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Scary BC tumor removal photos

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Comments

  • chillipadi
    chillipadi Member Posts: 38
    edited June 2012

    Sigh. This is exactly why I hesitated about posting about my journey, which has now brought me to doing an Alternative program. My oncologist told me a month ago that there's nothing much more that he can do for me, so I suppose that most people expect me to just get my affairs in order, ask for morphine and accept my fate. I know it's much easier on everyone if I do that. It will certainly be much easier for my DH, which now has to apply salves on the tumors and do my wound dreassing. The poor guy, imagine having to look at and touch such disgusting things every day. I've done several biopsies already, by the way, and they all confirm that I defintely have ER/PR+ BC. These aren't sugar lumps on my chest.

    I decided to post my experience here on BCO because I hoped it would help others. Some of you may remember that I wrote many months ago on another thread, warning the OP not to put off seeking medical help, or she might end up like me. Dealing with sceptics or those who think I'm being irresponsible is just so stressful at this stage in my life. I really don't need this, and I don't have to prove anything to anyone.

    I'm supposed to get good, solid rest every day, but I'm not getting it because there's no one to help me and my husband, I have a ton of newsletters to write, and I'm spending way too much time on the computer (doing work, research, posting on BCO etc.). Today, the day I was supposed to see my onco, was an absolute nightmare, as my client is going on leave and wanted to see all my work before she left. My onco and I communicate via email often, and my DH ensures that he's kept updated with photos, so I decided to cancel my appointment. Sorry if anyone thought I was being irresponsible.

    I'm so tired now, I just want to lie down and catch forty winks. I'm seriously thinking of not posting on BCO anymore about my journey. Maybe I'll just write on my blog, if I can find the energy. If you hear much less from me in the future, you'll know why. That's assuming I have a future.

    Many thanks to all who have been kind to me, including people who have even been running extra laps for me daily! I wish you all a long, happy and healthy life, however you may achieve it.

    (((HUGS))) Chilli

  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 1,422
    edited June 2012

    Chilli - please don't go - you are SO brave and we want to know if this treatment really works for you because we care about you.

    (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

    Sue

  • Kaara
    Kaara Member Posts: 2,101
    edited June 2012

    chilli:  If you decide to no longer post on BCO I understand, but please let those of us who have followed your journey and want to give you continued support know how to find your blog.  You can PM us for privacy purposes.

    I continue to pray for your recovery! 

  • luv_gardening
    luv_gardening Member Posts: 362
    edited June 2012

    Ditto what Kaara said.  Please pass on your blog address to your supporters by IM.  I'll forever worry about you if you don't keep in touch.

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 205
    edited June 2012

    Chili, please add me to your list of admirers Smile

    You say:  "I don't have to prove anything to anyone"

    NO YOU DON'T !!!!!

    Just know that we are feeling your stress and your pain.  It is so so difficult for any one of us to watch one of our sisters being insulted and harrassed.  The wickedness and gratuitous grief is so hard to bear !!  

  • cp418
    cp418 Member Posts: 359
    edited June 2012

    Chilli - sending continuing prayers and support for your difficult journey.  Another admirer here amazed by your courage and graciousness.  Gentle Hugs to you.

  • Ellendou
    Ellendou Member Posts: 29
    edited June 2012

    Sending Hugs and Prayers.

  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 672
    edited June 2012

    Chilli, please, keep posting! You have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone, as you state. Unfortunately, there are always clueless people around who don't listen or understand or read properly.

    Been there, felt that. It is extremely painful - the people have no idea how much hurt they can cause through their haste. But it's always worth remembering that they are just ignorant of your situation, and most likely projecting their own fears and insecurities. That makes their judgements THEIR problem and not yours. Remember that.

    You have been both responsible and conscientious. I am sure your DH prefers to tend to you any day of the week rather than see you go. I prefer you to post here any day too, rather than see you intimidated.

    So chin up, and be proud of yourself. You have plenty of fans here who do NOT want you to simply retire on morphine - as some doctors might order.

  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 7,887
    edited June 2012

    Back on active topics, but a gentle reminder to please respect choices of others. If this discussion cannot remain respectful, we'll need to pull it again.

    Thank you. 

  • scuttlers
    scuttlers Member Posts: 149
    edited June 2012

    Chili, I really do wish for you to keep posting. There is so much we don't know about the body and healing and more. You are an extremely intelligent woman (and bless your dear husband!).



    Please if you have time and energy, could you let me know via PM your blog? I would hate to lose the ability to follow you (and sending positive healing cyber hugs). I know I am being selfish, but you have truly touched my heart and soul!



    And mods - rather than "shut down" the discussion, which is very interesting, enlightening, intelligent, and appropriate to this section - ask the "neigh sayers" to take their comments elsewhere and delete them. They are not reading all the through.

  • luv_gardening
    luv_gardening Member Posts: 362
    edited June 2012

    Moderators, I will PM you.

