I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
Comments
-
I haven't posted on this thread (or any thread) for a year, it seems like, but I'm back here tonight because I'm SOOO discouraged!! When I first posted on this thread, I was just starting into this whole BC thing, just starting tx. Now, I'm finished with my tx (except I have about 3 1/2 more yrs on Arimidex) and I have to tell you girls, grateful as I am for my tx and for still being here and being NED, the one thing that I just can't get past is the way BC has robbed me of my sexuality and turned me into a eunuch! I'm with my same partner (we've been together for 5 yrs now) and she's as wonderful and loving and supportive (and attractive to me) as she ever was, but I'm dead from the waist down!! We had a FANTASTIC sex life before BC (right up until my dx) and overnight things changed. First I wasn't in the mood because of terror...then I wasn't because of tx exhaustion. But now, I just can't. Used to be multiple Os, female ejaculation...now, I don't have Os at all, or if I do, they're not identifiable as such. Our Hitachi wand has lost its magic! I'm just so down about this. I was taking HRT up until my dx. Then I was SLAMMED into menopause (I'm 55 now), and it's menopause with a vengeance! I know there are things that might help a little (Replens, Kegel exercises, have sex WAY more often in the spirit of "use it or lose it") but I feel like it's so much work for so little return. And my poor partner!! When we do make love, at least I feel like SHE gets some pleasure out of it! I love being close to her and seeing her pleasure, but that about sums it up for me nowadays! I feel ruined in that way...GLAD to be alive, but NOT happy about this one thing. I'm keeping my eye on Bremelanotide (the old PT-141), hoping that will help me and all of us BC girls who need it, and frankly, I feel like that's the ONLY kind of remedy that has any significant potential. Sorry to sound so negative, I just needed to vent (not that it changes anything)!
0 -
Liza -
This is the thread to come to. We are all in the same boat and trying to help one another out. I too used to be extremely sexual and sensual and now my libido can almost care less, well not quite that bad.
My onc said to tell DH that I need more stimulation more than ever. She said that foreplay is going to really come in handy at this time. That slam bam thankyou mam won't work so well anymore. Also, the girls here say if you haven't yet introduce TOYS. I haven't gotten the Magic Wand yet, but I do have the Pocket Rocket. My DH and I have been using them and it has been working.
Judy0 -
Hi There Ladies ~
I have tried all of the different types of lubes, gels, you name it and they seem to ALL burn. The ONLY thing that I found that works for me when I need it is good ole Vaseline (Petroleum Jelly.) A bit old fashioned I know, but it REALLY works and it does not burn. The ONLY thing is that it is greasy, but after sex I get up and wash and it melts away. DH does use oral stimulation but even that dried me out after awhile. Sometimes things are just GREAT and I just flow and other times it's DRY city. We have used the Pocket Rocket together and it does seem to stimulate me. You are right, it is a bit noisy.
Stimulation of self: Has anyone tried the shower head on the massage flow? The hand held ones are even better, and NO-ONE knows what is going on, and best yet you get CLEAN too!
We are going to look into the Magic Wand too.
Take care all land good night.
Judy0 -
I was directed to this board after posting my own message about sex after bilateral mastectomy. I am so relieved to find out I'm not alone in having no interest in sex. I mourn my breasts as they were the kick start to the rest of my body in achieving an "O". I find myself in tears after sex. So far every warming gel and lube has irritated me more than the dryness. I will try to find Astroglide or Vigel. I just ordered the Hitachi Magic Wand with the attachment. I almost felt of twinge of arousal reading about it! My hubby was looking over my shoulder when I was reading about it and of course he can't wait for it to arrive. I'm still in the midst of radiation, 3 more weeks to go and am not done with reconstruction. I know this has alot to do with my poor body image. My hubby is very understanding most of the time, but has a hard time understanding why I don't want sex like he does - I wish I did. Thanks to all the women who've posted here, you've helped me realize I'm not a freak.
