My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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I finally made a meal out of a frozen fettucine alfredo and added precooked egg with bacon. Put the egg, some black beans, shredded cheeseand croutons to get the texture I desire. Helps hide flavours or eggs for me so I can still eat them. Spooned the chopped mix on top of the fettuncine, cooked 5 mins, put on plate, mixed together, just added some salt and dry sour cream seasoning, mixed up. Ate 60 percent but got full, so rest is in a container. We will see what I make tonight. DB is coming and we are probably mall walk and get a couple things off walmart.
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Cookie, congrats on being stable. We love all wins!
Mel, we all feel your pain and I am so sorry to read about your friend. It just hurts… Shanagirl was right that even though we don't feel HIm, God is still beside us. I have to look for small blessings to make it through. Sometimes they are even big! It was five years ago yesterday that I found my "new" half siblings, and they have been a total blessing. I have wondered why now? but then something happens and in our advanced age we help each other. Perhaps God sent me them at this time in my life because He knew I needed them. My sister just found out she has a 2 cm lesion on one of her ovaries. Knowing my situation, she has reached out and I have already been able to help her. God knew she needed me for such a time as this.
Mara, I love your little world. Enjoy your time with family today.
Cold weather is moving in to the Rockies this weekend…it will only reach 50° as a high on Sunday, so here it comes! It will warm up a bit after, but that is how it rolls here.
Take care all.
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I just had a pizza and am waiting for the pants I want to wear to come out of the wash. I had to unexpectedly put my blanket in so will wash that up while gone. Have to be careful to be mindful of fridge freezer and diet as well, I keep forgetting the frozen pepper slices, could have put them on the mini pizza. Still got breakfast meal to eat up for tomorrow and had a package of Reese peanut butter cups.
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Hi everyone, I’ll try to make a long story short as I am completely exhausted.
We made the long drive to Houston for scans nearly 2 weeks ago and only got home last night! All good below the neck but 2 new spots were found I’m my brain. They scheduled me for a spine MRI to rule out Lepto again and changed virtual appointment with my Neuro onc to “in person”, along with a brain radiation procedure, adding a week to my trip. The spine MRI was good and the tumor board met to review MRI’s going back to 2021. I found out on Monday from my neuro, that the spots might just be previously treated mets, not new ones and I was free to go home without radiation or changing my chemo. I will go back in a month for an advanced brain MRI and hopefully a clearer picture of what’s going on or not.
I haven’t caught up but hope all is well.
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@micmel, I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling about your friend. This disease is a malevolent, poisonous thing - doing its best to destroy all around it. While I cannot change things for your friend, I can say I understand how bereft you are feeling. Know that you have a huge wave of support here and everybody who has visited your porch values the comfort they find here. I can only hope we can repay the enormous gift you have given us with love and hugs and support.❤️
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Well got so much that an already full freezer is even more full. Get some diced onions, hashbrowns and pizza. More of the frozen pasta as well. Got a pizza in fridge that will be cooked up right away tomorrow. Had some good walking as well which was needed, need to do that more often and enjoyed DB and SIL as we did shop and I did get a long drive, DB knows I like those.
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Mel Wrapping you in a big virtual hug. I'm so sorry to hear about your precious friend and also your sister. I don't know why sometimes life just crushes our spirits with such heartache and pain. It's hard sometimes to see any positives in the cancer world where so many are suffering. It sounds like you have built such a beautiful relationship with your friend and she needs you just as much as you need her. I pray you both find a way to keep it going and continue to support each other.
Mae Glad to hear they are thinking it may be old mets but how upsetting that must have been for you. Fingers crossed that next MR shows a whole lot on nothing going on!
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@illimae ah, nice swerve on those 'new brain mets'! I know you went through a lot of mental work (aka anguish) a few years ago re: lepto possibility so it sounds like whatever mental health protections you put in place or space of calm you found are sill woking for you. What happens if you have to stay an unexpected extra week in Houston, is there housing for your hubby, are you in the hospital or do you both just find like an extended stay type hotel in the area?
@micmel That is very sad to read about your friend, how difficult on the two of you - Im sure she feels even more isolated now. Most technical things have speech to text built in somewhere on the device, is that something worth exploring or are we talking more analogue phone?
