2013 Survivors!!!
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On a separate note, last night I went to a breast cancer support group. It started with everyone introducing themselves and talking about their diagnosis and treatments. My turn came around, and for some reason I could hardly speak coherently. I could not get the words out. My face was turning red, and I was covering it with my hands. WTF? Usually I can talk about things even if they are difficult. So I'm going to try writing it out here, like practice.
I was diagnosed last spring with IDC that was ER- PR+ HER2-. I had a suspicious node on ultrasound, MRI and PET scans, but it was clean in both fine needle aspiration and core needle biopsy. The tumor was measured at 4cm by PET, but it grew like a sonofabitch, and my oncologist thinks it was 7.5cm by the time I finally started chemo.
It responded amazingly well to the first two rounds of TAC, shrinking to less than 2 cm. Then that little motherfucker started growing again. I had a mastectomy with so much fucking skin removed that I could not have tissue expanders. Goddamn it! Final pathology was 3.5cm triple-fucking-negative IDC with focal areas of fucking carcinosarcoma, whatever the fuck that even is. Not something that I should ever have fucking googled, that's for sure. I had six axillary nodes removed, all were negative, but the treatment team still recommended I get axillary, clavicle and internal mammary nodes radiated, as well as boosts to the skin. I have finished 20 of 33 treatments, so I'm getting close to the end! Yay!
I think I'm beginning to see why I couldn't talk about this in public. Perhaps I have hit the anger stage.
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liefie and mcook hope those eye problems clear soon. I have received the blood results and the tumor markers are neg for ovarian cancer!!!yipee...:) Still waiting on mri but dont feel so worried now. My estrogen levels are normal again so gynae has suggested removal of ovaries...meeting him 11th march to discuss....yikes..menopause here i come!
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Hi stride,just seen your post.......yip sounds like the angry stage and you know what......unless you have walked in our shoes and have to continue walking with this big black cloud held over your head that is breast cancer...you cant begin to understand how it effects someone.......so your damn well entitled to be angry!! Big hugs.x
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Thanks ireland20. Sorry you'll have to go through that sudden menopause, but at least you won't have anymore scares about ovarian cancer! You don't need that hanging over your head.
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stride- Funny thing is when I was reading it I was reading in an angry voice. I think we are all going to have days that we are angy then acceptance then angry again. I have those moments everytime i get asked about my LE sleeve or I have a major hotflash that I can't get rid of. we love you!
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My path report showed i was strongly er+ so its sods law my ovaries would kick-start again...despite the chemicals!! The laugh is I had to take fertility treatments to concieve!!!so my hormones have always worked against me!!! Good to see your halfway through the rads!
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Stride, my eye surgery was self inflicted because of a blocked tearduct which had been giving me trouble from way before bc. I can only hope and pray that Mcook's eye issue will be resolved very soon. It is just not cool, and I don't like that she suffers like this. BIG HUGS to you - you've certainly been through the wringer, and I am so glad the end is in sight for you.
PFC - I guess most of us often feel like using the unofficial version. Chemo sucks.
Chrisrenee, I feel like Capt. Jack Sparrow who's just been punched on the nose by another pirate. LOL.
Ireland, the ironies of this disease never cease to amaze me. BIG HUGS to you too!
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Thanks ladies for the period info. I'll call my MO office tomorrow, or just stop in when I go for rads. Lifie - glad you're home ok; hope recup is quick. Mcook - hope that eye is coming along. Stride - let that anger out; its healthy! My dancing in limbo book arrived today, so will see if I can dig into that a bit to help me move through my various emotions. Right now I'm hoping the cramps I feel creeping up don't turn into the nasty day you had juneau... Love and hugs to you all!
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Hi so let me try and catch up here
Liflie- I have a employee that after two rounds of Chemo had some eye issues similar to your and that sucks! Hope surgery help.
Gmafoley- hope ur pain in your hip eases up soon!
Ireland - congrats on your report! Every time I type ur web name why do I want some Irish whiskey or to remember my best night doing some Irish dancing:)
Chrisrenee - dam you are too young for all this crap! But amazingly strong!
Scrubs! Hope your are checking and yes we understand and hope we can help you!
