Take our poll: How does Breast Cancer Awareness Month make you feel?
I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
Comments
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Dang! I go away for 3 weeks and come back and there is no MOJO!
No MOJO in my life these days! Dating a guy who works to much is a bad thing!
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Hey, what's the Vagifem? Regular lubricants don't do anything for the "being ripped apart" feeling, and I always bleed after sex now, too. I really don't understand why it hurts so much now. Is is age related, too?
I'm afraid you're going to tell me it's an estrogen product, aren't you?
Anyone with better lubricants than K-Y?
donnas0 -
Donna... yes, vagifem is an "E" product. Low level dose. It is a small pill that you plunge into the vagina. Not all the docs are on the same page as to the absorption into our system.
You use it every day for 2 weeks, then cut it down to twice a week.
I back it up with replense.The vagifem helps with natural moisture, the replense helps to smooth the internal tissue.
We all take chances in life, and I'm willing to risk it.
Much happier this way.
Diane0 -
My ARNP suggested something called an S-ring. Since I don't really have a need at the moment (boo hoo), I haven't tried it, but should the occasion arise (pun intended), I probably will. After all she's the one who found the lump that never showed up on my mamograms.
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In general, does anyone know if vaginal dryness is a permanent condition after chemo, or does one's own natural lubrication eventually return?
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I'm told that the dryness is due to having been hurtled through menopause, courtesy of chemo and tam. But dryness has recently ceased to be an issue for me, so maybe it is temporary. Donnas, I'm also experiencing bleeding and don't know what's causing it, as I'm no longer having dryness problems. I have a gyn appointment in a couple of weeks, and will ask about it then. As for lubricants, I like astroglide (even without dryness, lubricants can add flexibility to foreplay--I've learned not to be bashful about using them).
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I too am a fan of Astroglide. Even before my ooph 3 weeks ago we used it regularly. Now, I can tell I am somewhat drier than before ooph but the Astroglide makes everything work smoothly!
Donna0 -
I really like ID lubes. You can get flavored or plain. I'm posting info below. There are places all over town you can get them (book stores) or you can mail order it.
I got mine from NiteTimeToys.com
ID Juicy Lube
ID Juicy Lubes are available in a variety of sensuous flavors. Pop a top and share a taste of pure, sexy fun with the one you love! Non-staining, water-based, and water-soluble. Latex-safe, sugar-free, harmless if ingested. 4.1 fluid ounces.
The plain one
ID Glide Lubricant
ID Glide is the original formula that made ID so popular. Rated #1 by Men's Confidential magazine, this sensual lubricant is long-lasting, non-staining, and odorless. Water-based, so it's latex safe and easy to clean up. Available in a wide variety of sizes, from a 2.8 oz. squeeze bottle to a one gallon refill jug.
ID lube is the lube most used by the porn industry...0 -
Wanted to bump this up for Ann who posted about feeling a sense of grief over losses, some associated with hormone and affecting sexual activity. Maybe some of you ladies can help?
Also wanted to run my own issue by you and see if anyone has had a similar experience. I've been with my bf for nearly 3 months now and sex, though not as frequent as I'd like (like twice daily?
), is awesome. However, though he claims to really love my breasts, he seems so tentative about even touching them, never mind doing even more. I've encouraged him, but he just heads to other body parts. What do you all think? 0 -
I think my BF is tentative as well. He loves my reconstruction, and touches them often, but not like he did when I had the old ones... but I think its also because it doesn't really do much for me as far as sexual stimulation.
Anyway- i've been so stressed out at work and haven't had sex in a couple of weeks. Tonight is finally the big night, and I get to sleep late in the morning...
happy mojoing.0 -
Hi everybody,
OK, here's my own bad news...