Parents arrived and I spent some time with them on Wednesday afternoon - gave mom a vacuum and a sponge and let her have at it and sat and talked to my dad for two hours. It was much nicer than July where my pain is much better controlled/decreasing and Im in my own space so a lot of laughs rather than dour talk. They are definitely getting old though (75) - somehow they spent 4 hours in Copenhagen on a layover and never found the lounge, shops, or cafes despite walking the entire length of the airport. There's like 50 cafes! I tried to let go before they came figuring if they have a question they can always ask someone. Well they never did. sigh Just a bit more confusion again with both of them, so keeping an eye on it and will speak to my sister about it too. There was also a very very questionable decision made between them and my aunt and uncle who drove them down about the driver which I was surprised by.
Either way, its up to us to help them have a nice time within what they are capable of doing and maybe push them a little bit to try a few new things.
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Mel - I can feel your heartache and I’m so sorry about your dear friend. Hopefully whatever treatment is chosen will help to return her eyesight. Prayers for both of you. And your dear sister as well, with her cancer returned. Even more prayers. To add to Shana’s thoughts, God never promised us a pain free life; what he did promise is that He would be with us through it all.
Mae - what a scare you just went through. Here’s hoping things continue to be just a little blip on the radar that mean nothing. BTW what did you do with your puppers during that time away?
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We stay at La Quinta while traveling because the allow dogs. I was not at all happy about the expense of an extra week but didn’t have a choice really. I did find out that they have a lower medical rate, so that helps.
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Illimae - What an ordeal, indeed! Can't believe you had to go through that, but very glad to hear that there are likely some encouraging reasons for hope of better news down the road. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts and hug! The roller coaster of this disease is so brutal and never ending. My fingers are crossed for sure🤞.
Mel - Continuing to feel so much for you. I really hope you are finding some way to navigate this, along with all of the other recent emotional blows you've had to deal with in your life lately. I can only think of the old "Not fair!" thing, that doesn't really help in any way. You just don't deserve this and I will just continue to hope that you and your friend find some way to traverse this awful situation and are able to continue to share so much with each other. No matter what, you do have all of us in the living room who are so supportive and grateful. More hugs.
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Illimae, good to hear you're finally home, hope you have plenty of time to relax and breathe and have delicious snacks, after that roller coaster of emotion experience. Wow. Glad your team took a closer look at your scans and discussed it.
Mel, I'm so sorry about your friend, your words resonated deeply, the losses that this illness piles up. It also makes me think how lovely your friendship has been and continues to be, even if there can't be more contact. Your love for your friend shines through.
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Mae ~ glad it was resolved and was nothing new to worry about. I’m sorry I was such an ordeal for you. Sending good thoughts and some hugs. For the pups !
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Mel, friendships are a true blessing. Two gals just chatting away and doing their best to get on with life. And then life interrupts and you need to find a way to keep supporting her. I'd say just love her and tell her you love her and will be right here for her. I'm so sorry that someone so precious to you, your friend and your sister, is so challenged by this disease.
Ilimae , I'm sorry they are giving you such a run around and adding stress to your mental health. SO unfair and I hope they get this right as quickly as possible and apologize. Your need peace in your life, not bullcrap. Hold on and it will be set right.
Shanagirl, your beautiful words come from that beautiful heart of yours. Gosh, I feel very blessed to be a part of this fabulous, loving group. Three cheers for Mel's porch. And as the season changes, I'll put on a jacket so I can stay. Might have to bail if the hurricane hit here or snow build up on the porch. lol
All you wonderful gals supporting Mel and Illie and others in need, really touch my heart. Thank you for being a friend (borrowed from Golden Girls).
I made it thru 3 horrible days. Wed. was pet scan/ct at 6:40 in morning. I had to get up at 4:30 because I couldn't sleep. Afraid I would oversleep. Thrus. was PT therapy, here at home which was ok, but then had to hurry to MRI of brain. Friday was dematologist, she removed 3 areas (most humana will allow at any given time, stupid), only one is of concern. We'll see. I am so tired but somehow at peace for the moment. I'll take it. But be because of all the love surrounding me. So right back at all of you.
