Time for hospice and Im really scared
Comments
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Hi, Teri,
Sorry to hear about the increased pain, but I hope that your hospice team has figured out how to help you have the most comfort. And I hope that today will bring you opportunities to breathe easier, smile, laugh, reminisce, be as present as possible in the moment, and enjoy the beauty and solace that nature has to offer. Just a few minutes ago I was gazing out one of my back windows, admiring the blue sky and sunshine, when I had to laugh at my dog monitoring our fence line and the deer behind it. The deer have figured out that she cannot overcome the fence to chase them, so now they just stare at her when she charges. I bet she still thinks she's doing her job by keeping the deer on the other side of the fence!
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Teri so good to hear from you but sorry about the pain. May nurse find a quick fix for you.
Donna
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Teri,
So exciting to hear from you. Grrr about the liver pain. I hope the drugs are keeping it at bay. Yesterday I went to a marathon cello concert in two parts and inbetween they had tastings of local cheese, ice cream, bread and beer. I don't drink so I skipped the beer. The music was great and the food was too. I am going to have to hunt those vendors down to get more. The ice cream place is supposedly not far from where I go to see my oncologist - so now I can always look forward to a sweet ending to those visits
Janet
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Teri,
May you be pain free soon and breathe easier as well,
Caryn
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Gentle breaths and peace
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Oh Terri I hate to hear that you are having more pain! Hoping hospice can keep you comfortable so you can breathe a little easier.
Love n gentle (((((((hugs))))))). Chrissy
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Hi Teri. I haven't posted much lately, but I think of you often. I hope the drugs are working to keep you comfortable.
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Hi Teri,
Sorry to hear about the liver pain - I'm glad the meds can help. I hope your days are pain and SE free also and that your breathing is as easy as possible.
Sending love and gentle hugs, Amy
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Teri, checking in with a great big hello from maryland. So sorry about the liver pain but glad they've got you on some meds to help keep it bearable.
Jimmy bell, definitely interested in listening in. I visited new braunfels some time ago with my BFF who lives in Houston. Loved antiquing and of course, the nice weather. Spring is my favorite time of the year. It means it is 9 months til winter! LOL!
Kjones, had to laugh at the pile of laundry ... My least favorite thing to do!
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Teri - I've been a lurker, following your story for a while now. I just want you to know I think you are incredibly brave and a great role model (even on the days you don't think so). I am sending you some warm Texas sun to shine down on you and thank you for sharing your story. Please continue to check in as you are able. [[[hugs]]]
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Teri,
Thinking about you today and hoping for a pain-free spring day. It's still very much like winter here.
Amy
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Teri, I hope the hospice nurses are able to help you control your pain.
My DH went over to our friend with the goats today to collect goat manure to use in our garden. Better him than me, that's for sure. So if Deuce meanders on over to say hello, tell him we appreciate his buddies' help.
Leah
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hi Teri
Hope the new treatment helps the pain. It is supposed snow here tonight (arrgghhh) but I saw crocuses (croci?) popping up in someone's lawn while I was walking the dog today. What a beautiful hopeful sight! Hugs from New York,
Marian
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we got the best kind of snow here yesterday and last night. Stuck everywhere except the street so pretty but no shoveling
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Hello, Teri. It actually snowed here in TN yesterday, great big flakes, and for a very short bit, it was coming down so hard and fast with such big flakes that it looked like I was in Michigan for about 10 minutes. Snow actually accumulated!!! And within 30 minutes it was all gone, the sun came back out. And then the sun played hide&seek all day. Interesting weather.
There is a big move in the neighborhood to allow chickens. Now this has been a hot topic for the past 4 years, with just 1 or 2 families out of over 100 who want chickens. We are already allowed to have up to 2 horses per lot, and I personally have no problem with chickens. So the next step, if they get approval for chickens, is to go for goat approval. They are so much more environmentally friendly for keeping yards mowed, quite a lot of fun, and a lot smarter than chickens. You think I have a chance????
I am sharing an abstract pastel that I did recently - it is still "in progress" as I just can't seem to get enough contrast - need more DARK darks and LIGHT lights ... but it is loosely based on a landscape sketch I did. I hope you enjoy it - I think greens and blues are peaceful colors.
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Deuce was adorable!
