Stupid comments ....
Comments
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RaiderGirl---I just wanted you to know that I read your comment on March 23rd where you talked about living like you're going to continue to live. It made quite the impression on me. I've gone back and read it several times. Now, I've printed it out and hung it on my wall along with a couple of other "points to ponder" that I hope to live by. It seems everyone pushes the idea of "doing" rather than just really living. Your message really speaks to my need to just live a "normal" life and not try to live up to other people's ideals of cancer survivors.
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Jennie
I have heard that similar comment.I have responded that they have no real idea what lasting effects bc had on that friend.
. I ask them if they have seen their friend undressing? Maybe they would see the sadness in the eyes from having to deal with an altered body be it, MX, scars, reconstruction. Thats a private thing. Do their friends tell them that hormone therapy has dried up the girl parts so much that it hurts to just wipe? Do these friends tell them that they cry alone? Do these friends tell them that peace of mind is gone...forever.
I don't tell anyone anything. When asked I say, I'm doing well , thank you for asking. Sometimes I may say that Im good just dealing the some SE, thank you for asking. But all the other stuff. NO ONE KNOWS.
I say nothing of what I feel (except here).
So they see no lasting effects from the bc.
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Hi Raider Girl, great to see you here! I think you read my mind when you wrote your post. Sadly it's all true. BC is never far from my day. I get up and take a shower, get dressed, go through the day, shower and call it a day. Yep still there........sigh.
I get so frustrated when I get told "it is only a boob" but that translates to oh sure it's gone. Try to dress with one! Big sigh. Or another favorite, "at least you are still here", for what? Yikes!
I think the one I hate the most, "so this is your new normal", trust me there is nothing normal about BC!
Stupid comments perhaps, but I was the one that thought that I would get through the treatment and go on living, still trying to find out how to do that. Enough stupid for today, I have to get on with my normal............have a great day! Exhausting for sure.
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On the subject of medical charts that aren't correct or updated - I have had no surgery because the chemo autolysed my breast tissue and took the tumour with it - the tumour was too close to the chest wall for surgery to start so........now 7 years later the last two CT scan reads from two different radiologists read "in keeping with previous surgery" and this latest one "as noted previously, there is evidence of previous right breast surgery" - geeeeeez! I am also noted as "diabetic" which I am not and I have repeatedly asked that this designation be taken off my file to no avail - also last year one of the radiologists made reference to the fact that my appendix had been surgically removed - NOT - you'd think I'd remember all this surgery!!!!! Anyway I am meeting with my PCP week after next and this file is going to be updated or they'll be visiting with me and a lawyer - it terrifies me that people who are in charge of our health are this slipshod - I have told the charge nurse at the cancer clinic about these mistakes and still nothing is done - time to meet with the Radiology Department Head and his/her boss methinks.
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Beachbum, thank you. I, too, hate that phrase "your new normal." As you state there is NOTHING normal about bc. Nor is this making me stronger (I have needed to be pretty dang strong my entire life, thank you) and nothing in this adds to my appreciation of life. I've lived long enough to know how fragile and precious it is. I HATE the implication that what I was before dx. wasn't enough, that somehow the world will be better for me having cancer - not the speaker, no, the universe is good with them being whole, but ME. I even hear this garbage from people in my surgeon's office. I begin to understand why people go postal!
What it has done is sap every last reserve of emotional resiliency and equilibrium. It's limited my career options and it's put huge stress on the people I love most. And let's NOT forget the financial aspects, either.
Really, it's pretty amazing women don't end up going postal - except on these boards, perhaps.
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208Sandy, I have the same problem with the surgical notes and my meds. I am pretty sure I saw a left boob this morning, but my medical record states that I had a mastectomy of my LEFT breast. Maybe I have to go and show them the difference between right and left. I feel like Mr. Potato head, right or left, left or right. They are not so easy to pop off and move.
When I went for my last day at rads, I told them I was Jane Doe, and I joined the PPP - Patient Protection Program.
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Oh, beachbum, I'm so very sorry about the rough time you've been having, but lord you make me laugh! PPP!! I just about snorted coffee through my nose...
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Kayb - thank you SO much. That's very encouraging and hopeful. It helps to be reminded that all of this looks very different from the long view than when it's in our face all day every day. Maybe some day I'll just feel 'normal' again - no 'new' just normal for now, whenever now may be. Thank you. Enjoy your weekend, with or without a good, long run!
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South Carolina
Dang , if people are going to remember what I say, I better watch my mouth.
I have the following written on the wall.
"life may be short, but its wide"
I like the idea that I can fit a lot into it.
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KI wish I knew who said that and under what content. I saw it as:
LIFE IS VERY SHORT BUT REALLY WIDE.
Either way, I like that you like it as much as I do.
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My mistake on my med records is actullay pretty funny. When I had my pre-op before my mx the intern doing the history asked about previous surgeries, etc. I told him I'd had a hysteroscopy and told him the date. Dr. Brilliant didn't know what it was so he wrote that I'd had a hysterectomy. In the same "history he wrote the dates of my kids' births - 2 of them after this supposed hysterectomy.
Miracle Woman, that's me.
Leah
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Leah-definitely a miracle woman!!
My medical records pertaining to my BC are off a bit. Not one doctor got my age right. I was 52 at the time. My BS had me at 58. The radiologist who injected the radioactive dye had me at 65. My RO said 55. My MO said 56. Good thing I'm not easily insulted. And I really don't look older than my true age.
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Wow!! Coraleliz - how on earth do that many drs mess up a person's age??? They're clearly not paying any attention at all!! Argh!!