- Kathy0 -
I talked to my gyn at my annual check up about vaginal dryness and lack of sex drive. He suggested Eros for a lubricant and said you get it at the "XXX" store. gyn said it is way better than any of the lubricants (K-Y brand etc) that you get at the drug store. DH and I tried it and it is good. Okay, only used it once so far, but I did like it better than everything else we tried. Its about $20 for a can. The gyn also rec L-Arginine for sex drive. This can be found at the health food store, such as Vitamin Cottage. A friend of DH, whose wife is also a BC survivor had also recommended it. I've been taking one capsule a day for about 2 weeks now - you can take up to 3/day. Time will tell how effective this is, but I can always increase the dose. At 50, I'm too young to give up sex for the rest of my life. I'm lucky that DH still finds me sexy (even though I don't view myself this way anymore).
0 -
For you ladies waiting on the Wand. After trying it, I can almost promise you you will throw out the Pocket Rocket and never look back. Its actually a bit addictive and your guy may get jealous, so be sure to include him in the play (however tempting it will be not to sometimes!). Also, Kathy, I'm thinking that putting the emphasis on the va-jj, you'll be able to forget the boob issue and get pleasure in other ways. I sure hope that you do. We give up enough to this awful disease and shouldn't have to give up sexual pleasure too!
0 -
Hi AnnB,
If you're reading this, I had double mastectomy, no reconstruction about four months ago. I was very worried about the effect on my sex life of the loss of my breasts, as nipples were the most important erotic area for me, and of course my DH loved them. But we've tried to be creative--I have some PALS prostheses, which come complete with areola and nipple. I put them on in a cute leisure bra and it really turns him (and weirdly, me) on. My DH's theory is that men are hard-wired to respond to breast shape and feel, doesn't really matter if they're real or not. Also, we laugh about the situation, which helps. We've always had a good sex life, but I've tended to be a bit shy (even after 34 years of marriage), so he really gets a big kick out of my willingness to flaunt my fake breasts.
We do sometimes make love spontaneously when I've gotten into bed with nothing on. It's still nice, but I notice I really don't want him to touch my flat chest. With the fake boobs on, I feel less inhibited.
BTW, I use Vagifem--I had such bad atrophy after surgical menopause that nothing else works. Even though I'm on Femara, my onc's okay with it--says the amount of estrogen absorbed is miniscule. It does sometimes make me nervous, but without it, I wouldn't be able to have any intercourse whatsoever, with or without boobs!0 -
Hey Folks,
We need some advice.
For the first time in our married life we have had to use a condom. I told him to buy the best he could get at the drugstore, "Lifestyles Ultrasensitive Premium Lubricated Latex..." They feel like rubber, awful. Isn't there anything better on the market?
Thanks in advance,
Mizsissy0 -
Mizsissy ~ Haven't used condoms all that much, but when I did, or should I said "he" did it was Trojons Ultra Skin Lubricated, and I am NOT kidding it felt (including by hand) like the REAL thing.
Good luck
Judy0 -
Trojans 'Shared Pleasure' is what I always carry in case of 'emergency'
0 -
Mizsissy--my first gyn--a woman--gave me the best condom advice--get the types with ridges, ribs or anything textured. There are some with latex 'studs' but I found them too rough. Experiment, because they are not all made the same.
Best wishes~~0 -
Thanx for all the feedback...so many choices!!! Hubby put me up to this; now I guess we'll have to get very busy in order to do a proper market analysis!!!
Mizsissy0 -
HI am reading your post and understand most of you are past treatment and just wondered if you remember how you did in the beginning? I had a right mast dec 29 and will start chemo next week. We have not had sex since I was dx'd dec 16. When I first got the news I was just too distracted to even consider that maybe we should "do it" before surgery and then after surgery, well hell just not interested. I had my port put in last week, so another surgery recovery excuse in my mind. My dh has not in any way pushed me, the day I came home from mast. surgery, he made a point to let me know "I'd do you right now" LOL He knew I obviously wasnt'tin the mood but wanted to reassure me that he could care less about the breast. I don't feel identified by my breast in any way, but my brain just can't seem to summon to desire. I know the chemo is going to be make this worse and I really wish I could just get myself to have sex with him before the tx starts. How did you guys cope when you were in the after surgery before chemo time? Thanks, Marsha
0 -
Hi Marsha,
I think my biggest concern about all this BC nonsense was what was going to happen to our sex life and my marriage I posted all over the place trying to find out about sexual side affects but no one would answer my questions...until I found Mena and THIS THREAD. I stayed up all night reading it...fascinating stuff! I'd never read anything like this before!!!
