My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Lynne~I am so pleased that you are cleared and ready to go. That's is so very exciting!! I honestly hope that you feel good and are able to enjoy every single second of every day. You and DH deserve it. One week with no. Cancer. I am so happy for you. I have to get used To my hair, I'm just trying to grow it out so , I guess its a waiting game, not just to Figure out what color I want back, but hope and pray that I can continue stable to where I don't have to hear those words again. "You're going to loose your hair." I may just elbow them in the throat at that point. You be safe, we will hold down the fort here until you're back. Have fun darling! Make those memories!! Happy anniversary!!Much love ~M~
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insomnia kicking in, have no idea why but here it is. No naps today. Nada. Sometimes my eyes just pop open and then I have to count the ole sheep in my mind. My DD has her 22 bday tomorrow (well today) and we have some shopping and things to do. Maybe I'll take a sharpie and draw eyes over my lids, so everyone thinks I am awake, in the stores lol yikes ! I'm off to try to sleep.
Chelle~ you're usually awake. Help!
Hugs to all.
Chicago~ still waiting! Hope you're ok darling!
Nan~ still loving !
NKB~ missing your knowledge.
Hope you're sleeping Keetmom, thinking about your dad! Much love everyone ~M~
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Hey girl! Yep,I’m up.... usual night sweats. I always take a body shower and change my gown. No other way to clean up. I’m literally soaked! Changing the bed sheets as soon as dh wakes up!
I also have a 22yr.old dd. She is on her own and doing well. It took time for this one to grow. They are all different! She has held a job and worked hard since she was sixteen. The growing pains for this one were different than my other grown dd. Just take child rearing,one day at a time..... like everything else.
Mae-what a living nightmare! But you made it! Those little buggers are fried!!!
Claudia-no falling. That goes for big b too.
Lynn-have a great week in Jamaica! One of my all time favorite places!! And congrats to you and dh!
Love to all Chelle.
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Lynne is probably on her way to Jamaica right now. Lynne, have a great time. Relax, have fun, eat whatever you want, take lots of pictures. Happy anniversary.
Mae, I am sure that many people wearing that mask and receiving those numbing injections shed tears and let out some whopping profanities. I think it is completely understandable. I hope you are feeling okay.
Micmel, Are you feeling better?
Chelle, How is your DH doing? I don't understand why the police department is not stepping right up to pay his medical expenses. Even if the think that the person who caused the injuries is responsible for paying, I would expect the department to pay then go after the other guy or his insurance company for reimbursement. You and your DH should not have everything hanging over your heads. You have been through enough. I am sorry that you have to be concerned with lawsuits and all that. I pray for your dh's continued recovery.
It is interesting that so many of us are awake in the middle of the night. My DH tells me that I worry too much and do too much thinking in the middle of the night. He could be right. I keep my iPad on the nightstand, set for night-reading. I seem to do most of my reading at 2 or 3 a.m. It helps me relax and get back to sleep. I also write sometimes, just random thoughts or things I would like my DH to read when I am gone. I reread some of my poems the other day. Wow, many of them are quite dark and depressing. I was surprised by my own words because I am a pretty optimistic person who tries to think and act positively. Maybe by putting all my dark thoughts into my writings, my mind is better able to face things head on without bringing everyone down. Who knows!
Enjoy your weekend everyone.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Lynne~(50's) I cannot believe how I felt when I read the end of your posting. I write things for my family weekly, for when I am not here. I also described some of the ways I was feeling very dark. I am so sorry that you or anyone else for that matter would ever have to feel That way over something we cannot control or have done nothing to receive the worst thing in the world. You're certainly not alone by any means. My eyes literally snap open for no reason and there I am awake. Last night. Same thing, and as you pointed out. Chelle was also awake. No wonder I feel like crap all day the next day. I need to put a 1030 bed time rule Into effect for myself ! Unreal the things we go through.
