Stupid comments ....
Comments
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bride, that is insane. Did he think you didn't notice that you were down to one breast? Did he think that Cancer had just plucked it from your chest without you noticing? "We need an oncologist in here STAT!" It's boggling my mind to think that a trained medical professional would treat you that way.
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I have many chronic illness' and get so tired hearing all the crappy "advice"
xoxoMichelle
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Solfeo, I'm angry just reading your post. What did he expect? "No, I'm dying, but I'll try to not do it right now"?
I believe I would have asked the question "In time for what?" and just watched him squirm.
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Solfeo, I had a new PCP poke, not palpate my collarbone and ask me if my cancer had spread. Needless to say, he was no longer my PCP. I was so shocked, that I could only reply.... I don't think so, did you happen to poke at something suspicious?
sbelizabeth.....wouldn't it be nice if we could think of these retorts at the time.
MsP
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It's strange...what might seem like an off-hand set of questions, not in the least meant to be insensitive, made my blood boil. I must have a "cancer experiencer" chip on my shoulder.
I visited the ortho, who said I need both knees replaced, so I was already stinging from bad news. Then the conversation went like this:
- Ortho: what's an aromatase inhibitor? Is it like arimidex?
- Me: yes, it's for breast cancer recurrence prevention.
- Ortho: you had a lumpectomy, right?
- Me: no, it was Stage III, I had a mastectomy.
- Ortho: no nodes, right?
- Me:...silence...there were lots of nodes.
- Ortho: oh...are you in remission?
It was like he made the assumption that this deadly disease can only present as a little zit that needs popping, and when he learned the truth, he was wondering if it was worth his time to fix my knees, since I would be dead soon.
This visit didn't go well. I will be finding another ortho.
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Talking to neighbor woman who admires my new dress that is a halter top. She says:
"oh how I envy you for being able to wear this. I can't, at my age I'm too droopy."
I stare her in the eye and ask "wanna switch places?"
She got red in the face, mumbled her goodbyes, turned around and left.
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I count halter dresses among my silver linings. Then I pretend my LE sleeve is a glamorous glove and roll with it.
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hi all!
Thanks for letting me laugh and cry along!
Here's one from a colleague:
Colleague: at least they caught it early.
Me: well, actually It's kinda frustrating since my tumors are so big it seems they missed it for years, I have dense breasts and probably should have had an ultrasound with my mammograms and they would have caught it earlier.
Colleague: I can see why insurance won't pay for additional ultrasounds.
Me: ok well I'm sure the insurance company regrets that now that I've had MX, reconstruction, and will havechemo, rads and 10 years of tamoxifen. Seems like ultrasound woulda cut at least SOME of those costs.
Colleague:.........
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From my own sister... I really hope she didn't intend this the way it sounded.
Me (deciding between lumpectomy and mastectomy): I hope you never have to make the decision whether to lose a part of your body.
Sister: I think I know what I'd do. It's just like when I had my c-section. It was awful for a while but then I got better before I knew it.
Me: **stunned silence**
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hi ORgirl I noticed you said you had fibrosis from radiation. I had radiation in 2006 and after a BMX in 2013, now I'm experiencing pain on that side. I am wondering now, is my pain not from nerve damage or scar tissue from the surgery, but fibrosis? I did not have radiation on the other side and I do also have some pain on that side now, but it's different pain, if you know what I mean.
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Had some well meaning but insane shop assistant ask me if I had breast cancer (currently in a scarf) so I replied, yes, I do. She squeezed my arm and told me how I'd be just fine as she'd been through it 5 years ago. My response was, well, that's great for you, but I'm metstatic, so I'm just doing what I can.
She then lit up into a rave about how amazing hemp oil is, as her friend uses it, and I should really be adding that into my treatments. I backed off, explaining that I didn't think that was legal over here (bear in mind this is xmas season, the supermarket was packed and now people are looking at her as she's excitedly explaining how to use it).
So i thank her, try to back off politely and as I walk off she's literally screaming, "Hemp oil! it works! HEEEEEEMMMPP OIL!". Truly crazy lady. Screeching about something most likely illegal where we live in public...bonkers but well meaning I suppose.