Amen to the pain free, side effect free.
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Kind of bad news ladies. My hospice nurse and mother were discussing how lousy I've been feeling lately and leaving me out of the loop so I called the nurse last night. After reminding him (shouldn't have to) that I AM THE PATIENT/CLIENT he fessed up what they had been discussing. They both think I have only a couple weeks left.
Now I've had docs and nurses cry wolf many times, and he's supposed to verify with my onc on Friday, so I'm trying not to freak out, but that's a rough thing to hear. I'm not nearly ready. Well, I'm ready to go be with the angels but what I mean is I don't have everything done yet like cleaning up old paperwork. It's funny but last week I called hospice to schedule a home health aide to come out on Friday to help me go through all this old paperwork. I think the body knows more than you can imagine.
I just wanted to keep my lovely ladies in the loop and like I said, my brother will notify you. Can my brother just notify the Mods on these boards without setting up an account and then the Mods can tell you? You're the only thread I really keep up with. Please let me know because today and tomorrow I'll be writing up my final instructions (between naps) for my dear brother.
And let's all hope this is just another cry wolf!
Love, {{{HUGS}}}, few side effects, and less pain to you all!
Teri
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Ah Teri, I hope he is wrong and you have plenty of time to do what you want to do. I'm sure your instincts are right on and you know better than anyone. I wish you peace and comfort today and please know I will be thinking of you.
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Oh Teri no!!! it is way too soon and you will be missed so much by so many! This is such a selfish thought by me.......sorry. Your journey to this point has been a hard one and you deserve a better response from me......I guess it is just the shock of hearing this news.
Just get your brother to let us know on this thread (he can use your account if you give him the details) and we will make sure that it is announced to the boards and your name added to our angels list. If you brother wouldn't mind, could he leave or PM his email to one of us so that your condolence thread can be forwarded to your family as I'm sure they would like to know just how much you mean to all of us.
Teri, may your time left with us be as peaceful as possible with little or no break through pain and lungs that allow you at least enough air to be comfortable. May you get the opportunity the see the coming of Spring and enjoy its tender caress. Loving hugs with gentle thoughts.
Chrissy
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Teri,
You are right: you should NOT have had to contact the hospice RN to ask what had been discussed with your mom about YOU. You are not incompetent and you have the right to gather and consider all information that is being shared about your status and possible life expectancy. I mention possible life expectancy, knowing that estimates often include ranges and many times those ranges are exceeded. However, I wonder if you should revisit your priorities. Please don't assume that I think you are not on track with your priorities; you very well may be doing exactly what is most important to you by tackling old paperwork. What brings you the most peace of mind and heart? What brings you comfort? What brings you joy? How important is unfinished business? What might you let go? I think each of us benefits from reassessing and reprioritizing from time to time. However you choose to use your time is your choice, and we all know how important it is to exercise your own choice and choose your own path.
You are so generous in spirit to know that we care and want to know about how you are doing and what you are facing. I keep you in my thoughts and hold hope that each day brings to you whatever you need to feel fulfillment that particular day.
I also think you have asked a good question of the mods, whom I've just PM'd with notice of your question. Perhaps one will be along soon to offer more guidance.
Thinking of you....
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Hi All,
Perhaps you could add personal information (e.g. phone numbers) to your profile. We can ALWAYS reach out to people you are concerned about, and do so quite frequently. Also, of course family members can contact us, and we can relay messages. You are all in our thoughts.
Gentle hugs,
The Mods0 -
Teri, I am so SO sorry for this news, very sad indeed. You have shown us so much love, have provided a place for us to gather and share our love for you and with you for the animals and people in our lives.
I want to echo Brenda's comments about priorities. I have been frantically trying to "get my affairs in order" since my stage IV diagnosis a year ago, and then I seemed to have gotten a little reprieve with meds that slowed things down for a while, and now find myself with progression again and the pressure is on once again to "get that paperwork done." Well, it suddenly occurred to me that if I don't get it done, what is the worst that happens? It gets tossed, it gets burned, it is somebody else's problem, not mine! Now I say that with tongue in cheek, because I am trying, like you, to make things easier for the person who has to take care of my stuff after I am gone. So if you really think getting those papers done is truly important, get some help and "git 'er done" but also use your time to enjoy something beautiful each day.