I was dx 10/04 (at age 53). My sex life SHOT downhill like almost everybody else's after dx. Cindy (my female partner) and I made love a few times during the first several months while I was going through lumpectomy and chemo, and things seemed ok (as far as my own physical sexual abilities). Then we didn't make love for several months (we had a GREAT sex life before BC...frequent love-making, and multiple orgasms for both of us and female ejaculation for me), so we made love a couple of times recently (I also started Arimidex during that time period), and even with our trusty Magic Wand (heavy-duty vibrator that has NEVER failed me!), I couldn't have an orgasm...or if I did, it was so small and piddly that I couldn't hardly even tell if I did or not! I tried by myself last night (she's out of town for a few days so I decided to do myself and REALLY pay attention to what was going on), and after a lot of work (and I mean work), I did have one that was just ok. I've started doing Kegel exercises and using Replens regularly (just to keep the dryness at bay...we don't enjoy penetration), and we decided that we have to start making love regularly again (use it or lose it), and we also ordered a Panasonic Pore cleanser, which works like an Eros Therapy clit pump, but not as expensive (it's $80, as compared to $400 for a prescription-only Eros Therapy pump), so we'll see...but I'm sure not liking this! I'm going to call the manufacturers of the clit pump as they were supposed to be doing a clinical trial last year on BC survivors, and I'm also going to call the manufacturer (Palatin) of PT-141 (a new drug in clinical trials that's supposed to help FSD by working on the central nervous system rather than being a vasodilator, like Viagra) to see if they have any clinical trials that would be appropriate for BC survivors.
I thought there was a way to add a poll here...Anyway, I'm thinking my problems are due to Arimidex/not doing it for a few months ("use it or lose it"). Any other post-menopausal Arimidex users out there with BC situations similar to mine who can give me some hope that things will come back to life??
Thanks and hugs to all!!
Liza
PS: I'll post the results of my research into clinical trials, for those of you who would be interested.
PPS: Cindy's been the most patient, loving partner through all of this, and she, of course, is sexually the same as she was. We've only been together 4 yrs (best sex together that either of us have ever had) and we love each other very much and are partners for the rest of our lives...I HATE to think of losing this part of us!!0 -
Wow, WOW, Wow... all Ive got to say is if the panasonic pore cleaner works for goodness sake let me know!!!!! I havent started on Arimidex but I dread loosing my sex drive.. I am only 43 and my husband and I have a great sex life. If my orgasms or half as good on Arimidex I will be happy! Okay Liza add me to your buddy list please and let me know what works!!!!! Stacey
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Hey Stacey, you might want to order a Hitachi Magic Wand (if you find that you need "help"). It's a great vibrator! Do a search on the web for it...they're sold on many sites and one can be ordered for about $50. It's electric, so it's powerful and offers more stimulation, which might do the trick...if you get to the point where you need more.
I will be sure to post my research results!
Hugs, Liza0 -
i'm still a huge fan of the pocket rocket... its very small, but gets the job done.
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I use an Apollo (vibrator) and it's effective too. But about the Arimidex, I'm on it and haven't had any sexual side effects, but my situation is freaky since I went through menopause when I was 17
Also, btw, the very night of the day I posted about my bf not touching my boobs, he went crazy over them. Maybe this is way paranoid, but I started thinking he's stalking my posts here 
Whatever, I just hope he keeps it up because it not only feels great physically, but more important, it helps me feel sexy and desireable, ya know?
BTW, Liza....what is a clit pump?0 -
Hey everyone!
I love this topic! This is exactly what I need to talk about. I want to introduce myself.
I was pre-menopausal before BC. BC treatment, at age 49, SLAMED me cold turkey into menopause and I know you all can relate. It was horrible. I did not understand what was happening to me I could not sleep, I had horrible memory problems (still do), hot flashes every 10 minutes I timed them, horrible mood swings crying without reason, then came the vaginal dryness and soreness. Of course, I was told I was depressed here take these pills. I went from vaginal dryness to not being able to orgasm (SSRI). We have to learn to cope with all of this and loose so much and then to loose the sexual side was the final straw for me. Of all the horror of treatment, this was the last straw, the limit of what I could stand. My OB offered me an RX for LIDOCAINE for my vagina. Can you believe it??? Was he crazy I did not want to anesthetize my vagina!!!!!!!!!! That was the low point for me. I was and am furious just thinking of it. I wanted to rip the rx up right in front of his face!!! Instead, I cried all the way home and cried almost continually for 2 weeks after. I finally was able to get my oncologist to give the OK for vagefem. I know it is a very slight risk, but one I choose willingly. The dryness resolved at least one part is fixed or at least improved. In the meantime, my husband, not wanting to hurt me, started to have difficulty with ED. When the vaginal dryness resolved he still continued to have trouble. He said I changed in the way I was responding and blamed me for his trouble - yes, it was partially true, but.... Male pride did not let him acknowledge the problem was in his head both of them (pun intended ha ha) We have had some terrible angry arguments about this to the point I worry about our marriage.
