MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
Comments
-
Florist says Sue has the picture so I asked Sue in a PM to post here & then I found a picture here: *** WALL OF ANGELS *** (in forum Commemorating Loved Ones)
Beautiful!
0 -
Hello, can I join the group? I am 54, July 12 was 1 year anniversary( eewww), still on Herceptin till end of September, stuck with reconstruction....
0 -
olgah34, You not only can, but you certainly may. Welcome, and congrats on the one year milestone too.
O.K., I just went and stole the pic myself because I am impatient like that. Here it is...
FYI: reesie never minded the pink.
0 -
The floral display was STUNNING!!! I wonder if someone could copy and paste it here? I can't do anything since I switched to Chrome....sigh. And just THAT quick, someone jumped in and copied the picture as I was composing my post!!! Thanks e.
Welcome Olga!! I am 54 as well, so we travel the middle of the group!!!
0 -
I see you found a pic of the roses. Thank you all for your contributions...it did turn out gorgeous! Again, my apologies for not posting pic earlier, I have that chemo brain thing going on and could not remember each place I posted originally. :-(.
Prayers to all,
Sue
0 -
I just realized I didn't have my DX public so am now "out there". lol. Love the handsome boy pics - they are inspirational too.
Elimar - of course I am not exited for Chemo, but ready to get the show on the road. 30 days since I first heard "yes its cancer" so I am ready (as I will ever be). Feeling today like a truck hit my chest from the power port insertion, but that's nothing. My nurse at the surgery yesterday cried - she said she is so tired of seeing such great women come thru there with BC and tons of assholes living life with not a care in the world. I said thank you and I will never live that way again. One thing cancer has given to me (other than the things that suck).
0 -
Several notes:
Marybe - I don't think we gave you a "get out of thread" card, did we? Personally, I love your posts ... always have ... so please don't just lurk, share your stories and wit and anything with us, ok?
Chachamom - I get the "why am I sad?" question. For years after I sailed through my tx, now and then I'd find myself wanting to crawl into bed and cry. So one day ... yup ... I gave myself permission to do just that. We went through something lifechanging - it's bound to surface now and again, smack us upside the head when we're least expecting it, and say "Hey - remember me?" Why do we feel that we're not allowed to give in to that once in a while? I'm guilty too, but I try to be kinder to me when I realize what's going on. I don't wallow, I just have a good cry or two, recognize it for what it is, and then it's usually enough and I'm back by myself.
jojo - welcome! love meeting new people in here so I look forward to reading more from you.
effcancer - similar answer as for chachamom...don't expect too much of yourself so soon. Little steps back to whatever the hell normal is, which for me changes daily anyway!!
catnz, a hearty welcome to you too, and ditto on looking forward to getting to know you.
sherry, glad the scopes are over, and big hugs and prayers for polyps to be nothing but a stupid memory
Good luck with the exchange hon. I hope it's pain and worry free.olga - welcome to you too!!! so much fun getting to know new friends while we continue to celebrate with our old ones. I won't pick out anyone in particular for that reference
great pic of the flowers - I just love that we do that.
hugs and love kids.
0 -
Welcome to the newbies including my surgery friend Olgah! You ladies have found the best group if I do say so myself...
Sherry - Hope you are home resting after your exchange and awake with a new level of comfort. Glad the colonscopy, nasty prep and polps are GONE!!!
Chachamom - I too get that way on occasion.... ((HUGS))... Love it when it hits for no real reason...
Effcancer - Hoping your scan comes back clear... I know waiting sucks so hang in there sweetie.
Have to say the arrangement for Reesie is absolutely gorgeous. May she dance with the angels who have gone before her.
To everyone else, Happy Tuesday ladies! Sweet dreams.....
0 -
Marlegal,
Thank you for that. I am sitting here waiting until MO appt on Thursday to go over PET results, and I go from being completely unnerved to being serene and knowing I'm actually ok. It's my first one, so I think that's why it's so hard, I really don't know what to expect at my stage and for my first PET. 6 months ago I didn't even know what that WAS!
