I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
Comments
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Thanks for the insight Deb. I don't know if your experience is typical but it gives me some guidance with our situation. Can you (or anyone else) tell me how endocrine therapy effected you? We will be going on Tamoxifen in a month or so (still waiting on tests) and we'll most likely be moving toward ovarian supression/ablation/removal then switching to an AI next year or the year after. My wife's name is Traci BTW.
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Hey Joel...I've been on Aromasin for 2 years and it had initially affected my joints, caused carpal tunnel and given me a year's worth of severe insomnia. It did not affect my libido, but I'm peculiar in that I went through a 'natural' menopause at 17 years of age. For normal women, a sudden menopause will often cause some vaginal dryness, but that can be addressed in so many ways. I'd suggest that you check out some of the posts over on the Hormone Therapy board and even ask the question there. In my years on this board, I've found that those women who seem to fare better are those who know possible side effects, but don't necessarily expect them. That is, they prepare for the worst (through info gathering), but expect the best.
Why don't you encourage Traci to join us here? The more, the merrier, ya know?!
~Marin
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Hi Joel, good to hear from you again. I am atypical when it comes to horomone therapy, because my breast cancer was ER/PR- and her2neu-. I am one of the triple-negative family, where horomones have nothing to do with the tumor that I was growing.
Please do have Traci join us, we are here to welcome here with open arms!
Love and prayers, Deb0 -
PS-your avatar pic makes you look like an author or a college professor. Are you?
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Thanks for the invite Deb. My wife is just not into online chat or surfing the Internet for that matter.
An author or college professor??? Ha! That's a good one! I work in printing and advertising. For the past 6 months I've been involved in bc "research" so we get the best care possible.
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Hi Joel,
I didn't have chemo, but lumpectomy and rads, so I can't speak to the effects of chemo. But I can speak to what happens with lumptectomy and radiation treatments and my sex/intimacy life with my SO. I knew sex/intimacy was important to him from the getgo. It wasn't to my ex, so I made it important to me with my SO, because I love this man, and we had a great sex life before I got cancer. Sex, while being a great physical thing, was also his way of showing love and affection. The first time a few days after my lumpectomy was rough. My emotions were out of wack and my body hurt. Of course positioning was difficult. And he was upset when I couldn't orgasm. I cried, and wailed, "It's broken." But, we were able to have a very frank discussion about sex. He told me it wasn't broken and would come back, which it did. We were able to continue our sex life throughout my tx, just had to find different positions because of the pain in my breast and some dryness issues associated with tx.
The key was openly talking about what was happening to me physically and emotionally, about my fears regarding my life, death, the change in my body, his acceptance of the changes in my body and how it all affected our sex life at this time. These were conversations we'd never had to have in the past. They were tough conversations to have, and for my part, were done with a bunch of tears, and usually happened while holding me close in bed. But he was kind, loving, gentle and supportive.
There were times, though, when I wanted to smack him and say, "Enough already. My boobs fried and I don't want to have sex today!" It was great when we could get to that point and laugh about it.
Not being able to talk about it is like having an elephant in the room. Finding the best time to talk is probably when your wife is feeling the safest and most loved. I suspect that on some level she deeply grieves the intimacy you once had.
The emotions involved with a dx of cancer are complicated and many, ranging from fear, regret, guilt, sorrow, grief, rage, hopelessness, helplessness, loss of self-image, crisis of faith, loss of identity, loss of control, loss of dignity, despair, and many more. Kind of hard to get that sexy feeling with all that going on.
I've read your posts before, so I know how deeply you love and care for your wife. I hope she knows it too.
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BinVA....You've certainly expressed so very eloquently what so many wives/SOs want to say and what so many partners want to hear. Well, well said!
Now for a bit of levity, y'all....I know that some of you consider me some sort of sexpert and PM me with requests for advice and info when, in fact, I'm just another sex-obsessed girl in the crowd and actually pretty naive. Case in point: I'm on another message board that has a thread on sex and single moms and they're all talking about having FBs, FWBs and.....BOB.