So, fast forward 2 1/2 years and things have improved for him (with the help of viagra for a time and working on his confidence). He is right, I am not the same as I was I can function but the wild passion lust - that was once there - is gone and I am very very sad about that and so is he. Sex is so so - when we have it - which seems less and less. Along the way we learned about lubricants and tried many kinds (like astroglide the best), the via-gel for women, tried supplements, and yes, we have a toy box (but have not used it lately) and watched movies. Reading these posts have reminded me to try these ideas again. It has been awhile and I have been discouraged.
I wont bore you with more of the story, but I just want to say THANKS for having a place I can post and talk about this without feeling as if I may offend or sound like I am complaining. I have realized that I have many many sisters here and I am not whiny to want this back in my life! Thanks to you all.0 -
Liza G, I had to respond to your post! I swore I'd never feel sexual again but there is hope for you! My story: I've always been a very sexual person. Loved sex, even 'bad' sex, and thought about it ALL the time. Then BC. Hrmph. Chemo slammed me into menopause. My orgasms were the same as yours - pitiful and NOT worth the effort. Luckily (?) I didn't have a parnter because I cried every time as I was so sad about my new, post-BC situation. I had dated a much younger man (he's 30, I'm 45) last year, fell in love (of course) but he wanted to be "just friends" so it ended but since we work together we somehow managed to remain casual friends. All this past summer while I was bald and sick he remained "just my friend" but fairly recently we somehow managed to become lovers again. Maybe the BC scared him or maybe my promise of not asking him for a commitment changed his mind but either way my young man is back in my life and I can honestly say that I enjoy sex once again! I had a very hard time getting back into the swing of things
but he's patient and I'm hot for him so it's been good for me. By myself I had a hard time climaxing but with my having sex with him 1-3 times a week (I'd like it more often!) my body has been responding better. I was SO upset when I lost my sex drive and bemoaned that fact to ALL of my doctors (male and female) and they said it would come back (I didn't believe them)and it has. Now, it is different, orgasms feel different and they're harder to achieve but it can and will happen for you! My body now is not the body I had before BC but as with anything in life adaptation is better than fighting in the end. I had another guy after me (even while bald!) but I wasn't interested in him so I'm going to say a lot of getting back into sex is mental as well as physical as I didn't feel a thing with this other guy's comments/passes whereas I cannot help but get all hot and bothered by my young man!
I've read all of these posts and prayed (I'm an atheist and still I prayed!) that I'd get "it" back and I have. I guess all it takes is time and patience and the right person.
And an aside to Beth in NY, I, too, have a pocket rocket (courtesy of an old lover) and it's just the best! I have four vibrators from him and that one is by far the best one!
My young man doesn't yet know the joys of sharing a vibrator - perhaps I should teach him?
Good luck to all of us with out new sex lives!
Janis L0 -
Hi all,
Thanks SO very much to all of you who are responding to my post from yesterday...the moral support means the world to me!
To answer you, Fitchik, about clit pumps, it's a device that actually puts a suction on the clitoris to pull blood into the tissue. The Eros Therapy is a by-prescription-only model ($400) that's supposed to be used every day to gradually enlarge the vessels down there for better engorgement. I've read that a Panasonic Pore Cleanser works as well or better (stronger suction plus vibration) for only $80, so I'm going to try that first. The article did say since it's stronger than the Eros Therapy, that you have to be careful with it or you'll end up with a hickey on your clit! lol
Second, I have news from the clinical trial front. I spoke to someone at Palatin today about PT-141 and was told that they're only doing Phase II clinical trials on pre-menopausal women...so if that applies to any of you and you're interested, you can find their phone number on their web site. The woman did say they'll develop further trials down the road, which will include post-menopausal women and also, to determine how it affects different pathologies (like BC).
