MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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The hippo has great eyes but she is definitely very danty... look how she hold her legs when she swims.
MP - sticks washed up on the beach.
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Just feeling sad today. I find that I am discouraged, not encouraged by posts of "15 year survivors" and such. I want to think that I am going to travel this incredibly difficult road and then put this experience behind me; instead what I am realizing is that it will never really be over, and that a large number of people do experience recurrence, even when you are node/mets negative, and do all the tx, etc. etc. That is not a good feeling. Having said that, I realize that I "should" be grateful that I have a good chance at a significant number of more years of full living; and that others with more progressive stages of disease than mine would be thrilled to trade diagnoses with me. So then I feel guilty that I am grieving my breast, the awful year to come, my loss of health and relative youth.....I just feel like I am going to feel like a 75 yr old instead of a 48 yr old for whatever years I do have left and wonder if it is worth it. Can't seem to stop crying today. And oh, yeah, if I could just get this darned surgical drain out so I could MOVE....who knew that would be the thing that makes me the most crazy right now? Again, I'm sure there's much worse to come, but right now that's the thing just pushing me over the edge. Sorry, ladies, just needed a place to whine.
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So my DH doesn't think I need reconstructive surgery to reduce my non-cancerous breast (this month is the two year anniversary of the diagnosis) and I am finally ready to talk to a Dr about having it. He thinks I should have a double mastectomy to eliminate risk. I definitely do not like having my breasts such different sizes, but I like that they are mine. Thoughts?
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Darlam: I wish I had known about this site when I was at your stage. I had no whining location or shoulder; my wonderful husband is a gift I received after I was finished treatment. Keep coming back!
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Sorry I couldn't get back sooner.Mystery picture was a birdsnest alright so I think Prayrv was the first to guess it'.Will be intouch later in the week.
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darlam,
I for one would never trade my dx with anyone (I would be glad to give it up altogether though).
Never apologize for your feelings. No matter what stage you are this whole journey is scary, especially in the beginning.
Things will get easier for you once you have a treatment plan. Does your cancer center have a social worker you can talk to? Maybe you can get a referral from your doctor. I find it helps to talk things out (I download on my BFF). You might even consider a low dose anti-depressent if talking it out doesn,t totally help. Also check and see if there are any group meetings you can go to, it migHt help to speak to others in the same boat in person.0 -
darlam - I agree with Ressie - don't apologize for your feelings. They are yours and they are real. We have all been in the same boat and once you have a treatment plan in place just take things one step at a time. This journey can be overwhelming at times. This is the place to come to and often to get those thoughts and feelings out. You can send me a PM anytime. HUGS0
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Reesie:
Thanks. Again, I don't mean to be insensitive to those with even more serious diagnoses. My cousin's husband is in the terminal stages of brain metastases, and like I said, I feel guilty even being sad about my own situation.
I do have a treatment plan. I have already had surgery; Rt mx. and I will start TCH on 12/1. Yes, it is better having the answers (finally)...it is quite a waiting game just to get to that point, isn't it? Took 5 weeks from diagnosis to surgery because no one agreed on the plan, biopsy didn't fit with clinical picture, etc etc.
I don't think my cancer center has a social worker, but I already see a therapist and am on Effexor due to mild depression which was very well managed...until now.
The cancer center does have a breast cancer support group BUT I will not be attending due to the fact that the nurse who facilitates them is also the one who handles counseling and coordination of BRCA results. Long story, but let's just say that my surgery was waiting to be scheduled based on these results and she couldn't be bothered to follow through appropriately. She actually lied to me about returning my phone calls and admitted it when I confronted her. I formally complained and she was aware of this. I don't think attending her support group would be helpful to me:(
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darlam I know at the start I too felt the same as you. Until recently I realized that I just had to live in this day. Its so hard to see that when you are at the start of it all. It does get better. There is hope at the end of the treatment tunnel. If you ever need someone to chat with just give me a PM.