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Mel, if I have not said anything, let me tell you how much I am sending love and support to you when you are dealing with so much, that goes to your family and friends as well. I sometimes get wrapped up in my own stuff and forget to keep mentioning others too. My life overall is fairly uneventful and quiet the way I actually like it.
Having said that, I will try to shorten posts that are common things I do. Laundry of blankets, trying out the big one with a handwash section by section, no using the motor then adding to the panda spinner. I will see if this works. Usual sweeping, vacuum and need a mop in kitchen as well, no big deal. Food is anybody's guess, I have frozen ziti tomato pasta meal that I used in a meal yesterday, got a chicken and rice meal, can use that to add to a pan after cooking. My thought was to scramble up eggs, bacon in the magic bullet, add some of the precooked chicken and rice and combine together with spoon of cheez whiz, taco seasoning as well. May also cook in the bean juice as well, no strong flavour, just a little something extra. Need to keep up with the fridge since freezer items are in there fine, less urgent. Combine leftovers is the strategy, also need to put pizza in there somehow. Once fridge is more reasonable, then attack the freezer and limit what I can put in. For now, tape holding it together. Need to start being more sensible and work with the space I have, stop overshopping, even on shelf stables.
Well, I do hope everyone has a good day, in everyone's pockets here sending my support and love. Missing Sunshine and her posts but knowing that wherever she is at, people are giving her love, I am sure she feels our love for her and that she is comfortable.
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Mel et al., thank you all for being good cyber friends. We have found a way to find good in our new tech world. I appreciate it otherwise I would feel more isolated. Five years ago I found three half-siblings I never knew I had, and we are closer because we can text and chat often. Perhaps it is something to smile about in our hurting souls.
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@irishlove I never really knew what peace meant until this diagnosis. The luxury of being able to just sit quietly somewhere, maybe looking at a nice tree, no noise, no interruptions, no poking or questions or demands, yet knowing there is light and good around you, is so invaluable. Sometimes at night I tell DH to 'leave me in peace' - no more questions about what I may or may not want, no fussing over the damn blanket, I am comfortable and want to retreat into that calm space for a bit before sleep. Sounds like you understand the value too :)
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Intolight you are right, reason I come here to this particular thread is because yes we discuss cancer but also more than that, we talk about our lives, what we do on the daily and travels as well as events in our lives, not all are bad. I am glad I found this thread. We also must not forget our food talks. I am no chef but enjoy trying out things and this family and my wellness call who chats with me as well are the only people I mention this stuff too. DB and SIL have cooked far longer and Mom did not allow me near the kitchen to help so I am self taught for the simple stuff I do. I am glad I can tell people who seem interested.
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Good Morning ladies hope everyone slept half decent. With me sleep is a crap shoot for sure as it's been many years since I actually slept without interruption. DH is set to go to a Ortho/Physical Reb dr for consult this Thursday. He did get some relief with oral steroids but needs further attention for sure. He hasn't been able to drive etc the last month and is certainly ready to get back to his carpentry. Fingers crossed .
Mara Sounds like you did a great job self teaching in the kitchen. You would be great on a reality show like Chopped as you are able to create food from random ingredients. Definitely a talent!
Mel Thinking of you and hope your handsome pup is on your lap to console your heavy heart.
sondraf I agree with you on the insight into life from this diagnosis. I have said in a very weird way it;s a blessing to see life in this light. I would never wish it on a soul or even myself ! However I always felt life was a gift and I was blessed as I helped patients who struggled. However it's a whole next level of gratitude for life when you have a terminal illness.
irish I hope you have a quieter week than last and you are relaxing today. In your pocket for good results. GO PHILS & GO BIRDS!!
Thinking of Carol and all here as we approach another week of appointments. scans and just everyday struggles.🌻
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Good morning and Hugs to all today. @sondraf @irishlove @intolight the cyber warmth is so fulfilling in a surprising way for me. Quick chats and texts , the support and love that is all around, I soak it in and am happy . And I too , love the sharing of the light that shines, the quiet and the peace of mind that is possible when I slow down and breath and enjoy the moment … today the early light and the birds outside my window. My cats intrigued by squirrels. These moments for me are the best. The quiet morning. Life happening, smiling as I type. Soaking it in.
