MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Jo ~ I haven't been posting much myself lately, either. I come to the parties but stand just outside the door & watch & listen.
I understand your apprehension about the one-year mark coming up. I'm very sure the year went by slowly for you & yet was very busy & emotional. Such ups & downs we go through. My 3-yr mark is a couple of months away yet & I'm not sure how I'll feel. Honestly, I don't remember how I felt at my 1-yr mark, I'm sure I was still numb.......
So I want to send you my best wishes for all your days to be beautiful & we are very happy to have you for a sister/friend. ♥
{{hugs}}
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Jo ~ I haven't been posting much myself lately, either. I come to the parties but stand just outside the door & watch & listen.
I understand your apprehension about the one-year mark coming up. I'm very sure the year went by slowly for you & yet was very busy & emotional. Such ups & downs we go through. My 3-yr mark is a couple of months away yet & I'm not sure how I'll feel. Honestly, I don't remember how I felt at my 1-yr mark, I'm sure I was still frozen in time....... stunned, really.
So I want to send you my best wishes for all your days to be beautiful & we are very lucky to have you for a sister/friend. ♥
{{hugs}}
ETA: This post posted twice. Since I am in the boonies, I still have dial-up (lucky me) & I was waiting for it to post when I realized I'd been dropped, so had to connect again.
(I can get high-speed if I want to pay an arm & a leg, so I've opted to keep the slow crapola for a while yet!) 0 -
Let me preface this by saying, I didn't realize this post would be this long when I started typing.
Somewhere on one of these threads, I think I gave a brief explanation of my special relationship with my BS. Her father is the MD that delivered me and 2 of my 4 brothers (my youngest brother is named after him). I was an extra special delivery, as I was the girl my mother longed for (her one and only). The story is told that when she had her 3rd son, Dr. Jim was afraid to tell her it was a boy, because she wanted a girl so much. According to my mother, since my brother was the most beautiful/best baby in the world (slept through the night, his first night home from the hospital) she very quickly got over her disapointment that he was a he and not a she. My BS's dad also delivered numerous cousins over 2 generations.
Her father and my uncle went to medical school together. Imagine - it's the Depression and 2 sons of immigrants (Italian - my uncle); (Irish - her father) become doctors. Her dad got his love for italian food while studing at my grandmother's kitchen table.
We aren't BFFs and don't see each other socially, but the relationship between our 2 families is still there, especially between our fathers - until her's passed away a couple of years ago. She fixed my Dad's WWII injury related heriia, after numerous failed attempts by other surgeons. An operation, she is still especially proud of. She told the story to me again, when I saw her last week. She treated my mother twice for BC, then me, then a cousin twice and now monitors that cousin's daughter.
Anyway I started this in response to the comments about being informed by your MD and making choices. One of the first things she said to me after my diagnosis, was that she would always tell me the truth, no matter what. That was probably the 1st or 2nd sentence, she said, after I found out I had BC. Something she didn't have to tell me - I knew immediately by the absolute look of devastation on her face.
Then she TOLD me - she had to do a mastectomy and I would be having chemo no matter what the final pathology report said. No other options were presented or discussed. I was pretty glad I didn't have to make those decisions. I'm sure if it had been any other MD telling me this I would have said - "Whoa, wait I minute. I need to think about this." Turns out she was right. Her aggressive treatment is probably why I'm still NED almost 18 years later.
Because I've been NED for so long, I haven't been to see her in a long time. I thought she had mellowed some, given our discussion during my post op visit last week. She gave me options, we discussed them and I realized, walking out of her office, that she got me to do exactly what she wanted me to do.
She has mellowed in one area. Years ago, when I mentioned to her that I was thinking of getting a tattoo over my mastectomy scar - she absolutely flipped. Fast forward to my appointment to discuss my PMX - at the mention of getting a tattoo, she not only approved, she gave me the name of a tattoo artist, she had personally checked, out so she could refer her patients to a pro to have their nipple tattoos done. Actually that's another example of her control issues - she visited the shop and personally interviewed the artist.
I still have a drain in and although she's on vacation this coming week, she insists she's coming in to remove it. We went around and around on this a couple of times and as usual, she got her way. She'll be taking out the drain - hopefully tomorrow.
I know she gives her all to all her patients, but I think I get just a little bit extra special treatment. I feel very, very lucky to have her in my corner.