BOB? B-O-B? BOB who? Who is this BOB? I go through all of my sex-related acronymns....no BOB! OMG, what am I missing out on? These women are singing BOB's praises to the rafters and I don't even know who he is! I'm panicking! So I trudge back through all of the previous posts in the very long thread...BOB? Are you here, BOB? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU, FREAKIN' BOB????!!!!! 
And then I see it...BOB's true identity revealed! Oh BOB, I've known you all along! And yes, I've even loved you! There you are, BOB.....my Battery-Operated-Boyfriend! Sigh........Oh, BOB! 
See? Naive as hell.
~Marin
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Hi Marin,
Thanks for the thanks!!
I hadn't met BOB until after I got bc. I guess I'm a late bloomer. My SO sure wasn't. Actually, he suggested I was sheltered. hee hee. Since he's on the road a lot, he thought Bob could keep me company. He's a firm believer in "use it or lose it." Yup, he read all the bc books, so I read the Adam and Eve books. Holy Smokes!
I have left the shelter!!
love you gals!!
Brenda in VA
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I just got done reading this entire thread.Wow. It took me a few days. It's certainly more interesting than War and Peace and about as long! You guys have been discussing this topic long before I knew anything about BC. What a journey we are all on.
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I beg to differ admin.
At least, based on the acknowledgements on your website, 7 of your 8 $100k contributors are pharmaceutical companies. I didn't look deeply into the lower contributors but at first glance, at least a portion of the lower than $100k range are pharmaceutical.
Non-Corporate contributors mention no individuals only "2" anonymous. (sp?)
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Geez Trix,
Maybe they were fans of the Mojo thread.
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I'm always curious when a comment has been deleted by mods. What was said?!?!
Joel-yes, we are all quite honest and frank on this thread, aren't we? I really think Marin wins for being our mojo goddess. How is Traci doing, by the way?Marin-what do we name our "plug-in" boyfriends? ie: my Hitachi Magic wand.....
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Trix' post was a response she posted on the thread to the mods about changing the title back to "Discussion Board." She was questioning their financing and the two anonymous donors. Nothing bad in the post. The problem was she posted it on about 1,000 different threads!!
No biggie. But that does raise the problem of all the speculation when you see a post that has been deleted.
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So, I was in the shower at the gym the other day (funny how random thoughts come across) and was thinking about what words women and couples use to refer to vagina.
Go for it, please. We need a new one.
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Blush....
we say "foof." That is our code in front of our son when we don't want him to know we are talking about sex....
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There was a hilarious scene in The L Word where the women were sitting around coming up with all of the names they had ever heard for vagina, everything from Mound of Venus to some kind of taco (?). Lately, it seems to be hoo-ha or VaJJ.
So, Deb, the code for our vibrating friends is B-O-B....battery-operated boyfriends. AND speaking of, I'll report that it looks like my BOB will be getting a well-deserved rest....now that I have a brand new REAL vibrating friend (aka a MAN!)! Yes, my chicas, I have met someone and fallen.............um, into bed with him
! No, seriously, I am pretty infatuated with this guy and we've been dating for about a month. Only did the deed, for the first time, last night and it was WONDERFUL! He does has an 11-year old son who lives with him, though, so our getting together will be determined by that and MY need for BOB as an alternative will be determined by that as well, so we'll see.........
~Marin
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Hi gals, I have to butt in this thread. I think the whole thing should be made into a book! IN TOTO. I think it would be amazing. All the pix and names need not be present, of course, but wow, the information and the honesty is just priceless, Mena? Think about that. This thread is funny, sad, informative, spot on, and a million other things.
Hugs, Shirlann
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You know Shirlann, you express my feelings exactly!!!
Of everything I had to deal with when I was dx'd, this was my biggest concern, and the only person who had any guts at all to deal with it was Mena!!! I think it should be made into a BOOK!!!
