Great saying about depression
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Did you post your pictures here? Did I miss them?
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barbe: I posted them on the picture forum. Do you have access? If not, PM me your email address and I will send them to you.
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If it's not one thing it's another....
Finally broke down and went to the GP today. Have had this mild sore throat with some throat pain, and some other symptoms for several weeks now. She said my lymph nodes are enlarged and she thinks there's something going on with my thyroid. She also said my blood pressure was high which is weird for me. She is sending me for blood tests, US, etc. Oh joy! Man, I'm sick of doctors. And sick of feeling sick.
MBJ- I noticed when I was at the doctor's today my temp was 98.2 and I thought about that link you posted about low body temp. Just took it again and it was 97.4!
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Kate: It's a GOOD thing they are going to run tests!! It could be you have a low thyroid and this always causes low body temp which in turn can cause the fibromyalgia to flare up! I hope you have great dr's and they figure out what is going on with you. Please keep us posted on the results of the tests and what is going on.
I started with my first on the phone consult with Dr. Lam's clinician/dietician to see if they can help me get my adrenal exhaustion under control. I will share with anyone who is interested the process and what they are having me do.
Big hugs!!!
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Thanks MBJ! I go for a thyroid ultrasound tomorrow afternoon. Did all my blood work this morning so should know something next week. Definitely let me know how it goes with Dr. Lam's office!
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So I had a HUGE meltdown last night that linger into today..tonight.
I am just so tired and tired of being tired. I am on Tamoxifen and I don't know if its that but I cant stand the crying at the drop of a hat. I have literally been heavy sobbing all day...not really sure why. I mean I know why I have a million reasons but no one thing in particular. I met with my PS today to discuss my nip recon which I am sooooo nervous about. Like MBJ I am more worried for this procedure than the others...well not the mx. ANyhow, I totally was bawling in his office COULD NOT STOP I went through an entire box of tissues and he (God bless him) listened to me babble for about 45 mins...that's what happens when you press for whats wrong..you better be prepared to listen . I have this pocket of fat that my implant is pushing on so its bulging under my arm...guess how much that will cost to have sucked out....$2300!!!! and that is with a $1900 discount my PS gave me cause he adores me. I was like it's a tiny little pinch of fat how can that cost that much, his asst said, it takes 1 1/2 to remove...I'm like this little pocket of fat???? I kept grabbing it to show her like you surely are mistaken ..but apparently she was not. I had to give her a check for 1/2 today...despite the fact that my procedure is in May. So then I cried...THEN as I was taking puppy to doggie daycare...in the pouring rain...cold..coffee in hand....skirt on...you see where this is going don't you...YUP puppy got me caught up in his leash then took off tripping me and my coffee in my skirt in the mud..then I cried...THEN as I was driving up to the office I needed to fix my makeup...you know replace the mascara and eyeliner and eyebrows I wiped away with my tears...and I LOST my eyeliner and forgot my brow kit at home...so then I cried. So i get in the office and this HUGE mammoth partnership tax return I completed two weeks ago one of the partners wants a change in presentation...so you guessed it...I started crying. I just locked myself in my office and cried all day. I am tired I HATE HATE HATE my hair, I am stressed over how much this disease is costing me and exhausted working to pay the bills. Oh I forgot to mention my sinuses need to be "drained" I don't know exactly what that means but it doesn't sound like fun. SO I called my onc and told him I have got to stop taking Tamoxifen for a few weeks I just can't get my work done with all this crying. He summoned me to his office where I know he is going to suggest a anti-depressant which I really don't want to take. I am tired of taking pills for the SE's of all the pills I am taking. I am meeting him tomorrow morning before work and I just pray i stop crying. I also forgot to mention the eye infection and the bone spur on the bottom of my foot. I am a true beauty these days...limping with my bum foot, one eye swollen and goopy, hair that is so coarse it just looks like i put my finger in a socket about an hour after I style it. and my swollen sinuses make it look like i have one black eye. I feel like a F^&*ing mess. Enough of my rant...I just had to get that out.
MBJ & Kate good luck with your drs appts!
Diane
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Diane: Wow, you are like me--when I have a bady day it just never seems to end! I have had many of those days especially when my hair was just growing in. Thank goodness we have this place where you can just rant and rave and we all get it and love you anyway! I would lie to say it gets better. I know of women who have had amazing success with the right meds. Just sending a big hug your way and I am sorry I can't be more help. Hang in there Di.
