2013 Survivors!!!
Comments
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Marianelizabth: Hang in there girl....
Chrisrenee: Prayers that mom gets clear results.
mcook: Yay to shopping. Strange as you were one of the people who said you never wore a wig or hat when you were doing chemo... Right? Maybe I'm mistaken. I just so admired that as I was so self conscious. Now I say - screw the hair being thin...at least I'm HERE!
Exercise is my nemisis - always has been. There is a gym IN THE BUILDING at my new office. I just have to bring some sneakers and clothes and I can go walk onthe fucking treadmill for 30 mins, 20 mins - ooh hell 5 would be an improvement; but NOPE, I'm lazy at fuck. So today my goal (per mcooks line of reasoning) was nto to eat an junk today. I brought carrots and grapes for snacks so I don't hit the candy bins here! fingers crossed. only one more hour to go.
Lastly.... Ramols, mcook, Tazzy, et al - who have not changed your avatar since... well - EVER. I love you guys, REALLY I DO... But PLEASE give me a NEW PHOTO WOULD YOU? I need to spice up my life a bit. (yes pitiful that that's all I've got)
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Marian- I was not a candidate for a port because I was not having chemo. Boy do I wish I were a candidate for one.
Here's the update on my mom. We went yesterday for her bx they called her today and stated it was fibrosis tissues. No cancer involved! Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers. They all worked0 -
Chrisrenee: Wow - my prayer was answer quicxkly, eh? ;-)
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Chrisrenee, I want to think my prayers helped your mom also.....so relieved for both of you❤❤❤
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thank you all again! It has been a very stressing 5 days. But to know that I had all of you supporting us has made it a lot easier. Love you guys
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Ok, so, on a totally serious note, I once sat next to a woman with brain mets while doing chemo. She told me she drew a lot of comfort in her faith, but then said, "But I keep asking, 'Why me, God?'" I did not know what to say. I told her I did not think there was an answer to that question, because nobody knows how God thinks. But I'd be curious to hear what some of you think. How would you respond?
I tell ya, everybody I met in chemo was in worse shape than me. Either mets or new recurrences after having had breast cancer before. All of us in this survivor thread are sooooo lucky.
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stride- I asked that question a lot after diagnosis, even though I did not have to go through chemo. So here's my answer that I have given my mom and my friends. I think God chose me because 1. I started to become a cynical medical worker that I started to have no compassion for anything. 2. I think he chose me because my sisters would not have been able to handle the diagnosis,treatments and surgeries. Not that any of us really "handle" more like we fight to survive it. 3. I've not faught harder for anything than I have faught to stay with my family and friends.
Hope those sound like good answers.
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Hi stride. ....a friend of mine who is quite religious says God doesn't give us more than we can handle!!!!!!
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Is it possible you were put in a situation where you could be a blessing to others ?
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2FriedEggs, that is a great answer. I wish I had thought of it. This woman is likely to die before too long, but in the time she has left, she will probably be a blessing to a lot of people.
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Great news, Chrisrenee!
Regarding the other question......I don't think God causes us to get cancer. Bad stuff happens. Grace is God's gift that lets us handle the bad stuff. And, in so doing, we may be light unto another.
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Stride- I also think we were chosen because we are strong and like what you said I believe that any of my family members would have not handled treatments as well I did either and plus I could not watch them either. I am so protective of my mom and sister and I am so glad if it had to be someone it was me and not them.
I was talking to a friend of mine today about the FDA and medical stuff. Sometimes all the information I read really makes me confused and frustrated. A lot of other countries seem to have alternative treatments to chemo and been very successful. It is hard to trust it all but I wish we would start funding these studies etc. any thoughts on alternative treatments? Such as enzymes treatments? So much information out there. I want to believe that there is truth to what I read and some day there won't be just a standard of care for all and we have more options and they find ways to cure and prevent BC.0 -
Btw we need a dam like button!
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Mcook: LIKE
re the God question; not ignored but too late to type it all. I'll catch up tomorrow on that one.0 -
I don't know how much I believe, and I have struggled with the same question. I have two colleagues who are extremely religious orthodox jews - bordering on hasidic. They have tremendous faith and I took great comfort in speaking with them after I was diagnosed. I talked about this a bit with one of them - as respectfully as I could. What she said - that I kind of bought into at the time - is that we don't know G-d's larger plan. There is a reason for everything - even if we can't see it or figure it out. And we just have to have faith and belief in it. Guess that's all I have on that for the moment....