I am sure I have missed a lot of you and sorry Tazzy, Juneau websister
Yes another fun adventure with my eye issue but as long as I don't lose vision I will be ok! Not healing like doc would like. I got an infection invasive in my cornea and my friend as been talking to my OD ( love her and she is eye doc but too far way) about my treatments. They are more concerned than me because god would not be this cruel! I will be fine! Funny thing it does not hurt but vison sucks and light sensitivity is bad but this shit will not get me down! I will be fine! Fuck this I was healthy a year ago with out ever having a IV in me! This is why I am running and I will not stop until a day when our friend or children do not have to deal with this! Lots of positives I have learned but dam it let me start sharing my lessons learned and let me live my new life:)
Lots of Love to you all! We are all so dam strong it is amazing!!0 -
Shit Ramols missed you! Hugs!
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Another item I didn't buy BUT I thought you'd like to see that sentiments are catching on.
Hugs to all. I will be home soon.0 -
Liflie: You're a hot mess sister. Hang in there.
Mcook: you're right... God won't be that cruel.
I've had a few eye things over the years... They can be really painful and I convenient, but mercifully they heal quickly.
Ramols: I'm still having a heck of a time. Pad and tampax all day and I can barely keep up. DAMN it better not be Ike this EVERY time. FUCK!!!!!!!
Stride: I'm with you. I'm back on anger lately. Scream for us both would you.
A old friend that doesnt live near me asked via FB how I was and if I'd won my battle with BC. My reply hit me hard. As I typed it I realized it was my new truth. "I have won Round One. Now I just have to hope she doesn't come back for a second match."
I struggling with control... Or my lack thereof. When I can't get with my own powerlessness and find some faith, I end up trying to fix, manage and control and drive myself CRAZY. *sigh*
Chrisrenee: you are one strong bitch.
Ireland: YAY! (Your name makes me reminisce about a crazy night in Galway!)
Ramols/Websister: I can't wait to do a happy dance when you reach the end of your rads.
I know I've missed people... My deepest apologies... Love to all. I'm going to try to get some sleep and hope I don't bleed to death during the nfgt from this fucking menstrual cycle that god has bestowed on me!!! Oh the JOY! (Oh guess who won't be getting lucky for valentines day? THIS GIRL! FUCK!!!!)0 -
Good morning all,
Felt like crap yesterday and have missed a lot. Liefie and McCook I can empathize with the eye issues. I have diabetic retinopathy and have had too many laser surgeries to count. Usually eye issues no big deal but a few times my cornea got scratched and when your eye hurts it is really uncomfortable and you can't do anything but keep them closed. Liefie I got a chuckle out of the patch and kleenex, you are giving me ideas for Halloween. McCook just another bump in this road we are on. I agree God wouldn't be so cruel, maybe he is trying to impress on you that next time something happens go get assistance sooner.
Wishing everyone a totally boring week with treatments and minimal side effects. On a side note the best part of my day yesterday was cuddling with my 92 lb dog Angie. She is not a cuddler she usually just stays near me. She must have sensed I needed to hug yesterday as she stayed on the bed with me and just let me spoon her. There is no love like the unconditional love of an animal. I don't have kids and she is the love of my life. Sshhh don't tell DH.
Hugs, Sheryl
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Happy VD day folks!
Liefie, glad the procedure went ok and you are home and recouping!
Mcook, hope the eye is getting better each day!
Websister, thankful the accident only hurt the car and that it is being repaired quickly.
Believe, love the pics! Hope you are having fun. What is that product in the bottom right of the picture that says Butt/Face? Curious about anything that is used for both..LOL!!
Stride...let it out! Sometimes we just need to do it and this is the place where everyone gets it.
Juneau and Ramols...hang in there...no fun, but at least temporary...
Everyone, have a happy day. My hubby left for a business meeting about 2 hours away. I made him a simple childhood favorite treat he has not had in years...lol. Made rice krispie treats and took cinnamon red hots to make an I, a heart and a U. Left him a card and told him to take some with for the road. He brought me roses a few days ago, have always told him no flowers on VD day as I feel they are a rip off with the mark up for the day. I'd rather have them as a surprise for no reason other times of year. Heard rumor that chocolate has benefits for all today
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You can add me to the eye troubles brigade. Having surgery next week to "create tear sack drain" Both eyes. Optomologist blames Tamoxifen.