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I got a call about an appointment and had to wait 4 days to get ahold of my docs office. They had an appt for a psychiatrist!!!! WTF?? I said I've been waiting for an appt with a neurologist! So my doc calls me back and said he never said neurologist....but he made the appt because I was in such distress in December. I said if that's how long it takes, I'd be dead by now!!! I told him the new drug he gave me in December was working great and all my stress was just everyday stress.
Then I get a call yesterday when I got home saying I had a bone scan appt on June 3rd!! I guess they found something in that friggin' X-ray I finally took! But June, that makes me feel better...not an emergency... So now I stew for April and May....sigh.
Still no word from that job!! Do I call them? I did that for that other job and the guy thought I was desperate, remember? I don't want to push this, but if I don't call, will they think I'm not interested?
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Oh gosh, things don't sound as good here as the last time I checked..... Didel - wow, that was some day! Hopefully you just needed to get all that our of your system in one full horrendous day. I'm confused as to why removing the fat pocket wouldn't be covered? I also have that and he made it sound like it would be covered as it is a revision. I know another member also had the same issue and she said her doc/insurance wouldn't cover it done with lipo - get this but they would cover it if it was a longer more complicated surgery where they made two long incisions and cut it out and then injected into the dent she has to fix both problems - how nuts is that. Hoping you are feeling better. I too will do everything I can to avoid anti-depressents.
Barb- gosh I wish I knew what to say. I too lost a job the same way, by calling and checking as the interview and everything went so well then nothing. I don't get it - sometimes reminds me of dating with all those unspoken rules you are supposed to know to "play the game" I wasn't ever any good at that stuff - still aren't either. what kind of x-ray was it? I agree if t was something really scary they would have you in immediately. But gosh can't they tell you something? Always hate that. And still seems like you need to go to the neurologist.
Kate! So what is the news? Any more information. Wow, those blood pressures are low. Mine used to be but since I've gained weight doesn't seem to be a problem. My Mom's was also very low but the doctors always were surprised but never said to worry about it - but that was long ago....
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Diane: I hope that it isn't raining today and that you have a much smoother and happier work day. Sometimes we all just need to cry really hard so we don't burst from all that has happened to us! Sending you many good thought. Get yourself some Marc Anthony Straight creme and finger style your hair until the frizz has grown out and you can get a proper trim. It was a life saver for me and you can get it at RiteAide for cheap. I am limping around, too. I notice whenever my body temp plummets I am suddenly 90 years old, I hurt everywhere and I can't walk. Working on this one full time as I refuse to go down without a fight. I blame all of the surgeries adn general anesthesia and chemo for all of this. Big hugs!!!
Barbe: I hate waiting! I think that it's just rude to just string a person along and it is very much late dating--what are the rules???? I would just keep putting it out there and continue looking if just to keep your mind from going bananas. I hate waiting for test results--can you push for the results to be mailed to you? I usually fill out a form so that I have them before I see the dr. to lower my anxiety-stress level.
As for the neurologist--I really hate when dr's "forget" what they said/did at the last appointment! Always makes me feel like I am a bit crazy even though I am not. How frustrating is that??!!
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Kate: Good luck with your US today. Hoping it's something fixeable. Maybe they will just discover your thyroid isn't working properly and they can help you fix it. Hugs!!
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Wow! Must be this funk a lot of us are in is contagious!
DiDel- (((HUGS!!!!)))) If it helps I can so relate to what you're going through. Things start piling on top of other things and before you know it you feel like you're in a full on s*#& storm with no umbrella. I think anyone would have had a meltdown, and considering the day you had, I'm just surprised you didn't go all postal and end up on the evening news. So sorry things are so hard right now. Unfair, Unfair, UNFAIR!!! (BTW, can really relate to the "tired of taking pills for all the SE's of all the pills I'm taking". Sometimes I think my docs just get out their prescription pad when they see me coming, thinking o.k. just take this for that, you little hypochondriac, instead of figuring out what the f*** is going on to cause all those symptoms. I'm taking the anti-depressant, reluctantly, but how do you really know if it is working. I still feel depressed. But if I didn't take it would I be worse? Who knows? Sorry, I meant to cheer you up and went on my own rant instead!
stanzie- No news on the job, yet. They still haven't called anyone for an interview or even announced the dates the interviews will be except to say "sometime in early April" yet they expect people who live out of state to fly in for it on their own dime. I'm so sick of employers treating employees (and future employees) like crap because they know how much these people need a job. How about a little common courtesy which brings me to..
barbe- Would it kill them to give you a little information? Don't they realize how is riding on getting the job or not for most people these days? Ticks me off! Maybe you should call and just be open with them and say you hadn't heard from them, yet, but just wanted to let them know you were still very interested in the position and were looking forward to working for them.