Chelle~ I used to have the worst heat flashes and night sweats EVER!! I had to carry around with me a hand towel, because I would self combust. It was embarrassing, and I didn't want to go out in public. I woke up twice a night sometimes and had to change my entire clothing, into fresh dry clothes. It was awful. I talked to my oncologist and palliative care doctor about it. They agreed and put me on Effexor 32.5 milligrams once a day to start. Almost immediately they dropped to less than half of what I had before. They moved me up to 75 milligrams a day and I have maybe had one heat flash a day. It is a godsend. I am thrilled beyond thrilled it worked. It is an antidepressant, which I needed anyway. But I have never been so relieved to not have those horrible flashes anymore.
Lynne(Manchester)~ on the plane ✈️ to Jamaica! Happy anniversary, make some wonderful Memories.
Much love to all!! ~M~
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........ I love cake. I have lately really been into Twix bars. Although I know I shouldn't have chocolate, but it's the only thing that tastes good on my tongue that feels burned constantly from the ibrance, but I am hoping and hoping the ibrance will keep working, I am starting my 12th month tomorrow! 😕. Having some tummy aches and pains. Just doesn't feel good. Been battling some kind of bug all week ,now that I think about it. One more month, then onto scan land. 💥 scanxiety instantly! Have a good Saturday ladies!
~M~
Thinking of you Mae!
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Hi all, I saw her yesterday! The woman I used to be! She rode 6 hours, yes 6, through some pretty rugged terrain! Then still had the energy to rinse horses, feed them and get together dinner for us! Oh I have missed her. Still doing great today! Thrilled and terrified asset the same time! Is this the good times before the storm? But I am trying to just enjoy what I have now. Not thinking about the progression. No point till we see scans.
Mae, OMG! That is worse than the mask I had to wear for rads to face! I thought that was shear torture! You rock woman!
Everyone else, I will catch up with when we get back to the land of cell service Weds.
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Claudia~so wonderful to see your beautiful self here today and I am very pleased to hear that you have been tearing it up!!! Those are some lucky horses. Sounds like you're doing great and that makes me so happy. You deserve so much to have this fun time. Make some great memories , be safe and remember, you're very missed!! Much love ~M~
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Funny pic and interesting because DH just made a cake and I added strawberries and cream.
I'm doing well, no pain, just some mild discomfort at the pin sites, ibuprofen works. DH and I actually went out last night to see a friends band play just 4 hours after being released from the hospital and stayed out until the show was over and the bar closed, we had lots of fun though!
I mostly took it easy today, just some errands. Tomorrow is cleaning day and we're doing an early Thanksgiving since DH will be on tour next month.
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Mae~I am very pleased you're not experiencing pain and are actually still doing more than I am lol. I did jog with Chief yesterday. Around the block once. 92 homes and a pond. I never asked you before about what your DH goes on tour for ? Sounds interesting. Will you go with him ? Can I have some of that cake please? I am on my last Twix bar.ugh!
Today was my DD 22 year old bday! We had initial plans to shop and have lunch, honestly I was ok with her just doing whatever she wanted to do with her day. It was lovely outside. So she spent it with her gf and bf. and tonight they borrowed my van and her bf is the Designated Driver, so everyone is safe. We will do our shopping tomorrow and do our mother and daughter time. She wants clothing. No shock there, she needs fall shoes. I cannot believe how expensive freaking shoes are these days. Good grief. Hope everyone sleeps tonight. I don't think I'm doing very well so far. Lol.
Big hugs gn ~M~
Chicago? You ok? Ihope all is well
NKB you too. Hope all is well!
Waving hi to Tanya
Lynne1960~ hope all is ok for you too !
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Micmel, DH drives a tour bus for rock bands. Concert tours nationwide usually last 1 to 2 1/2 months, he's home in between and Dec-Feb. his next tour ends just before our 17th anniversary in L.A. and since we never spend it apart, I'll fly out and we'll have a mini vacation bringing the bus back.
