STFU (Shut the F*** UP)
Comments
-
Iatigger--I just saw that commercial--and I like the way at the end the pig says Did she really say that? to the guy sitting next to him.
0 -
And lol, don't forget that geico commercial where the pig is on the plane and the flight attendants tell him to put his phone away :-p
0 -
Hi everybody,
Sorry haven't posted. I got the surgery path report on Friday and I am terrified.
I am triple negative IDC stage I grade 3 (high). Negative on all three SNB. Negative on the margins except one where the comment is confusing. I think that one is close on the superior margin. - a question for me to ask on Tuesday.
So I guess the next step is the genetic testing. I meet with the team on Tuesday.
I'm trying to read up as much as possible so that I can write down my questions.
The biggest looming question is should I have a full mastectomy?
My STFU Stepmother (a Dr) is telling me that I will be sorry if I don't.
I want to read more studies. I'm really freaking out. 😰0 -
Shadytrake.....I do believe there is a TN thread where you will get a lot of advice and support, I'm sure. Such a hard decision to make, I wish you good luck with your decision.
0 -
Sorry you're feeling so scared. That is never fun. I agree that the best advice would be on the TN threads.
0 -
Shady so sorry, whatever you decide has to be right with you and feel good in your gut....becareful with all the information out there, you can overload yourself...my onc. hates that I go on the net...
Thoughts and prayers
Sandy
0 -
Hi, shadytrake - so sorry you are dealing with this!
A mastectomy, either unilateral or bilateral, may be the best way to deal with this, but you don't make your decision based on someone (STFUStepmom) bullying you.
You do your research, you listen to your medical team, you gather information (like from the awesome women here on BCO who have walked in your shoes), you pray - if that is something you do - and then you come to a decision.
Mastectomy is an intensely personal decision. I didn't make my choice lightly, but I have never regretted it.
May I ask, is your stepmother a Breast Surgeon?
If not, then perhaps you can explain to her your desire to listen to the experts.
0 -
Hi gals.... Shady.... everything Blessings said is such good advice. You HAVE to trust your team! and you have to ask them questions.... take someone with you when you go.
Write everything down, and see what they advise. Ask them to tell you WHY "this way" or "that way" is the best decision. You have to decide with your husband.... not your what-ever she is. Your path report is different than anyone elses...... And your team will tell you what they think you should do.... Then ask them why.
But write down their answers.... and you don't have to decide immediately what you are doing. If you have confidence in your team, and what you are hearing, then you can decide. NOT by listening to what's-her-face.
Sorry I sound so impatient with her, but she hasn't a CLUE how to talk to someone who is scared and hurting! Damnit anyway. You will come out of this stronger...with the help of your husband.
If I have to come kick some butt, I will..... I would not listen to anyone but your team. No WONDER you are afraid! It's never easy.... But after Tuesday, you will feel better..... Let us know.... and have a nice week-end... okay? xoxoxo
0 -
For your Stepmother....
0 -
Hi Shady all this advice to me sounds great. Now trusting u'r team is no 1 and ask away, but don't overload u'r self with info-it's too much-don't forget u Dr.s didn't learn all this in a month, that's why their decision that they give u is personally wht I'd go with. Now for the most part there is a basic protocol with each type of cancer and they know the best for u'r type--and it's not as scary as it sounds sometimes so they do this everyday--And trust u'r self, cuz when the day is done it is u'r decision-no one else-that u live with and for the most part I don't think many of us would do anything different than what we did.
So take deep breaths and know u'r in good hands--of course talk to u'r husband.
0 -
Shady....It..really makes me mad when one is going through this and they think THEY know what is BEST for you....the fact is no one knows what is in your head.....it was very hurtful to me to make my choice...but I did...the only thing I do regret is having reconstruction at the same time....I really wished I had thought more.......Liz
0 -
I just have to share my STFU moment that I had today.....I'm home resting from another BC surgery that I had on Tuesday. I get a call from a "friend" who only seems to call when she needs to talk about her problems. She knew about my surgery but forgot just like she has in the past with my other surgeries. Anyway...I tell her I'm resting from surgery & then proceeds to tell me about someone I don't know's sister who is in Hospice now & is dying from BC! WTF???? What is wrong with people???I I don't need her in my life, but how do I tell her to take a ffffn hike?
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!0 -
Temaj--I think everyone has had the time when we were having a physical or mental or both hard time and someone goes out of their way to tell u aout someone who died from BC---It's tht moment that u realize how many stupid people are in u'r life who used to seem perfectly normal. It's kind of funny that there are so many that we have run into.
0 -
Shady,
My best friend had the same cancer a year ago. She had a lumpectomy, radiation and chemo and is in remission. Please, take a deep breath. Mary was very scared also. They know a lot more about triple negative now then the research shows. Mary was a stage 2a with a 2.1 cm tumor. Please know that you are not alone. Mary is better and although the road was hard, she is doing well. Please private message me and I can share your email with Mary who would be happy to talk with you.
Hugs to you!
Kassy0 -
Hi Ladies,
I knew I could depend on you to help me breathe. I'm in such panic mode right now that I burst into tears about every 1/2 hour.
Thanks for all of the encouragement.
I am making a list of questions for my Dr. & I did take a trip over to the TN threads.