Just found out that US Airways (the airline I just interviewed with) still had the flight attendant job posted. So they screened 35,000 resumes, interviewed probably thousands of applicants and couldn't find enough qualified people to pour Cokes at 35,000 feet. Give me a break! I think someone is justifying their job by holding that many interviews, giving that many people false hope (many who had to buy airline tickets to get there, pay for a hotel room, buy a new suit, etc).
Boy, am I in a crappy mood this morning!
My car broke down yesterday (still don't know what's wrong with it) so am having to drive my DH's truck which hasn't been cleaned or washed since 1997. Then I had decided to pamper myself and I made an appointment at the premiere hair salon in Phoenix for a makeover. It was going to be a splurge but I thought maybe a "new me" would help lift me out of my doldrums and give me more self confidence. What I got was the haircolor from hell and a awful haircut for an obscene amount of money. I came home and just cried. (I know it's just hair but as Didel put it, I HATE, HATE, HATE my hair!!!) I know I should go back and have them fix it but it's an hour away and I hate (HATE, HATE) confrontation. And wouldn't you know I have a big social event tomorrow? (sigh) Well, off to my US and then hopefully to find someone to fix my hair. Here's hoping all of you are having a better day. Sorry about the long winded rant and pity party. 0 -
DiDel- BTW, it's too bad you can't get to Florida or LA for your nip recon. MBJ's results (in LA) are amazing as are leeinfl's (which were done by FACECRAFTER). They both have their photos on the picture forum.
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Hi ladies I am so sorry that it is so stressful right now for all of us. It seems that there will always be this underlying sadness. We go through the day and do what we need to do but just this layer that doesn't lift. It doesn't mean we are not responsible or loving or taking care of business..... it is just forever changed.
This is the hard part .......... living past the first year when we were all so busy with treatments, surgeries and doctor appts. Now we have to figure out how to live a life worth reflecting on.
I think sometimes that the docs blow it off when you tell them about side effects. That isn't reported as one that happens or happens often. Well I bet if they let the drug companies know what their patients are actually saying they would be.
I hope everyone's doctors appts and tests turn out ok and the we can take the day and find some peace.
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I'm over TWO years out!!! It doesn't get easier ladies!
Sorry I didn't commiserate with anyone else on their trials today, I just had to spill mine. How selfish of me!!!
You know I love you all and DO care. Diane, I sometimes think it's easier to get all the shit in one day too. It actually becomes funny! I had a really bad day once and as I left the house for my evening job, pulling the door shut behind me, the doorknob actually came off in my hand! I looked at it, shrugged, put it in my purse, and went to work...heheheheheheheheheI just called Michelle (the job). She was really upbeat and said that she was just waiting for word on immediate benefits and was pretty sure the 3 weeks holiday shouldn't be a problem. So the salary was accepted I guess!?!?! She will get back to me when they have the go ahead. Thank God I'm already working or I'd be jumping at the bit!
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Barbe: That sounds like really good news!!! We could use a little sunshine on our days! I can't wait to cyber celebrate with you.
Kate: I swear, I really hate to hear about employers that do that kind of interviewing--to interview that many people for a handful of jos is just obscene! What a waste of time and money.
Kate, about 3 months ago I did a makeover of my own. My local Nordstroms was flying in all of their "best" makeup artists from all over the world and were giving free makeovers and if you bought any product they threw in a free makeup kit with it. I jumped at the chance because with my hair so short I felt beauty challenged. Well, it was the worse makeup job I have ever had in my entire life. Really, all I could think was are they so used to working with beautiful models that they never looked at my actual face! I have very small eyes, so I do alot to make them look bigger and this "artist" managed to make my face so dark it looked dirty and gave me what he called a smoky eye, but it just looked like I had dirty eyes, too. I made them wash everything off and then I had him re-do my face at my instruction and then even he admited it looked better. It was very upsetting but I didn't spend a bunch of money like you did. I would call the salon and complain that you can no longer style your hair and maybe they can help--ior at least give an over the phone conult since you don't want to drive. My hair usually doesn't behave for a few days after a hair cut and chemo only made it worse. What is you hair doing/not doing? Maybe I can help as I am quite good at taming my own crazy hair.
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The stylist should re-cut it for free. I've had them do that. Told her I couldn't work with it and to give me something realistic. She had left longer pieces in front of my ears!! Looked stupid! And I've seen women with the same look! I DID tip the second time, so she didn't work for all free....