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Mae~ that is pretty awesome. I am thrilled you're going to LA for your aniversary! That's really going to be special. That's a long stretch driving. For when he is out on tour. I hope he's not driving around in snow or anything like that.
You're all making me want to go and travel. DH and I said we maybe would re schedule octobers trip to a place in Lancaster, it's a mansion bed and breakfast, it's my absolute favorite place. I remember when my DS was young he always wondered why they never got to go with us. So I told him that they didn't have televisions in the room and he looked at me like ......0 -
...... then why on earth would you want to go there mom??? He says to me shaking his head and walks away lol. It is a classic holiday dinner topic now that he's older. But it was so very funny. He was like. "What do you do????" So funny. Hugs to everyone. ~M~
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Mae- what an awesome job! I have always been a huge fan of music! I would have been a great dead head!
Mel- hang in there! You will have better days ahead. The darkest thoughts will diminish in time. Living with cancer is an odd position. We all thought that if we are stage IV,that we would be gone in a few months. Yet,we aren’t. We are living our lives as mere shadows of the women we used to be. But,we can still thrive. We can still speak,run a household,Dr,the kids when they are sick,clean the house,do the laundry,cook dinner...... we may not be happy,living as less than we were before tx. Our dh’s and our children are just happy that we woke up today!! The old Chelle be damned! Love is all that matters! I believe that our love for our families has survived dx and grown stronger as we navigate our new normals together.
Lynn Manchester- Hope you are having a great time!
Lynn Bedford- we have a lawyer that will make sure the city pays!! They are trying to medically retire him. I never thought that he would be a victim of this police hate,but he is,and will never be the same. I don’t care if he ever puts on that uniform again!! It’s no longer an occupation that I want him in. He has been doing this job,with his hands tied behind his back for years!Not safe! I want him out of law enforcement all together. He still feels like he is letting the citizens down. He really loved his job. Helping others at their worst of times. He is great at it. But it’s just too scary anymore. I’m just praying about this. Putting it all in Gods hands.
P.s. since I have known that you are in Bedford, I have been picturing you in jimmy stewarts bedford falls!! Haha! Almost time to watch that one again!
Claudia- you go girl! And hope there is no soreness from the fall on bigb!
Love to everyone! Have a fantastic Sunday
Chelle
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Chelle~ hello gorgeous! I slept again until like 1100. I have a serious insomnia problem ladies. I wake up a lot to go the the bathroom and Wham. I am awake. I feed the dogs and I head dive into my bed again already sleeping before my head hits the pillow! I need a better schedule. Ugh!!! This fatigue could sink a ship. Like how the hell Is anyone supposed to live like this ? I hate this disease beyond imagination. I feel so terribly bad for everyone who deals with this crappie disease. Everyday, we never can run from it. Never!!maybe that is why I enjoy sleep so much. I'm a genius. Lol not !!
Much love guys ! ~M~
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Why are some days easier than others. Why is having cancer a living daily hell? It doesn't even have to be physical pain that makes it the hardest to go through. But we all still know how hard it is all the same. The emotional hell I live in everyday feels like some sort of punishment, or like I am the center of one experiment of tolerance and some big dude is poking me with a stick to see how much someone can take. I realize I am doing well. I get it. Physically it's hard too. But my issue is emotional, the heartbreaking torment of worry that is endless and real. I don't want to leave my DH, and why should I have too? I've done nothing wrong. There are so many people who are forced to live with this cloud over their heads, I love my DH more than I could even begin to try to explain. Words just wouldn't suit it, not one bit. That is why the fear is so paralyzingly strong and I can never imagine a time or day, where I don't get to hear his voice , or see his smile. That's my person. My soul. Why does this happen to us ? I don't think this is one thing I'll ever accept or ever get used to! Tomorrow is Monday!! Already almost done October. Screw Christmas. Unless it can bring my breast and all of our health back to us. I don't really want to pretend any fa la la la la la la! It is all just enough to open our eyes sometimes. Hope you're all well! ~M~
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L.A. is not terribly exciting for us since we both grew up in Southern California but the travel itself is the treat. We'll stop a visit with my family for a few hours and some friends out in the desert, then we'll make our way to the Grand Canyon before heading southeast forwards Texas.