BTW, I'm pretty modest and don't like to post my own personal issues here, but I must say that what I've learned has been very helpful.
Mizzy
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I ran across this presentation from this summer's ASCO meeting. Click here, then click on the video for the session " Non-Oncologic Consequences of Estrogen Depletion " by Dr. Michael L. Krychman, MD. It's very interesting.0
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Has anyone here ever used DHEA suppliments?
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Hey, Joel....maybe some of the other women here have used it, but I seem to recall way back when we were discussing it at some length, that Jaybird627 has taken it and may still. There are some warnings about it though, so if you and/or your wife are considering it, definitely research it thoroughly (which I'm sure you're doing). I remember an episode of Dr. G where a woman died from having overdosed on it over a period of time.
As for creating a book of this thread, that makes me wonder what the legal aspects of such an enterprise would be. For example, does anyone know who actually owns the material that is written here? Worth considering.... Maybe Mena will check in soon, as she tends to do every few months or so.
~Marin
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Hey Marin-I'm so excited about your new sweetheart. What an exciting time, when you are both learning about each other. I can tell you are happy, and I'm happy for you!
I remember seeing something on the bc.org small print that we do NOT own what we put here, they do. We are not supposed to use anything we say here for publication.
However, that is why I have been sending around a journal with my Pink Ribbon Exchange-we swap little gifts with each other, and women (or men, if they ever sign up) write in the journal, which I copy and send to them as little books. I have small, secret hopes that I can use that some day in my breast cancer book. The down side is that the last round for the exchange has taken approximately a year. I'm starting to worry that it doesn't exist anymore
Anyway, I'd better go. I'll be back soon, I'm sure!
PS-we are trying to get pregnant!
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Yes, Marin, I've taken it (and still do on occasion) but I have found that while I'm not sure it makes a 'difference' in my sexuality/sexual response, the l-arginine (that you recommended?) seems to have. I take 500mg/day and I swear it's helped with intensity. I used to be horny 24/7 up until my BC tx and it's never come back but I do think that the l-arganine has helped a lot!
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Okay girls,
I got the magic wand, but that baby is like a power tool on my tender regions! Someone is going to have to give me some tips!
Miss S
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Place a wash cloth between the wand and sensitive areas. Dampens the effect some...
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Oh Jaybird, I'm so glad the l-arginine has helped! After all, it's supported by some decent research that, up until recently, only examined the impact of it on male ED. It's very promising that it seems to be helping women with libido issues as well! I just read, in Women's Health magazine, about something else that's in the pipeline and very promising and will go look it up tonight and report back on it.
Yes, a washcloth or thin towel, or even wearing your panties(unless they're crotchless
), should protect you from the heavy vibes. Be sure, of course, that you have it on the low setting too. Also, not putting it directly on the clitoris but, rather, around the area and against the labia should ease the intensity. Most of all....don't give up...persistence will yield mighty rewards!!!! ~Marin
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Oh yes-definitely keep up the practice with the wand. The first time I thought, "What a waste of money!!!" The second time-WHOA! By the fourth or fifth time, I was a pro
Marin-I saw your other gush thread about new man. First, I never believe that you are only slightly longer in your journey than I am-you are such a pro. Second, I am so freakin' thrilled for you-you sound like a teenager all over again.
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I've been taking L-arginine for a couple of weeks now.I noticed that it helps the blood circulation in my hands and feet. Within acouple of days they just felt warmer. Nothing else I can tell though.
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OK, Deb, uh, what exactly do you mean about my being "such a pro"????!
As for 'new man,' I don't know where he came from or why he came to me, but I am so happy! He's just DELICIOUS!!!! (and, yes, literally delicious too, though I'm just beginning to taste....
)!!!! ~Marin
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Hee-hee. Funny I used such terminology on the "Mojo" thread about being a pro! That could be interpreted a few ways, couldn't it?
It's just plain good to see when our sisters are moving beyond the cancer life.
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