And @irishlove I do have to admit I’m a Mets fan - but if they can’t win, I do root for the Phillies.
@mara51506 love sharing about food too. I am also self taught and have fallen in love with cooking. Growing up all food seemed to come out of a box or a can, and I just love the colors and textures at the farmers market. I have a collection of cookbooks that are my go tos.. but love experimenting. Today is a cooking day, as I like to prep for the work week with plenty of choices . Yesterday I made vegan pancakes with blueberries and raspberries, and treated myself to pouring maple syrup over everything. lol. Nora Cooks is a blogger I like, with yummy vegan recipes. Today I’ll make red lentil stew with garlic, ginger and peppers and baked tempeh marinated with balsamic vinegar. If I have the energy, perhaps bake choc chip scones with almond milk and oat flour - I’ve been wanting more sweets lately which is not common for me. Must be the fall weather, calling for cinnamon and sweaters.
@cookie54 hope your DH appointment goes well. And yes, I too have always felt life is a gift, and impermanent as everything is always changing. With a stage IV diagnosis, it’s a gratitude practice and a loving awareness practice, each day now. Just trying to radiate love and kindness for myself and others, as best as I can.
Sending support and light to all.
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Cookie, in your pocket for DH appointment send support to both of you.
Rlshaller, I love what you make, clearly more advanced but I do enjoy sharing what I do here. It is simple but most of the time tastes good.
I am working on laundry, the budget boosting videos that pay a bit for ads, playing mobile solitaire game for money as well, put in paypal account for extra stuff or savings on cat food, whatever is needed. Other than that sweep up the floor, got the light litter but it tracks alot, so have to sweep everytime box is used. I don't mind, the litter is much better than the Costco brand and I like being able to lift the jugs, clumps well and saves litter as well, garbage less heavybecause of this.
I am going to heat up last two items that did not fit in the freezer which are fettucine alfredos. My plan is to heat them up, put in a large container. They have been refrigerated 4 days and I want them out and cooked and I can use them with other meals. That will clear out most of the congestion in the fridge. Might take some of the fettucine and add chopped precooked egg, like the texture, use the spice grinder on the beans, they come out well without need of croutons all the time and some beefless ground. Here and there. I also want to try the potato cubes and the onion and peppers, throw them in first, add chopped eggs, cheese , beans and beefless ground and fry in pan on medium. That would be good I think and lend itself to stretching meals a bit. No rush on using up freezer items. I like to sometimes chop up the shredded cheese and cooked egg in the chopper because then the cheese just shows up subtly all over the place. I will see how it all goes. Edit, hunger overtook me so I just had the rest of the pizza first.
Also thinking about getting a larger washer to use in bathroom which is the only place it could live, my thought being, remove the larger panda spinner to store in the closet. I like this idea because I could wash all blankets in there, it spins in there as well and has a bigger barrel. If I go with this option, I would save up for it as I am not going to just buy or do it on a payment plan. For now, smaller one I have will do nicely. That will be down the road some though.
I do hope everyone has a good day, in pockets for Mel and her friend and family, for everyone having tests this week as well or regular struggles with SE or plain life in general. I am in my own pocket to start my marching at home for more steps. I am good at the PT stuff in bed, do that 3 to 5 days a week, my stepbench keeps legs able to use stairs as I do step up with both feet so that one leg is not overly stronger than the other. I am not good about walking, really have not had much of a yen to walk outside for a while but at least with the marching, legs stay strong that way though the bridge pose and other PT maintain some strength as well. Goal for marching will be 5000 throughout the day to start, I find that more realistic and bump up as time goes on, can speed up or slow down doing that. May not take long. Probably march on top of the stepbench in between kitchen and living room so it won't be so noisy for people living underneath me.
