Stupid comments ....
Comments
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I know that "deer in headlights" look as well, everytime I looked in my mirror this past week (diagnosed on 8/27/15). I couldn't stop crying, barely ate, and could barely function. I had to force myself to shower, but couldn't even find the desire to brush hair, makeup, etc. I had already written my own death certificate (and this was all based on just the brief info given me by the biopsy report), which said IDC, hormone receptor positive, 5% growth rate. Everyone kept telling me wonderful survival stories, offered prayers, told me to be positive (which is hard for me, being that I am a highly anxious, "cup-half-empty" type person). Xanax helped, but what really helped sustain me too was the outpouring of love and well-wishes from truly caring people. I was amazed at how many people really, really cared about me. I was fortunate not to have people come forward with their horror stories or negative reactions (reading on google was bad enough!). Since having consult with docs yesterday, I am feeling better even though I still won't know much until after lymphectomy.
Thanks for your post. I enjoyed reading it!
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I'm pretty fortunate in that I didn't hear any hurtful or mean comments, and I can think of only one stupid one.
I was off work for 6 months during chemo and part of the way through radiation. Shortly after returning to work in February, I was talking with a co-worker about my recovery, and told him that I was hoping to be able to walk a complete 5k on July 4th. I expressed my concerns with stamina, and he said I should just start walking as far as I possibly could, and then return, because of course, if I'm halfway into a park and I can't walk any farther, I'll just be able to 'gut it out' to get back to the starting point. I chalked it up to ignorance about the effects of chemo and radiation, and didn't tell him how stupid he sounded.
Oh, and I was able to complete that 5k.
Ramona
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I have to say that you and I have the same mindset about the stupidity of what the doctors tell you. I had a positive diagnosis in one breast and was told that the other breast looked "questionable" with debris that they wanted to keep an eye on. I opted for removing both breasts - who wants two hospital stays and the need for caregivers and transportation, etc.? The maddest I got was over the lack of information provided about reconstruction. Mine failed due to the plastic surgeon's office providing me with a nasty staff infection. My chest looks like the result of a bad train wreck!
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rwiley4529 - as I was reading your coworker's comment - I thought he actually paid you a compliment - he took your athletic goal seriously and gave you the advice he would give one of his buddies - not modifying it in perhaps a condescending way. I was afraid his reaction was going to be something like "oh you think you will still be around in July? good for you!!" Now that would have been a really stupid comment. You obviously implemented a successful training strategy which enabled you to complete the walk. But I took a way from his suggestion - consider that you have to make it back before you go off too far in one direction!!
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@ Raidergirl . Thank you sooo much for this thread, it's absolutely hilarious!! I cannot believe the hoo-haw atrophy comment. I've always stated,some people are wise, the rest are otherwise - clearly we know which category said word-monger fell into!! hahaha
@Solfeo. I'm totally with you on your outlook. My family and I also share a weird sense of humour. My brother started singing Pirelli's Miracle Elixer (From Sweeny Todd) when I told him that my hair started off and he even offered to make said elixer for me :P I laugh and make stupid jokes about it, because I see them as silver linings. I wrote more about it here .
Some of my pet peeve comments I've received are:- Just have faith
- Condolences from people who are secretly attention-hoes ( you know the type that hug you and start crying loudly so that in the end you are consoling them)
- You're so brave. ( I'm not brave, I've tried to check out)
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I thought we might find it useful to expand our list of names to call those who insult,
enrage, or hurt us. So for our amusement, I offer the following (okay, I had a long wait to see my RO).
......
Loblolly – stupid, rude person (from the English for thick gruel)
Blatherskite – one who speaks foolishly at length
Poltroon – a spiritless coward
Cacafuego – a swaggering braggart (name of a ship captured by Drake in 1579)
Crepehanger – a pessimistic killjoy
Harridan – a shrewish woman
Slubberdegullion – a dirty scoundrel, a wretch
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On eyes, I have a pre-cancer cataract that wasn't ready to be removed. My eye doc says it's ready but since some percentage of breast cancer survivors develop cataracts within two year of chemo, he's waiting and watching.
On eyelashes, I have hypothyroidism so my lashes were much gone anyway. But my MO got me a RX for Latisse which like rogaine for eyelashes because eyelashes actually serve a purpose (duh!). This stuff also will promote eyebrow growth...as long as you keep using it.
Nude photo dude needs to be cropped and reported. What a slubberdegullion!!
My lesbian partner of 26 years almost hit my SO because my SO wanted to do areconstruction. My DP said she rather have me alive and glands is glands...
Ruska, the advice you got is right on. I couldn't say I have IBC for a bit, if I was dumbstruck I figured my friends also needed time to adjust.
And a brag to LA Star: just got in fron seeing Roseanne Cash, Lucinda Williams, and Emmylou Harris in concert together. They sang harmony for each other, sang each other's song, told tales on each other. I wept. And 6 concerts in the next 5 weeks.
{{{hugs to all}}}
bride, still fighting back/shoulder stuff, sigh
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I have a stupid comment to share. And only a week in from being diagnosed.
We went to the consultation at the surgeon's office. The medical assistant took me back and was doing vitals. Then he was all "so the reason you are here is for a mastectomy, right?" I am like "uh, I am here for a consult." !!!! Good grief! I had just had the MRI the day before. I was and am still learning the extent of it.
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Bride: love those terms! LMAO! And woo-hoo for that concert! I bet it was awesome. Hoping to read more concert updates. And YAY for your DP!!
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WOW Skittlegirl, I am dumbfounded. I really don't understand what people are thinking (or not thinking)!
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Because I was not acting happy to be having radiation treatments, The Radiation Oncologist said I was just another one of her boring patients.
It really hurt my feelings.
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boring,,,, GEEEZ!! What is with people???
