surgeon! Mine's a social worker, so what's up with that?! I'm thinking it may just be natural ability, but don't care....just lovin' it!
So wow...you broke a Wabbit/Rabbit?! What enthusiasm! You go girl

Marin

SpanArtist

Hi everybody,

I came across this article and thought it might be of interest (concerning a drug in clinical trials that might remedy vaginal dryness AND may help to prevent breast cancer)...here's the link:

http://www.ucdmc.ucdavis.edu/newsroom/releases/archives/cancer/2005/ospemifene11-2005.html

Don't give up, Laura59. In a few years' time, new treatments could be available to us. And personally, Laura59, I would take the Tamoxifen (in fact, I do take Arimidex). I see every treatment offered to me by my excellent oncologist as an opportunity to try to defeat my cancer. I DO understand your anger and fury, but to my way of thinking, I'd rather be alive and a little less able to perform sexually than the alternative...and I DO feel hopeful that new treatments are in the works for us constantly. The longer we stay alive, the more the chance of a new treatment being developed that's more effective than what we have now. I don't mean to sound blunt, I really do understand your anger.

Hugs to all,
Liza

casinogirl

Fitcik - I think you're right about the natural ability thing - I also think enthusiasm goes a LONG ways too!

I asked BF right off the bat - where did you learn to do THAT? He said he has a couple of lesbian friends who taught him a lot of things about "oral exams". I didn't ask HOW his friends taught him, I just commented that he was a very good student, and he said "I take my studies seriously" LOL!

Here's to good mojo for all!!

Donna

Jenster

When my husband and I were dating nearly 20 years ago, he tied a cherry stem in a knot with his tongue. Not one knot. But three. Need I say more????

Jen

FitChik

Jen...I hope that he is still 'tying knots' for ya!?

Donna...Hopefully, those lessons were of the didactic nature rather than the clinical, but who cares?!



Marin

Jenster

I'm still smiling (once I catch my breath).

Jen

jlazyk

I'm 38 and on Tamoxifen. I had finished AC + T chemo at the start of June. My periods returned two months ago. I didn't really want to write this on here, because so many other have lowered libido.....but I'm just hornier than a mink. I was the same way during chemo....except I had dryness issues (except on the top of my bald head there I just dripped sweat from hot flashes during sex). I needed a terry headband like the NBA players from the 70's. But just on tamoxifen I'm fine. In fact sex is pretty much all I think about. Just try it for three months.....some people have different reactions.

j

daydream

Ha, ha! Too much! My husband is a physician--good hands and he knows anatomy!

I went through menopause naturally, and I can honestly say I didn't have problems except the hot flashes. Not fun, but I can deal with them. And, I actually LOST weight after menopause!

I think it's common not to feel like having sex when your having chemo and feeling like crap. Partners need to be understanding, and we need to be understanding of ourselves.

I'm on Adriamyicin (however you spell it!) which can be irritating to your bladder. So, I'm in the clinic for a bladder infection, and I told the nurse it was probably caused by a little to vigorous sex. She was surprised I was up for sex at all!

So, be gentle. And, use it or lose it! If you don't have a partner, do-it-yourself! Keeps the blood in the tissues flowing.

heartbroken1

Hey I think you are completely right- and I agree and have read about that too- that it will help w. dryness to do that.

Biker54

Janet,
I also want my MOJO back! This really pisses me off! Isn't it enough that we go through all we have to go through and we get the grand booby prize? I also had a phenomenal sex life before bc. Don't get me wrong, it's still great, but the lack of sexual feeling and vaginal dryness is a major pain in the ass I have found that KY works really good for me. It's weird. Sometimes I can have a blockbuster orgasm with no effort and other times I feel like I am just beating my head against the wall. Most times I really have to work for them and the quality is way down. I told my husband that I seem to have lost the mind-body connection, if that makes any sense.

Thankfully, my hubby is very understanding and sensitive to my needs, as I am to his. We've been together since we were 14 yrs. old. I guess we have it right by now ( married 34 years!) I think if you have a good relationship with your SO, everything will eventually work out. Communication is first and formost!

Hang in there!
Janet

EvieGT

Have heart ladies, I had BC 8 years ago (recurrence now but moving through the treatments) and the mojo comes back, in SPADES! Until then, found the vaginal dryness was the most pressing issue and my gyn gave me an insertable (like a tampon) cream that worked. It was just okay but better than before. The libido took about 2 years but then built to a magnificent level. I'm in my late 60's so hope that gives you all hope.

susan_NY

Thanks so much for posting that message, now that is inspiring!

Pharmmom

I am glad to hear that libido can come back. I mean it does come back but it just seems slower to me to get "there". I have been off chemo since June 2003 (last treatment). I mentioned on another forum that there are 3 pills for men with the loss of libido problem and not one freakin pill for women!!! That just makes me soooooo mad. My husband doesnt get it. Its all more that just lubrication!! You can be lubricated and your husband says everything feels fine to him but with me I still feel sore. I realize the more you do it the less sore you feel, but I still don't feel like precancer days and I am so angry/depressed about it. We survive cancer and we have to physically deal with this. Making sure we use lubricants yadda yadda yadda when back in the good old days we just "did it" and it was no problem!! Sorry girls just having a bad day!

Barb

3strikes

Hey Ladies... just took another getaway, but this was the first since I started using vagifem.
Sex at home is usually not done, but to go away... you know what is "up and coming".

I still had some initial pain on penatration, and I added alittle lube.
BUT.... during the playful beginnings, YES.... there was my own moisture! I was not a desert, or attacked with what could equal sandpaper on my poor neglected "spot". And I didn't bleed!

The onc is not over-joyed with my decision to add vagifem to my life, but I was very pleased with the results.
Now, all we need is something for the desire!

Diane

cryswill

Well I just had my first "encounter" since my dx a year ago. I thought I'd lost interest, but now am hornier than when I was 20. The gentleman in question is quite--er--proficient. What a way to come back!

casinogirl

I know how you feel - I think the proficient partner thing makes a really big difference LOL! I think about sex all the time now too...it's a refreshing change!

Here's to good mojo to all!!

Donna