Right now I'm actually feeling pretty ok with things, knowing that things couldn't possibly be bad if I'm feeling 90% better than I did when I started treatment!
Marybe, you really inspire me! I wish you lived right by me!
Everyone say it with me:
EFFCANCER!!!!!!!!!
0 -
Update on Sherry. She just called me and asked me to post something here. The surgery was 3 hours and she is doing well. She is on her way home for some much needed rest. She sounded really upbeat. I'm sure she will post more tomorrow when she is up to it.0
-
Jo thanks so much for the update on Sherry. Please send her my love.
Marlegal, all my life I have been told how strong I am. I have had a lot of sadness in my life. Simple fact, but I always bounce back and forge ahead. This time I am really having some coping issues which I am finally going to do something about. I made an appointment with a therapist I go tomorrow. I have had a rough couple of years. We had to move here because Wyoming's elevation was too much for my husband. He has emphysema/COPD and after so many problems his doctor told him either move to a lower elevation (we were at 6,000 ') or go on oxygen. It was a horrible decision to make as he was forced to quit his well paying job and take SS at age 66. We moved to Idaho because we wanted to stay in the west and have a similar climate. The move was tough, so far from my kids and my only sister. I coped. I gained a ton of weight but I was okay. Then last year the BC diagnosis. I breezed right through everything. Surgery, rads, piece of cake. My sister kept telling me it was okay to cry. I never did. I am strong, remember? So here I am now and realize I am really struggling emotionally. I don't feel like I am coping well. Mood swings, panic attacks, chronic insomnia, depression. It is really true that with cancer you need to grieve. I have not figured out how to do this. I can't cry.......but I know I need help. So this I am doing for myself, seeing someone. I need to talk it out and grieve. It is okay. We shouldn't expect to be strong all the time. It is perfectly okay to ask for a little help along this path. Just felt the need to let this out. I know so many understand! I don't post much here anymore but i read and try to keep up. You ladies have been such a rock for me. Thanks for that!
0 -
Jo--thanks for the update on Sherry, glad she's doing well. Send her our love. . . and don't be such a stranger!! Haven't seen you on this thread for a VERY,VERY,VERY long time. Tsk tsk!
Janis-I totally get what you're feeling. Kinda like when TX all over, the curtain rises and you realize,"crap, what just hit me??" For me its trying to block out the thought that it might come back. Am I truly cancer-free now? Can I really start living my life normally again? Throw me that rope so I can get out of this hole. . .
0 -
Janis - I am reposting 2 posts of my own here for you. They have helped me and others, and you might not see them given where I posted them.
effcancer wrote:
I'm standing at the threshold of a door that I was told to stand in front of by those MUCH more knowledgeable than myself about my illness. I have stage IV breast cancer.
The door is open, but I cannot see anything beyond the threshold, no matter how much I squint, peer, blink and then squint again. I stand at this nebulous threshold for a month at a time for right now before crossing, and have for the last three months.
This next crossing, (visit to my oncologist) I know that things are going to be different. I'm not sure, though, in what way. I am having my first PET scan next week, followed by a visit to my oncologist, since my diagnosis three months ago. We are going to see if my current treatment (6 weeks rads, now complete; daily Tamoxifen; monthly Zometa) is working.
I feel GREAT compared to how I felt 3 months ago. My walker is put away in the closet as it is no longer needed, I only use my cane to go up and down stairs or a curb, and my pain is 90% better than it was when I was first diagnosed. Still, I feel as though I am faced with the unknown, looking across that threshold into the nebulous near future, and I am afraid. I am very afraid. I am afraid every time a joint cracks. I am afraid every time I feel my back pop. I used to live for my back popping when I would move, as it was relaxing. Now it scares me.
But as the tears run down my cheeks, sometimes uncontrollably, and I tremble inside, I know that I am going to keep crossing that threshold, looking straight ahead, prepared for tripping over things I cannot see, bumping into things that you can only see once you are right up on them. Although I cry from fear and know I am afraid, I will keep crossing the threshold, for crossing the threshold despite the fear is COURAGE. Courage may be all I have, but I have plenty. I have it in myself and all of those in my support system that pray for me, send me wellness vibes, and many others. Courage leads to belief, in this case belief that I will make it, and so will YOU.