Today I swept, mopped, vacuumed, washed 5 loads of laundry (clothes and couch cushion covers/pillows) and washed the dog. I'm handling the mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and rolls, DH made stuffing and is cooking the turkey.
So excited for the Walking Dead premier but got to get back in the kitchen for now.
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😳 Mae~like I said. You continue to amaze me. Sounds like American Horror is on for tonight. I still have last weeks to watch. I don't like not having one on tap to watch! Usually the seasons run what 10 episodes a season?. I can't believe all you did today. You're something else. You are one strong woman. Enjoy your time and celebration! I Am sure you'll be sleeping pretty good tonight. have a good time! Much love ~M~ Making me want my turkey dinner!! Lol
P.s. Never saw the walking dead before!!
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......sometimes this is how I feel. Lol so much to manage and deal with. Good night ladies. Much love ~M~!I am hoping I can sleep tonight. Hasn't been good two night in a row. Started my 12th round of ibrance tonight, hope all the goofy side effects goaway again! I hate you cancer. Which that was YOUR last selfie!
~M~
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Lynne(Manchester)~ I hope you and your DH are relaxing with an umbrella drink in your hands and smiles on your faces. Just want you to have a great time. Thinking of you guys!
Goodnight! Chelle,Lynne's, sweet Mae, Tanya,Chicago,Gracie, Nan, Claudia our traveler,NKB,Keetmom,haven't seen Scwilly either hope everyone is ok!!!
~M~
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no insomnia last night, I am thrilled beyond thrilled. I feel semi awake and I don't think I am going back to bed today! I am starting to think that my week off of ibrance is the total bust!!! I started round 12 last night and slept pretty good. I'm going to hopefully get my grandpuppy today. While my son does the yard work. And we sit and watch lol. I wish there was a way that we could all meet and be together at some point. I need good friends in my life. That understand! Much love ~M~
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Good morning Micmel! Glad to hear that you got some good sleep last night. It really does make a huge difference in how we feel. I am struggling myself... Wide awake every morning between 4-5 am. Cannot go back to sleep. Then exhausted by 11am. I guess all of those years of getting up at 4:30 am for work are sticking with me. Very frustrating. I know I don't post much but I read every day. Been going through a rough couple weeks with fatigue and just totally freaking out to think that this is what my life is now. Filling out tons of paperwork to transition to long term disability. So NOT how I wanted to end my career.
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Lynn~Honey you're not alone in feeling that way, you're honestly not. That is a big reason I am always blathering here, I have to get it outsome place or I think my head would explode. I am facing some scans in November. I honestly couldn't be bothered. Who the hell wants to know anything about that??? I know about the paralyzingly exhausted feeling even after just waking up. I may sound like a broken record but I am always here. I feel like a little chatterbox sometimes. But if one person laughs, or can say "yeah, that's exactly how I feel" it's worth it !! It's a fine straight line between living and being forced to live a certain way. That's my issue. Processing who I used to be, & can't do, what I used to do. I am right here with you. I know how you feel. I did the living will and advanced directive last Monday. It was surreal to say the least. Got it in the mail yesterday, even more surreal!! Living with cancer is just unexplainable. Beyond words. But I understand. Wrapping you in a big bear hug!! Much love ~M~
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Thinking of Lynne, in Jamaica🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹🍾🍾🍾 Happy Aniversary enjoy every moment. (I am so thoroughly jealous). Much love ~M
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Hi all,
I'm happy to read about all the activities over the weekend. It went so fast. I did a lot of cleaning Friday and Sunday. The results always make me feel good. My grand daughter helped me so it was a little fun. I rewarded her with a amazon shopping spree.
I went for my xray this morning and didn't stay for the results. I feel things in my hip so whatever it is I'll find out soon enough.
