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Comments

  • Outdamnedspot
    Outdamnedspot Member Posts: 164
    edited December 2012

    Welcome back Tazzy! Love your new avatar.

    I'm only 6 rads away from being done and I am taking a vacation a week later and hoping to ease back into normal.

    Have to tell you about one of the sweetest things that happened today...I got a package from an old friend and in it was a cozy shoulder wrap. She said as she couldn't be with me, to think of it as a hug from her when I put it on. Got to love girlfriends.

  • juneaubugg
    juneaubugg Member Posts: 517
    edited December 2012

    Melissa; you might also want to check out the hair forum. hope to see you there!!!



    Forum: Chemotherapy - Before, During and After → Topic: Hair Hair Hair - Another question

  • Tazzy
    Tazzy Member Posts: 1,442
    edited December 2012

    outdam.. that is wonderful from your friend.   How lovely that you'll think of her hugging you everytime you wear it.

    Well I think the travelling has finally caught up with me.   Was in bed and sleeping by 9pm last night and woke at 7.15am... except for a few bathroom trips during the night I sleept pretty soundly.

    Snowing here again this morning.

    Hope you all have good days.  Hugs xxxx

  • KarenZ0305
    KarenZ0305 Member Posts: 345
    edited December 2012

    Here comes another drain tube! Now maybe the fluid will stop accumulating.

  • Scottiee1
    Scottiee1 Member Posts: 1,790
    edited December 2012

    Karen so sorry you are still incarcerated!!!!!! Hang in there.

  • 2FriedEggs
    2FriedEggs Member Posts: 324
    edited December 2012

    Hi everyone. I'm reading every word, every day and thinking about all of you. Since I didn't have my shopping done before my revision and I had to take a couple weeks off from carrying things, I got WAYYYYYYY behind in my shopping. Therefore I have been spending the last few days opening and closing stores. It's like I have been in some kind of shopping marathon. lol I don't know about the rest of you but last year I had a hard time with Christmas because I was going thru biopsies, etc and just messing with "the scare" therefore I just kind of went thru the motions but don't even remember if or what I bought anyone . This year after going through the big C,  I became more aware that we never know what is going on in these bodies of ours and just how vulnerable mankind is to cancer, heart attacks etc. Life can change forever in a second. So this year, I am celebrating "being alive"; not just me but everyone I love and going crazy buying everything everyone ask for. (My husband is getting concerned because I've never been one to enjoy the malls etc. Next year I'll probably still be in sticker shock after paying off this Christmas and go back into my moderate pre-cancer mode, but oh well! I'm having fun! LOL  Tazzy-welcome back!!! We missed you! The avatar is great! Juneau put up a great one too. You and Juneau can have a hair contest- the 1st one that can get their hair around a Coke can wins! Boy those were the days! Take care everyone- I can hear the malls calling out to me so I have to sign off now!

    (Karen-praying you get better quick and back home!)

  • Tazzy
    Tazzy Member Posts: 1,442
    edited December 2012

    2Fried: Last christmas for me was the same too... spent in a fog wondering.   to be honest though as it is only DH and I here in Canada, we dont go mad.   Our christmas pressies to each other have always been our travelling.   As the rest of our clans live in the UK to mail stuff is so expensive, we just send money.   they are all pretty much grown up anyway. 

    They dont call us the Grinch's for nothing you know Wink

    Off to meet a friend for lunch today.

    Hugs all xxxx

  • KarenZ0305
    KarenZ0305 Member Posts: 345
    edited December 2012

    I AM HOME!!! Soon as that drain tube went in they said I was free to go! I gotta say I like this one. It's a large bag with a valve at the end that you just twist open to drain. No bulb to empty no tube to strip down and accidentally tub 😝. The only thing is the bag is fairly large so I have to strap it to my leg. That evoked a whole lot of dirty jokes in my house!



    So my friends this is me thanking all of you for being there this week and listening to me and sending me your warmth and wisdom. It got me through.



    Halfcan I hope you are doing better.



    Let's have some holiday cheer now!

  • Tazzy
    Tazzy Member Posts: 1,442
    edited December 2012

    Yay Karen.  Great news.   No place like home.

    hugs all xxxx

  • _Ann_
    _Ann_ Member Posts: 448
    edited December 2012

    Karen, glad you're home and joking about the aftermath.

