Great saying about depression
Comments
-
I have constant high-pitched ringing in my ears and lately, I've noticed my husband can hear our microwave and I can't.... No, I didn't get my ears boxed, I just got the rolled up newspaper - the rolling up was always enough to make me stand up and take notice. I can't remember ever getting a spanking. Unfortunately, I can remember spanking my kids - never on the head or anything other than a slap on the hand or the behind.
When my grandfather passed away, I got his cane - I use it constantly these last couple years. When my grandmother passed, I got her collection of buttons which was my 3rd choice. She was a professional seamstress and had quite a collection plus buttons she had received from some of her older relatives. I was an only child so there was no squabbling over "things" when my parents were gone. My Mom had always told my daughter that her wedding rings were to go to her. When it came time to give my daughter Mom's rings, I couldn't believe how difficult it was for me to let them go - I didn't want the rings - it just felt like I was losing part of my Mom. She wears them occasionally and I love seeing them.
Hugs to Everyone - Martha
0 -
I truly believe that my horrid back issues are a result of damage by my father kicking me when I was literally down. Perhaps my kidney disease as well....hmmm. And then to hear people say "He did the best he could" just rankles me!!!!! The best he could was at LEAST to spread the damage among the four kids!!! If not leave the beatings out all-together! My mom used to slap my face and I remember the last time she tried. I was standing in the kitchen with a cup of coffee (that's how old I was!) and I told her that if she slapped me, I'd put the mug through her face. She didn't touch me! Maybe the point was I was supposed to stand up to my dad????? I get so confused about it. 30 years ago, the 4 of us sibs talked about it and they said they felt guilty. I got kind of excited inside thinking that they wished they had helped me! I asked why and they said they felt guilty because they were glad it was me and not them!!! Then about 10 years ago, we had the same discussion. My younger brother cried as we discussed this - apparently me getting beaten was tramautic for THEM!!! - anyway when I asked why they didn't help my very wise sister said something that helped me understand, she said, "Oh Barbe, we were children, too!!" That really helped me with some closure. Seriously. Anything to grab on to to let some of that go....sigh.
When my little brother was crying, he was remembering when the Christmas tree wouldn't stand straight in the holder and then how dad started kicking me around the room. He said my little body just flew from one side of the room to the other......
0 -
I also remember being upstairs spitting blood into the bathroom sink after a beating when my mom came into the bathroom. To help me? No. To tell me that dad had had a bad week at the office. Then she closed the door and left.
After a particular bad beating that left bruised that showed, I was kept from school. My mom was told to take me shopping and to buy me something. It took a LONG time for me to accept gifts from men without expecting pain!!!!
0 -
Barbe, I am so sorry about how you were treated. Having people say "he did the best he could" must be like re-living it all over again. Beating a child is no one's best. I'm not sure experiences like you've had can ever be truly put behind you. Perhaps recognizing how hard it was may help and learning how your siblings felt as well may be a part of finding a place for these memories. I admire your strength and hope others can support you.
0 -
Barb- how terrible! I'm sure your siblings were terrified for you and for themselves. I certainly can't explain or understand your father but you Mom .... I don't know to say Dad had a bad day at the office.... Oh no... that is just horrible as in he has a right to hurt his child cause he had a bad day? You know my ex-boyfriend when he was so horrible to me during my surgery and after and in other situations he would say he is ok with his behavior as "he did the best he could". Wow, so that is the excuse for being a horrible person but its ok cause they did their best.... that keeps coming back to me that that kind of best is not nearly good enough. So... Barb, I'm so sorry but sounds like you and your siblings are still working through the hurt and pain.
Debbie, Again, I can't imagine people being so cruel. How on earth your SIL thought she was entitled to something of your Mother's is beyond me. I'm so glad you got that china and thank goodness she validated your rights. But such pain and cruelness to inflict.
0 -
Hey barbe, these are not uplifting humorous stories!!!! remember I asked for some to make me laugh?
I am sorry for what you went through. I, too, do not understand human beings, and how cruel they can be. I just want to weep for the little kid you were and how no one stood up for you.
I understand beatings, tho, from my 1st husband, it took me two years to leave. I will never understand that.
I am still waiting for test results and one is going to take until next week. sigh.