I also spoke to someone at Eros Therapy to find out about the clinical trial they supposedly had going last year for BC survivors, and he said he didn't think they had started it yet, and that he was going to contact the dr who's in charge of it and get back to me. I also asked him to ask her if she knows of anything else that might help BC survivors in this respect. So I'll let you all know what I find out about that.
Now I'm wondering if anyone who's used the pocket rocket (which has been mentioned many times on this thread) has also used the Hitachi Magic Wand? I'm wanting to find out which has the stronger vibes. Maybe I'll just have to order a Rocket and find out for myself...lol...but if anyone knows, please let me know.
Ann, please keep posting. I've seen during this past year that this sex thing is a huge issue for so many of us and we all want to hear what you have to say! You're not boring us! We all need each other for information and support!
And Janis, sounds like now that you're more active sexually, even though it's been difficult getting to this point, orgasms aren't the struggle they were, do I understand you right? So the "use it or lose it" principle applied to you? I.E., now that you're using it more, it's improving? Where are you in your treatment? Was your BC hormone+ and are you on Tamoxifen or Arimidex (or something else) yet? And how are your orgasms different now...not as strong as they used to be? By the way, good for you for having a guy after you while you were bald! You go girl!
Well, I'm an atheist too, and I still bless you all for your input!
Hugs to all of you!!
Liza0 -
And Janis, sounds like now that you're more active sexually, even though it's been difficult getting to this point, orgasms aren't the struggle they were, do I understand you right? So the "use it or lose it" principle applied to you? I.E., now that you're using it more, it's improving? Where are you in your treatment? Was your BC hormone+ and are you on Tamoxifen or Arimidex (or something else) yet? And how are your orgasms different now...not as strong as they used to be? By the way, good for you for having a guy after you while you were bald! You go girl!
Well, I'm an atheist too, and I still bless you all for your input!
Hugs to all of you!!
Liza
Liza, I don't know about the Hitachi Wand but the pocket rocket is small, no attachments, and very powerful. Not really insertable but excellent for direct stimulation.
Use it of lose it? Perhaps. I forced myself to masturbate when I didn't want to just because I wanted to get back what I had lost. My ovarian function was still that of a younger woman (FSH below 10) before BC but chemo put me into menopause (my last period was in May and it wasn't quite a full period at that) and I was horny all the time, especially around ovulation, but lost all sex drive while in chemo and radiation. I ended chemo in June and rads in October. The guy who was after me is a horn-dog and he and I had dated so I knew what I could have but decided I didn't want him emotionally and since I was so messed up from my treatments I decided that no sex was better than sex with someone I didn't care for. All the while I still flirted with my young man in hopes that we'd eventually get back together. I do still, to a certain degree, feel somewhat dead inside and if it weren't for him I don't think I'd be seeing anyone but I can't say for sure. I actually have less emotional attachment to him now and I blame that on the lack of estrogen. I'm on Tamoxifen (almost 3 months) and have never in my life been so level headed! The emotional roller coaster of BC and treatment has evened out and I truly am more calm without my hormones raging every month. I miss the rhythm of what I knew but am getting used to this new reality of mine.
As for the orgasms, they are different. More diffused and less intense but they're better today than they were just a month ago. I think it's a combination of physical and mental for me. I think we all go through so f**king much with BC that we need to give ourselves a break and take the time to adjust to the new person we've become. I'm still adjusting and trying to accept but getting better as each day passes. I don't like my new reality but it is what it is and my fighting it won't change it it will only frustrate me so I'm doing my best to find new ways to be happy. We all have to figure this out in our own way. Feel free to PM me if you want to, I'm always around.
Janis L0 -
Marin (Fitchik), I'm glad your man is once again paying attention to your breasts! Mine have always been super sensitive but have been less so since treatment. My young man hasn't been paying as much attention to them since all of this BC crap began but he's slowly getting back to them. I think perhaps he was scared of hurting me or something? We don't talk of the BC even though he found my lump. My nipples are responding better each time (I swear my entire body died on chemo and is just now coming back to life) and I think this encourages him. I'm glad your sex life is good as we've been through a lot and to lose sex, too, how unfair is that???