    Well I held off on moving over to this thread from the 2012 one because I wasn't sure I felt like a survivor of anything yet.  I'm not sure I'll ultimately survive this cancer but I've definitely survived a LOT of stuff already:

    • I survived diagnosis and the ensuing "where's my xanax" panicky months afterward
    • I survived doctor-shopping and settled on a treatment team
    • I survived two weeklong insurance & scheduling snafus with my early scans and my 2nd chemo drug
    • I survived applying for and getting three types of disability payments (paperwork phobic here)
    • I survived giving up my hair growth goal after being at it for five years, with two more years to go.  Chopped off about 39"
    • I survived countless needle sticks and PICC line insertion.
    • I survived PET scan, CT scan, bone scan, two MRI, ultrasounds, two needly biopsies, a cardio stress test, and the "suspicion of heart attack" protocol at my primary care
    • I survived a queasy car trip to Vegas and a chapel wedding three days after my first AC
    • I survived many awkward and intrusive comments at work
    • I survived leaving work for full-time disability
    • I survived "driving on AC" before I figured out it was tantamount to drunk driving.
    • I survived countless weird side effect panics and calls to the chemo nurse hotline most of which ended with "if it gets worse go to the urgent care"
    • I survived choking down two gritty buckets of L-Glutamine with hopes of preventing neuropathy
    • I survived several tearful calls and visits with family and many awkward weekly checkup calls.
    • I survived wearing strange looking hats or bandanas over a bald head through the sweltering months of summer
    • I survived many weeks of freaky alien eyebrowlessness before I finally figured out how to draw them in with makeup
    • I survived crazy mood swings (from the decadron?) that led to many semi-regrettable long letters and emails to people.
    • I survived finding a psychiatrist and getting medicated for the crazy moodswings.
    • I survived stressing over my surgery choices and making a decision
    • I survived instant menopause at 49 and hot flashes so bad my house stank of sweat for months
    • I survived months of constipation and excessive flatulence, sometimes both in the same day.
    • I survived the violent loss of my illusion that I'll live to a ripe old age in good health with minimal doctor visits
  • Marcie47
    Marcie47 Member Posts: 163
    edited December 2012

    Ann-I LOVE that you started each sentence with"I survived". now if you have anymore hard times you can look back on ALL of those times and remember...I survived those times I can survive anything! You are a warrior!!

  • Scottiee1
    Scottiee1 Member Posts: 1,790
    edited December 2012

    Karen...congrats....so happy you are back home....too close to Xmas to be stuck in hospital.

  • cowpower
    cowpower Member Posts: 91
    edited December 2012

    Karen, so glad you are finally home. Hope you feel well enough to celebrate! You didn' t have to tie the sheets into a rope ladder to escape, I hope?



    Ann, I loved seeing your list here. I was just jotting mine down this morning at rads, to be posted next week after my last zap. When you write it all down it is amazing, isn't it? We are so lucky that we usually only have to do it one thing at a time. We should all be proud of getting through it any way we can. Hopefully, 2013 will be less eventful.

  • Tazzy
    Tazzy Member Posts: 1,442
    edited December 2012

    Happy to see you here Ann.  I too loved the way you started your lists with "I survived".   We are all survivors in one way or another.  Love you all xxxx

  • Believe777
    Believe777 Member Posts: 540
    edited December 2012

    Wow, somehow it looks worse when you make an itemized list. I think I was in a fog going from one stop to another. So proud of you and all of us! We made it to the other side. Nothing can stop us now.

    Happy Holidays to all of us and our families.

  • _Ann_
    _Ann_ Member Posts: 448
    edited December 2012

    Thanks Marcie, cowpower, Tazzy, and Believe.  It was therapeutic for me to keep lists as I went.  At first I was listing things I had lost.  Then I tried to balance it by listing gains.  But listing everything I survived so far made me feel proud, after feeling like I've just been sitting around doing nothing but showing up for treatments for six months.  I'd love to see others' survivor lists if anyone is inclined to make one.

  • Tazzy
    Tazzy Member Posts: 1,442
    edited December 2012

    Ann:  I am compiling my list.   Never thought of doing it before and when I told my DH he said he doesn't think I really acknowledged what I have been through fully.   I agree with him, I really didn't think too much at times, I just did what I had to do to beat cancer.  

    Love and big honking hugs to you all.  