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Hauntie, I'm another "lurker" who doesn't post much on this thread, though you ladies always pick my spirits up when I visit! You really hit on one of my pet peeves, which is a Dr.'s hesitation to offer a strong recommendation. It is politically correct now for Dr.s to ask a patient "what do you want to do?" I think that it is a cowardly approach! I do a lot of research, but they have the medical degree, the experience and the objectivity. What they don't always have is the courage to put their necks on the line. Congrats on having a Dr. with integrity.
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I know I'm lucky I had such a good BS but even he dropped the ball with follow-up. My DH & DD (a 12-yr BC survivor) went with me to hear the results of my lumpectory & nodes - WE ALL ABSOLUTELY REMEMBER HIM SAYING HE WOULD SET UP THE CHEMO APPT FOR ME. Well, after a few weeks, I called to see when my appt would be - they asked me why I'd waited so long.... I know it's sour grapes, but I hated hearing that if I'd come in sooner, I could've gotten by with the 1 week 5-radiation regime. My 1st chemo doc asked me what I knew about my cancer, asked what further treatment I'd like - I truthfully answered NONE of course, she said since I'm at the top end of the 60ish age, further treatment wouldn't be of benefit.... I later wondered if she even looked at my chart. My 2nd chemo doc strongly recommended 33 radiation treatments & 5 yrs of hormone-suppresent pills. I went with his recommendations! This last 6 months started in a whirwind - in hindsight, the needle-core-biopsy was horrid & I wonder if anyone else thought the same.
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Hauntie I think it you are extremely lucky to have a prior relationship with your BS. She clearly was able to be objective and still offer exceptional care and advice. She sounds like a gem and I am glad you have her.
mostlymom....I had no trouble with my needle core biopsy. It was fairly painless. I was given an injection of Lidocane prior to the procedure. I felt some pressure and mild discomfort but nothing serious. I am sorry it was rough for you. One thing I have learned is that often we cannot compare what our experience was. It is a little different for everyone.
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Thx jo1955, I already suspect this will be a big help on many fronts. Things for me have happened fast, May mammogram, July lumpectomy, August BMX. BC runs heavily in my family, although no BRCA issues, there has to be so,ething. Right now am holding on to get the drains out and start PT. Somewhere in my mind, am starting to accept this isn't just a broken leg or something that will just heal and go away... Knowing more will help.
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mostlymom, Here's my list of physical things least liked to recover from, from worst to less bad.
1) Sentinel Node Biopsy (painful and tight with every movement of arm.)
2) Core Needle Biopsy (the most bruising, the purplest; insertion spot twinged a long time after.)
3) Painful SNB radioactive injection. (the worst 5 seconds of all.)
4) Anesthesia Hangover (laid me out on the couch for a full 24 hours after.)
5) Lumpectomy (biggest scar, but it just twinged a bit and healed.)
I didn't even put Rads on there, and it should probably top the list. My ribs were painful to touch for a LONG time, and the whole area tightened up. Only now, after two years, it feels almost back to normal.
Hauntie, My BS was a former soccer-dad that I knew. That made it more awkward than comforting. Ha! At least I know he personalized me as an individual, but he is good like that anyway (by reputation.) You had a great situation, where you could trust someone else to take the reins. You already knew your surgeon, but so many only meet them for the first time after the Dx.
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Mostlymom...I must admit that my core needle biopsy was awful too. He gave me lidocaine and the first two samples didn't hurt but the third and fourth were terrible (even though he gave me more lidocaine after the third one). It felt like someone stabbing me which of course, he was! The pain was all the way down into my muscle under my breast and I told him and he kept looking at the samples and telling me that there wasn't any muscle tissue in them. I kept wondering if he just pushed the cancer cells right down into my chest wall. It was worse than my surgery... I told my RO about it and she said that I had clear margins and my chest wall would be radiated and that I shouldn't worry.
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I enjoyed catching up on this thread this morning....you ladies crack me up! I spent my day yesterday reading everything I could find on tamoxifen and DIM.
Today I begin my 18th and final year of homeschooling! I have mixed emotions indeed....
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Wow is this ever an active thread! I got my power back mid afternoon on Sunday. Duchess, I had surgery ( uni mx, diep and nodes removed) on 8/17. I finished chemo 3 weeks before surgery so I was told it would take longer for me to heal. I was doing a lot better each day, but seem to be stuck where I am now for a while. We can be recovery buddies!