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Tanya~I know everyday no matter what I feel, my mind always goes there. I could stub my toe. Then later at night it's another pain. Terrible way to feel. I don't want anymore cancer or anymore pain, and that's it!! I've made up my mind lol. If only so easy. I hope all is well In your world!! Big hugs ~M~ Keep us posted on your X-ray please.
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I am on game of thrones season seven episode 3. I haveBeen slowly watching it and I don't want it to ever end. I enjoy this so very much. Such good characters and scenery! Well worth watching. Mae~ I am riveted. Just sending thoughts your way. hope you're feeling good again today. Hugs ~M~
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. ........this is how I have been feeling about my hair. Awkward styles that I can have. Not long enough for this, I hate bangs, it's too fluffy!! I don't much like gels lol so my hair is growing back and I am so thankful. But so scared to loose it again, knowing I have scanning coming up mid November. I just don't want to scan and I don't want to have cancer anymore ! ~M~0 -
Micmel, I wish I could make cancer disappear from the world. I don't like scans either. Luckily, for me, I don't have one scheduled anytime soon. My DH will have scans next month, and I am always much more nervous and stressed out over his than I am about my own. I have learned to think of the past two years as bonus time for both of us. Each day is a blessing, and we try to appreciate and enjoy things as much as we can. Now my hair is another matter! I swear that I got the worst hair in my family. It has always been thin, fine, flyaway, and totally straight. It will do whatever it wants to do in spite of what I try. Maybe that Mohawk is on the horizon for me.
Chelle, I am so sorry that your DH has been subjected to such poor treatment and behavior. He is a hero who has devoted his life to helping others, risking his own life to do so. As you know, he will not be letting people down if he is no longer police officer. He has given his all. He can and will find other ways to serve people. He is lucky that you are with him to support him brought all this. I completely understand why you do not want him to ever put on his uniform again. You and others who are married to police officers are a remarkable people. Btw, it is funny that you mentioned Bedford Falls and Jimmy Stewart. I enjoy watching It's a Wonderful Life every year. I have a poster from that movie. One of my sons gave it to me, and I have it hanging in my house in the mountains.
Well, it is time to watch my two granddaughters as I do 4 days every week. Lots of ring-around-the-Rosie, itsy bitsy spider, and hokey-pokey coming my way.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Lynne~I think you're pretty Amazing! All that you deal with, I remember those little games with my kids. Time is sooo fleeting, now my DD turned 22 on Saturday (I call her my princess without a country) she enjoys the finer things in life, I was never like that. I never cared really about things or fancy dress up,make up. I never wore any of it really. My son is almost 21 and he is the tough one.Just wanted my ring from my DH. That is all I ever needed. I am so happy to think of you playing with your granddaughters. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 special moments make the world go around. I haven't scanned since early May, or had a blood work since May also. No active measurable disease, is what I was told. Once hearing that, you don't want to really hear anything else!
Much love to everyone ~M~
Chelle~I agree, he is already a Hero. Let the Heroes relax and live a good life with his beautiful wife and family. You have a very special family. We all do!!
We all honestly do!
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Nothing to exciting here...it is cold rainy and all around just icky...
My dad came home to recover yesterday, bypass surgery will be in 3 weeks..I have chemo this week so it will be the day after the next one...hopefully the Dr doesn't decide to scan that week not sure my nerves could take that...0 -
Keetmom~Hi darling! I am thrilled to hear your father went home. I am with you in the nerve department where scans are concerned, I am scanning in November! Not really having any interest in doing anymore scanning at all personally. Keep me on ibrance until I feel different or there is pain to be had! I'm with you keetmom! I am sending good thoughts and vibes for good outcomes all around. Much love ~M~
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.......my weekly visit with my grand puppy. Had him from 1220, until around 3:10. He fell asleep on my tummy on my bed. I have never loved a creature like I love this dog. I would keep him in a second. He's growing leaps and bounds though, took him jogging again around the block. Needed the activity for my body. Puppy's always need to play. I had so much fun playing with him. He's very affectionate and loving. I'm crazy about him. He runs and launches into my arms and cuddles me. I'm hooked!! Much love to all ~M~ 0 -
Lynn Bedford- I love “ it’s a wonderful life” Had I born a son, his name would have been George Bailey G.