This morning my coffee maker would not work and it pushed me over the edge. It's always something simple that makes me lose it. I wanted to drive my car off a cliff or at least into a tree going about 80. Instead I stomped all the Styrofoam in the house into tiny tiny bits and went out and bought a new coffee maker. I think I traumatized the dog, b/c after making a huge mess I had to drag out the vacuum. So I am going to a meeting (self-help) tonight and counting down the hours until I can go to sleep.
I talked to someone yesterday that said she use to have that high pitched ringing in her ears, but she finally lost the ability to hear the high sounds so she couldn't hear the ringing anymore. That sounds like good news to me.
0 -
Mac....do you know if she got the tinnitus from Cancer treatment????? I've had mine
for more than twenty years now. I can see that developing it from C treatment there might be a possibility down the road for it to go away, but for me, according to my GP,
I'll have it for life unless they come up with cure.0 -
Barbe: I thought my childhood was rough, but compared to yours, it was "idealic"
So sorry you had to endure all that abuse, must have been so hard to get no support from your mother. We always think of mothers as being so nurturing. Did you and/or your siblings go through any type of therapy?0 -
scottiee, yes she had had bc treatments. It was so good for me to talk to her b/c she is a retired doc. She just said to me "that sucks". So much better than all the positive platitudes that most other people try with me. I got her phone number and email address, she said she would help with translating the medical jargon into English for me. She thinks I should have a lung biopsy as soon as possible. I want her to be my doc.
yeah my hearing issues started long before treatment but have definitely gotten worse in the last few months. I can see losing all your hearing would make the ringing go away, tho. scary thought.
0 -
Mac that's wonderful....how lucky you were to find her....I hope she can help you .
It's sad that we don't hear enough about tinnitus and any research they might be doing
Because, according to my GP, a very large percentage of the population suffers from it.0 -
mac:
sorry my story was not uplifting. What I was trying to say is I feel, no matter what obstacles are put in my way - parents, locked windows, BC, I have to get up and fight. I will fight this depression and if I had been you yesterday morning, I probably would of thrown a fit if my coffee maker hadn't worked! I do think what all of us have endured and gone through already in our lives has left at least me at looking at this continuing aftermath after being initially diagnosed with BC as a plod backward up a very steep hill, with lots of rocks and loose dirt under my feet.
To go to a therapist who hasn't had to deal with BC, physically and emotionally, well, it didn't work for me. To come here and say whatever I have to say and to ask you all for help is the best thing for me. Mac, I actually think stomping all those bits of Styrofoam would of at least felt good.
Mac, a lung biopsy - I thought you already had one?
I put behind me what my various parents did and didn't do to me. I really don't want to understand why they did it - it was done and it is in the past, as my husband says, and I should just try and leave it there. Good point. Why clutter my already addled brain with my first 20 years of life, when the last 2 1/2 have been the biggest for me physically and emotionally. Draining.
I wish all of you here a few minutes today of enjoyment - somehow, somewhere, we just have to find it!
0 -
Oh Debbie, your story was uplifting and barbe's too, because we have persevered and overcome. I was just trying to give barbe a hard time. I know I have to fight on and it did feel good to stomp those Styrofoam pieces into smithereens. It made a big mess, but it was worth it.
My sister was the oldest of my family and she bought her own set of china because my mother would not let go of hers. So I inherited her set when she passed. I just adore it. She also bought alot of her own jewelry, b/c she knew she would not outlive my mother. My DD is alot like my sister. She always wants to wear my jewelry and stuff. I have learned that lesson and I let her "borrow" what she wants and she wears it for a while and then brings it back and trades it in for something else. There are some special pieces that I have let her have forever. She wears so much more jewelry than I do. It is so much better to enjoy it now than "save" it in a drawer or even worse a safe deposit box.
No, no lung biopsy yet. I don't know why. They keep saying more harm than good, but I am so sick of being sick. This is really dragging out too long. Now i am in the midst of tests on my heart and liver and it is scaring the heck out of me. I do need to talk to my pulmonary doc this week, tho.
I have finally made plans to go to FL for my bday. It is the big 60. My DD is going to come here first and then fly with me to FL. My bestest oldest friend from high school still lives in my hometown. So she will be the activity coordinator for the 5 days we will be there. My PCP's eyes got real big when I said I was going, but she didn't say not to. When I come back I have 6 month/yearly checkups with BS and MO and mammo. So that is keeping me going for right now. It is not until the beginning of Nov. Look at me planning ahead!
