Stupid comments ....
Comments
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Since I currently feel like I am falling down a black hole, my Onco score was 25 yesterday...right smack dab in the middle...oncologist highly recommends 12 weeks of chemo to prevent reoccurrence. So May 11 is the first of 4. She wanted to star May 8, but I didn't want to be sick for Mother's Day since the plan is to go to daughter's house in Minneapolis and see 2 of my grandkids. My fear is ruling and consumingme at this point. Stupid comment that is starting to grind on me is actually people being polite....everywhere we go the parting comment is "Have a nice day". ....or the popular "It could be worse".
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if another person tells me how "lucky " I am that I got to stay home longer with baby than regular maternity leave or at least he didn't have to go into daycare at 12 weeks like you planned (from stay at home mom that thinks daycare is the worse than getting cancer I guess).I am going to scream! I am not on f@$ing vacation here I am receiving treatment for cancer. I would gladly put my kid in day care a couple days a week from birth on instead of chemo while pregnant more chemo with newborn recovery from bmx with infant (=not lifting my baby for 8 weeks) and radiation with a teething 5 month old
But instead I say...yeah the extra time at home is great....grrrrr
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NurseShark.... There are many stupid comments, but that one is the worst, by far. I'm sending out a cyber junk punch and I am ok with you telling that clown why their groin hurts! Hugs to you, your baby and your entire family. The only thing people should be saying to you is...."I made some extra dinner and thought you would like a night off from dinner prep" ....or how about someone stopping over with a mop and bucket and telling you that they love to clean house and was all caught up at their house.
Love, MsP
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Remember baby and you are most important!
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(((Nurseshark))) sending you a cyber hug and I will send a cyber junk punch to whoever said that to you!! That is just about the stupidest comment that I've ever heard.0 -
Nurseshark - I agree with everyone here - so sorry you had to endure that super-stupid comment! Sometimes I really wonder what is wrong with people. Take care!
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That was extremely stupid. This thread had the right title.
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So I ask....why do people want to find the silver lining. Aren't there things that don't have one..like cancer? I actually had someone tell me that "the good thing is that you were diagnosed at an older age, when you are more financially solid. What??? And then I feel guilty because maybe I should be greatful that I am older and at my most financially secure.?
MsP
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Could be it makes "them" feel a little better? I don't know.
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People want a silver lining. I think people say stupid things because they don't know what to say. I think it may be a combination of fear that they might get it and relief it isn't them. At my last appointment at the Cancer Center there was a young Hugh school kid and a 4 year old there for treatment, the 4 yr old was very thin and yellowish, much sicker then I am. I would rather not have it, it sucks and was never on my bucket list.
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OMG, MsP!! That deserves a junk punch too! There is no "good" thing about cancer, in my opinion. I think people must be hard pressed to find some sort of platitude, thinking it will make you feel better,,, but it has the opposite effect. Yes, let us all look for the silver lining,, cuz it could be worse! Geeeeez,,,,,0 -
NurseShark, There was one other poster here who I believed won the most stupid comment post but she lost her first place standing. You are now #1. As for the callous idiot that made that comment, if you are ok with kicking her out of your life forever you ought to print your post and our replies and mail it to her.
MsPharoah, So let me see if I understand this, I get to work like mule since the age of 16 and then be grateful that I spend my later years with cancer and spending money on cancer care. Where is the justice in that?
I confess I handed out silver linings too, but at least I was (am) very good at letting people say their truth and I never have and never did dismiss what they felt. When I brought anything positive it was always because that is what I deeply wanted for that person.
I have a huge regret in my life. When my mom was terminal she would want to talk about dying and I would always distract her or change the subject. I know now that I did that for myself, not for her.
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thanks for making me feel like I'm not crazy...I've gotten the "at least you get to stay home longer with the baby" comment often ....I don't know why people think I hate my job / or hate daycare so much that this was a great alternative.....I get trying to find silver lining but sometimes a situation or circumstances just plain suck and it's okay to say man this just plain sucks...
While I was pregnant I got "at least you have the baby to look forward to" as in planning for him was a distraction from treatment. I never understood ..in my head every second (from diagnosis to delivery) was torture thinking all my treatment was harming him in someway... I never got to enjoy my pregnancy because I was worried constantly.
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Nurse shark, your post made me cry. The people who try to comfort you are so awkwardly stupid. I just hope that you have happy days.
Love, MsP
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RG, I hope you don't blame yourself for just wanting your mom to stay awhile longer. I did the same thing. I never wanted to hear her talk about dying. I believe they understand.
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RaiderGirl, I am the mother of a grown daughter. She has always been the person I would like to be when I grow up! I have and always will protect my children from fear. If I wanted to talk about death and dying and it frightened my children, I would have no problem avoiding that subject. To me, protecting my children from fear is a life long commitment.
You loved your mother and she loved you. That is what is important.
MsP
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NurseShark, I have a tiny mean streak in me. I wonder what the reaction would be if you said " Since this was all so great I hope you get cancer with your next child so that you too can enjoy all that I did"MsPharoah & Kittysitter, That was a mistake I made that can't be undone. I hope that care I gave her 'til the end made up for it. I converted the guest room into a hospital room and she died there with one daughter at either side. Frankly, not a bad way to go at 81. Thanks for the kind words.