  • mcook301
    mcook301 Member Posts: 314
    edited December 2012

    Ann- as I woke up this am, once again trying to set little goals for my self for today so I could quit beating myself up for being lazy and not doing everything possible to get up and moving off my sofa and being a little depressed, I read you post and tears come to my eyes. You are so right! I keep thinking some days I am alone in my feelings and what the heck just happened to me. Thank you for reminding us to remember our strength and to be proud of what we have had to handle this year! You are right we all belong to this thread, we are survivors!



  • Layla2525
    Layla2525 Member Posts: 465
    edited December 2012

    jpmomof3, you are running 4 miles a day? Its ok if we run? How long after surgery did you start running?  Yes, it was about this time last yr I was diagnosed with IDC on one side. Since,my mom passed of ovarian cancer and all her siblings had cancer,I went in the supreme pizza treatment,the bmx. The good news was I would not need chem and rads. The bad news was it took 3 days after the surg for me to get the news during which I continually sobbed until I had to be heavily sedated with Valium.

    I just went thru a long battery of tests at my Obgyn for ovarian cancer and the good news is that it was all negative for cancer.

    Went on a vacay in Oct to Napa Valley and Mex. Missed the connecting flight,got stuck in Salt Lake City. Loved it. Saving my $$ to go back for ski lessons in Jan 2014. Anyone from Utah? If I continue to love it after spending more time there,I might try to buy a house to retire there.

    Happy Holidays and hope your new year is totally fun & cancer free & free of stupid people (cause you cant cure stupid) who imply that we are getting free boob jobs. Excuse me but I paid for my health insurance premiums! I never wanted a boob job or tatoos! I just wanna get on with my life and be happy,hope we can all do that.

  • Tazzy
    Tazzy Member Posts: 1,442
    edited December 2012

    mcook:  One step at a time honey.  We have been through so much and need to learn to be gentle with ourselves ((((hugs)))).

    So here is my list:  Was more therapeutic than I thought.   When DH and I read it we both shed a few tears.   But the best thing of all... I'm still here with a wonderful DH and looking forward to moving on with my life.   F*ck You Cancer !!!

    I survived diagnosis and the fog it put me in.

    I survived the endless scans and doctor & nurse appointments

    I survived 5 months of chemo.

    I survived 12 nuepogen shots which brought me bone crushing pain like I have never felt.

    I survived having my head shaved when hair started falling out – certainly didn’t lose 39”, yikes Ann!!

    I survived blood checks every 3 weeks

    I survived a sentinel node biopsy

    I survived mastectomy

    I survived the intrusion of 2 drains in my body after my mx.

    I survived 28 radiation tx

    I survived the burns to my chest from radiation

    I survived telling my family in England I had cancer – the hardest phone call I have ever had to make

    I survived some people’s stupid comments – the worst one of which was “are you going to die”?

    I survived being nuttier than squirrel’s crap when taking dexamethasone

    I survived the sleepless, pain filled nights – and days

    I survived the endless repetitive conversations about my cancer

    I survived losing brows and lashes.

    I survived all the bitchy mood swings

    I survived the fact that shit happens to me.

    I survived the tears and fears

    I survived the unknown.

    And finally I SURVIVED !!

  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 714
    edited December 2012

    Tazzy, you did survive a lot and you are so right ..... you SURVIVED!!! 

  • mcook301
    mcook301 Member Posts: 314
    edited December 2012

    Thanks Tazzy some days I just need to cry:) I don't know who this person is anymore and I am not sure I like her so this has to change :) I just want to move on but maybe a little too quickly than I can. Patience has never been one of my strong suits!



    Keep posting ladies - I love those "what you survived post"



    1. I survived my first MRI!

    2. I survived biosopies! Ouch!

    3. I survived 4 rounds of AC and 10 taxol treatments

    4. I survived too many pokes to count

    5. I survived surgery.

    6. I survived mood swings

    7. I survived days when I could not get out of bed

    8. I survived my boss being a complete insensitive ass

    9. I survived walking a half Marathon during chemo

    10. I survived dealing with people giving me advice when I just wanted them to listen.

    11. I survived people saying, you get new boobs for free! What size are you going to get? (yep they just don't know)

    12. I survived pulling out my drain tube after it got caught on a door handle.

    13. I survived having to let people help me.

    14. I survived fear of all of the treatments and surgery when I did not think I could do it.

    15. I survived all of this because of all of you here holding my hand!!!







  • Tazzy
    Tazzy Member Posts: 1,442
    edited December 2012

    mcook:  Your #14 brought a tear to my eye.   Its so true.   Each and every step, whether they be good steps or bad steps have been easier because of everyone here.   Well said !