It is funny about the organic stuff. I used to think it was all garbage, but have become a believer. Read the Anti Cancer book and it made sense to me. It's hard to say why I got cancer, but I do think stress and environmental factors played at least a part. I agree that moderation and good eating habits are important. Just quitting diet coke and fast food burgers and fries are a big step for me. Also eating more veggies. The organic is on top of that, but I only do it for the most polluted products. I feel like I am becoming a tree hugger which is so opposite of what I used to be, but some of the things I read in Anti cancer book really made sense to me, so I am doing what I can. I will even change the way I vote I think. We'll see. I like the changes I've made though. I hope I will keep it up when cancer isn't as much on my mind as now. Just my opinion. Everyone has to do what is right for them. I think if my cancer weren't at a later stage and as aggressive as it is, I probably wouldn't have read the Anti Cancer book.0 -
I can't catch up on everything here but Paula I would be SO pissed! I can't believe someone would lie about their stage of cancer. I think I would call her out on it. I just wouldn't be able to help myself and you are a better person than I for not doing it! Unbelievable what people will do, it still ceases to amaze me and it shouldn't as old as I am now. Lol since this group is SO old.
Power restored last night about 8. Thank goodness DH was getting ripe.
Have a good day ladies
Foxy0 -
Its good to see your safe and sound. You have been on my mind, foxy.
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Thanks Kay, will look for the book, my sister (IDC in 2008 with chemo and MX may have it, but sometimes I feel like I am forcing her to relive her entire process, not fair!
Feeling good today, back to BS this am and all okay. See PS on Wednesday along with PT. Dou t last 2 drains will be out. One day at a time, am happy for the good things.
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I know the feeling duchess. One drain got to come out after a week but the other one had to stay in almost 2 weeks. Showering with them both was a choir but I managed. I was always worried that I was gonna pull them out until I saw how long they really were. Good Luck.
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Mostlymom, I had a similar experience with biopsy. Not enough lidocaine, marker inserted in the wrong spot, lots and lots of bruising. When it came for my wire loc they tried to schedule me with the same Doc! I had to call my nurse navigator and she changed my practitioner. He did a perfect wire, and had the original doc stand there and watch (and also catch a glimpse of my still bruised boob and scalpel "nick" scar.) A bad memory for sure, but it's over and maybe the doc learned something that will help the next patient.
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I am having such a difficult time keeping up with this thread. I am off for 9 days and I have 23 pages that I have missed! By the time I catch up, another 23 pages will have been posted. I can't be on line as much as I used to.
Soooo I just stopped by before plunging into catching up on my reading, to say hello and to welcome any newbies.
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Hautie you are so lucky to have a prior relationship with your BS. I respect my BS and do believe that she is great surgeon. I was just upset that she did not lay my options out for me and took it upon herself to make the decisions. I would much rather her have laid it out and then tell me what she believed I really needed to do. That was the way my MO handled it. He told me what he felt I needed but if I wanted the other he would respect my decision but did not believe I needed it. I guess I have some control issues myself. Of course sometimes there are no choices, but in my case there were.
Kay I also read the Anti Cancer book and it made me start thinking differently as well.
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Sherry - I completely understand. Had my BS not already been someone I knew and trusted., I would have wanted her to lay out all the possiblities and let me make my own decision, Actually, she did mention lumpectomy - she had treated my mother with lumpectomies during both of her bouts with BC, but she knew that for me lumpectomy was not an option. She also took the lead in making sure I got the most agressive treatment with both chemo and radiation. Looking back, I'm so greatful I had someone I trusted completly to make these tough decisions for me. However, there were times, during the treatment when I was angry and felt powerless and without choices. Even now, sometimes, in dealing with the side effects of all the treatment, I wonder if the treatment was too aggressive. I did finally learn, with the help of my therapist, that I always had/have choices. I can always ask questions, seek a second opinion and say no to whatever is being recommended. I wish I had learned this lesson earlier in life, never mind earlier in BC.
I have a dear friend, who is a 20 year stage 4 Hodgkin's survivor. We used to talk about having a non profit business, where we could be/have a staff of expert patient advocates who would accompany the patient through her cancer journey - asking all the right quesions, gathering all the information and making recommendations based on a patient's personal needs, wants, etc and not necessarily what the medical establishment said was standard protocol or what studies have shown etc.