Know that you and your brother are very much in my thoughts and heart today, and I hope your mother and hospice nurse remember to honor YOUR need to know what's going on. And remember they don't KNOW for sure, but I think you probably know better than they do because you are the one living in your body. I know how tired you are, and I send much lovingkindess to help you rest as much as you can, hoping your pain and breathing are easier, wishing you peace and beauty today.
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Teri--I don't really know what to say...I can't imagine being told that news. You know your body. I hope you get the things done that you want. I hope it gives you a sense of peace. You are such a beautiful spirit and so brave to share your life with us. Sending you extra love today! I will be thinking of you and hoping for pain free days ahead. Thank you. Thank you for this thread. This has been an amazing experience for me. Peace be with you.
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Teri, I have not posted much, but have lurked. I got hooked when I read the posts where you were finding homes for your animals- an animal lover myself, I so admired your quest- my heart grieved with yours as you steadily went about finding good homes for all your kids. I cried for all of you as they left, except Deuce of course, who was determined to stick close to mom, no matter what, such loyalty. I try to put myself in your shoes, try to imagine what it must be like hearing that the time is near and what that must feel like, but I can't. Whatever happens, whenever it happens- even though we don't know each other I have such admiration and respect for you and I just need to tell you that. You are never far from my thoughts-Wishing you pain free days-
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Oh Teri, I am so sorry that you had to be told such news. Honestly, my throat is choked and I am mopping up tears - and I never cry. I feel so foolish because we have never met, but I really do think of you as a friend, and selfishly I do not want to lose you. I suppose your mother and nurse thought they were doing the right thing, but like you, I would rather know. Is that paperwork really necessary? Can't you just toss it in the air and say it's someone else's problem now, and that you just want to enjoy your life for however long it lasts? You have earned that right. Hand them passwords to any relevant accounts, tell them where your Will is and relax.
Please know that like everyone else I will be thinking of you, especially when I look at something beautiful like the night sky, a burst of spring flowers or a newborn fawn - we don't have any goats here but we have lots of deer. I am no longer religious, but I do know that there is great beauty in this world that can fill us with inexplicable joy and it is enough that I have been able to experience it.
When I had to tell my mother that she had about a week to live and that I was taking her home to Hospice care, I will never forget the way she absorbed the news. She looked very serious as she considered what I said as the doctors stood nearby, then she folded her lips into a look I had seen before when she had come to a difficult decision. I realized that she accepted what she couldn't change and she meant to move forward through the experience with courage. She was unable to speak due to a massive stroke, but she was aware of what was happening around her. I admired her guts and did my best to make her as comfortable as possible. I gave her the meds that Hospice handed me and that helped her make the transition between her life and when it ended. She eventually slipped into a sleep aided by the meds and when her life came to an end it was very peaceful and quiet. I know she felt no pain. But, while she was awake or drifting in a suspended half awake state, all of us, her children and loved ones sat by her side and spoke lovingly to her. I know she heard us as sometimes she would look and smile, especially at my children which meant so much to me. Watching her took away all my fear of dying. It is as natural as birth, but a lot less messy.
I love you Teri.
Sarah
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Teri, such difficult news for you, your family and those who care about you. (Including us)
I think of you often, and wish you pain-free and peaceful days.
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Hello Teri... You are in my thoughts and prayers. Your life is a testimony of the fact that God has the final say. Live on my sister, may God give you strength to finish your purpose and bu
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Loving hugs to you, Teri. I hope these days are full of what most feeds your soul. It is wonderful to know you.
Love and hugs,
Jimmie
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Just saying good morning Teri,
Hoping you continue to control as much of this experience as you always have. I didn't call it your "journey" in case that is a hot point for you. But whatever you call it, you do what you want and whatever allows you to relax and feel complete.
Thinking of you often and wishing for comfortable and peace each and every day.
Moira
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Teri,
I love you too. Even though we have not met in person - you are such an important pole in my life journey. I too, like others, want your first priorities to be you Teri. Please live in the moment, spend your time in ways that are nourishing for you and don't worry about the future. Your family and friends love you and will handle whatever tasks you leave for us. I am hoping that this is yet another time of crying wolf - as much for me as for you. May your time continue to be as pain free, peaceful and relaxing as possible.
Janet
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