I know I cant be the only lesbian out here?
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When I said we will be running through towns I meant using 4 wheel drive with good heaters and if need be snowmobiles whith heated clothing on. Can't think when your cold and tired. We are about to get hit with a little of the white stuff here and already have a list of people that I will be driving for if they can't get their cars out. Jeep Wranglers use a ton of gas but I'll make up for the carbon foot print with the motorcycle when the weather clears up. Hope everyone is staying safe. Not feeling too much stress from diagnosis, treatment side effects, or the really stupid things people say to us. As a retired firefighter, if you smell gas in your house get out to call and don't turn anything on or off before you leave the house or your business. Don't know if the explosion here has made national news or not, thats what I'm referring to. Kris
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We just bought a Jeep Wrangler for my partner. She loves it and that thing will go through anything! It helps us with our central New York lake effect snow storms. It uses a little less gas than her four runner used to but with the price of gas we'll all be walking soon.
The explosion did make national news. What a shame...
GML0 -
GML, you must have a new jeep, mine is 8 years old. Like I said I'll make up the foot print this spring on.
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'lo everyone. Just dropping in; thought I would actually leave a note rather than just lurk. Hope you're all surviving the last dregs of winter.
til next time.
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Bookart, I'd have to dig down 13" of snow to find the dregs, got 6-10 more coming in a couple of days. Was suppose to have an echo cardiogram on friday but the first storm shut most of the city down. If we have to endure this to keep from cooking this summer then I'm ok with it. Jeep did great, was running people to work and pulling cars out of the snowplow burms (love hate thing with the snowplows). Hope everyone is doing ok. Kris
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Hello All-
Bookart, hopefully these are the last dregs of winter.
Stay safe & warm everyone,
CS
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Resting up a bit from being the only person that can get around. It's a gas hog but my Jeep TJ has been everything I've asked of it in the past couple of days, got a few more bad weather days coming. I believe global warming is going on, how much of it is due to human technology I don't know. Just like I'm not sure how much of this cancer stuff is due to genetics and how much is due to environment. We can't do much about our genetics (as lay persons) but we can do something about our environment, take care of the variables that we can. I'm not pushing my opinion on anyone else in the environment verses genetics thing. I'm adopted and have no information in regards to my birth parents so can't realy make an informed first hand decision about it.
I guess this is the part of winter where we are all sick of it and looking forward to the weather change. I'm trying to look at this as mother natures way of telling me its time to work on the motorcycle and its the best time to cook real barbeque on the grill, got a pork shoulder that I'm going to cook low and slow for about 6 hours if I can get my propane tanks filled tomorrow. Everyone be safe and I hope this next week really looks like the end of winter for all. Kris
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I'll go with the theory that cancer is everywhere, occupational hazards, genetics, foods, water, air, man made/woman made, etc Just gotta keep moving forward and not think about it and just live one day at a time...try too.Good news!
March 10 The clocks are moved forward one hour, Springs coming!!!
Light at the end of the tunnel or as Maya Angelou would say "You need to look for the rainbow between the clouds."Peace,
CS
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Hello all...hang in there, the sun is headed your way for sure:) Had a nice paddle today (rub it in, right?) and worked on my garden. Thinking of you guys in the cold and just wanted to drop in and say hi! Cheers, Anne
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Anne, you aren't rubbing it in. Had one of those quiet zen moments out driving in the snow storm last night. It was late so it was me and a snow plow but had the road to myself for the most part. Visibility wasn't that bad and the snow was still white and undirty, and then I turned the stereo up cause Pink was on. Hope everyone is doing ok. Kris
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Haven't heard anything from your guys in a while. Everyone doing as well as expected? You womyn going through treatment, are you managing ok? Kris
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I saw a documentary on global warming. It had a piece on Greenland and how they can grow vegetables there now (my father was in the Coast Guard in WWII and was stationed in Greenland--froze his ass off for the rest of his life). The people there said they could smell the cow dung in the earth from when the Vikings were there. They went on to say that the Vikings left because the weather became too inclement. The weather must have been better for the Vikings to "hang out" there for a while. This led me to believe that the climate of the earth really does go through natural phases and the whole "global warming" thing is really just us entering a "warm phase". Which goes against the whole purpose of the documentary (which left me thinking "Did I miss something?"). I'm just glad it's not an ice age.