Janis L0 -
the hitachi wand is definitely stronger than the pocket rocket. The pocket rocket is your run of the mill basic small vibrator.
Janis, what are you waiting for to bring it into the bedroom with your guy??? It will only make it more fun.
It's been said before, but this thread that Mena started just to clear her mind has become such an amazing source of information and support for all of us.0 -
Beth! My young man already thinks I'm too much! I've definitely been around the block a few more times than he has! I have to introduce him to the finer points of sex slowly as to not scare him off! I have a really nice (read expensive) bed with iron scrolling which is perfect for tying someone up and he's already told me that he's open to the idea of it so it's only a matter of when...
Janis L0 -
Well it sounds like you girls have had more 'success' with using a vibrator or other stuff with your guys. My experience has been not so hot in this area and since my current bf is so incredibly TERRIFIC at oral, I haven't pushed anything more adventurous. But now I want to and am hoping for some suggestions on ways to add variety, using vibrators...or whatever..? Do you mostly use it on him or have him do you (this is where I've had guys act like they are threatened by the thing, like they're in competition or something)? Please be creative and share..?!
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Hi Marin. I've only had my vibrator experiences with my ex-b/f (oh, and with myself!) who bought them for me and he was the one who used them one me. It was quite the turn-on for him. He wasn't threatened in the least and I can say that he was smaller than average (but my best sex partner ever because we went at it like rabbits and had fun!). It wasn't an all-the-time thing, but we liked variety so we just experimented the four years we were together. It should be something you both want so if you do you could go shopping together for one. And if you're both adventurous there are some beads on strings that can enhance the moment for either of you.....
Janis L
Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt!0 -
I am on Tamoxifen and 2 yrs out of chemo and still have no interest in sex at all. I can do it, but if I never did again I wouln't care. No drive, if you know what I mean. Is it the Tamoxifen or just the whole enchilada?
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jt it's the Tamoxifen and the chemo. I was hornier than hell before chemo/menopause and now I generally don't thnk of it often and I no longer think "I've got to get laid". I'm abe to have great sex with my man (younglover)but we have a history an I was I love with him so I thin that as long as you have some sort of relationship it could develope into something. Your feelings will slowly come back!
Janis L
Been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt!0 -
Just bumping this up and wondering....did Santa bring anyone new "toys"?
Here's to good mojo for all!!
Donna0 -
don- love the new pic!!! i just got your gift today too!!! i love you the best!
b0 -
Beth - glad you like the CD - Melissa ROCKS!
Just to add something else....I had the ovaries/tubes removed about 5 weeks ago and started Arimidex a couple of weeks afterwards. Orgasms were slower to cum (couldn't resist that one) at first and not as intense.
Although it takes me a little longer to warm up now, the orgasms are getting more intense, although not as intense as before ooph and Arimidex. I'm hoping they will eventually get back to where they were before.
And - after reading about all the toys - I want to re-do my Santa list! Now I want a Hitachi Magic Wand, Pocket Rocket and that pore cleanser/sucker thingie.
Here's to good mojo to all!!
Donna 0 -
All I asked Santa for was "Morning Sex". Did I get it? NO! I guess I was a bad girl! Or not good enough.... Oh well... I did get myself a new toy. It is called "Julies Grapes" or something like that. It is 2 oval things the size of large grapes, that are wired to a battery pack. I haven't had the nerve to take them out of the box and use them yet.
I got my FB a toy... it is a piece of fabric that is looped and connected with a bead. It slips over his parts and constricts them. WOW! It made his girth girthier! He was so turned on by the way it made him feel, he had a really hard orgasm... but there was no cum. Then he was so sensitive, I couldn't touch him for quite a while... bummer... It is time to dump this one... Sex every 3 weeks is not enough for me anymore! Why can't I find a guy that wants "it" every day! I miss my German boy toy! Maybe my standards are to high...
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