  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 672
    edited June 2012

    Mods - much appreciated. Part of the non judgemental-ism is equal access, so thanks for restoring that ability regarding this thread.

  • thenewme
    thenewme Member Posts: 174
    edited June 2012

    Apparently we have varying definitions of support. 

    To me, true breast cancer "support" is honest and legitimate information.  and a true "supporter" is someone who cares enough to tell me the truth, even if it's not what I want to believe.

    Chillipadi, regardless of our individual beliefs or posting style, please know that we all wish you nothing but the best.

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 205
    edited June 2012

    NOBODY has "THE TRUTH", whatever "THE TRUTH" means

    People reading on BCO need to be warned about THE TRUTH found on certain websites which are being linked ad nauseam here by certain posters, i.e.

    https://www.google.ca/search?sugexp=chrome,mod=14&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=quackwatch+sites

    Edited 

  • candygurl
    candygurl Member Posts: 24
    edited June 2012

    Chilli,

    Clearly, BCO's alternative forum is not a healthy environment for alties, period. That's why so many have left.  Who needs the toxicity?   And after yesterday's senseless attempt to highjack your thread, one doesn't need a crystal ball to see that it's only a matter of time before the moderators find a reason to lock your thread. Then all your posts will be hidden forever.    Some of the strange comments literally made my head hurt, so I can only imagine how puzzled you must have been.  And as expected, your response was perfect.  Sadly, too many here are just so delighted with the status quo and would rather you do nothing to save your life.  I wonder sometimes if these cold hearted skeptics even want a cure. Because they've thrown in the towel, it seems like they expect everyone else to do the same.

    Anyways, I believe both you and  Kat have outgrown BCO.  You should each start a blog and a Youtube channel to share your journeys with a wider and more receptive compassionate audience.  And if or when you do get your blogs up and running, please add me to your lists.   

    z

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 205
    edited June 2012
    Zuvart, has Kat left Frown and don't forget Wornoutmom, Impositive and like you say, so many many other pioneers who so inspire us with their generosity and grace and give us the courage to march on.  Their presence, knowledge, wisdom are invaluable to any breast cancer forum, and they had chosen this one....
  • candygurl
    candygurl Member Posts: 24
    edited June 2012

    Maud, Kat recently  posted that she's questioning whether BCO  is the right platform for her Protocel journey. I really don't think so.:) 

  • gentianviolet
    gentianviolet Member Posts: 105
    edited June 2012

    Chili -  I have been quietly reading your continuing journey and am amazed at your strength.  I do not believe that I would have your perseverance, not only to withstand the emotional and physical pain of your type of breast cancer, but to remain active on this thread with many of the posts openly chiding you about your choice of treatment.  I think to discourage hope, in your circumstance, is mean spirited regardless of the intent they claim.  Should you continue your journey via a blog, please PM me with with information.

    I wish you the very best and send you healing thoughts for a successful outcome.

    Barbara 

  • 1Athena1
    1Athena1 Member Posts: 672
    edited June 2012

    But, thenewme, we don't have an answer for chilli that is any better than what she has. We don't have the training, nor the first-hand knowledge of her situation. None of us can possibly claim to be purveyors of the truth.

    Here is my interpretation: Chilli is taking action to handle an awful situation. She is in uncharted territory, dealing with an illness that has no cure and a pretty bloody awful prognosis, by the looks of it. What truth is she missing? She's not a candidate for conventional treatment - oncs have told her they cannot help her. What do you know, what do I know, what does BlackCat know, that Chilli doesn't? And who owns HER body? To me, those questions are what put any debate to rest.

    I think the road to support passes first and foremost through empathy. I can only describe where I, personally come from in this: I am not a scientist by training. There is a woman here posting in very dire medical straits. She sometimes feels suicidal but is bravely and adamantly hanging on her ability to help herself. Her life partner, who knows her better than you and I, is right there with her. Her doctor, a medical oncologist, is following her situation closely. Nobody has answers. What else is left: I say love and encouragement.

    I am neither a proponent nor a practitioner of non-evidence based medicine, but this isn't the place to selfishly indulge in such theoretical (and sometimes interesting) discussions, in which you have generously shared your knowledge and view. Moreover, there are medical territories in which there is very little evidence for one thing or the other. This is Chilli's thread. Hers is an extremely rare and unique case. I propose that we take our views to other threads and leave this one for her as a human being.

  • thenewme
    thenewme Member Posts: 174
    edited June 2012

    I certainly don't claim to have all the answers, and the word-twisting here is just mind boggling.

    As I said, Chillipadi, I wish you nothing but the absolute best results.

  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 7,887
    edited June 2012
    We are all equally wishing Chillipadi the best, regardless of whether or not we or you endorse the method of treatment.

    BCO reports on a number of complementary and alternative treatments that have received adequate review. If you are interested in reading this expert-reviewed information, click here: http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/comp_med/

    We highly suggest that you discuss your treatment choices with your team, and refer to research before selecting any treatment, whether it be conventional, complementary or alternative.