In any event, I noticed on my way to work during this veritable week from Hell that the tree tips are starting to turn that tell-tale rosey- pink color of Spring. So color me Hopeful:)0 -
Enough with the winter already!
GML Tree tips turning rosey? There is hope.
How are you doing Kris!? How many time was Kansas City hit?
Cooka, sent us some sun and heat over here on the east coast, please!
Stay warm everyone!
CS0 -
Cancersucks, KC got hit twice pretty good in a couple of days. The cars are still having problems due to not being able to see over the snowplow burms and some of the main streets are still reliably one lane so traffic is dicey. I hope that was winters last slam for us. Having PMS (Parked Motorcycle Syndrome), need spring to get here soon.
Currently trying to get blood work for my Primary doc and my Med onc done all at once. Had a physical and everything looks good (the parts that are left) but because they removed nodes from both sides I don't like to get stuck. My primary wrote the orders for what she wants but my med onc won't do it so I had his nurse give me the orders for what he wants in hopes that the lab my primary uses will be reasonable and get everything all at once. I am happy that I feel better than I did this time last year so this stuff doesn't mess things up like it did. Everyone have a good week. Kris
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That sucks they won't coordinate. I think my PCP would be happy letting me have my blood drawn wherever, but my onc does some on-site so probably makes some money off it. Oh well. I see them both in a few weeks. Time to start making question lists and getting anxious.
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Hey All!
Sweet Jesus Kris!!! That's a lot to go through and then to deal with all that medical crap on top of bad weather. I just hated having the IV stuck in my hand, it wasn't the worst of it but there were always those days where it didn't look like they were going to find a vain. Anyway, It's strange now everytime I see someone smoking, this is completely off topic, but doing blantant harm to their body, I think to myself, it's all fun and games until you get cancer.I know I might get some crap for that statement because we might have some smokers on this thread, but why, don't they have those new vapor cigs out, why does anyone smoke anymore? Anway, sorry, rant, Stay warm up everyone.
bth: Kris, did you need to get a generator?
CS
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Cancersucks, I didn't need it but have a good size generator, enough to run my house and two others. Where did the smoking rant come from. I'm currently trying to quit for the 5th time. Chantix is the way I have to go, its been the best bet of all the options so far. Can quit while I'm on it but coming off is a b*tch. Been smoking since I was 13, less nasty than all the stuff I inhaled while fighting fire but need to stop all the same.
Snowing again tonight but not suppose to get more than half an inch. We are just a little tired of the stuff right now. Hope everyone is having a good week. Kris
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I hate blood work as well. I'm a really hard stick and all my good veins are in my other arm. It's not uncommon for the blood to just stop flowing mid draw...resulting in another stick. They used to draw from my port. That was a no brainer. Now that I don't have it anymore I dread the blood draws.
I smoke. My doctor told me there was no link between smoking and breast cancer. Pretty soon they're going to claim that smoking is responsible for world hunger, random shootings, and the plague. I don't know about anyone else here but our car was blue with smoke when I was a kid and I didn't develop Asthma. New York State taxes the crap (edited) out of them and nobody complains (edited) until they start limiting the size of a soda you can buy. I'm not a stupid woman, I know it's not healthy, but I think they've exaggerated the issue to the point of it sounding ridiculous. I'm told if I get cancer in my lung that it will be mets. If its not mets it would have to be a whole new cancer and I think to myself "what are the odds of that?" I recently saw on the news where obesity is as closely linked to cancer as smoking is. Yet I don't see any commercials about the dangers of donuts.
Now that's a rant and a wrap because yes, I could go on...0 -
Good Morning,
I decided to come in and post instead of lurking around. It has been almost a year since I since I have posted. It is amazing how this thread has taken off. When I first started posting on this thread it was bearly attended and when it was, it was few and far between. I wish it had been half as active as it is now back a year ago.