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darlam - this forum has helped me through the last 8 months - I can't say enough good about it. There are many subjects to look through, many people to ask question - it's a place to vent, cry, & rejoice. I do have lots of help from my DH & DD (who's a 13-yr BC survivor) & DS but here is where I come for the tough discussions - the subjects that would upset my family. Whether someone has a "worse" or "better" cancer makes no difference - cancer is cancer. This forum keeps me as grounded & sane as possible. I'm sorry you're here but glad to meet you & glad you found this forum - hope to chat with you often.
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stephanie82510, welcome! Do you mean you are considering a BiMx, and then getting reconstruction or do you mean no recon.? Mx will reduce your chance for recurrence in the breast/chest, but at this point it will not change your stats for your B/C to return elsewhere in the body. What I mean is, you did the right things w/chemo and rads and Tamox. (?) to give yourself the lowest chance of that happening already. If you keep your breasts, you will have to have more follow-up screenings, and the anxiety that can go along with them.
O.K., my oldest friend (IRL, not on BC.org) had your other option. Her Dx was similar to what yours is. She had a lumpectomy that left her smaller with a concave spot. She got fat grafting on that side to fill in the dent. They did lipo. to take some abdominal fat and put it in the breast. She said even that bit of lipo did feel weird and hurt and bruised her up good. (Actually, she said, "I don't know how anyone could have a whole tummy tuck!") In the same surgery, she had the non-B/C side reduced down about a cup size to C-cup. She is happy with all of it now. She still has decent feeling in the both breasts. Still has some numbness where she had 17 nodes out.
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darlam-Whenever you experience emotions that you don't want to show family, coworkers, etc., come see us here. You can vent all that you want and you will find understanding and support. Hugs.
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darlam ~ There are many days that I feel discouraged by this whole thing - plenty, believe me. I just had a 'lost' year; at least that's what I'm calling it for lack of a better word. I'm just three years out and I slowly, very slowly, have come to realize that it is up to me & me alone - nobody else - to move forward. As Paula said, it is hard to see that when you are at the beginning. I realized I just can't continue on the way I was. I don't know how much time I have left, to be honest, nobody does. The person on the street doesn't. I can't keep on being scared, it's robbing me of what I have now, right now. I read this kind of stuff, too, early on. It's hard to hear it. It's hard to believe it.
You will get through each day. You are much stronger than you think you are. You will pull that inner strength from deep within you to move forward. You can do it. It is scary, it is damn scary. I know that - we all know that.
We are all here every day for each other, for you. Okay? Please do not think you are alone in your feelings. And some days we move two steps forward & the next day one step back. Plenty of times I have moved one step forward & two steps back. It happens. But, I'm here today. And I'll be here tomorrow.
You can PM me or any of us any time for a longer discussion or with any fears or worries, all right? Please. That is what we do for each other.
((((( Big hugs, dear sister/friend )))))
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Sherry, in your pocket today for your post-op appointment. Got my fingers in my ears and I am only going to listen to good news!!! Meanwhile, I am off today, drinking my coffee and thinking of something sinful to start the day off--i'll make sure I bring enough for the pocket party!!
At least we are getting our daily fruit requirements!!!
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i'll bring the mimosas so we get our vit c
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cmb, I am not even allowed to look at chocolate this week. My son made some brownies on the weekend. The big 9x13 pan. Hadn't had them for so long and when they were still warm and almost lava like ('cause we take them out when they are just barely done) we each had three big squares. After that, he casually says the brownies are 200 calories each per serving size if you cut 20 pieces, or 4,000 per whole box. Well, I look over and see we had eaten half the pan, in other word, 1,000 of brownies for me. Shameful, but I can tell you binging never tasted so good! Yes, I am the same person who is always complaining about belly fat. (Let the scoffing begin...)
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darlam...never be afraid to share your feelings here. We have all walked in your path and understand. I am sorry you are going through so much, it can seem overwhelming. It does get better I promise! Hugs.
Claire...I can see right into your soul......you and I share a love for those sweets. So glad you brought plenty for us!