    We have two discussion forums exclusively for the discussion of complementary and alternative treatments. Members have the right to discuss and choose complementary and alternative treatments and describe their experiences on our discussion boards. We do not censor this. We do not however allow people to promote (e.g. sell, provide a for-profit link) a product or alternative treatment. We also cannot tolerate disrespectful discussions as it pertains to individual treatment choices.

    We hope that the majority of members can find BCO a safe and comfortable place to share their experiences, and information. We do our best to try to assure that this happens. If you choose to leave the BCO boards, we sincerely wish you the very best on your journey, and will certainly welcome you back if you choose to return at another time.

    Yours,

    Your Mods

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 4,734
    edited June 2012

    When a thread is locked, the posts are not hidden forever. You just can't post anything new to the thread. I am able to read locked threads and I hope everyone else can as well. Caryn

  • sam52
    sam52 Member Posts: 431
    edited June 2012

    is this thread locked? Why has it gone so quiet??

  • mags20487
    mags20487 Member Posts: 1,092
    edited June 2012

    I have followed this journey of Chili from the first day she posted it.  I have not posted til now.  Not one of us really knows what WE would do when faced with the impossible.  I know I would personally try to find something, anything that MIGHT work.  Whatever it takes for me to keep hope in this fight is what I would go for. 

    Chili--you are a strong and inspirational woman who has faced this crap head on!  The choices that you have made are yours to make and whatever happens to you is in your control.  This is how we all have faced our treatment Options.  I chose surgery, chemo and rads as they were offered to me and with my own research I decided that was the route to go for ME.  No one has the right to question my choices or yours.  Thank you for making me even more determined to continue this fight with my head held high.  You do not realize how much you have touched many with your courage.  Wishing you the best as you continue down the path you have chosen. 

    xoxo

    Maggie

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 205
    edited June 2012

    Chiili, if you are reading, just know that I feel privileged to have known you. Some of your words will carry me a long way little sister. Thank you so much for having shared part of your journey and may it become a happy, bright and shining one towards total health

     

    Bless you wherever you are
    Windswept child on a shooting star
    Restless Spirits depart
    Still we're deep in each other's hearts

    Some people say it's over
    Now that we spread our wings
    But we know better darling
    The hollow ring is only last year's echo

    Bless you whoever you are
    Holding her now
    Be warm and kind hearted
    And remember though love is strange
    Now and forever our love will remain

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0g4LXHvB_e4 

  • Hindsfeet
    Hindsfeet Member Posts: 675
    edited June 2012

    In response to zuvart suggesting maud leave bco that she has outgrown it. BCO will continue if she is here or not or any of us for that matter. I admire women like maud, Kaara, and others are here to encourage and support women choosing alternative treatments or life styles. I didn't know anything about alternative until I came to BCO. I was glad I had a place to put forth questions on thyroid link to bc and etc. I've learned a lot from the bco alternative threads. And, I've connected with a few who are now friends, like impositive. I'm still in contact with a few of the alternative ladies who've left.  I hope the alternative thread stay here at least for newbies, who came not knowing there are alternative to "standard" care.

    I don't read all the alternative threads like I did. Mostly because the drama here is emotional exhausting and it's time consuming. But, every once in awhile, I read to check up on my alternative friends, and sometimes, I get hooked into a discussion. And when I come up with something new that is alternative, I post here. And yes, like maud, I will stand up for my bc alt sisters. We may not all agree on everything, but understand our need to research and find out what works for us. And...when I'm done with treatment, and I'm still NED, i'm moving on at least for awhile. Sometimes women need a BCO break or are just ready to move on. And when I move on, I mean move on from thinking about cancer completely.

    Hopefully eventually chillipad will post to let us know if the salve is working. I hope and pray the salve works.  

  • luv_gardening
    luv_gardening Member Posts: 362
    edited June 2012

    Although it has been distressing for many to see Chilli's treatment choice denigrated and the resulting upset, ultimately it may be the catalyst for a change on the forums so that alternative dissenters are stopped from harassing us.

    If Chilli comes back and is left in peace then it could end up as a win win situation in the long term.

    Eve, you have been a great friend to many and deserve praise for your persistence and for keeping in touch with those who have left.

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Member Posts: 32
    edited June 2012

    Give it a rest and don't make it about you.

  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 2,845
    edited June 2012

    Another option for solving this problem would be to put a notice on this board that no kind of questioning or discussion is allowed, that this board is support ONLY.

    Then I would suggest that another board be designated for discussion and questions about alt treatment. 

  • luv_gardening
    luv_gardening Member Posts: 362
    edited June 2012

    Excellent point Momine, I did suggest this before, a debate thread or forum. Could we please therefore move this discussion to my "safe judgement-free forum" thread or Sunflower's "right to choose our treatment" thread?