0 -
Janis - Here is the rest of my post. I hope it helps you!
Beaverton, Oregon USAJoined: Jul 2012Posts: 45Post a reply
Aug 18, 2012 01:21 PM, edited Aug 18, 2012 01:22 PM by effcancer
We DO have a choice. I am not talking about the choice to go or not go to treatments, but the choice to every day decide to what degree we are going to LIVE. The degree to which we decide to LIVE while being stuck with having bc follow us everywhere we go is what determines how much courage we have, and THAT'S what motivates us to go see our MO and willingly hold out our arms for the nurse to give us the flavor-of-the-month infusion. Or show up at Nuclear Medicine and willingly lie down on a table after getting some radioactive shit shot into our arms, and be there for half an hour while a big machine takes pics of our guts.
It takes a LOT of courage to choose to reach out and grab huge gobs of life after being diagnosed with such a piece of crap disease. It takes a lot of courage to do this knowing that over time, the quality of our lives can diminish, but being willing to experience this anyway. We can do this, or we can retreat from the life we love, so that it won't hurt so much if the quality of our life changes. You may ask "who would do this?" Many people do. I retreated for a few weeks. I did need some space to start getting well, and to let my diagnosis sink in, but I was also afraid of how people were going to react and I was afraid of the quality of my life beginning its downslide then and there. I was scared to keep loving my people and wanting my life.
I don't have to bungee jump (eff THAT). I don't have to climb Mt. Everest, eat a grasshopper taco or dance with an aboriginal tribe before I leave this life. I just have to figure out who and what blows ME away (in a good way, LOL), and based on my possibilities, grab big gobs of THAT, and embrace whatever/whoever it is on my terms, DESPITE my fears. THAT is what I think keeps me, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, etc., going. What also keeps me going is the following, that I read on this very site. It is from an online conference from August 1, 2008, given in part by Larry Norton, MD. It is powerful, and I read it several times a week, especially if I feel down. It is not the full quote, just the part that makes me cheer inside:
"One of the major changes in metastatic breast cancer over the years is conversion from an acute fatal disease to a chronic one that people can live with. I have people with metastatic breast cancer that I've cared for for 25 years. I expect that we're going to see more and more people with long survival with this disease, which is always a prelude towards disease cure. I've seen cures over the years I've been involved in cancer medicine. It's always a chronic disease before it becomes a curable one, and I suspect we're in that transition now."
EFF cancer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
0 -
Thanks for the welcome everyone. Today my bb (bosom buddy) is having her reconstruction surgery so I am anxiously awaiting news of how it went. She got her lump checked after hearing about my diagnosis so we were on the journey together, although she didn't need chemo and I did. We would joke that together we would make a matching pair! I have been suffering from headaches a lot in the last week so that has had me concerned. I had an eye exam today and need new glasses, but have also been wondering about the Tamoxifen effect - anybody here had this issue? When I googled it there was info that indicated it was a lesser side effect and given that hot flushes reared their ugly head again around the same time leads me to wonder if it's all hormonal. Yay for hormones!! I'm only six months in to this Tamoxifen phase so hope it settles. Thanks, Cath
0 -
Cath -
I am on Tamoxifen. My eyes sometimes get a little wonky where they didn't before, so yeah. And, lucky me, just when I think the hot flushes are over, I scare the shit out of DH by having the worst I've ever had and he's watching it happen, LOL! He watched me turn red as a tomato from chest up, ears included in a matter of seconds. My skin was hot to touch, and this crap lasted like 20 minutes! I haven't had it like that before or since. The look on DH's face was priceless. He wanted to go to the ER, but it turned out to be fine. My MO wasn't concerned.
So, when shit happens that I am not used to or that throws me for six, I check to see if it is a SE of what I am taking. Funny enough, usually Tamoxifen is the culprit. If it persists, I call my MO nurse.