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I spoke with my sweet friend tonight she told me her world is now black and she is having small seizures that have no rhyme or reason. She’s in serious pain and is not totally comfortable at the moment. They are working on that. We spoke for about 5 mins and hat was enough for her. She started a seizure at the end of our talk. I was in tears and so was she. She said she knows it’s the end and can feel it in her body. She’s at peace with knowing she’ll be seeing her family that has gone before. I feel blessed to have gotten to speak to her. She said we would speak again, I’m hoping for that. I’m worried that we won’t though. Her doctor said it’s moving fast and they said radiation would not help her I’m just devastated. We found each other here 8 years ago. I waited a long time to find her. We’ve been close ever since. She is my best friend now a days and I’m scared to loose my buddy. I feel so helpless and empty. I don’t want my friend to suffer. But she is so loved. Her family supports her, and they each told me that they knew it was the end. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done . I’m so terribly sad.
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Mel - So much sympathy for both you and your friend and her family. I really hope they can help her with her pain, so she can at least be peaceful and comfortable. I do hope that the two of you get to speak again. If it turns out you can't, she will always be there, maybe speaking with you even, in some way. Take care and know we care.
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@micmel, We're sorry you're going through this. You are incredibly loving and connected to her, and we're sure that your support, even in small moments, comforts her.
Take care, and remember, you're not alone in this awesome community.👩❤️👩
The Mods
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thank you everyone. It’s really difficult. This type of loss really puts everything into perspective. I just don’t want her to suffer. I want her at peace. Love each other. Hugs!
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Mel, I am in your pocket sending you love and support for your friend and can empathize with you wanting her to be at peace. Hugs for you.
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Mel, I so agree with what you said about this loss putting everything in perspective. Love what threetree said about her still speaking with you or communicating with you in some way, that feels so true.
I've got my CT and bone scans tomorrow morning, and as usual, I will be imagining you all there with me, chatting, eating snacks, telling jokes, singing, farting (oh, that's me)... ❤️
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sf-cakes, you make me smile! I will be thinking of you tomorrow during your scans.
Mel, continued prayers for you and your dear friend. I have a dear friend who is also battling a brain tumor right now, but he is not as close. It still hurts.
Nothing going on today other than beginning to decorate for fall. I am going to try to talk my DD into going to Hobby Lobby and JoAnne's on Thursday…she won't take much prodding as she loves it! I hate that I can't just jump into the car and run my own errands. I need to wait until Thursday because my DD is off work and won't be sleeping. My DH might take me if I ask, but he doesn't enjoy it. I just need to learn to wait. Sigh…
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SFcakes - I will definitely be thinking of you tomorrow (I'll be cleaning my bathroom 😡). Seriously, I hope things go really well for you, and you can be sure I'll be there too, chatting, snacking, and joking. In your pocket and best of luck!🍀
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@micmel Take care of yourself but also I think its marvellous that you are still able to support your friend with one last (possible) call after all these years. I remember when you lost deeohgee as your best dog and how lost you were for a bit after… then Theo came into your life (and ours!). Someone else will probably come into your life when you least expect it to maybe not take your friend's place in your heart, but a slightly different shaped space, and you will love and cherish them just as much. You have a huge space for love and loads of people benefit from that :)
Ugh, long day at H today - heavy rains last night meant flooding this morning/trains down. Uber took 1h15 to go 8 miles, I missed my 830 rads CT planning, so went to my blood test. Then rads planning called said we can do it now, will only take 20 mins, ran back down there (or rather, they came with a chair!) and of course it took an hour, then I was late for my oncologist discussion. I ended up crying right away in her office because hefting this leg around was tiresome that morning and now Ive been referred to community palliative care nursing. Which is great for some one to come round the house to help with pain management stuff (like they have a greater menu of pain control things I guess? Im not sure how the drugs work here and who manages what, but these teams are tasked out of hospices, not the hospital and i know the hospices have all the access all the time), emotional support, etc. Well see how that goes, sometimes folks show up and tell you things like 'try drinking smoothies!' but sometimes they can tell you something useful too.
And Im stuck going back tomorrow for blood. Ugh. Looking into a lightweight portable wheelchair to see if I can get do the tube to the hospital station with my canes and then be wheeled from there (10 min walk) to the hospital. Just cant take the same boring drive/traffic anymore! And to help get out a bit more too.
Thinking about Carol, but also all of you too - take care everyone!
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