I'm not really that concerned about my boobs, I was just terrified by her remark. She is not a breast Dr, but she knows a lot about kidney cancer. The thing she doesn't get is that I don't need another Dr. It would be nice if the family would just be there for me. Sorry to be down. I'm having a pity party today.0 -
Shadytrake .....my cousin is an oncologist (kidney specialist) ....she never gives me advice as this is not her speciality. Maybe you could gently tell your step mother you feel more comfortable discussing your situation with a BC specialist.....difficult one...good luck.
0 -
Oh Shadytrake, I am so sorry to hear what has happened. It is all so raw isn't it? Don't apologise for the way you feel. We all understand, and it's not a pity party at all.
Everyone has already said what I would tell you, the advice here is always the best.
We all understand the fear, the panic and the uncontrollable crying. The last thing you needed was that comment from your Step Mother what was she thinking?
I'd be telling her, she'll be sorry if she doen't STFU!
You will get throught this, and you know there is unconditional love and understanding here whenever you need, or want it. Come often, and ask questions if you need to. There will always be someone along with the answers you need.
Take care, ((((Hugs))))
0 -
ten...I have a friend like that we have been friends since 7th grade, I know the way she is and my other friends are so upset with her cause she does it all the time, me it doesn't matter....but you are a different story, either tell her OR if you want to stop talking to her, just don't answer her calls. No stress, she has not a clue what she is doing and probably is like that with everyone..
Sandy
0 -
Chevy,
So funny! I have that sign on a desk figurine. I totally forgot about it.
I'm officially appointing my hubby as the relayer of all things medical to the family. He accepted the "bad cop" appointment with no hesitation.
Now I'm taking a 1/4 morphine and I'm going to get a full night of sleep.
(((((Hugs))))) to all.😴0 -
yay shady take care of yourself and don't worry about anything...relax!!
0 -
Blondie, you are right, she is clueless. I just put up with a lot of crap before. I seem to have less tolerance of people these days.
Shadytrake, I hope your resting comfortably. Sleep well.0 -
I had a girlfriend call me today with her tale of woe...seems like she has an unemployed friend staying with her "temporarily" while she looks for work. (From what I can remember, she hasn't worked in ten years...)
Only....without going into detail, let's just say there is no evidence she's actually job hunting.
My friend repeated some of her "temporary lodger"s lame excuses.... and I was on a roll!!! I fired off some zingers she could use, but of course, since she's the NICE one, she never would.
We joke about me hiding behind her couch and her moving her lips while I say all the blistering things she wants to say but can't ever think of the right words in the right moment.
Do you think I could hire myself out? I always have something snarky to say to whiners. Oh, not in the beginning...I realize we all want to be heard and understood...but there are some in this world who are just takers.
Ever since September 15, 2011 (the day I was dx'd with BC) I no longer care to put up with any BS, and I care even less who likes me and who doesn't, since I seem to have lost my social filters along with my breasts!!!!!
So I was thinking...maybe I could hire out to say all those things that people want to say to others....
I'm really not a mean person, and I wouldn't even have to say STFU....
I just turn on my flamethrower and who knows what will come out of my mouth! I feel like a kind of out-of-control Dr. Phil
What would you call this position?
How much could I charge?
0 -
Blessings, LOL!
tenaj, welcome to another Long Island-er (NY?)...your "friend's" attempt to find common ground with you is obviously thoughtless and self-centered. I hope you can ignore this an focus on healing. You've come to the right place!
Shady, I am glad to hear you have put DH in charge of fending off unwelcome advice and unwanted visitors. One bit of good news is that you have negative nodes. Your options for treatment or further surgery should be a personal decision that you can feel comfortable with. Sending positive thoughts, hugs and prayers.
Joan0 -
Ladies.
The pathologists said there is no need for hormone testing of my dcis because I had a mastectomy and therefore the ca is gone. I told them to run the tests. Have any of you heard this before? The dr and nurse knew I wanted this info and the nurse was surprised I asked for it to be run. Won't my onco need to know this or am I just being overly worried?0 -
Hi Kassylou, If you, like me, have just been told you had pure DCIS, and you had a Mx. Then there is no call for the testing. It has all been removed.
Nothing had become invasive and you SNB was clear. You have effectively been given the all clear.
Why are you seeing an onco? have I missed something in your Dx?
0 -
Ariom. I thought I needed to see an onco. Do I not? This is all so new and I hear many different things as to what to do. I will ask the surgeon when he removes the drains and staples on Wednesday what my next steps are.
0 -
Hi Kassylou, I was only commenting from the Dx you posted and the comments you mentioned from the Pathologist.
I had the Pure DCIS Dx and was told the Mx took care of that. Certainly not my place to comment if you haven't had your final pathology from your Surgeon. You'll have those answers on Wednesday, and I wish you all the very best!
In the meantime, take a look at the DCIS section on this site. It was put together by another member and is easy to read and understand. It will give you a great insight into DCIS. I learned so much from it.
Take care! I wish you a speedy recovery!
0 -
Thank you. I will read the dcis section.
0 -
Granny...prayers still going up for you and your son.
0 -
Hi Kassy,
I hope you are feeling better and healing well. I think you are asking about testing for hormone receptors (ER, PR). It is an important question. You can call the medical oncologist's office and ask ahead about getting this lab analysis done. I don't know enough about it; but I would want to ask an oncologist.
I hope you find the answer that is right for you.
Joan0