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Aruba….. we must have the same kind of minds… I noticed the butt/face package too on the post believe sent… ha ha ! I agree with you about ‘valentine day’… don’t buy into all the corporate crap.
Hope I can catch up here…. in no particular order:
Mcook – really hope that eye clears up soon. There is nothing worse – sending you positive vibes and mojo for a speedy recovery.
Liefie: positive mojo to you as well for speedy eye recovery.
Chrisrenee: I agree… you are one strong bitch sister.
Ireland: woohoo on the path report.
Juneau: sorry your period is such a pain – OMG! Reading that I told myself that there is a positive to being old and not having periods anymore. Fuck I hated those… with a passion.
Sheryl : hugs and hope today is a better day.
I know I am missing lots…. But sending you all hugs.
I was at a workshop last night…. Balancing Life After Cancer…. Not so much a support group as just a monthly get together, and not only breast cancer. Last night the organiser arranged for a new shop owner to come in and give us an information session on Olive Oil and Balsamic vinegar…. OMG! They were absolutely delicious. My fav I think was a Cranberry Pear Balsamic with a 12 year white olive oil. One of the couples brought some bread too. Was a lot of fun.
Well back to work today. Have another meeting this morning. Arbitration was very interesting.
Wishing you all hugs, love and positive mojo xxxx
Oh... weigh in today and tomorrow
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Stride I think you have every right to feel angry. I know I was angry when I was first diagnosed. I was doing all the things I was suppose to do to NOT get cancer and yet got it anyway so yeah I was angry about it. When I think about it too much I still get angry. And what I hate most now is the question that I get most often now that I'm done with treatment is "are you cured?". Well how the hell do I know? I know the question is well intended, but still how the hell do I know. I don't know, my doctors don't know, all anyone can give you is a fucking statistic and that fucking sucks. So I hate that question. Like Juneau said I have to hope she doesn't come around again for a second match.
Sheryl- Sorry you're feeling like crap. When will you be done with chemo? I hope it's soon. I hated every moment of chemo.
Liefie- Hope the eye is feeling much better today.
Believe- Love the coffee mug! And Aruba I believe that the Butt/Face thing is actually a towel. My DH got one from his two girls way back when he was a bachelor. There is a brown side/end that says 'butt' and a white side/end that says 'face'. It's a cute little gag gift.
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Happy Valentine's Day my friends! If you can't get laid, get some chocolate - it's the next best thing! My DH is working tonight so it's chocolate for me.
Also a breast cancer support group. I'm going to go for the first time. I will be thinking of all of you. GOod luck with eyes, periods, follow ups, friends, jobs, and everything. (((hugs)))0 -
Happy Valentines Day my dear friends. We made it past another holiday! I feel like you are all with me. Hope you are enjoying the blue skies and sunshine of the Northern CA coast.
Hugs and Hearts to all.0 -
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You girls are, in the words of Tina Turner, 'Simply the best!', and you feel like family! Thank you so much for all the well wishes! Had a good night's sleep, and DH helped to take the eye patch off this morning. The doc had used a wide, very sticky tape across my cheek and forehead, and we pulled out a few precious newly grown eyebrow hairs in the process - ouch! Now I have to regularly ice the eye over the next three days. Anybody who comes to my house today will get the scare of their lives when I open the door, glaring at them with my small, swollen little bloodshot eye. Miss World has nothing on me - lol.
Tazzy, happy to report that my weight this morning is 158 lbs. Maybe I should go for more eye surgery?
Cindyl, best wishes for your eye surgery; seems similar to mine. It is more of a nuisance than anything else. I have not had any pain whatsoever so far, and have not taken a single pain pill.
Ramols and Juneau, are you two still alive this morning?
Sheryl, that big dog sounds adorable! My companion is Suki Siamese who lightly bites my feet in front of the fridge every morning to let me know that she wants her milk and she wants it now. So cute. Animals are just wonderful.
Happy Valentine's day to everybody!
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liefie - you gave me a chuckle about your eyebrows. I told my hubby this morning that i think i actually need to go get my eyebrows waxed. I can't beleive it! Still a bit sparse toward the end, but where they've grown in - boy have they grown in with a vengence! Glad you're coming along.