How is your DH feeling? I’m nervous for his scans as well!!! God willing,everything will be clear! This all must be very hard on your sons! Most particularly your in house DS! Cancer stinks!!!
Keetmom- when it rains,it pours!! You are very strong! How much can one family handle? I ask myself that one all of the time! Hang tough girl! And when you can’t,come here and let it all out!,
Micmel- your DD will grow out of the princess stage,when she moves out and can no longer afford the finer things. She will come to you and thank you for everything. She will be in awe of your generosity!!
My grown girls are always saying stuff like” how did you afford it?” And why didn’t you beat me to a bloody pulp? My answer is I don’t really know,perhaps because I love you.
I still have a young one only 15. Ugh teenagers.....
I have been pushing myself to the limit. I was so tired last night. I went to bed after dinner. And didn’t wake up, until 4:30 A.M. I’m getting back in bed too. So lazy!!!
Lynn Manchester- soak up some Jamaican sun for us! We had our first snow a week ago.❄️🌨☃️
Love to all ❤️
Chelle
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Chelle~good morning beautiful! It's a lovely day here. I can't believe you have already had snow ❄️ like uh no thank you at all!! It's a perfect fall day. Hope they last a long long time. I remember the month that I was diagnosed, I sat in my rocking chair upstairs watching the family together shoveling the cars out. I sat and cried so filled with terror, thinking that I may never see another snow storm, to be able to watch them shoveling together like that again. It was horrible. I feel that way about every season anymore. Effin cancer has so much that is unknown about it. But boy can we all tell you the things that WE CERTAINLY DO KNOW ABOUT IT!!! It ruins lives,bodies,minds,spirits,families,veins,hair,strength, relationships. Self-esteem, happiness,security. Basically everything! Please add if I forgot any!!
Lynn~(Bedford) I am sitting here with the realization that you and the love of your life are battling cancers. I am astonished, I didn't post on the other boards very much, just for reasons like that. I know this now because you shared it here, and Chelle knew. I want nothing but wonderful news for those scans. You are all becoming so special to me. This is the reason I made this thread. For real friendship and support. I adore you all.
You are all beautiful, strong, fabulous women. Thank you for sharing with me. Thank you for going through this shit stew with me. We will persist together !
No one in my real world understands. Just because we don't look sick, somehow we are looked upon as lazy because we sleep a lot, the fatigue could stop a train on some days. I am just so glad you're all here with me. I would never wish anything like this on anyone, don't get me wrong , it just proves to me that bad things happen to good people way to much for my liking. Huge loving hugs.
~M~
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.......my coonhound does not like spiders 🕷. Literally this just happened. And I have mets in my spine. But he leaped into my arms. Luckily I worked out before diagnosis. But isn't that cute. The bigger they are sometimes they are afraid of weird stuff. He also hates the ups man truck. He barks until the noise fades away lol dogs are hilarious. Lol have a great day! ~M~0 -
Hi all! Busy week at work allocating the annual maintenance budget and staying active in preparation for a 5k this Sunday. DH made cheesesteak sandwiches and I'm stuffed, good thing my only plan for tonight is catching up on TV.