My story is different that most of yours in that I was a spouce and caregiver of a partner with breast cancer. She died almost a year ago in April due to cancer and the complications of cancer. Although the loss was tremendous, I did find the support of the BCO while we were fighting the disease and then when she died. I am amazed at how women of all ages, colors, creeds, and religions can come together to support one an other no matter where they are in any country, state, or city.
I have found through the BCO extremely wonderful women who have now become apart of my inner circle of support. Amazing! I have also found a woman who has peeked my interest and captivated my heart and has introduced me to love after loss. Again amazing.
Just thought I would stop in.
I am glad that this thread is alive again. Not only do women who are fighting this disease need support, but their partners and caregiver do too.
Thank you,
Donese
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Donese,
Thanks for sharing your story. I am very sorry you lost your partner but think it is wonderful that you found love again:) You are right, there are not many places our partners can go for this type of support (mine has been amazing and has somehow managed to deal with me patiently even when i don't deserve it).
Hello everyone else...nonsmokers and smokers alike:) Just got back from a race in Cali...it was actually warmer than here (82 degrees). My partner couldn't go so I went by myself...as much as I love her it was kind of fun to be out on a road trip by myself! I beat several women who beat me in the beginning of the season so the work is paying off I guess.
Kris, that sucks about the sticks, but I am glad you are feeling better this year...now if only it would stop dumping snow on you! GML...please don't get them to pass a tax on donuts (horrors!)...I am on a limited student budget!
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Donese, thanks for sharing. I've always said I thought the whole thing was harder on my partner/wife than it was on me. When I think about the possibility of it coming back (I'm 3 1/2 years out from dx), it scares me more for her than for me. I guess I've always thought this stuff is the hardest for those that have to carry on. I am so glad that you found support on here that remains in your life to this day. I am equally glad that you have found love again.
Cooka, no donut taxes...I enjoy a good donut now and again too:)
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Hi all,
Just wanted to apologize for the smoking comment...not sure what I was thinking. I think I am going stir crazy, not being able to go out. We all have our vices, I sincerely did not mean to judge anyone's vice.
GML: Sorry Kris & GML, sometimes my rants our just rants, not meant to offend anyone.
Donese, your partner was lucky to have you by her side and I'm very sorry for your loss.
Have a goodnight everyone, night thread,
The winds are howling outside, don't think we're ever going to see summer here in New England.
Just had to sincerely edit yet another rant.
CS
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Cancersucks--I'm not really living healthier; I smoke;). I'm not overweight at all but I don't really exercise unless you count fixing the winch cable on my snowplow. I've never been a terribly healthy eater although I don't eat a lot of junk. So, no real healthy lifestyle changes in terms of health and nutrition. Part of me thinks the breast cancer came out of nowhere and I have no control over whether it comes back or not so I don't think I can "control" it that way. I don't think I can influence it at all. I did make different choices regarding my future; planning to retire sooner and making the financial decisions necessary for that. I have tried new things; something I historically haven't done much, and I do make an attempt to fully appreciate beautiful moments. I try to remember to have gratitude. I feel like I was reminded of my own mortality, the way we all were, in a very personal manner. I don't think I'm lucky, I think I have purpose. I'm not religious, but I do believe in God. I think that we are all here for a purpose. We fulfill our purpose or purposes, and then we go home. So I think to myself that I must have more purpose in this life. Probably sounds silly but that's how I think. That doesn't mean that the thought of death doesn't scare me, because it does and did, particularly when I felt it closely. There have been very few moments in my life when I fully understood the meaning of "my blood ran cold", and that was one of them. I remember asking my partner/wife, "what if there really is no after life? What if we just 'blink out' like a dead woodchuck that was run over in the road?" I really think there is an afterlife, but the thought of nothingness, of ceasing to exist, is, to me, the most frightening thought of all.