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Hauntie - I too felt angry at times during treatment. My BS & MO are both great, They laid out my options for me and let me make decisions on my own. I did allow my BS to coordinate my rads and my MO is now my "one stop doc". He sets up all my follow up appts with the exception of my family doctor - I take care of that one. I had no clue whatsoever as to what questions to ask and things moved very quickly for me. For example, from dx to surgery was 10 days. Not much time to think about anything and that may have been just as well. I do not regret any decisions I have made and sure know so much more about breast cancer. In fact, tomorrow is my one year cancerversary. When I thought about it yesterday, I did not know what to make of all this, but today, I am okay with it.
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Hi all! I was very luckey that I had a BS I could trust. He too stayed on top of things. He made for sure I understood my options. I'm so glad I listened to him and I did what he suggested as far as the BRCA testing went. When I found out I had cancer again I was just going to have a lumpectomy. Since this was the 2nd time for BC I followed his advice on the testing due to my family history. End the end I deceided to have both of them removed. Im so glad I did. Not only did I have the IDC, there was a spot that was DCIS and I had Pagets disease of the Nipple. I showed no symptoms of that so we were both shocked. My Onc is a good one too. She will take the time you need with her and will lay it out for you on paper. Plus she understands what its like to have BC and that was a plus. She started her journey just before I started mine. There was no way I wanted to see my sissys Onc because of a few issues I had with him. I dont care for how he handled my sissy the 2nd time she had BC, but she loves him and thats her choice not mine.
(((JO)))) Im glad your doing better!
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Paula - I see the same MO and my DH. Not only is he really good he is also real good to look at.
Decided I needed to put my "big girl panties" on and get off the pity pot. I am look at this like birthdays - I don't celebrate them anymore.
Thanks Paula
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Jo I know we are so full of emotions as we go thru this, I do know that sometimes Ive pulled my big girls panties up so much, that I get a wedgie sometimes. You go girl!
Its good you get some eye candy when you go to the Mo Jo. Luckey duck. The only hottie I get to see is the cup of joe that I have while Im waiting.
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Paula - Both my BS and MO are hotties - don't know how I got so lucky. Even though my DH and I have the same MO, I have made sure we don't get seen at the same time - can you guess why??? LOL! I will second that on the wedgie - boy, it doesn't feel good some days does it?
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Janis, having no node involvement has nothing to do with a mastectomy!! I had three lumpectomies previously and they were very concerned about my right breast. The cancer was found in my LEFT breast at 6 o'clock on the chest wall right over my heart. I certainly couldn't risk radiation!!! So, I elected for a bliateral mastectomy. Sure enough my right breast had ADHP and was moving right along to cancer formations. My surgeon said I made the right call BEFORE I had my surgery - easy to say afterwards..
If you're unsure, ask your surgeon what he'd recommend for his wife or mother.
Cancer travels through the intermammary lymph nodes and your bloodstream. NOT just the underarm lymph nodes. So many women get excited with no nodal involvement, but it just doesn't mean much except an adjustment of treatment.
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Barbe1958... thats exactly what i asked my radilogist that called me back and read the mammo. I said if it was your wife what would you tell her to do", he said I would say get this biopsied right away!.. I love that approach and have used it several times with my doctors.
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barbe...basically I think I knew that, but still get confused easily apparently. I have read so much about BC, my head is still spinning. I did however ask my docs that very question. Guess that is why I am on the course I am on.
I have such a headache tonight and not feeling the best. Going to lie down and ice the back of my neck. Hope everyone is having a good evening.
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Janis - Sending gentle hugs - hope you get to feeling better soon.
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Jo - Evidently you haven't read about DISH (Damn
I'm Still Here!) Status. It's a way of marking your years since diagnosis. I "borrowed" it from a breast cancer list serve I belong to. There are multiple levels of membership. Being 10+ (almost 18) years out from diagnosis I have proudly attained the DISH Platinum Level. Every level has its own rewards and privileges.Since you've reached your 1 year cancerversary you are eligible for DISH-LITE status, MITT level. An explanation of your new status and its rewards and privileges follows:
"** For those who have celebrated one year since diagnosis, the MITT
Level ("Made it through treatment!") New MITT's will receive new
fingernails, 10 free psychotherapy sessions, a selection of travel
brochures from our very own Don't Wait Another Day Travel Associates,
and a complete set of new friends. " - Musa MayerCongratulations on your hard earned DISH-LITE Status, MITT Level
Janis - get some R&R and feel better soon.
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Hauntie - I accept my DISH-LITE Status, MITT Level with honor. It has been on heck of a year and the best part of it was I did make a lot of new and wonderful friends. Thanks for this award.
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