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Blondedoris, you were put in an awful situation, and you managed it kindly. I'm amazed at the forwardness (I can't think of another word right now) of strangers when I hear such stories such as this. It sure makes you wish you saw it coming and had time to formulate the perfect reply, doesn't it?
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lol I just was having visions of the pair of us being hauled off by security for drug dealing! I know she meant well, but all the same..!
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back in the day, in my experience anyway, well meaning people were more discreet lol you handled this in a wonderful and dignified manner ... I doubt you could have said anything that would have gotten her to stop screeching and you might have chosen to slap her silly but alas, it seemed too late to do any good for her. Hugs to you dearie
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When I told my mom my diagnosis she said "OH, I always figured you would die from a stroke". Gee, thanks Mom, that was quite reassuring.
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My mom first told me I should "cut them off", followed by I probably got BC because I'm a vegetarian. Now I'm waiting to here about whether or not I need chemo and she's telling me she doesn't see it being a big deal. Just amazing. Luckily, I learned to ignore her many moons ago
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VL22 - That reminds me of exactly the reason I didn't want to tell my mom about my breast cancer diagnosis! Several years ago when her next door neighbor was diagnosed with DCIS and was struggling with all the decisions about surgery and treatment options - my mom crudely told her, "just have them chopped off! You're gay, it's not like you need them anyway since you don't date men!!" I was absolutely appalled!
My brother decided to take it upon himself to tell her about me anyway against my wishes. But fortunately for me, her memory is really bad now so I have escaped her craziness for the most part. In fact, in the few months since, she has never once asked me how I was doing, if I had surgery, what treatments I am getting, etc. I think she completely forgot. So that's actually been a huge relief. Not sure I could have dealt with her stupid comments on top of everything else.
On a different note - my son is getting married soon and his future mother-in-law emailed me when he told her I was diagnosed. She said "I heard you have breast cancer. I assume you are having a lumpectomy since that's what all my friends are doing these days!" As if it is the latest hairstyle or something!! I wrote back and said actually, no, I was having a bilateral mastectomy. She wrote back and said "that's awfully drastic since I assume it's not that bad." What a ridiculous comment. I had only met her once before at a dinner several months earlier - which makes it crazy that she would comment at all. And to make it even WORSE, she is a nurse practitioner!0 -
After finding my lump in March, sent for mammogram and ultrasound. Did the tests and told to wait in lounge. Got called into the radiologist office about 30 minutes later for his review and findings. He told me there was something there suspicious and he was concerned and wanted me to have a biopsy. After that the went on to say that the good news was I probably just had a "little cancer" to which I replied "oh, is that like being a little pregnant?". He went completely silent.
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when I first told friends....you should just get them both taken off!
When I told family....it must not be that bad since you don't have to have chemo!
Lastly, a family member asked how RAD was going....said I am blistered and burnt. Family member replied....suck it up buttercup! Hmmmm
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I just love the looks on people’s faces in my gym’s locker room when I pull off my sleeve and gauntlet after a workout—they totally freak out before realizing that no, I am not flaying my skin to remove my tattoos.
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Ok. I found out two weeks ago and here are some of the dumb comments thus far. Several friends have very flippantly told me that I should get them both off and be done with it! One told me how fabulous her friends fake boobs are... she said that they felt like marshmallows...so incredible!
Another friend text me that her cousin had a bilateral mastectomy and her reconstructed boobs are WAY better than her real ones were.
Next friend says that I should just forget about reconstruction because it's SO fabulous to rock one of those low, open neck T-shirts with no bra...so 2017!
My husband hasn't made any dumb comments about the choices ahead...he's been concerned about my health and well being. It's like my female friends are so fixated on what I'll do about my boobs....more so than concerns about the future of my life! Most people would think it's the guys that put the attention on the boob issue...?
Seeing what my "friends" said in print makes it seem strange to consider them friends. I guess it goes back to remembering that we have all said dumb things to people in situations where we felt uncomfortable and were just trying to be nice, (without understanding how to do so in that given situation).