0 -
mac: so glad to hear you are planning a vacation and it's wonderful your DD will be with you.
I just hit the 60 mark a few weeks ago, so since I knew my DH wouldn't, I bought myself a ring. I really felt proud to make it to 60, after these last couple of years, rather than dread it. My son said I had to stop wearing leggings, no more putting my hair up in a ponytail (ahppy to have hair after chemo) and I had to wear make-up now like a grown-up. Hmmm.......... Like you, and I don't have a daughter to share with, I believe if you buy jewelry, then wear it, don't store it in a safety deposit box or leave it to glitter in a jewelry box. It's beautiful you are comfortable in sharing with your DD and it must give you much pleasure to see her enjoy your jewelry as you have. My son says the person who mugs me will be smiling all the way to the pawnbroker. Hmmm..... He is only 19 but has asked me if I would consider giving my solitaire diamond that I wear with my wedding ring to him if and when he gets engaged. I said I'm open to it, but concerned if she or he breaks the engagement or they divorce shortly, we are talking about some $$$ taking legs and walking.
mac, I can understand completely, especially with you not feeling well, how anxious all this test taking, blood drawing and time for results is doing your mind and well-being in. I wish if they did a test that all results would be known to us within 24 hours. Why not in this modern day and age. I know it doesn't mean much, but I am anxious along with you for you.
This is not an easy road we travel. I now feel your anxiety is mine, your worry is mine, we are in this together.
So just remind your 'activity coordinator' you will need rest periods, only short walks, and to not put too many activities into any one day. Gentle and easy will allow you to enjoy much more. So fun and something pleasant to look forward to. The beginning of November isn't so far away..........and you'll have fun, fun, in the sun, whiling the hours away with your DD and BFF. Go girl, go!....sorry I wasn't there to vac up all those Styrofoam bits for you......
0 -
Hi Ladies- we leave for Rhodes tomorrow, so this is a quick goodbye. Can't comment on everything as I am supposed to finish packing. Barbe - you poor thing - how horrible for you. I have read sometimes only one child will be targeted for abuse. It must mean you were the gorgeous,charismatic, braver one!! Big hugs!!
I am not sure if we are doing the right thing going so soon - I still feel weak and wobbly, but hey relaxing by the turquoise sea has to be better than relaxing here. My Mom was diagnosed with multiple myeloma yesterday. I keep thinking - will this year NEVER end - it is beginning to sound like a soap opera.
Will check on you all when I get back. Mac - hope you get some answers soon. Take care Ladies
0 -
Yikes!! I didn`t mean to darken this thread! Not my intent at all!! I am a very happy person, and the funniest person I know. I can keep myself busy for hours going through buttons and beads and am just fine on my own. I am not needy or clingy or depressed for old reasons, so I don`t know if there was any influence on me growing up or not. hmmm.
My doc increased my morphine to 60 mgs twice a day with 10 mgs for breakthrough pain twice a day. I can only refill my scripts on the exact day that they are due so there cannot be any errors. This way because it is such a pure narcotic, they can monitor the useage and I can`t build up a stash. Anyway, went to pharmacy last night to get the script filled, they said 40 mintues, so I spent $90 on groceries and went back to find out they didn`t have any in stock!!! No 60 mgs. So I said give me 2 30`s. She said they legally can`t due to the strict restrictions!! I said what the heck do I go home with then!!! You can`t leave me without pain meds!!!!!!!!! I finally gave up and left the counter. When I got home I found out I had enough 30`s left from my last script - it was the 15`s I had run out of (how they didn`t sync is beyond me as I was taking 45 mgs a day (30+15)). So anyway, after my HUGE panic in Walmart
I am able to do 2 x 30 at home!!! Now I just wait for them to call when the 60`s are in...sigh. And I thought I had problems when I was young....sheesh!!! What brought up my Dad? Oh yah!!! Thinking that it was the kicking of my spine that caused this damage. I hope he`s spinning in his grave seeing what he put me through and what I continue to suffer with. He`s spinning and I`m crippled...what`s wrong with this picture????? 0 -
Didn`t mention earlier this week in case it didn`t follow through, but I`m going to my DD for dinner tonight!! I told her we have a gift for DSIL birthday this Friday and would still like to give her her birthday gift so she invited us over. I`m optimistic we`ll actually get there!! I`ll keep yàll posted...heehheeheh
0 -
Maddie, Have a fantastic trip.