I went off HRT end of October and started going through menopause...hot flashes, dryness, etc., but the flashes are nearly gone. And then I found out about "use it or lose it" so we made a point of keeping things up twice a week. It works like a charm. The first few times I was a little sensitive but now I'm back in shape and we're enjoying sex more than ever. We don't think of it now each time as the ultimate act of pure love..it's just sexual 'exercise' to keep me in good condition so the pressure is off to "perform" and we're more relaxed and having fun. We are trying different kinds of lubricants, but after a while even that seems not as essential as before.
According to the experts, the only thing estrogen does for sex is thicken the lining of your vagina; the andogens and testerone are what control the urge, and you still get those after menopause (& even on arimidex).
We skipped a couple weeks after surgery.. he was ready but I wasn't. Then I was OK.
Just make sure to use a condom during chemo.
Hope this helps, Mizsissy xxooo0 -
Mena ~ If you still post on this thread can you please tell me more about the Vigel you talk about on pages 2 & 3 of this thread? You mentioned that it is tingly, but is it greasy and is it used as a lube? I could not get into the site (even when I tried it through the web by itself) to look up info on it.
My dryness has been driving me up the wall. Onc nurse practioner said to use replens, but I am not sure I want to insert anything either.
As I mentioned earlier the gels and lubes BURN like the devil and I have tried most of them.
The pocket rocket helps some, but then drys almost immediately after that.
This is crazy to me. I have been done with chemo for 1+ years.
Thanks,
Judy0 -
Judy,
I found a new website link for Vigel. Haven't gotten any to try yet.
http://www.vigel.net/
Hope this helps!0 -
Well, according to the experts (my doc) becasue I no longer have my own estrogen I am dryer than I was before. Never had that problem except when I was nearing the end of my 1st marriage. That was lack of interest.
This is very disturbing. I also have to sometimes force myself to hug dh. Since I am definitely having the PBM, I almost don't want to hug and feel what it is like now because it will be so much different feeling. I am having immediate recon and they are using skin sparing procedure and the ps says I will still have some feeling but I am scared to get used to the way it is now. The first time I met my dh we hugged. We didn't really kiss until our second date but that first meeting we talked until 3 AM (no surprise to some of you who know me) and we hugged good-bye. So it is a big part of our relationship to this day, 6 years later. I hug a lot, to ds and my mom too, let alone the grandkids.
Maybe this is the wrong thread for this discussion and it should be on the recon thread but once I got started it all kind of gushed out. DH tries but he just thinks I am nervous about the surgery in general terms.
Anyone else experience this kind of shying away feeling that I am having?0 -
What was it that you used to help?
0 -
I belong in the use it or lose it group...we cuddle everynight and usually are so exhausted that we fall asleep
in each other's arms,but every 5th night...we stay up and use a little lube if needed, but try not to skip the act. I swear it helps. I do notice if I get a hot flash during the intimate time- I am drier than I would like to be...
Reading soft porn helps too.
0 -
We're having a discussion on another board about the decline of sexual function after breast cancer treatment. Did any of you who did not have chemo begin to have sexual problems during and after treatment? The problems I'm asking about are lack of desire, slow arousal or lack of arousal, difficulity reaching orgasm, or weak orgasms.
The question is, are all sexual problems caused by the unnatural memopause chemo causes, or can they be caused by the other parts of treatment? What do you think?
Thanks for your responces.0 -
Judy, Judy, Judy...please don't use Vigel as a lube hahahah...omigod...it's too expensive...and it comes in an itsy bitsy tube...you'll be out in one use!
Ok: here's the scoop on Vigel: First off, it's got its own patent. I don't know about you, but that impresses me. It's a topical, external clitoral (labial, etc.) "arouser" for females. I don't have the box here, but as I recall, it increases the blood flow (and nitrous oxide I think?) to the va-jj and brings on a tingly feeling...
I know way back when on pages 2&3 the site offered free samples (with a S&H charge, of course). I found it at my local Rite Aid, along with Replens and other things...