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Yeah, all my friends assumed I’d get chemo and mastectomy; and even two of them who had DCIS 20 years ago were surprised I didn’t follow their example and get a bilateral mastectomy. One told me her 80-yr-old mom had bc 20 years earlier, and “You’ll have a really shitty year and then you’ll get on with your life.” I dropped out of the cast of an annual musical I’ve done since 2002, because I still hadn’t gotten OncotypeDX or genetic test results when I had to make my decision—and decided I didn’t want to either leave the show in the lurch after being cast, or turn in a half-assed performance. (I ended up doing some writing instead). I went to the wrap party, and everyone was surprised: “You have hair! You have both your breasts! So it wasn’t cancer after all?"
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A well-meaning friend asks me - Twice - what stage I was dx'd with.
Each time - I said "Stage II" only because she kept saying how bad it would be to be "Stage III".
Why in the world would anybody ask that question - if there's a chance someone has more than Stage II?????
Glad I lied about it...would hate to have to reassure *her* that I'm Okay.
When - I already have a hard time reassuring myself that I'm Okay!!!!!
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My dentist’s receptionist had chemo for IDC years ago, and decided she looks great in a buzz cut (and she does). She knows what not to say.
When my friend down in the south exurbs had to go back after her first mammo to the professional bldg. in her town for followup diagnostic imaging, the reception said “flunked your mammogram, huh?"
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KB - that's hysterical! I can just imagine the look on the receptionist's face!
People keep telling me how great I look (thank you) - and comment on how I haven't lost my hair (I'm having radiation treatments, not chemo). I've decided the best thing is that all evidence of my unasked-for adventure is hidden by my shirt (unless I randomly whip it up one day!).
MJ
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I got that...it must not be that bad if you don't need chemo. Like my cancer isn't real cancer or something because I didn't get chemo. I went through some pretty difficult things with surgery and radiation, wouldn't have been bad if my body hadn't decided to become a ticking time bomb of weird allergy (still going on too), but I was pretty miserable there for awhile. People also don't seem to understand that there's no real way to tell if the cancer is gone---I'm asked if I'm done with treatment...well, sort of but not really (do I try to explain 5-10 years of hormone therapy), and am I cured...well, hope so?! Beats me!! Um...I never know what to say.
I am also tired of people asking me when I'm going to have more kids, and telling me I should have another kid. Stop the madness!!! I don't want to give my medical history out and watch people's eyes glaze over (TMI). But that ship has sailed...I'm not going to skip the tamoxifen with 100% estrogen receptor cancer to have another kid at pushing 40...but people are relentless with telling you what they think you should do!
Ugh.
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Worst comment I heard was just three days ago, "Why are you taking time off work, when your chemo does not start until Friday?"
Erm, cos I am feeling like an emotional wreck? Cos I am exhausted from the ovary suppression shot which also makes me feel like crying one moment and laughing the next? Cos I need time to just feel as centered, calm and rested as I can before I go get some liquid fire pumped into my veins to burn the bad bad cells away?
Although "If I am you, I would just cut everything off and not worry about it," and "You have such nice hair! What a pity!" are both close second place contenders
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I think this should be printed and handed out to those who make stupid comments!
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First time posting here.
My first Primary Care emailed me when I requested a breast MRI, "why bother since your are having them cut off anyway."
My Surgeon insisted. The MRI showed a 4cm lobular carcinoma in what was to be the prophylactic breast not shown on mammogram or found by physical exam.
Fired the Primary Care. Got a new one.
Another comment came from my Oncologist who said he was "uncomfortable prescribing Lattise" for my diminishing lashes. Uncomfortable? That was having my breasts amputated. He changed his mind about the Rx.
Coach Vick
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about a week or two after I was diagnosed I ran into a friend, she already knew about my cancer from another friend. She says "oh husband and I were doing research last night and more women in this country die of heart disease than breast cancer so I think we should really be focusing more on heart disease and not so much on breast cancer "
I just stood there like a deer in the headlights. OK, I heart disease is a killer but I'm not dealing with heatdisease I'm dealing with breast cancer and I just wanted support from a friend
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