P.S. don't worry about the smoking comment. I know it is insane and goes against logic that I continue to do it
Do I think about it coming back? Oh yeah. I couldn't get it out of my head the first year. Then my fear became that it would return around the time I retired. And then, my boss, who was a couple of years away from retirement, was diagnosed with late stage metastatic melanoma and died literally a few months later. So there it was, my worst fear, happening right before my eyes (to a really wonderful and caring woman btw). Somehow, some way, along the way, I stopped obsessing about it as much. Then one day I was talking with a coworker about how I was feeling and I heard myself tell her that if it came back, it came back, that I had no control over it. I'm not a documentary producer but I've often thought that process would be a good topic for a documentary. How do women diagnosed with breast cancer process and manage the fear that their next visit to the doctor could bring horrible news? The thought of it coming back crosses my mind every day still. I pay less attention to it, but it crosses just the same. And deep down I truly feel like it will. But until then, I have stuff to do...
I hope that helps and that I didn't ramble too much.
I end with a quote from the very best movie ever:
"I think it pisses God off if you walk past the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it. People think pleasing God is all God care about, but any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back" --The Color Purple
Peace
GML0 -
Cancersucks, Don't worry about the smoking comment, I'll be the first to admit the stupid things I do and probably the dumbest was smoking after cancer treatment. The intelligence of the decision to quit doesn't make it any easier on me or my dogs (they are flipping out cause I can't relax). The generator I have is a troybuilt and its large because I was running a woodworking shop off of it. For your home you wouldn't need one that large or that incredibly noisey. The main power draws will be anything with a motor(furnace,A/c) because they require a little over twice the juice to get them started and then if you have an electric stove oven, water heater, or dryer.You don't want to run things at the same time so that will lower the total amps needed but you do want one that will cover your a$$. You also have to think about how you are going to fuel it. I live in the city and for the most part usually have alot of gasoline for mowers, bike, and other things so fuel really isn't an issue but if you might have difficulty getting to a working gas station you may want to look into the natural gas fueled ones. None of them can be put inside your house or your garage, running them there will kill you.
Donese, I remember when your spouse passed. I really didn't have the distance from chemo to express how much respect I had for you at that time. To keep it together as a spouse and a mother of a teenager must have taken alot. I'm glad you have found someone that you enjoy and may share the rest of your journey with.
GML, You drive a snowplow? You will apreciate how much fun I had running around in my little Jeep pulling full sized SUV's out of plow burms and back onto the road. It was freaking blast pulling $60k cadilacs that high centered themselves out with my 7 year old, no frills Jeep. They need a sticker on their visors that says money doesn't make you a better driver, and get off your cell phones.
The good news (and also amazing)is that I have found someone that I really like and she likes me too. I haven't managed to make her mad or stick my foot in my mouth too far so everyone keep their fingers crossed. I know you guys were all saying to yourselves there wasn't any way this was going to happen. FYI she said she likes me better without reconstruction. Just a thought for those of you that are single that are flying the flat.
Hope everyones weekend goes well (it will be raining here). You womyn in treatment I hope the side effects are minimal and you find a reason to laugh. Kris
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Hey All,
The wind is still howling in New England –Update-It’s still freaking cold here in New England!!!
GML- Where to begin, I love everything you said and identified with it, pretty much all of it. Absolutely! We only have so much control over how things are going to go for us, you can choose your sin but you can’t choose the outcome that may or may not arise from it. A friend of mind said in a rather ambiguous way last year, “other’s want what you got,” I couldn’t imagine what she was talking about She said, “ You’re grateful!” Yes, I am. How can you go through what we’ve been through and not be grateful?
Yes, you’re reminded of your own mortality, it’s like when Robin Roberts (The co anchor of Good morning America, who had breast cancer and then needed a bone marrow transplant. She said, “at one point I felt like I was slipping away.” That was it for me, I got that, I felt that. I think we have a purpose too, wow, thank you for sharing all that, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your thoughts, and there should be a documentary like that, there was a local reporter who was diagnosed with breast cancer Kelly Tuthill and if she didn’t do a little expose on her ordeal I would have been even more worse for wear. It’s on you tube, very valuable and comforting. She was stage 3 and she is about 7 years out.
Thanks again GML, I always wondered how you felt about it because we are around the same time frame. Btw: I got rid of facebook, but I can’t stop shaking…..