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Mae~Isn't that this weekend? I sure hope you have perfect weather for you. Sounds like with all the working and preparing energy you have, your steps are awesome as well. I am going to be totally thinking about you this weekend, when you're walking the walk!! I would ask you how you feel, but you just kinda answered that question already! Big hugs. Glad to see you! Much love ~M~
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I realized that I need to go to bed between 10 and 11, in order to not want to sleep the day away. Before diagnosis, I would feed the dogs, go to the gym run 4-8 miles, do free weights and legs. I was a tank. Now it's just not happening at all I just can't do it. I'd be tired just driving there. Plus I knew everyone there because I had been going there so long, I don't want a million questions. It would be embarrassing rolling up to the gym, when the last time I was there, my hair was half way down my back, and a different color. My breast is gone, so I will never wear a normal work out outfit ever again. I don't want to feel like everyone's conversations about me. It sucks. I just miss feeling strong, I am trying to walk some more. I am going to walk my hound dog tomorrow to see how he does. Then my other dog. They need some nice fall walks too. I want to get Chief again , but it's my dogs turn. Good night ladies. Sleep well I really hope we all do!!! ~M~
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Hello all,
I am of course not sleeping. Trying to, but my head is spinning. My youngest cried to her schools dean today. She told her that she can’t handle being away from me so much. I have an appointment with her tomorrow,to discuss what can be done. They are tailoring her a curriculum, to be done half at school and half at home. She will only need to be there two days a week. Katey loves school has many friends. Always been an excellent student. But this dx. Has torn her apart. My whole family of course. But Katey is the Baby....
Can’t imagine why this happened to us. But I do know that we should always make the best of everyday.with or without cancer! We have only one crack at this life thing. So we need to not only endure this dx. But embrace our world. As much as this sucks. There are still things to be happy about,laugh about,be excited about. I spent my entire summer feeling sorry for myself. When I should have been thanking God for my husbands life. And mine as well. I don’t know when I will die,but when I do,I will have a smile on my face because I will have lived a life of love.
The one friend that I have left,is having a party this Friday. We are going to try and go for a little while. I haven’t seen some of these people since before dx. I hate having to explain why I still have hair. Why they haven’t cut my boobs off...... I’m so sensitive, I don’t want to end up crying. Grr. This is such a difficult thing to have to go through!
Mae- my dh makes philly cheese steak sandwiches too. Sooo yummy! I haven’t watched t.v. For years. My kids were always interrupting me, so I gave up. I need to start watching again. I just have no idea where to start. With Netflix I guess.
I need to try to sleep now. Much love to everyone!
Chelle.
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Chelle, I love that! It's beautiful.
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Good um ok afternoon~ I slept literally until 12:00 pm today the fatigue is so thick, I could honestly just go right back to bed. If I don't take my ritilan early early I am useless all day long. I thought I slept good,? It just never seems to be enough. I am never really hungry anymore for anything other than something I have to jam down My throat, because I take a pharmacy sized amount of pills every single day. I have to have something in my stomach. I really don't eat very much, but would you think maybe, my ass would a shrink? I would, but it doesnt. Makes no sense whatsoever. I checked my scanning information: I scan on November 14, blood work 16, and onc appointment the 24 wth? I am not waiting ten days to get any results. I'll go looney bin bat shit. Crazy by then. It's an officially chilly fall weather day outside today, angry looking skies. Gray undertones.. even tweaked the heater, it was that chilly. I didn't think the scanning time would come up on me so quickly. If I had my way I'd never scan again. Ever. I hate it so much.
Hope everyone is ok. ~M~. Waving hi to Lynnwood and Chelle. Hugs !
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......you have to admit. Crazy things happen in Walmart lol especially ours. I've seen some strange things there. Just saw this and thought it was Funny ! Nan miss you honey!
Claudia. Hope you're well my friend
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Chelle~ I wanted to mention the part of your post that you talked about what's going on with your daughter. My heart skipped a beat thinking about how that would make me feel. Things like this are exactly another reason on a very long long list of reasons I hate cancer. Your precious sweet daughter. She shoulda not have to feel that kind of anxiety at that age. Like seriously. I Am so sorry that you ever have to deal with something like this. That age is so precious and mom is so important in every stage of their life. I hope the school is being helpful to that sweet girl and your family. No wonder you can't sleep. Between worrying about your special DH hero. We all know that we Can ever shut the mind off of a worried parent. Not to mention, everything else we on our own are dealing with. Sometimes I believe we are magicians. Without an important power....to make things disappear. Big hugs to you sweet friend. ~M~
Has anyone told you how amazing you are lately Chelle? You really are a special family. I'm honored to call you a friend.
