OMG They Found the Cure for Stupid
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How about this? Apparently it's Kosher and it tastes good on asparagus!
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It's has a rather pretty marbled look though..I might just order the veggie bacon bra for a little variety...
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For the last two nights I have read this thread from start to now. Bravo ladies.
I have run into several "well meaning" people over the last few years that you simply wanted to look at and say, "I may have been thinking you were stupid, but why did you have to open your mouth and remove any doubt I might have had?"
I love it when someone asks, "What caused your cancer?" Like if I knew, I'd be standing here talking to your stupid butt. Are we the only ones that know if there was an answer to that question, we probably wouldn't have it?
Keep up the good work. Lots of laughs. Good for whatever orifice ails you.
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I will bypass the seaweed bacon. Turkey bacon is good tho. And I'll be danged, I never thought of splinters while doin that enema LOLOL. Do we dry the aspargus b4 smoking? Just wondering, since I saw some mighty fine asparagus in the produce section last night..had to laff to myself so people wouldnt think I was nuts LOL.
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Mazy, I was grocery shopping w my cousin today, and she asked if I liked Asparagus...couldn't seem to explain to her why that question made me laugh
Re: MorningStar Farms bacon- it's an acquired taste. I grew up eating it (hmmm...maybe *that's* why I got cancer? naaah) and as long as you don't expect it to taste like real bacon, it's quite a nice food in it's own food group kinda way. Personally, I think that MSF bacon should be the official bacon bra not just for kosher folks, but for bacon bras for those of us with foobies- fake bacon for fake boobs, what do you think? With its faux marbling finish, i think it would look quite stunning.
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Speaking of stinky farts - asparagus pee is quite odiferous. I've had to relocate to the basement bathroom at work so that no one figures out that I've got the cure! I'm worried my skin may eventually turn green to go along with my lovely light green urine.
That would definitely give it away.BTW - run the black bark mulch through the shredder a couple of times and then bake in brownies. Two cures with one bite.
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bookart- LOLOLOLOL. I loved the reminder about the asparagus pee and two cures in one bite. Wish I could think of things that quickly.
Mazy- what's wrong with laughing and being thought nuts? I think I'd be considered an almond myself. Hugs to you. Hope all is as well as can be in your family
flash
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Well, BlueC, your logic is solid. We keep the real bacon for the flap gals, and the fake bacon for the foob gals. Should prevent shortages then. Whats the fake marbling made of ? Talk about Faux marbling. We could use Cake icing spray to create any color we want. Just picture silver with sparkles, for that special evening.
Where's Meece?She's missing out on all these orders.
* L* are you sure you don't need to share about Dr.StrangeGlove? You aren't burdened are you? We can help ---Honest We can handle it.
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LOL..I laready have enuff ppl thinking I'm nuts. I dont mind as long as they dont lock me up LOL. ok..run the bark thru the mulcher..got it LOL. Okay I will eat asparagus cause I want to see my green pee LOLOL. I dont recall that ever happening b4.
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wow i just caught up on the last two or three pages of this thread, who was in here trying to spoil our good time??
can't some people just laugh sometimes???? sheesh,
someone throw that woman a bacon bra and an asparagus to smoke!
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hdangelbaby~ apparently she's creating havoc on other threads too...even came back under a new name. Someone really needs to pass her the asparagus and a brownie
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I'll make the brownies today. I hope I don't eat them all before the kids get home from school. Second thought, I WILL eat them all before they get home. And smoke a little asparagus and mulch. Should be a relaxing day while I am waiting for my bacon bra to be delivered. I would like the silver sparkley one. Meece?? Are you getting all these orders?
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OK, I'll share. Take it easy though, I put some really potent stuff in there.
puff puff pass.
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Hey girls,
Just a quick question about Lowrider, I'm concerned, she hasn't posted in a page or two. Is she under cover? After the looney bin incident, I'm a little nervous when she hasn't checked in for a while.
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We have only been talking about green asparagus but I have seen white asparagus in the market. I wonder if the white asparagus has the same curing properties as the green. Then we wouldn't turn green and cause too much suspicion. What do you think?
