Stupid comments ....
Comments
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SAS,
Cats meow, tall glass of water, gams, dames....girlfriend what era do you live in?
I think youre so groovy.
RG
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LOL Raider, The era depends on the moment. Timelessness allows great latitude in all things. You have a great thread and a great bunch of gals here. I was drawn here by Hopeful. You humor is edgy. Like Rosannadanadana----BCO needs that------"Go Raider and Raiders Gals"
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The visual .. OO .. is too funny, RG! I needed to laugh. Thanks!
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tjh,
Your son is a prize.
I had one person in my life who said if she had to have chemo she would wear her bald head with pride and not whine about it.
Then I reminded her that her face lift scars would show big time. Again , eyes OO!
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He is in the Army so his head is already shaved...1030 tomorrow is my oncologist appointment...so hoping for a low Onco number.
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Raider, you're awesome
Here's a stupid comment - from myself.
Telling people I have breast cancer is stupid. It doesn't do any good. It doesn't make me feel any better, and there's nothing they can do or say that can help, or change anything.
It gives them the opportunity to potentially make a stupid comment, or worse, not say anything at all (I've told two people via email and gotten no response.)
In reality, the best responses I've gotten were from my ex-husband, who lives in another country so we talk via private message on Facebook. I told him right before surgery. He said, "Here's hoping it goes well. Not a lot more I can do. Feels like you have had a rough run. Not sure what else to say other than heal fast!"
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Chessapeake
Silence is someone saying "I dont give a sh*t" without actually saying it.
You're ex sounds like he is a kind person. Get a hug anyway you can
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Hoping it's low, low, low, tjh.
Cheesequake, I wish I hadn't told anybody either, other than close family. Too late now.
RG, you're cracking me up!
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Kitty
People here actually get my snarky sense of humor.
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Well .. I love it!!
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I had to tell my coworkers since I am gone for 6 weeks...they are great...I haven't cooked for a month, they signed up for meals on a calendar....but I knew before they are a great staff and friends.
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They must really care about you, tjh. I know they do. It shows.
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tjh, it's wonderful that they volunteered to do that for you
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RG - nothing wrong with snark - it makes the point and makes it well.
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I have a new game!
When people ask me, "How ARE you?", (with that sympathetic tilt of the head, and sometimes a touch on the shoulder for added emphasis), my new response is to give a brilliant smile, look them in the eye, and say, "I'm FINE! How are YOU???"
Quite often they seem a bit nonplussed, as they don't really want to tell me they feel really tired, have a headache, or a stuffy nose, as it would seem petty beside somebody who has been "fighting cancer"!
It gives me a quiet satisfaction to see their discomfort ;p
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Morwenna, that is BRILLIANT. I'm trying that next time
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'When people ask me, "How ARE you?", (with that sympathetic tilt of the head, and sometimes a touch on the shoulder for added emphasis), my new response is to give a brilliant smile, look them in the eye, and say, "I'm FINE! How are YOU???"
Morwenna... tried that. Next comment is invariably (sidling closer and whispering out the corner of their mouth, usually loud enough for the whole room to hear), "No! I mean... how are you REALLY."
[I'm really fine. Dickhead.]
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Morenna and Seawolf
Once again proof that we are all unique little snowflakes.
I am hurt when not asked how I am. I feel that we are sitting here talking, plants, and shoes and jobs when I am going through this shit and no one cares to inquire at all. Its the elephant in the room. I prefer to hear something but not dwell on it.
However, I want a genuine inquiry and I can tell. Then I dont say much, usually I respond " Im ok with most of it. Thank you for asking".
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I've reached the point that I don't want anybody to even ask how I am. Lately, I've been replying with "ok" and then I ask how they are. I KNOW they don't want to hear about my SE's, so I throw the attention back to them!
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Morwenna, I stumbled across that tactic too. I was surprised by how many people responded to "I'm fine...but how are you?" with information about their spine MRI, knee surgery, recent bronchitis. And that's OK!
As far as telling people...LOL...my whole journey was in the NEWSPAPER. A Scripps-Howard publication, and the story was picked up by other distributers. When I had my DIEP, there was a full-color, huge photo of me stretched out on the operating table, gaping surgical holes where my breasts used to live, and giant slabs being harvested from my abdominal fat, like a landed whale with hungry Eskimos cutting blubber. Holy moley.