Still alive. Not as bad as juneau seems yet, but i think my auntie flow is just gearing up. Yesterday was a warning that she's getting ready to have some fun and today she's gonna ease me into it. In an odd way - I feel a bit victorious that I got my cycle back so soon. Kind of like my body saying fuck you to chemo - you can't beat me down and stop me from functioning. Although I do now wonder what this all means for my hormones and recurrence. And I haven't thrown tamoxafin into the mix yet - as we're still waiting on those blood test results to see if I'm prone to clotting. Sigh... Juneau - hope you're hanging in there.
Websister - will be very happy to have a rads countdown buddy. Aside from the stupid rash I got from their darn sheet, it's been a breeze so far. Fingers crossed!
Happy Valentine's Day dear sisters! Hugs!
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Shit shit shit! I forgot to weigh in today. I can't believe I forgot to do that. Will do tomorrow.
Ramols and Juneau- I am so sorry yall are still having to deal with your periods. I am so glad I was done with that 3 yrs ago. They are such a nuisance. I told my GYN that she has to take care of that before my daughter gets hers because there is only room for 1 bitch in the house and thats me!
Believe- love the mug I think we need to take stock in those.
Mcook and Liefie- hope you two are feeling much better today.
Allurbad- what happens if we get both, laid and chocolate do we have to pick which one we want more?? Tough choice there haha!
Thank you for saying I'm a strong bitch. There are days I have to doubt, but I'm no stronger than any of you. Although I do have to say the ones who have endured chemo and rads top the strong bitch category in my opinion.
Happy Valentines day my lovelies I love you all! Off to go back to work, damn that gives in the middle of my day.0 -
First, let me apologize, for what promises to be a lengthy post. I have been 'lurking' on your pages, for a while, and have to say this is the chattiest, most supportive group of women. I finished my chemo in August, had a re-excision in Sept, then finished rads in December. I am now feeling officially IN LIMBO. Ordering the book, to give me some insight. Why do I imagine that every new pain, ache, etc. is mets somewhere. I have had stressful couple of weeks. I have been plagued with headaches most of my life, but recently had one that never stopped, localized to one spot. Then, had a couple of dizzy spells, and 2-3 stumbling issues. So..postponed calling my MO, knowing she would undoubtedy order an MRI. I am crazily claustrophobic. But finally went to see her yesterday, and she ordered it, same day, and...equipped with pre-exam Ativan, a sleep mask, and my favorite music, I managed to get through it. Good thing the brain MRI's are short. Now...waiting to hear results, and trying NOT to go to that place.
I am comforted to read that others struggle with eye issues..I have worn the same contact lens prescription for years, and now, one day, I can see well enough, next day, not so much. Next week I have 2nd Appt in 6 months with eye dr. I was told vision changes from chemo can take a while to return to pre-chemo, but it has been 5 months. Hoping it would have been back by now.
Hair - still trying to get my 'stars' lined up correctly, so I can post a photo. I have fuzzy curls all over my head, and behind my ears need to be trimmed, but I cant bear the thought, yet, of cutting off anything that I waited so long for. :-) It is so much grayer than pre-chemo, that I am thinking of using a semi-perm,no ammonia, color. Anyone else try it 5-6 months out? I do love not having to spend much time on it, but must have some product in it, and tame the curls, otherwise I look at little like i've stuck my finger in a socket!
On the bright side, watched 2 of our grandchildren (5&6) while Mom & Dad went out to dinner. the 5 yr old granddaughter just couldnt settle down to sleep, while we were there. So, asked her if she wanted Grammy to hold her and sing to her. So, snuggling in her blanket, on my lap, singing, and whispering silly stories to her, and soon she was sound asleep. those moments have always been precious to me, but lately, they move me to tears sometimes.
Thanks for listening. Love and {{{hugs}}} to all you have unknowingly been the 'wind beneath my wings' for a while. What a support group.
~Joyce
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Yay! MRI results: no sign of brain mets. IMHO: probably stress related headache. HMMM. now, off to pack my suitcase for a 3day weekend with 2 sisters, and Mom in Branson, MO. Woo, HOO!