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I think a bunch of you have dealt with some variation of this, this is the first time I've heard it - so far. Today I had this conversation with a male coworker who I am friendly with, but not at all close to.
Him: So what's the latest? (I know he means with the BC)
Me: Surgery next Monday.
Him: They gonna take yer boobies?
Me: They're going to take a small part of one.
Him (with a very pained, concerned look on his face): Just have them take both. For safety.
Me: No, that isn't necessary. They're just going to take what needs to be removed.
Him (in heavy negotiation mode): It's safer if you just get both removed and get reconstruction!
Me (serious, verging on anger, looking him dead in the eye): Women with a double mastectomy and reconstruction can't feel anything across their entire chest.
Him: Well, I guess.
I didn't even get into how involved the surgery and reconstruction is, etc etc. The more I think about it the more amazed I am that someone who has no say in my life and NO IDEA WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT thinks he has the right to say ANYTHING. Holy sh*t. I am so flabbergasted.
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Wow. I'm flabbergasted too. That just blows my mind!
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Once an ahole, always an ahole!!!!!!!
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"If you had a small spot of cancer on your thigh, would you ask your surgeon to cut off your leg?"
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My best friend, the last two times I've seen her, has lectured me on how I HAVE to stop eating any sugar - it feeds cancer, and (this is the kicker) "quitting sugar is the number one way to beat this."
I can tell as I go through this process I'm going to end up thinking a lot less of some people. I'm not looking forward to it.
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I've had so many people give me the 'sugar' lecture that I've actually stopped eating it. Sigh.
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Cheesequake, if that was my "friend" I would ask her if she stopped eating sugar. Then I would toss her a bag of peanut butter cups, and tell her good luck! I have heard so many crazy comments already, that I wouldn't live long enough to try them all, because I would be gone, they don't work. Oh I hear the phone so gotta go, oh never mind it was the village calling..............they are sending the bus!
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Yep, I've actually read a bunch on sugar and cancer, since that's my biggest weak point. I found this today and will keep it in my back pocket for future use:
"many cancer patients are led to believe they must follow a restricted sugar diet for fear of causing cancer growth in themselves if they do not adhere. This fear and rigidity often promotes a very stressful experience. The stress will actually lead to an increase in blood sugar as well as compromised immunity. These negative health effects are actually the exact opposite of the purported benefit of such a plan." (source)
My interpretation of this: "YOUR stressing out about my sugar consumption is giving me CANCER!!"
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Keep your hands off my ice cream and no one gets hurt.
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Oh, cheesequake... yes, get ready for the onslaught of people with "advice" about how to avoid a recurrence:
[WARNING!!! High level of snark...]
1) Sugar feeds cancer, so you must stop eating sugar. (We've dealt with that above).
2) Drink a glass of water with one teaspoon of lemon juice every day. (Well, at least this one isn't too obnoxious.)
3) Juice wheatgrass. (Sorry, I'm not eating- or juicing anything that my vet recommended giving my cat to vomit up furballs.)
4) Coffee enemas five times a day. (One of the most obnoxious. No, sorry, that is an out-hole. Besides I'd never sleep with that level of caffeine intake.)
5) Eat five cups of broccholi a day. (No one - I repeat - NO ONE would want to be anywhere near me if I did that.)
6) Don't use lipstick anymore! It has lead in it! (Seriously?.)
7) Stop wearing deodorant. (See Number 5.)
8) Sharks never get cancer, so you should eat a lot of shark meat. (WTF???!!)
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Cheesequake,
I did have a conversation similar to that and yet completely different because the person did tell me what to do but only inquired why lumpectomy a better option than MX for me.
It ended with her saying I just want you to be better and stick around.
He could have done the same.
Sugar: I got the sugar lecture too from a family member who has dessert everyday. I told her to lead me by example.
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Yeah, I got the lemon juice one from a friend, but at least she didn't offer it as a cure. She suggested it as an addition (i.e., complementary) supplement. And it wasn't "You must" but "Did you consider".
I actually am considering it, but for another reason. I'm on Navelbine right now, and one of the SEs has me understanding why the drug is called "Navelbind" by those who use it. It left me rather at sea since I've NEVER had a problem with constipation before.The magnesium/VitE/VitB6 supplement that I've started taking for bad leg cramps has mostly taken care of the constipation (in addition to the cramps) but the lemon juice in hot water is supposed to also help. Will it make the chemo more effective? Probably not, but if it helps as a stool softener it's worth it!
Leah
Edited for typos. Again.
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"Sharks don't get cancer, so eat shark meat" was a new one to me. (Is that actually true about sharks, I wonder?)
It is known for sure that naked mole rats don't get cancer. Let's all nosh on those!
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Leah S
I seriously doubt that lemon juice makes chemo more effective.
Senna tea also helps with the no-go as well as Lax-a- Tea by Celestial Seasons.
Put a jigger of vodka in with the lemons. That may make the chemo more tolerable.
I was told to eat avocados & almonds. I told her that no matter how much avocados and almonds I ate, I would still be a BC survivor.
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Larkspur - "naked mole rats" ewwwww!!!
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It's true about the sharks not getting cancer but that doesn't necessarily mean eating shark meat will help! Talk about a leap in logic. I have read that there is research going on about why sharks (and blind mole rats) don't get cancer. Now THAT makes sense.
I was reading my discharge papers from my last hospitalization. In "history" it lists a TOTAL hysterectomy in 1991 and a salpingo-oopherectomy in 2010 (yes that one did happen). A total hysterectomy means tubes and ovaries also so I guess it took 19 years for them to grow back. You see? You see? I AM Miracle Woman!
Leah
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