But I was committed to sharing the whole darn thing, from biopsy to recovery, and not pink-washing it. I wanted my breast cancer experience pulled out of the pink wigs, pink tutus, pink oreos, and runs/walks/events that felt more like a party to celebrate breast cancer. And other women approached me, in public, to tell me they were thankful for the reality and heightened knowledge of what breast cancer really means.
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Morenna and Selena, you both have such a flair for words! You too, RG! hee hee
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WOW, sbelizabeth. I'm in awe. Really.
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I'm with RG.....I would have liked people to ask about me. Until breast cancer, I was considered to be a bulldog in every aspect of my life....pushing through, making things happen, fixing everyone else, you get the picture. I actually like myself like that and I am working back to it....but I have to say that during 2013, I would have liked to have felt more concerned about. Maybe everybody wasn't really interested in my well being, but it mattered to me that people would ask.
MsP
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Stupid comments, and uneducated as well. But when I ran into a very casual acquaintance that asked me "How are You", I smiled and I asked her if she was feeling better she looked pale. Well that was the end of that conversation! I must have looked better than she thought she looked and suddenly felt. Mean on my part maybe, but I needed the laugh and I get tired of empty comments when they have no clue since they haven't talked to me in over 6 months.
I am fine thanks!0 -
"I actually like myself like that and I am working back to it...."
MsPharoah this is one of my favorite quotes and I am going to carry it around in my head the rest of the day. Pre-BC I was just this power-through it kind of woman, with very little time or energy for hassles. I was overbooked and energetic and indefatigable. And I like that about me and I hope to get back there soon.
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Well, I guess I didn't mind people asking when I was on treatment (if they really were interested), but now I'm 4 months post DIEP, I really don't feel like going into "well I have lymphedema (for ever, and I'm pissed about that), and I still have trouble raising my left arm, I have a bit of tennis elbow pain on that side and a stiff neck, my tummy is still tender and hurts to wear a tight waistband, but if I don't, my pants keep falling down! I am still somewhat short of breath due to widespread lung clots post op, and have to stay on Warfarin for life now, which means I currently have to get weekly blood draws, except my veins are wrecked and I can only use my right arm, and even that is starting to show signs of lymphatic congestion, so I'm anxious about developing lymphedema in that arm too, and then they'd have to draw blood from my feet!, and my ankles are swollen as a result of developing deep vein thrombosis on chemo, and I can hardly string two coherent thoughts together some days, because my brain is spaghetti since being on chemo, and my arm is hot in this bloody sleeve and glove, and I am supposed to wear those fulltime, but have to remove my glove to work with patients, and I'm constantly tired because I seem to only be able to sleep for 3-4 hours a night, and now I'm trying to work through a backlog of PT referrals that amassed while I was off for three months with my last surgery, and frankly I am trying to put the whole last 2 1/2 year's behind me now .......... Deep breath."
It just seems easier to say, "I'm fine!"
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Wow, Morwenna. That's a lot to deal with every day. F**king chemo!!
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LOL, I know, it sounds like a catalogue of woes, but despite all that I really do feel ok, if not actually fine, most of the time!
You kinda have to stop dwelling on stuff and get on with life. I've managed to negotiate my hours to 0.8 rather than fulltime, to get some breathing space, and I sing in a Sweet Adelines Chorus, and paddle with a survivors' dragon boat team. I have a loving husband, and two wonderful sons, and we live in a beautiful part of the world. My LE is what it is. I sometimes get stroppy and don't wear my compression for the odd day, but I actually feel better with it on.
No, don't feel sorry for me - there are others far worse off than I!
And as for chemo, as triple negative, it is the only weapon available so suck it up, I tell myself!
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I pretend they are not asking me about my health & tell them about the ice maker in my refrigerator breaking down and the cost of getting it fixed. Or my husband's latest home improvement project that's driving me nuts! My teenager being a teenager.......or......... Then I walk away, go to the bathroom or act distracted.
Some of the nosier people at work, that I have to see, I like to "rub it in". I am really doing quite well. I'll talk about my workouts(way harder than anything they are doing). Once I even showed them my abs(hey, why not, since I don't have breasts?)
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You go, coraleliz!! Show off those abs!0