Yum, those brownies smell good. Pass one please!
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Lowrider? Where are you?
Her last post here stated she had to work on Monday and would report back into us soon.
We miss you Low. Did you find CC Guy?
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Has anyone suggested bedazzeling the bacon bra's? I feel like I need some flash if I'm going to be wearing flesh. I have a bedazzeler and would contribute my skills for custom sparkle.
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This might work. Next time a stupid person says something stupid, wait 10 seconds for dramatic pause - then with no expression, open your mouth and SCREAM as loud as you can.
That's a variation of 'scream therapy' popular in the 80s to cure what ails you.
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And if we're going to be fashionable - we need bacon panties to match. Betcha Victoria Secret introduces a whole new line of bacon underwear.
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LowRider reporting in...infiltration successful. I was able to obtain a real stethascope - nurse friend was "I KNOW NOTHING", "I SEE NOTHING" in excellent Sgt Shultz fashion. So, sensible shoes didn't match the enema bag but being as it was on the night shift, so few people around, no one noticed but I will be sure to change that before I go onto the real op.
I went in without any cure accessories as you never know when you might get scanned or something and I just couldn't figure out how to disguise the foil hat - but now that I have seen some pics, I can shape it to fit underneath some sort of lab hat. The white asparagus has possibilites as I would not want to leave myself without protection - it would go with the white lab coat and not show throw - maybe I could sew it into the side seams - the hem would make it appear too heavy.
Now, which lab am I going into? I am going to need schematics, locations of cameras, alarm codes, do we have any good computer hackers on here? Am I going in covert at night or waltzing right on in as if I belong there? Still working out the logistics.
In the meantime, I feel idol....um...idle (got Steve Tyler on the brain) so do we know Dog's last location? While the set up team is busy sewing in the white asparagus and fashioning the foil hat, I could maybe hook up with him and do a little Cancer Cure Guy chasing - I hear they are having softball size hail in Alabama...kinda odd, worth the trip - maybe even could hook up with a storm chase team and see if those rubie slippers really work or I hear Paul Bunyan lassoed a tornado or two in his adventures - could come in handy if we need a 'natural' diversion....
Bacon bikini...oh long gone are the days when I could wear one but bacon undies could be interesting...
LowRider out for the moment...*pass*ed out - whew good stuff
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I am making those brownies tonight ymmmmmmy and I should be cured by the weekend yipeeeee im going dancing
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I bet the white asperagus is for us TN sisters.....well damn damn damn and here I have been dowing green asperegaus all week. Those tricky drug compaines trying to keep that info from me im on to them and off to get me some white asperagus
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Oh my! I miss a few days and I have pages to read!
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I was laughing and enjoying catching up until I heard we were cackling hens, That stings.
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Meece..the bacon,veggy,fake bacon orders are piling up...need help...ahhhhhhhhhh...
Should we PM her..I see she is posting..is she doing okay? Anybody know?
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Okay, the bras are cured and ready to ship...I just noticed that...bacon is a cured meat, no wonder it is good for preventing BC!
Working on the "Boy short style panties, although the G-strings and thongs are quicker to produce.
(We had a wedding this past weekend and it was emotionally taxing so I was offline for awhile.)
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Since I raise chickens, I don't take offense to the cackling hens thing - I love my sweet hens and their cackles are adorable. Embrace the cluck!
I think that in addition to bones of an organic chicken who died of natural causes, we also need to include another hen-related ingredient in the cure, I am thinking, white tail feathers plucked at midnight during the full moon. From an organic grass-fed chicken, naturally. They should be worn as a feather boa along with the bacon bra and panties set, to symbolize our cackling.
Meece, ROFLMAO at "bacon is a cured meat"
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I had to tell you guys - this thread is awesome and I have been reading and snorting for weeks now...if my husband finds out about bacon panties being available, he will probably have a massive coronary.
I read in "Newsweek" that bacon brownies are a cure-all for stupid, but you should not eat them with white asparagus because this can be potentially fatal, plus it will give you toxic poots that could asphyxiate people as well as animals, so you should be extremely careful with this cure.
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Also getting a line on headwear for during chemo:
Also some clothing...
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