0 -
Maddie - Enjoy your trip!!!! You need the healing time especially with your Mom... so safe and wonderful trip.
Barb! Yay! Hope it all goes well!
0 -
Maddie, have a wonderful, gentle trip!
barbe - good luck with the dinner. As to the pain meds, if it's the same pharmacy you always go to, they are negligent to not have a stock on hand, and I know here as a RN, if I give a patient 2 30's if I don't have a 60 tab in stock, I just have to document it and why. I can understand them not wanting you to build up a stash, but if you didn't have yours, then this would of been very painful. Now with my back pain, I get mine regulated too but it's because of the government. I have reached spending the amount on meds so the government gives me most stuff free, except for my sleeping pills - 14 for $30 yikes.....anyway, the government says only 20 at a time to fall under the freebie scheme, and if I take 6 a day on a bad day, well, my DH is well known in the pharmacy! This too, is another joy of living in the shadow of BC.
Took a fall in the kitchen last night as I stepped down from the counter after watering the plants above the cupboards. My foot in my slipper slipped on my stool and splat, I was on my back on the cold hard tile floor. Don't think I broke anything other than my pride, but sure am sore today. And I scared the you know what out of DH. My Jaki was all over me licking my face - her Mummy was down and needed help!
I'm going to aim for a good day!
0 -
Barbe, you are the funniest person I know, too. Hope you get to dinner and have a great time. Glad you found some meds at home to get you through.
Maddie, have a restful time. Just enjoy your time. I am sorry for your mom's dx.
Debbie, I do not want to cause you more anxiety, but thanks so much for being here with me. I think I just have one more night to wait. I remember when you got your ring. I really feel like we "know" each other.
Today at MH we had another discussion about anti depressants. I have to admit that my attitude about these meds is changing. She and my PCP are going to talk to each other to see if they can get me through this next bit of time. So that feels good. My chest feels so tight tonight.
I have told my activity person that I do have to rest a lot . We are staying in a villa, so have space to hang around and can eat some meals in. I talked to my DD today, she is so excited. Last year at exactly this time we were planning my trip to CO to see her. I had not told my kids about what was going on at that time, i knew i had "stuff" to go through when i got home, so we had a great time. I have not told them about this new development, only you ladies. So thanks for going through this with me .0 -
Debbie, my post crossed yours. I am so sorry for your fall. Hope you feel better soon. So sweet the dog caring for you.
I am so grateful for my health insurance, these nebulizer and inhaler meds are really pricey,too.
I hate that we have to use all these meds, but glad we are around to use them. If ya know what I mean?0 -
mac: it's not that my DH and DS don't love me, but my dog Jaki is with me every moment I am at home and a lot of times when weather allows, she goes with me in the car for hours at a time. It has been Jaki with me through those terrible nights when I cry and cry so her fur is wet with my tears. In the house or garden, my DH calls her my shadow. Right now she is at my feet and when I go to change clothes, into the closet she goes where she has a basket much to small for her, in which she likes to curl up as I change or shower, where she can still see me.
I feel so close to all of you , but when one of us is having a rough time, physically or emotionally, I can't help but feel it, and mac, your patience is amazing as you don't feel good at all, and have to wait and wait while the troupe of doctors figure out what is going on with you.
Any me buying myself a #60 birthday present was significant to me in many ways, reaching 60 and all I have gone through in the last 2 1/2 years - just had to share it with you..........so some good feelings with the rotten ones I have.
Yes, having to deal with BC and the aftermath is costly - I notice most of us are not working outside our homes now as dealing with life has become a full time job to maintain some kind of stability. My DH offered to manage dealing with our private health insurance and government health care when I was first diagnosed so all I had to do was pay the bills, but before I finished chemo, he said it was too much for him. I felt sorry for him, but did he ever wonder how I felt and I was the one making double copies of everything, filling out the paperwork for him, while managing where to get the money from to pay the bills, all the while dealing with multiple surgeries chemo and then rads.