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Re the God question:
I'm a Buddhist and believe in the power of the universe that ties us all together as opposed to one all knowing, all seeing God. However, I, too, have struggled with my own faith and why this after all I've been through - abusive marriage, deeply messed up family, rebuilding my life after my marriage. But I think, regardless of what you believe or who you believe in, we will never know the reason. Maybe ten or fifteen years from now, we'll look back and go, oh, that's why. Or not. But instead of losing energy on focusing on why, I choose to focus on drawing healing strength and energy from those around me, from the universe at large and remember to be grateful for every single day, every single thing around me - friends, my amazing treatment team, the incredible community around me. Doesn't mean I don't have days when I shake my fists at that same universe. But too much wondering and questioning without answers can drain you of what you need to heal. So let God or Allah or Santa Claus worry about why. Just focus on now and get through. That's my two cents.0 -
I'm not religious at all. I went to a variety of mainline protestant churches as a child and am unchurched as an adult. I don't believe there is some all powerful being deciding who will get cancer and who will not. But I admit to searching for an explanation to the "why me?" question. My answer is why not me? Lots of creatures get cancer. Why would I be exempt? Having said that, I also look for the lesson in all experiences. So what will cancer teach me? Well, to eat healthier foods, to exercise more, to listen carefully to what the "medical professionals" say and to demand explanations if they are unclear. To realize that I am very lucky, even in the midst of misfortune. Many other people are much sicker than I am, and less able to get the treatment they need. When I was 1st diagnosed, I was scared to death and felt like cancer was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, now 10 months out, I'm not sure it wasn't just the wake up call I needed. Cancer or not, life is short, and for us Atheists, we only get the one shot at a good life.
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Stride one year during the holidays, my husband fell putting up decorations. He had a wound on his leg with exposed bone. He had to use a wheelchair for a year and they attempted numerous things to close his wound. One of them was going to town every morning to go into a hyperbaric chamber that held several people. It was a 45 minute ride in rush hour traffic and after treatment he had to fight more rush hour traffic to get back to his job. The 1st day he had to go he was feeling very sorry for himself after getting up at 500 am, getting ready, struggling to get the chair in and out of the car, fighting traffic and putting on a helmet type thing and going into this enclosed "submarine" for about an hour. There were many why me s that night. However, the second day things turned around dramatically after he got in the chamber.
They brought in an older diabetic man who had horrible ulcers on the ends of his legs which had been amputated mid-thigh. Due to his diabetes the guy had also had his arms amputated up to his elbows, so needless to sayhe had to be pretty reliant on others. There was always a nurse that went "down" with them incase of any real emegency but they all just read books or magazines until it was all over -even the nurse. Well my husband was seated by the poor old guy who would desparately try to hold his book between his little upper arms; to top it off he had a cold. The old guy never ask for help but instead just sat there if he had a problem. From that point on my husband felt so blessed to be put in a situation where he could help this guy. At first he would point out to the nurse that the poor guy dropped his book or his nose was running, but she would just say it's almost time to "surface" and stay in seated in the front.
From that point on my husband would take tissues every morning and wipe the poor mans nose when he noticed it running beneath his helmet. The old guy would just beam and thank him profusely. My husband spent alot of time picking up the poor guys books and helping him get comfortable if he became slumped. My husband never complained again or said why me, but instead left a little early to make sure he could sit by the poor guy, keep him company and help him do things he couldn't do for himself. They became a real team.
After doing this daily for a couple of months, the poor old guy got critically ill and was moved from the care facility that brought him to the hyperbaric chamber daily, into the hospital next door. About 3 days after the man quit coming, my husbands wound was reevaluated and they determined that his hyperbaric treatments would be discontinued as they weren't helping. My husband was worried about the old guy recovering and having to cope in the chamber himself. The last day of hubby's treatment, he wanted to go see the old guy and tell him he wouldn't be coming back and wish him well. He went over to the hospital only to find out that the poor old guy had passed away the night before! The old guy was put in the chamber the day after my husband had had his self-pity party and my husbands last day of hyperbarics was the day after the man died. The various attempts to close my husbands open wound with wound vacs etc went on for two more years until finally they covered it with a flap after and eight hour surgery. But after his hyperbaric experience, he never ever complained again. It really helped him to get through the following attemps to get him healed. We don't believe God caused my husband to be injured or anything like that, but we do believe that God blessed him by putting him in the situation where he could be a blessing to the poor old guy and while the old guy was truly a blessing to my husband. Having cancer, it seems many of us have run into similar circumstances either being given the opportunity to be a blessing to someone else or by having someone else be the blessing we need to get through our present circumstance. The poor lady you were talking about does seem to be one of those ladies that was a blessing and inturn you were her blessing.
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2friedeggs- thank you so much for sharing your story. I teared up reading it.
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2friedeggs your story about the nurse made me laugh -and I am having Debbie Downer Ativan night. What were the happy pills mentioned above? I guess I need to exercise-and gently self medicate more.
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Anyone have a tempurpedic bed? Tell me if you like it. My old bed sucks
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Lisa, if you are a member of the hotflash brigade, I suspect you'll want to avoid the tempurpedic. Hot, hot, hot.
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Have not posted in awhile, but just wanted to wish everyone a happy holiday with hopes of a wonderful future ahead!
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We have a temperpedic and we love it. It's the most comfortable mattress we've ever owned. I worried about it being warm but it's not.
I'm very thankful to have found you all.
You think of questions that never crossed my mind. Why me is one of them. I believe in God and figure this is what he thought I could handle.
The Arimidex is challenging but I haven't gained weight and I don't have insomnia, the joint pain is bearable. Only 4.5 more years...I can do this.0 -
2Fried: I think I love you... no it's official I love you! The way you think and what your life experiences have been that you so eloquently share here with us. THANK YOU for taking the time to tell us about your husbands experience. It must have been very profound for him.