Eff cancer!
0 -
Sherri; good luck with your exchange. I have an annual membership for the gastroenterologist due up my Crohns disease. Every October I dead it. Its my DHs birthday, colonoscopy, wedding anniversary (got married on Halloween). now this year we can start it with my last chemo treatment. Oh joy!
0 -
effcancer, Your second repost was very aptly put.
IMO: Whatever stage you have to deal with (and I do think IV would be the biggest challenge,) it kind of is up to the person to reconfigure their own lives at that point. Shock, anger, fear, withdrawing, are all normal responses and are neither "right" nor "wrong" but if you feel that the "B/C experience" is taking away things from your life that you don't want taken away, then it IS time for some action. I say DON"T GIVE IN to it. Dom't let cancer take your spirit. Mastectomy is bad. Spirit-ectomy is worse. We don't automatically know how to navigate thru' all this, but we have a very good chance to figure it out for ourselves, or in asking for some assistance along the way. (Janis, you go girl!) Also, don't be too hard on yourself if you do backslide into B/C moodiness now and then. It happens to us all.
0 -
I am not one to post much but sometimes I feel like I am soooooo sick of people saying ur strong u will get thru this..... I haven't even had surgery yet and I am sick of it. I want to say shut the f*** up. I don't want to be strong I want to lay down and cry.
0 -
Oh, look here...our cute little thread is getting so big. How old are you now, little thread?
I'M THIS MANY!
Yes, the thread is three years old today. The celebration will be up to you for now. I've decided to mark the occasion by having some dental torture today. Not really torture, but I will be A.W.O.L. for a couple hours. CU soon.
0 -
Dakota, I am so with you. I did say them: I am not strong, sorry. Strong person is who jums into the fire to save somebody or goes somewhere to protect somebody ... I just have no choice...I did not choose this disease... So after that they did not talk about it anymore...
0 -
Odie, how are you?
0 -
Olgah-
Exactly I will do what I have to do but not because I am strong it's because I want to live hello. I have two kids 11 & 8 and I have to be around for them. Just don't tell me I am strong. I am a mom.0 -
effcancer thank you for the cheer! I am really doing well most of the time, but know that I need a tune-up basically.
dakota....I understand that strong thing. My brother committed suicide many years ago. We were very close. So many people told me how strong I was and that would help me get through it. I put up a pretty tough exterior, but I was dying inside. When the BC was diagnosed, I heard much the same. So many people told me I was strong and would get through it. Of course I did. Like you, I want to live! We can be strong but fragile as well.......
Eli....thanks!
0 -
Justemejanis-
Exactly. I will not show my kids that I am petrified. My not so DH and I are separated and I just want to shout shut the f up. It has to get better. There has to be a pot of gold somewhere for us!!0 -
Dakota you have a very full plate being separated and going through BC. I am really sorry. I never lose sight of the rainbow but have come to realize I am vulnerable. As are you. It will get better, I promise. Keep talking here...everyone understands.
0 -
Justemejanis-
I know. I saw a quote
Sometimes u have to hit rock bottom before u see what is above. I keep saying this is the third thing in my life I have to be done. In a year maybe...... Faith0 -
HAPPY THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!! KICK YOUR HEELS UP!!!
0 -
ok this is just much better to look at, better than seeing double!!!
0 -
Eli your new avatar is a bit freaky. But the three boob lady is more freaking made me tak a peak at my new foobs making sure I still had two,hehe
Thanks all for the pocket party. All went well with my exchange but PS had to do quiet a bit of pocket work on my radiated side so I was in pain, it was a three hour surgery. I also was nauseous even after getting the patch behind my ear. Of course they had to get all that under control before i could come home. So surgery was at 1pm and i did not leave the hospital until 8pm. I live 1 hour and 15 minutes from the hospital so made for a long day and crashed when I got home.
The picture of the flowers are beautiful.
Janis good for you to go to therapy. I am sure they will be able to help cope better. You have had too many life changing events.
0