Kris, I think you sold me, thank you for taking the time to write to me about that. I’m going to get one, no matter what. Having no power, no heat, it was a pretty darn bad experience. Off topic, I’m glad to hear you met someone who makes you heart smile
There's a new study out there that finds most breast cancer survivors/vets suffer from PTSD, this to me is not shocking. Once again, I have edited my post, something didn't feel right and then it dawned on me, I had not been edited yet.I hope everyone is finding their calm,
Night everyone.
CS
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Cancersucks, It kind of confuses me when you write something, the rest of us comment on it and then you errase it. I remember that happening when I was in treatment and getting real confussed. I haven't seen you write anything that would make someone upset or make you look bad.
GML, I had a friend that was a photographer follow me from Titts on just after diagnosis to the port coming out after the hysterectomy. There just isn't much to photograph the stress of waiting for the next round. If you guys would like to see what she shot I will PM you with her website. She would like to do presentations to groups concerning breast cancer and the challenges of photographing the mess.
Hope everyone is doing well. The ones going through treatment are getting their side effects addressed and hanging in there. Kris
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OKay, good point, I'm a little concerned about lurkers Kris, my bad.
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Just so I don't feel like a lurker...I'll say hi
It's nice to see you all have this thread alive and well...I've been gone a long while, but I'm going through some stuff and felt the need to revisit 'ol BCO. You know, when somethings wrong, but you don't know what and that damn bc you try so hard to forget comes up when you're doing the intake forms for the doctor? I do wish they didn't say "well, because of your history..." it's my least favorite thing. As if because I had BC, there aren't a 100 other reasons for what I got goin' on...here's hoping it turns out to be a digestive issue so I don't have to feel bad about being so annoyed with them in the first place.
It's good to see faces old and new on here
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Hey Navygirl,
I'm a lurker too, I'll admit it. I think we're kinda stuck being a tad bit paranoid when we get an ache or a pain, I’ll just speak for me on that fear. Be your best advocate, and don't think the worst. I try not to go into panic mode, but again, easier said than done. You're changed forever once you go through this, there's good in that and bad. Let us know how you're doing if you want, if you don’t we’ll worry. Someone will be hanging out here, keeping the thread alive. The thread has a purpose, as we all do.
Kris, I'm going to try to control myself and not delete this. I have a little PTSD myself, but it didn't stem from the cancer, hope everyone is safe and doing as well as they possibly can. On a side note, I really think what your friend is doing is important and I think that was pretty amazing of you to let her film you. I'm just so damn private (as you might've noticed.) I have seen what anonymity breeds, some people spread hate as they hide behind made up screen-names, not all lurking is innocent, some people seek out to do a lot of damage to people's characters, even though I’m glad BC. Org is here, for some of us, the internet has made us less social and more leery, I’m convinced, just my 2 cents. Goodnight to all, be safe, CS
Night all
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Cancersucks, Iv'e had PTSD for almost 25 years now. I'm sure the cause of yours was different and we all seem to have varying reactions to it along with different degrees of it, so I kind of know how you feel. I don't want anyone putting anything out there they don't feel comfortable with. I wasn't on any social stuff at all untill after treatment and felt a little stronger. The motivation behind the photos was to show this isn't the d*mn pink party that the world thinks it is. If a friend of mine had been going through it I would have been camped out on their couch and photographing every minute they would let me. My friend had know idea how horrible crap could get when she started photographing me and ended up needing a little assistance to get through it too. I figured something good has to come from me getting this sh!t.
Navygirl, I know its scary and you have alot more time under your belt with this stuff than I do but I would rather they rule out cancer so they can take care of the problem than assuming its one thing when its not. Sometimes docs get tunnel vision and it takes forever before they get the answer, mean while the patient is uncomfortable and scared. Sometimes the stress of what we have all experienced can screw up your system and it doesn't necessarily have to happen within the first couple of years.
Iv'e temporarily fallen off the stop smoking wagon, been doing it for 2 days now. I hope the weather being better here and being able to get outside on the bike is going to get me back on track. I keep telling myself that everytime I smoke one of those little basterds I have to go through withdrawals all over again. Wish me luck. Everyone have a decent week. Kris
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