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I'm honestly amazed at the number of people you encounter in medical settings who have NO interpersonal skills. I would think they chose to work in such places because they like to help sick people, wouldn't you?
On the day of my lumpectomy, as I was waiting for the next awful step in the process (having already been injected with that Windex-colored dye), a nurse in the waiting area said to me, "I'll bet you're a teacher, aren't you? You have that book look." The way she said it wasn't flattering. I was probably looking tense, with my lips pressed together like a mean teacher, not at my most attractive. Did she really need to make that comment?
I do remember the kindness of the woman orderly who took me up to the surgery floor in a wheelchair ("I know you can walk, but you don't have to, 'cause I'm here!"), and the custodian who moved out of our way, bowing to me jokingly as though I were a visiting dignitary. It made me smile and feel a little less stressed out.
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Oh... RaiderGirl...
"I told her if my pussie ever atrophies it wont be a problem since my husband has a very small penis and doesn't know how to use it well anyway.
She didn't know what to say.
DH was within earshot, I heard him drop a coffee cup and bust out laughing. ( gotta love that man)."
ROTLMFAO!!! I snerked coffee all over my keyboard! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! High-FIVE!!!!
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solfeo and all,
When I first started treatment I was in the out patient waiting room, awaiting my port insertion. There was a beautiful, totally bald woman sitting near me. I said that I hoped my head looked as fine as hers did. She got me laughing about how I'd know in 3 weeks. Over the next months I'd see her now and then and we always ended up laughing. I'm like you, BC sucks big time but I still needed to find things to laugh about. I was in radiation last Halloween, so my DP dressed as Dr. Demento, with welders goggles, heavy leather gloves over her lab coat and had paint scrapers, duct tape and whatnot spilling out of her pockets. I was wearing a glows anywhere skelton suit over which my DP and I had made a radiation machine out of plexiglass and foam board. We lit the plexiglass with three different colors of mini led lights which pulsed at different intervals. On my head I wore a faux pumpkin covered in orange glitter with a crown of pulsing pink and purple LEDs. I had my one year radiation check-up yesterday. They still have my costume hanging over the door. And my RO, my techs, and the admins all demanded to know what we have planned for this year.
I need ideas! Help, I've got a rep on the line... Hell, if we can dream it, my DP can build it -- I mean how many 68 year old women have their own band saw and drill press? This is a serious request for ideas, everyone of these people live on the edge of other people's tragedies and they've let me know how much they appreciated the laughter.
Thanks,
bride
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That sounds like a hoot! I'm dense when it comes to ideas, you're right we need to laugh. Pics pleeze????
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bride: (howling with laughter) No help with this year's costume--let me think about it--but I must relay my husband's comment about your DP's band saw and drill press: "Not enough!"
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queenmomcat,
LMAO, back at ya! My DP says she'll see your husband's not enough and raise him two table saws, three different types of chainsaws, a scroll saw, a biscuit joiner (which I gather has nothing to do with the kitchen, where she also excels), innumerable Dremels, and several blue ribbon winning samplers. And we're in the middle of building our own smelting furnace for making aluminum stuff. Er, I do the plumbing, the 3 semi restored 85 Mercedes, and the floor tiling....
I think she and your husband would get along quite well.
a guffawing bride
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Spookiesmom,
If you tell me how, I'll upload some pix. The video is better cause it was shot in the dark but I don't know if uploading a 1 minute video is allowed.
I'll trade video for ideas...LOL
bride
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Raider Girl,
Over at WebMd they have a quiz on "how well do you know your vagina." Eleven of the most simplistic questions; if they expect the mythical average woman to find the quiz challenging it's a wonder we ain't all dead from mental atrophy. Sheesh.
Your husband is definitely a keeper!
bride
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Bride: (still giggling) Your wife would probably get along well with both [husband] and I! What year are the Mercedeses? (teasing) And do you have a lift for them?
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Bride, I only use my phone for posting and pics. In the box where you reply at top in the tool bar the icon that sort of looks like a mountain. Tap that, then follow prompts. I don't know how to do videos.
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bride , do you want another idea along the same theme, radiation stuff?
Shirley
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Solfeo, Methinks you should check with the facility you were in. They could have another person with your name. That many errors tells me somethings wrong. Quiz them on every line item. Name, date of birth, address, phone. Hope it's only your insurance that's messed up
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Bride, I just saw your note about the concert -- HEAVEN!!!! Oh boy, I bet those gals have some good stories on each other. I'd love to bring a few bottles of wine and hang out backstage with that crew! I saw Willie Nelson this summer and am buying tickets for David Rawlings Machine as soon as they are available Friday morning. Are you catching them? There are lots of southern dates.
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So I have this friend of mine. Nice girl, trying to cheer me up and tells me I have to watch only positive movies, like comedyes. Which is absolutely right! She called me yesterday to suggest a movie. She says it's a comedy and it has a good reviews. I said ok and start watching it. In this movie there is a cancer patient who is trying some experimental medicine to cure the cancer. I was watching the movie and thinking probably he is going to survive. I was very much surprised when he dyed at the end. I called my friend to ask what was the point to give this kind of suggestion? She said she didn't see the movie just she thought it was gonna be a good one
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The name of the movie by the way is 'Wish i was here'
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Ruska, your friend has lost ALL credibility! Good grief!!!
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I started to wear hats and scarves to work.
Coworker...."can I take a peak?"
Me....No!
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Okay, you asked ...
Varian Trilogy is the model/make of the radiation machine. Besides the blue LEDs, there were red and green ones as well.
Shirley et al, I'll take any ideas you have. The best I've managed is a faux pumpkin, carved as a skeleton with various blinking LEDs (and music if I could figure out how). But that idea is merely meh.
bride
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