Interesting truth. Mom had a diseased niece Marli, that she loved dearly. Mom was in and out of consciousness and she would talk to Marli. I heard her saying, Marli don't go, wait for me, I want to leave with you. I got chills. Did she see actually see Marli? or do the dying think of the dead and so dream of them? I like to think that Marli accompanied her to "next".
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wow,, RG,, that is so interesting about your Mom talking to her niece. I'm not sold on heaven/hell but there could be a place where our spirits go, like reincarnation or something. I do think it is possible that she saw her. A friend of mine died alone and was not found for 4 days. It distressed me greatly. He came to me in a dream and told me not to worry, that he was fine now and happy. So it makes you wonder,,,, did my mind do that to reassure me,, or did he really visit me in my dream?And I like your little mean streak! Boy, that would shut her up!
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What you wrote about your mom doesn't surprise me, RG. Things like that happen! Before my mom died, she heard the voice of both her brother and sister (who had already passed). What is interesting to me too, is I have heard my Mom's voice.
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Glennie,
How do you feel when people talk to you about praying or being prayed for?
I feel their kindness but don't know what else to say. I dont want to say something stupid but I dont want to be bible quoted either.
What I simply can not stand and will not tolerate is when I hear. "God brought this to you, He will bring you through it"
Really, the God of love gave me cancer?
or the one that blows my mind " You are strong and God knew you could handle it".
WTF, so if I was a whimpy idiot I would have been spared?
So I usually say thank you for kindness when people say they are praying for me but I do not tolerate the above two statements. I just can't, my head would implode.
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RG, I haven't gotten the God comments yet. I don't know what I'll do when they inevitably come!
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I know people are praying for me, but I am with you telling me God brought this to me because I am strong just would probably turn me into a raving bitch. The latest from my MIL was I got it because I drink Dt. Pepsi and an occasional glass of wine...she's 95 with dementia, so I let it pass
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Tjh
Maybe you got bc from MIL toxicity.
Could happen.
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Cheesequake,
Did I ever mention the "Cancer is a gift" comment. My eyebrows shot up. She said that cancer makes a person appreciate life, and brings family closer and a person discovers who is friend and forces us to be responsible for our health habits.
I almost blew a head gasket.
I cant remember the rave I went into but it went something like this
"A gift , really. Like a pretty wrapped box under the tree. Wow, thank you so much, Its cancer, You shouldnt have. Merry fucking Christmas.
I want my family around my dinner table, not my hospital bed, I want to enjoy friends not test them. I appreciate life without staring at my mortality and there is nothing in my health habits that invited cancer.
If cancer is such a great gift let me check where you can get some so you can gift it to your daughter.
I left her with mouth open catching flies.
I believe that was one of my better moments.
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If people just say: "i'm praying for you" then I thank them. It is a nice gesture and they feel they are doing something. I'd rather they come over and clean my house, but that's another story. I really hate the "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" crap. I tell people that I don't believe that way. Most of my Christian-leaning friends know that about me and wouldn't say that to my face. But I've had it in the past. (in college, my boyfriend's 3 year old son died in a fire,,, What was the point God was supposed to teach us there??, and why did we need that to see how much crap we could handle? Cuz believe me,,my BF did not handle it well! ) There is no way that I believe that God decides thatGlennie & RG are sooo strong that we can handle this diagnosis,, but Janie over there isn't so strong,, so well,, God won't give her cancer. Yeah,, right,,,,,0 -
That was a good rant, RG! Gold star!0 -
When we got pregnant with our youngest, I was 44. We told her about the baby, and she demanded we do an amino....we said no since we had no plans for any prenatal testing. She was horrified and told us that she did not want a retard in the family. We did not see her until I was almost 6 months pregnant. DD is actually gifted, and an absolute darling. She is actually a polite 13 year old. She has taken to sleeping with me at least twice a week. I think the word cancer scares her. I will have to investigate a support group for her. She does want to meet my doctors
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wow, tjh,,, lovely comments there. I was excusing the current ones since she has dementia,, but seems like her "personality" is still shining thru,, geeez,,,DD sounds really sweet. i hope you can find a support group for her.
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Today at the pool where I am water walking the "young" lifeguard said I ilike your cool haircut......I have about 1/2 in of hair. My husband immediately said to her...you wouldn't if you went through what she did for it to be so short.cYAY for him!
Then later in the dressing room..she asked what type cancer I had. I told her...then she started the positive stuff and how good excercise was for me! It would keep me alive. I told her I was stage 4 and there is no cure. She then started to tell me very distressing details of her friend that had of course died.
Unfortunately, I couldn't think of any of the remarks you ladies posted! I finally said WAIT.....DONT TELL ME ANYMORE BAD STORIES ABOUT CANCER.
Oh my..what a day
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Hello Ladies, I love the hair comments now that I have some very short hair. I went to the bank the other day and they wanted my ID, and the young man said that he liked my new look.
I thanked him, and told him that I had it done at the Cleveland Clinic. He then asked me if I had met his Mother or Sister. They both have breast cancer. SighWhen I went to the car dealership to have my oil changed in my new car, they were teasing me because I bought the car in September, and it has 3600 miles on it. I told them they could sell it again one day because this little old lady only drove it to chemotherapy. Then the service manager asked me where I went, and he told me that he goes to Mercy because he has a rare cancer in his foot. But his Mother was treated at the Cleveland Clinic for breast cancer.........grrr. Unreal on both counts!
Needless to say I was hoping some humor would help, but I think I found a new support group!
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