    And as for patience... I hear ya!  I have zero patience for myself and it has taken me almost all this year to realise it is OK to give time to 'me'.... I really have to give myself a good talking too when I feel guilty for doing nothing cos I dont feel like it. 

    But remember, we are all SURVIVORS !!

  • Scottiee1
    Scottiee1 Member Posts: 1,790
    edited December 2012

    1. I survived the shock of hearing "you have breast cancer"



    2.I survived my biopsy



    3. I survived my surgery



    4. I survived 21 rounds of radiation



    5. I survived two week's of going to work braless because of excruciating burns



    6. I survived two meltdowns



    7. I survived a summer of depression, nausea, vomiting, weight loss and my head

    down the toilet more often than not.



    8. I AM surviving Letrozole with all the SE connected to that



    9. I survived having to tell my family I have cancer .....that was the big one!!!!!,



    10. I survived feeling helpless at times and people having to do for me



    11. I AM surviving the fear of the unknown



    12. I AM surviving in part because of all of you darling, brave, courageous women. More

    Than my family I come to you because you just understand my silly jokes, my anal

    Food issues, my fears....you just understand it all. I could not have gotten through

    This without you all.



    13. Finally, for all of us, WE SURVIVED!!!!!!!!

  • mcook301
    mcook301 Member Posts: 314
    edited December 2012

    Well Ladies - I am heading off to my mom's to celebrate the holiday so I will say it now. I wish you all a very Blessed Holiday! I will be thinking of all of you and hoping that all of us can some how put BC thoughts away for moments and enjoy these days! Sending lots of hugs and love!



    Screw Cancer! Bring on the wine and good food! If only for a few days, I am going to be a little naughty and indulge!

  • mcook301
    mcook301 Member Posts: 314
    edited December 2012

    Ann - also loved the comment about driving after AC:) glad I wasn't the only one HA!

  • Tazzy
    Tazzy Member Posts: 1,442
    edited December 2012

    mcook:  have a most wonderful precious christmas with your Mum.   And yes, indulge - I am going to.  I think we have deserved every indulgence at the end of this year - sod the consequences.

    Scottie:  Ditto back at you for your #12.

  • Lifeonitsside
    Lifeonitsside Member Posts: 14
    edited December 2012

    I'm so thrilled that WeSPARK, a cancer resource center here in southern California, is providing a Christmas dinner box to its clients. I just picked my box up and not only is there a 14 lb turkey but also hot cocoa and mini marshmallows, a bunch of canned veggies, dressing, etc. So lovely! For the first time in a long time, I'm having Christmas dinner at my place with a couple of dear friends, after we see "Les Miz". After a difficult year, looking forward to a lovely holiday.



    May you all be surrounded by love and healing as we fight our way through the end of this year.

  • juneaubugg
    juneaubugg Member Posts: 517
    edited December 2012



    I took a bath last night, and got out, dried off, and that's when it happened...... A DROP OF WATER LANDED ON MY ARM FROM MY HAIR! I started bawling like a baby right there. I had no idea that a single drop odd water could ever mean so much, but this one did. it meant I was healing. it meant my hair has grown enough to actually capture, AND hold, that single drop of water! it was god reminding me that it was over... active treatment, and that I have to start living again; I've been holding my breath. I'm still not sure how to start breathing easier, but I'm working on it.



    and I'd like to thank ramols for picking up the phone to a blubbering me. I couldn't think of anyone else I could call who would understand the joy that a drop of water can bring after a drought.

  • juneaubugg
    juneaubugg Member Posts: 517
    edited December 2012

    OK I just went back and caught up.... and I'm crying ladies. oh how I love you all. Ann; "I survived the violent loss of my illusion that I'll live to a ripe old age in good health with minimal doctor visits"... thats the one I'm struggling with the most.but I am going to write my list as well. I think like Tazzy said, it should be good for me; cathartic... I'm trying so hard to process all this. still so much anger. between the meds, surgery, and cancer ... this is no longer my body. I live in it, but its not the body I've know and loved for 44 years. I have a Frankenboob now. I can't feel it, and what I do feel, it feels strange and... well you already know. thats why I'm here. like I said, I love you all. we have survived, we will keep surviving, we will keep crying, sharing, screaming and laughing... together.



    happy holidays to each with minimal SEs. and someone have a few drinks for me please!? I quit over 6 years ago; but it sure sounds good in theory.

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