But, I'm sorry to say, I do think we women are the stronger of the sexes. If the need arises, we just can do it! My DH likes to tell people how I manage our investment portfolio, Max's uni and living costs and bills, our bills, the house, inside and out, and our 6 acres of paddocks and 2 acres of gardens. Yet, there are times when I just wish he would take over dealing with the plumber or electrician, or irrigation guy. Living in an old house is always full of surprises. I guess kind of like living with me now..................
0 -
Debbie, I am concerned about your fall! Are you SURE it`s just your pride that got bruised? How are you feeling today???? I remember your ring, too, you bought a cushion cut! I`m still waiting for a picture of it...hehehehe.
You say you take 6 sleeping pills a day???? 14 for $30...and six a day!?!? Or do you mean you get 20 pain pills at a go? I`ll assume that one. I pay extra for my insurance cover and have to continue paying even though I`m on disability. My company pays the other half. I don`t know what will happen as time goes on! It`s supposed to be 100% coverage, but some of my meds cost over $50 when I pick them up as the government uses a dated formulary...sigh.
mac, it`s the government that regulates narcotics for us, too. We can get them, but they are SO tight on them. I am very lucky at my age level that they are allowing me this amount. I see the back surgeon on Nov 19th. Saw him 2 years ago and he said he coudln`t guarantee to make me pain free. ANY reduction would be good!!!
Had a GREAT dinner at my DDs house. Go figure. Months of sweat and tears and it`s all good??? I still don`t trust her and I`m sorry, but I don`t think I ever will. It`s like she`s setting me up just to knock me down again. Call me a cynic but do it once, shame on you, do it to me twice and shame on me!!! I`ve had it done twice so I am already twice bitten!
Can`t wait to hear what all the docs say, mac.
0 -
Debbie, can you move the plants to a lower level or get a watering wand? Climbing isn't such a great idea for any of us these days.
0 -
barbe: no, I may take up to 6 of my pain pills in a day, max, and they are prescribed 20 at a time, with 2 repeats. the sleeping pills are 14 for $30 and I take one about every 3rd night. I take tramadol 50mg, so 2 at a time is 100mg. Not really much. My GP wanted me to go on a low daily dose of morphine but I don't want to go there if I don't have to.
ptdreamers: yes, I could move the plants, but like them up on top of the cupboards as I think it makes my kitchen look like it's outside. It was totally my stupidity to not take my slippers off. Heck, I go out on the 2nd story roof and to the edge to scoop the leaves out of the rain gutters with my hands, so a kitchen counter should be manageable. I am such an idiot.
back hurt upon awakening and didn't sleep well. Has eased up over the day - moving around helps, and no, no climbing today!
barbe: glad you enjoyed the dinner and all went smoothly but I see why you still don't trust, and I would be the same way. I commend you for chancing it again.
0 -
Barbe - So glad you had a great dinner with your daughter. Trust is hard to re-build. Someone told me once that it is like putting together a broken window, the view isn't quite the same but you can see out. Hope you enjoy every precious moment with her.
0 -
Golden, I REALLY like that image of the broken window!!! And Debbie, thanks for knowing how hard it was to be `natural`around them!!
0 -
Debbie, I'm worried about your fall too. If you're still hurting, you may want to get checked out. Their is a watering wand you can get to reach high plants, you might look into that at your local gardening center. It'll save you from climbing up and down counters.
Barbe-so glad your dinner went well. Give her time and the healing will happen. For both of you.
Maddie, hope your trip is all that you hoped it would be and more. Relax! And enjoy the views!
Mac where is your Fl hometown? When is your trip?
0 -
Here I am last night. Zach`s birthday was in September (2) and his Dad`s is this Friday so we brought gifts for his Dad, his Mom`s from July and wrapped something up for him, too. The two wrapped the same he was sure were both for him!! Smart guy! Anyway he found these party hats and handed them all out and sang Happy Birthday! It was just so sweet...sigh. I was in heaven. Then he took my hand from the dinner table to dance with him in the kitchen!! When that got too much audience he took me off into the guest bedroom where he has a stash of books and he showed me which side of the bed to lay on by patting on the pillow and we lay down and read books. My heart was bursting with joy. THAT`s what life is all about. It`s all I ask. I`m easy to please.
0