Regarding the God question, which I've been too busy to chime in on (ah, life returning to is chaotic pace - ain't it grand?). I have found throught his experience that I feel that my Higher Power (call it God or whatever) is present in my and others spirit and life, but is not necessarily part of or responsible for anyones physical well being. Let me see if I can explain this better.
I'm in a 12 step recovery program and part of that is getting in touch with a Higher Power. I did that years ago now, and if asked to describe it - I've always said - my HP is a big blanket that wraps around me and keeps me warm, safe and protected.
I took party in a group guided meditation session right before I started chemo I was in so much pain and was looking for was to quite my brain so maybe some peace might come. During the session she told us to see our emotional, mental and spiritual self deep within our core being. What I saw at that moment was my Higher Power (as I always saw it) SHIFT. My blanket moved from outside my body and became a cylandriacal tube that moved INSIDE my body. I then was able to stack my emotional, mental and spiritual self INSIDE of my High Powers protection, deep inside the very core of my being. Tears started to stream down my face and here's why.
I realized that my body is just a vessel that must walk through this. I have no choice as my true self (the spritiual, mental and emotional) is trapped within this physical being; which carries me through this life. My Higher Power, or God, is INSIDE of me - protecting me, soothing me, watching to make sure my spirit survives what my body must endure.
After seeing things this way it allowed me to stop asking why, as this isn't about God. God has nothing to do whith what happens to our bodies (for example the person that dies to young, or a beaurtiful young woman who gets stuck with a flesh eating disease). But God/Allah/Higher Power or Santa (
) has EVERYTHING to do with how walk through things in life. This is what that "footprints" poem means to me. Afterall, the parts of me that make me who I am aren't in my physical body.I hope that makes sense to someone. xoxo ladies... back to work for me!
Here's hoping we all are safe and sound today and that we find a little bit of peace.
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Well said, Juneaubugg! So happy that you feel this comfort (I do, too). It makes everything doable.
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2Fried - beautiful story, thank you so much for sharing it, I think it should be published
I haven't been posting much, life is busy with my Mom's fractured hip, Christmas and a course I am taking. I do read all the posts every day. Wishing everyone a good weekend.0 -
Juneau Wow It's official-I'm loved! Wow It's so nice to be loved!!! Your analogy to "Footprints" I believe is spot on! Lol Good or bad, I think you and I are very much of like minds. My husband would jokingly tell you that you should be scared if you think like me. All kidding aside it all came so natural to him to step up and take care of the old guy. You know we both lost our moms to cancer the same year (he was 3 years older than me, I was friends and in middle school with his sister at the time, but didnt know him) so we both went through that heartbreak and loneliness pretty early on. While so many were just disappointed they didn't get ask out by the person they "liked" and other teen petty things, we were dealing with "life". So it only figures we were put together in our 20's. Little did we know that his ordeal with the old man was training for him helping me out so much through my BC ordeal. Couldn't have done it with out him and all of you.
McCook and Websister, I'm glad you enjoyed it-I tend to get a little "wordy" but something like that is hard to condense.
Websister, I hope you are doing ok considering all you are dealing with right now and that Mom is healing and in good spirits given her situation.
Lisa2012 If you decide to purchase the Tempurpedic you may want to find one of the stores that offers an unconditional month or so return policy. My son and wife got one-they were so excited when they got it however it completely lost its magic after about 3 weeks. They were so disappointed in it.
Believe777 We're glad you found us too! I'm not having any arimedex issues either. I was so concerned that I would. Regarding meds though, we all need to make to get bone density checked though because MO said the research is showing that bone meds, if your bones are weak, seem to help keep any stray bc cells from settling in the bones.
Aruba-love the workout. Now that's closer to my idea of working out. That and flexing my arms to get my sweets to my mouth then reaching for more. Dang I'm a sweet-a-holic!
It's so nice to hear that so many are getting back to "normal". It is so nice to be getting back to "normal" even if it is a new kind of normal. (There again my husband would challenge me on my being normal in any sense of the word. lol)
Well I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend.
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2fried,Juneau,tazzy,Scottie,scorchy,ramols you all are my heroes! I want to he just like you all when I grow up.
I got my drains out last Wednesday, when I was there my PS asked if I wanted to keep them in for a month, I told him oh hell no. I am definitely liking what I see in the mirror now. They look like boobs!
Went to my Onc office on Friday, as we are there my husband starts telling her that my left arm is swelling( cancer side 2 lymphnodes removed). She looks at it and says "yep you have mild lymphedema and I'm writing you a referral for treatment". I call the therapy dept at the hospital I work at, they worked me in for this Monday at 2 for my eval. The county I live in only has one certified LE therapist and she's booked out until the end of December. She rearranged her schedule to get me in. I'm so fortunate to have so many people working to get me in before the end of the year.
Hope everyone is doing well!0 -
Chrisrenee You're funny. I'm still growing! Only problem is I'm growing out now instead of UP! So glad you got those nasty drains out and that you like what you see! Thats great about the LE dr too.
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