~Joyce
PS: next week, signing up with WeightWatchers on Tuesday, and joining the weight loss group, if you'll admit me. :-)
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Hi Joyce, welcome here. Sad that we are here, but we certainly make the most of it, and would otherwise never have met these amazing ladies. So ironic, this double-edged sword?
That in limbo feeling is all too familiar to many of us. I finished active treatment in July 2012, and can truly say that I am now beginning feel like my old self before bc. Can never be the same person again of course, but it is as close as it can get, and life is so good again. As time goes by, that fear of mets etc. does fade. I've made a deliberate decision that I am as healthy now as I was before bc, and I am actively living my life that way. Also eating healthy, and exercising a lot. If there should ever be a recurrence or anything else, I will handle it then at that time, and not spoil my wonderful life by obsessing about this. There is a saying,'Don't go there before you get there', and that is what we have to do. The present is so good. Why worry now about something that may or may not happen? Hope that helps a little, Joyce! I sincerely hope that MRI turns out to be nothing at all. Let us know what happens.
That grandchild on your lap triggered such good memories of how I used to hold my youngest son on my lap while he was sleeping. Would sometimes sit with him like that for two hours, because I knew it was my last baby, and I wanted to savour every moment, hold him close, hear him breathing, and smell that unique, lovely smell that only a baby has . . .
You have a lovely Valentine's day!
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Hi again Joyce, we posted simultaneously. YAAAAAYYYYYYY! So glad for you! Enjoy your weekend. I can just hear how relieved you are! Pheww!!!!
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luvBngGma: YAY and WELCOME!!
Tazzy: I'm here and I'm alive... but shit.... WTF! My period used to be 4 days long. The first was bad and then by the 3rd it was pretty much gone. Not so much right now, BUT since this is the first in months I am hoping the next one will be more like they used to be. This just sucks... BUT... I did realize after I hit submit on my post yesterday that this is NOTHING COMPARED TO THE MISERY I WAS POSTING/EXPERIENCING SIX MONTHS AGO. Amazing how quickly my perspective can fix my attitude huh? Those on this forum who are in active treatment are probably thinking what I used to think..."I should have it so good (spoken with Yiddish accent)". I am hoping my fucking weight will show a good drop after this too.
Who commented on that butt/face thing?? Yes, I've seen that towel before to. funny!!! Some of the guys I dated would probably have wiped with the wrong respective sides even though it is labeled!
I saw that I called Chrisrenee one StrIng bitch... LOL! I fixed it.
Websister; Car accident? Did I miss something? Are you ok?
Ramols; the tamoxifen isn't real a big deal. Don't let all the hype freak you out. I'm pretty much side effect-less from it.
I know I've missed a lot of people, so I will just send HEAPS of LOVE to all. Hopw everyone heals up soon and tries to find their happy!! (stolen from Ramols)
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Juneau - Your period reminds me of the 1st I had years ago when I quit birth control pills. Thought I was going to die. Some of you are too young to remember when Ibuprofen was still a prescription drug. It was a miracle drug when it became OTC. I'm sure there is a physiological reason for it being huge, probably because of no uterine shedding for months. I'm NOT a gyn nurse and don't pretend to be. And ditto on how our perspectives change. At least with a period you pretty much know what to expect unlike chemo. You might want to make sure you're taking in enough iron-rich products or a multivitamin. Do you ever go read your old posts? I read recently my original posts and PTL not at that point now.
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Joyce - add my 'yay, and welcome
Sheryl - loved reading about your dog also; take care
Liefie - glad you are doing well, hope the redness goes away soon, glad there is no pain
Ramols - I start rads on Feb. 21 - 16
Juneau - yeah, car accident - It wasn't bad, I was minding my own business while waiting at a light, a gas company truck came up along the right side of my car too close and scraped along it with a vise that was attached to the left rear bumper of the truck. They are taking full responsibility, it was appraised this a.m. and it just means that I will be driving a rental for the first bit the daily radiation treatments
Chrisrenee - keeping my fingers crossed for you re: scale, I also forgot to weigh in this a.m. so will be sure to do it tomorrow
Mccook - hope your eye is improving also
Sitting here getting my Herceptin infusion, I'm letting them put it over 30 minutes today, we'll see how that goes
Wishing all a Happy Valentine's Day0