Now what every woman needs is the Hitachi Magic Wand, Vigel and Replens. I stand by this. I sit by this. Oh, and I do like KY products as well. Can't wait to try their new "Intrique" product. Has anyone tried it yet? Let me know if I've answered your questions, Judy. I still read here!...Mena...xo0 -
Hey, the "I Want My Mojo Back" Thread is on Google...just thought y'all should know...in case you want to delete any real names, etc...
Who would do something like this? And why?
Ok...good mojo to all of you...xo0 -
I have read this thread - pages and pages of it.
And I am afraid to lose my MOJO! I have surgery scheduled for Tuesday. Chemo begins soon thereafter. So tonight I came >this< close to calling my sweet boytoy over to say "please come kiss 'em goodbye". He's about 12 years younger than I and the most delectable thing and ever so much fun. If I am going to become scarred and bald and sick and cold and full of pain - is it wrong for me to want one last night of whoopeee?
I only hesitate because i do have a pseudo-fiance. We've been periodically involved since I was 19 - through a marriage on both our parts, many ups and downs. He's wanted to marry me for 20+ years - i finally accepted his ring in March, only to return it in Oct. because I just don't want to be married! He's 11 years my senior and a good man. He'll stick by me, tits or no tits. He'll be here the week after my surgery. We live several states apart. 20 years ago our sex was hot! But somehow, viagra sex just doesn't thrill me quite the same.
While Young Mr. Hotsy-Totsy only has to kiss me and I'm getting moist. We've never wanted/needed any commitment. It's been 4 years we've been 'friendly' (no, not during my engagement). We just get together and enjoy a night out for some sushi and a night in of ecstacy. But I know he isn't someone I can count on through my trial ahead. That's just not what we do together - I haven't shared his troubles, either.
So, do i call him and have a whoop-ass fun night before my surgery, or do i just fade away?
lawdy, I feel like I'll have to come back and delete this post in the morning!0 -
Ohhhhhhhhh Lisa, go for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sounds like he is the man for your MOJO!!!
I would do the food later, start with a good bottle of wine
and if he's NOT the man for support and caring during your BC treatment at least keep him on a leash. Find your support elsewhere and make sure you keep him around to keep you feelin sexy girl!!!!!!!
Good luck to you!!!.0 -
P.S don't delete this post it makes soooooooooo much sense!!!
0 -
Lisa...TOTALLY go for it! But keep in mind that you may not lose all you think and may even continue to enjoy sex throughout your upcoming ordeal. I did. And with my boy-toy (20 years younger than I) and then my boyfriend who is/was 12 years younger. It all kept me wonderfully distracted and feeling awesome and hot. Now my hair's back and the scars are beginning to fade. But through it all, I kept my mojo. Even if you don't have the same experience and find that you don't have any desire or even much lubrication while going through treatment, I'd advise you to just think of it as temporary and believe that you'll get back to gettin' it on after chemo, etc. I remain a firm believer in the 'use it or lose it' theory, so I say GO FOR IT!
0 -
Thanks for the encouragement! I think that by candlelight my bruise from my biopsy might not even be visible and could avoid the need to make any explanations. I think I'll do me a pedicure while I continue to think it over. Gotta have cute tootsies!
Lisa0 -
One more GO FOR IT!!!
Janis L0 -
I'd advise you to just think of it as temporary and believe that you'll get back to gettin' it on after chemo, etc. I remain a firm believer in the 'use it or lose it' theory, so I say GO FOR IT!
Marin,
I know this was a reply to Lisa, but it made a lot of sense to me too. I just wanted to say thanks for posting it. At 46 I'm no where ready to give up on my sex life! But feeling real bummed out about it lately. As it hasn't been the same since my dx. This thread, and your post has given me a lot to go for!! And thanks to all the ladies for telling it like it is, and letting us know what works for them. I have a shopping list together now!! Thanks for all the honesty!!
g0 -
hey mena-
unless i misunderstand the type of listing you found, the mojo thread would come up on google automatically. a google search helps me find all the threads that i may have lost at one time or another. the mojo thread being near the top when you put the words in google happens automatically because of how popular it is (for those search terms). google tracks hits to a site and mentions of it in order to rank its listings.
forgive me if what i said is obvious and i misunderstood!
later ladies. i've gotta go get my mojo on!
s0