Today I am going to be a guinea pig (LOL) for someone to do a makeover I believe. My navigator called last week and asked if I could come be a "model" for a class put on today by the American Cancer Society. "Look Good, Feel Great" I think. It is for newly diagnosed BC patients. To illustrate techniques with hair and makeup to look and feel good during treatment. I could use a whole body makeover but guess that won't happen! Anyway glad to help out and it should be fun. I just hope everyone checks their germs at the door. I have been hibernating since last week to avoid catching anything again. LOL. Thursday is looking good for the thyroid surgery.
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no elimar, your just ensuring you have an adequate supply for any fat grafting you might need, thats my excuse and i'm sticking to it
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claire and Juliet thanks for the snacks they will come in handy for the pocket party. My appt is this afternoon so hope we don't get too looped on the mimosa's.
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re: What Valjean posted.
Middle-age is a time, for many people, of re-evaluating and redefining your life. It can feel like a time of loss as your kids grow up and move out; as the parents who always had your back now have diminished capacity or have passed on. Even your own abilities start decreasing.
Getting a B/C diagnosis is a turning point in life too. Something that throws your mortality in your face. So when you put the two together, it is really a double whammy. It can be depressing.
But Val is right, the only one that can move you forward in your life is you. First deal with the physical, second deal with the mental. If you use this valuable time to take stock of your life and rediscover what makes you happy, you will emerge from this low point into new heights of being. You can do it.
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juliet62, If only I could be a donor for it. Sherryc need some extra recon. fat. Wouldn't it be great to help a sister out in that way? Win-win!0
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Praying for you Sherry!
Welcome darlam. I think we've all had those days and it will get easier...{{{hugs}}}
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definitely , i got enough for several sisters
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Hello, I've missed a great deal but thought I would share this here and on Stage 1 thread:
http://israel21c.org/health/a-vaccine-that-can-kill-cancer
I did not follow up or verify the info, thought you all might like to look at the link.
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Count me in Sherry. We all want to hear great news, and will be there cheering you on!
juliet...LOL, I have plenty of skin to spare too. Wish I could share!!
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SAB,
Interesting. I just confirmed that this company, Vaxil Biotherapeutics, has a pending patent application on what appears to be this intellectual property. Will research further...
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Wish I could take all your belly fat, I'd do it in a heart beat so i could speed things up. I'll check in later this evening and let you know what the Dr. says.
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SAB, I had seen that article but had not gotten around to looking up the testing they had done on it so far. So, five guys develped that and it works on prostate cancer and other assorted cancers as well as breast cancer? Good. If it affects men equally or more than women, maybe it will get some priority. It sounds promising.0
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RE: Cancer Vaccine Article
Okay, so I've done a little more research this morning and this is what I found:
-The company and the inventor of the intellectual property (Lior Carmon, Vaxil Therapeutics) have a pending patent application in the U.S. -- applied for in 2007. U.S. patents can take a long time to issue, so that's nothing to be alarmed about.
-The inventor, Lior Carmon, is an immunologist, and has a few related publications in peer-reviewed journals.
-This same Israeli group of investigators is currently conducting Phase I and II clinical trials in the U.S. for end-stage multiple myeloma. They are only enrolling 15 subjects, and expect to conclude the study in Oct 2012, If you're interested in reading the protocol, check out clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT01232712.
Please note: the sponsor is the company, so that means they are paying for the research. They stand to make a lot of money if this pans out. Having said that, I happen to work in academic research administration, and I don't see any barriers to introducing bias into this study...money can be a great motivator for falsifying research. I would not hold my breath over this until more studies are done by investigators who are not financally conflicted.
So, that's my healthy dose of skepticism for the day.
You have to look at the underlying research. Also, I find nothing that connects this early-stage research with BCA. That statement was purely speculation by the CEO of the company, who also stands to make a lot of money, I'm sure.
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Thank you Marthah. I believe a healthy dose of skepticism never hurts in such cases, but I think I'll choose hope :-)
Of course, even an optimist like me grants that 15 subjects seems inconclusive; hopefully it is the first of several, larger studies. Perhaps rigorous peer review will temper the bias. Perhaps...
Elimar, you said a mouthful (or maybe I should say that's a buttload.)
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