MBJ no one, and I mean NO ONE can do my face!! I have dark circles and very deep-set eyes. No one knows to use a lighter colour at the inner corner and no eye liner. Otherwise I look like a hooker! I have a deep crease already, so don't fake one on me!! Unbelievable!!!
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Barbe: I have some dark splotches and it's amazing how many people try and make my skin dark when they should go light. I swear, my face looked like I rubbed dirt on it I kid you not!!! Not too many people can pull off the longe pieces in front without it looking like they missed a piece or two, lol. I tip too when I have a re do and it's happened a few times.
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I agree Kate - at least call them and tell them the style, cut, color whatever is just all wrong and your are unhappy. That isn't right at all.
Isn't it funny - I so have had the strangest makeup artists idea of what would work on me just be horrendous. And they do this for a living??? So weird. MBJ - so glad you showed them what works on you, perhaps they learned something!
Barb - well good. That sounds great but I'm sure you will be most happy once a contract is signed and details all worked out. Hopefully it won't be long now.
Kate - Well, that is just awful if they still act like they are looking and can't find anyone. OK - so at what point do the bosses say - quit wasting time and money and decide! Seems like their job should be in jeopardy for not being able to fulfill a task..... oh so hope it all works out! And I'm sure no matter what they did to your hair you will still be georgous for your social event!
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Ok so today was a slightly better day..despite the fact that it was SNOWING on my way to work and it took me so long to take Charlie to doggie daycare that I didn't make it to my appt with my onc who still wants to "talk to me in person" as I decided to take myself off Tamoxifen for a couple of weeks. Thanks all for listening and supporting...and making me laugh when I really didn't think it was possible.
Barb ...sounds like things are moving in a positive direction for the job..although sloooowwly moving. Hopefully things will speed up for you soon. I've lost a door knob in my day too...I however began to panic as I could not get out of my friends bathroom. It was funny after she got me out.
MBJ I have tried every product known to man/woman. Its not that my hair is frizzy its not holding any style. I feel like I look good when I walk out the door and then by the time I get into the office its a flat shapeless thick helmet head. I did get a trim, it doesn't help the shape much. I am back on the biotin even though my PS says its voodoo I think it was helping especially with my nails which are a mess thanks to chemo. I may try the MA styling product ...it can't hurt.
Kate that really sucks about US Airways, what a complete frickin' waste of people's time and terrible to give people hope if they have no intentions of hiring. I know sometimes the accounting firms will go through campus recruiting just so they don't look like the only firm in town not hiring. I think its just terrible, I hope everything was ok with you US. AND I would so make that Salon fix your hair if you are not happy with it. I went to Fredric Fekkai Salon in NYC to treat myself and it was a MISERABLE experience from beginning to end. I obviously was not important enough to be treated the same as everyone else..I told them exactly how disappointing it was and I did not get charged. I was getting a keratin treatment and styling and I looked like I just stepped out of 1984. It was terrible!!! I also had a date in theCity so I had to zoom to another salon to get my BIG hair blown out.
Here's hoping tomorrow is a good day for all of us!!
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Kate, if worst comes to worst, tuck your hair behind your ears and wear dazzling earrings!! Don't know what your exact trouble is with your hair, but most bad stuff can go behind ears....
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Hey everyone! Sorry about the rant this morning. I'm better now. Didn't have time to go back to the original salon since it's over an hour from my house but went to someone closer that my neighbor recommended. She fixed my hair and has my business from now on. I had told the original stylist that I didn't want to go too dark, no red and I needed highlights that would blend with my gray (gasp!) roots as they came in. Well the base color was close to black and the highlights were red. Go figure. My new hairdresser made the color look great and fixed the cut, too. So now I can be seen in public again. Yea!
I am reading a great book I have to recommend. It is called "5 Lessons I Didn't Learn From Breast Cancer" by Shelly Lewis. In the chapter I read today she said most women become depressed after they finish treatment. Some as long as 2 years later. Yet, not one single one of them had been warned about this by their surgeon. Unbelievable! Anyway, it's a great book and has some humor, too.
Well, I'm off to a birthday party tomorrow afternoon. A huge group of us are going to the casino for happy hour, then dinner on the 15th floor at sunset, then to the lounge to dance the night away. Even got a sexy tank top with bling! We are all spending the night there, too. So probably won't be back on here until Sunday. Hope everyone has a GREAT weekend!!!! No door knobs!
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Didel - so glad you are doing better - wow still snowing, hard to imagine as spring has sprung all over down here but now comes the pollen. I wasn't on Tamoxifin could that make your emotions go over strong?