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Good afternoon all,
I've been super tired this Ibrance faslodex round. I'm still at 125 mg and exhausted. I ventured out by myself to return a shirt and felt really sick, dizzy and faint at the store. Thank God it passed and I was able to drive myself home. I finally found a way to describe my lifetime treatment regimen to a friend. It's like taking birth control pills forever. I don't share these type of experiences with my DH because I don't want him to worry and I want my freedom too. I slept very well for the last two nights because the weather was cool. Today I woke up at 6:45 and went back to sleep around 9 and didn't wake up until 11:30. I feel super lazy when this happens. This medication sucks the life out of me. I'm happy it's working though and I can sit here and enjoy a perfectly gorgeous day.
Mae Good luck with your race this weekend. I walked to the corner a few days ago and thought I'd have to call an Uber to get back. Gigantic hot flash took my breath away. I would love to race walk again. I remember the hard breathing and the will to finish the race with whatever pain, hill, breathlessness was going on. It was wonderful to run with all of those women. I didn't enjoy the run as much in mixed company - sometimes men are too competitive. Run/walk for all of us Mae.
Chelle G - how old is your daughter? I remember when I was first diagnosed Stage III my daughter was 15. I was devastated that she had to live with this pain. She always kept a brave face in front of me but confided in her sister how scared she was. My DH was wonderful and stayed home with her, (when she also refused to go to school). Allegedly she was being home schooled but in all actuality she lost that year. She couldn't do it and we couldn't force her. I always used to help her with her homework and I just had chemo brain and too many side effects doctors appts. aches, pain, exhaustion. The school was good about extending and she finally finished all of her work after my treatment was done. I enjoyed her company at home but I really wanted her to go to school. I pray that your daughter will be fine and that you'll reach a compromise that she is comfortable with.
Micmel you make my day daily with your walmart, grandpuppy spider fear pics etc.
I hate scans too. The anxiety prior to the appt. is enough to make me faint. But then somehow we all muster the strength to do it.
This time cancer is Stage IV. I thought I was done with this monster and I'm grateful for the time I had without it. Sometimes for fleeting moments I feel that I don't have these tumors but a twinge of pain or dizziness or some weird thing that's going on in my body reminds me with a quickness. There's a cancer pamper party tonight at the local cancer hospital. I haven't decided whether or not I'll attend. I guess I'll see how I feel this evening.
Take Care All,
Tanya
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Tanya~ Hi darling! I totally agree about the terrible fatigue that comes along with ibrance.i take anastrazole with 125 mg. I could sleep for weeks. Today I got up from bed at 700 am . I fed the dogs at 715 launched my body right back into my bed.until noon!! I feel like a slug. I started my 12th month this week. I love the fall weather also. I stick my head out the door just to smell the crisp fall air. The leaves are looking gorgeous. Autumn is very here.
Mae~ I am thinking of you my friend. Sending big hugs and warm hugs. Walk this weekend ? Much love ~M~
Much love all ~M~
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Home from chemo..feeling a bit Ick....probably an early night to bed..need to figure out some food for dinner too.
Chemo in 3 weeks the day before my dad's open heart surgery, we wont scan until after that.
Thanks all for calling me strong...some days I don't feel so strong..I just do what I gotta do.Have a great weekend all..DH is sick so we will be laying low...
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Keetmom~you are strong and amazing. I can't imagine doing this while having younger kids. The exhaustion alone would put me out. I think you should realize how special you are. I am sorry DH is not feeling well. I will also be thinking of your father and his surgery. Hello to the girls. Have some good relaxing time. Much love ~M~
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Yup, it's this Sunday. Got a 10 year certificate and gift from work today (actual work anniversary is 11/1), it was nice. I'll definitely post pics of Sunday's event. For now, I'm off to bed early
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