Kate! Wow, so glad you got the color fixed! That can be devastating.... When I read Barb's post about putting your hair behind your ears I thought - brilliant suggestion but then color isn't to be hidden behind ears - well unless you are Dumbo I guess.
My Mom dyed her hair blond (like other people in the family to cover as my hair dresser says my"natural highlights") but it was too dark and she had to go out. I come over and find her sitting out on her balcony with wet hair and I'm thinking didn't you just come back from the hair dresser? She is sitting in the sun with mouthwash poured all over her head - It was one that had a lot of hydrogen perixoide in it. And guess what it worked beautifully! She wasn't nervous that it wouldn't work at all???
So I went to picture forum. MJB - you do look totally amazing!!!! Congratulations!! I wrote to both you and Kate!!! Really beautiful.
Barb - I think the door know story just sums so much up!!! And I can so see you doing that! Makes me happy to look at door knobs now!!! Thanks.
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DiDel & Barbe: I locked myself into someone's bathroom at a party where I didn't really know the host and I had a complete meltdown until someone finally had to use the restroom themselves. I was so mortified!!!
Kate: Wow, black with red streaks, huh??!! I cannot imagine you in either of those colors but I am happy you found someone to correct the color and the cut. You should send the other salon the bill!!! You sound like you are going to have a very fun weekend and I am jealous that I can't join in. Have fun!! BTW: Sounds like a great book.
I went and saw Dr. Khouri's work and what he does is completely different then what my dr. does. My bets are on Dr. Khouri! He used 3 POUNDS of added fat to her breasts using a smaller inplant and they are even more natural looking then mine. Too bad my insurance is only for California or I would go in a heartbeat.
Barbe: If you ever decide to do recon--Dr. Khouri is your man, too! His before and after pics are amazing!!! It's all covered by insurance and you get lipo sculpture, too. He also does recon without inplants!!!
Stanzie: Thank you, I did see your post but Dr. Khouri's work is quite incredible--wowza.
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My DH went to pick up my car from the shop so a little delay in taking off for our quick get away so I thought I'd post and tell everyone I got an email from Ryan Airlines today! I guess instead of doing phone interviews they send out a questionnaire. It has questions like why do you want to work for Ryan, why do you want to be a flight attendant, etc. Based on your answers they decide if you'll be asked to attend the first interview. Just sent off my answers. Got my fingers crossed!
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Kate have a wonderful get away and fingers are crossed!!!
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I got a call from my GP's office just as we were leaving for our get away. Results are positive that I have hypothyroidism but are still waiting on the US results to see if there are nodules. They want to see me on Monday. On one hand it would be great to finally find a reason for the extreme fatigue, weight gain, persistent sore throat and other symptoms I've been plagued with the past several months. On the other hand the thought of more doctor visits, tests, medical bills and possible surgery has me pretty depressed. And have to admit when they threw the possibility of the "C" word out there it took everything I had not to freak out. We had such a great time Friday night but all this was definitely hanging over my head. Don't know if it's the stress but today I'm having a bad fibro day. Can't even get out of bed.
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{{{{{{{{{{{{ Kate }}}}}}}}}}}
MBJ, I went to Dr. Khouri's site. WOWZA is right!!! That is something that I could TOTALLY see myself doing! Is it Brava or fat grafting though....? Or both?
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Hi everyone. I haven't been on BCO for a couple of weeks. I do get email alerts, though, for this thread and a few others, so I've been trying to keep up. Barbe, congrats on the new job! MBJ, sorry about your recent meltdown. Kate, glad you found another hair stylist.
I started my new job a couple weeks ago. I went on a short beach vacation in the Caribbean before I started. Wow, did I need that vacation. I wish I were still on the beach right now. It's good to be working again (mainly because I need the paycheck), but it's so exhausting. I still don't have my energy back, and I haven't worked in almost a year, so it's really difficult to make it through a full week of work. By Wednesday, I can't wait until the weekend. This weekend I cancelled all my plans and stayed in my pajamas and rested all weekend.
Hope everyone has a great week!
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Oh Kate!!!!! ((((((HUGS)))))!!! Oh goodness. Now the hypothyroidism isn't a big deal but what nodules are they talking about? But yes hypothyroidism can certainly give your fatigue, weight gain, hair, skin and fingernail problems and the pills don't have any side effects at least for me and they make me feel so much better.
So hope the job comes through and hypothyroidism is the worst news you get. Have a great time away - you definately need it!
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