My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Hugs Micmel!!!
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The handstand tradition continues. My son and his mini-me on Oahu with Aulani Resort in the background. Stunning backdrop for this pic. I plan to have a large pic of this one in my home.
Micmel I’m so happy your scan was good but the pain not good.
Holmes since I have a grandson it’s not hard for me to imagine your pain. Forgive me, but I don’t know what happened to him or how old he was.
I have my PET tomorrow, today is prep day. It’s no carb day. Yuck. Wish me luck, I love carbs
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that's amazing. Is that Diamond Head in the back? I could never do anything like that! Definitely a pic for framing! How awesome all those memories to be remembered forever. I love the pic and magnificent background. Thanks for sharing. I would be quite proud as well!! We will be in your pocket for that pet scan. You're not alone. I also won't have any carbs in support for you! Nothing but good results.
Gracie~ hello my sweet friend. ❣️🌹
I spoke to Keetmom. She's doing ok, just has been really busy with the kids and very tired she said. But everyone and eveything is ok. Phew! I worry about my friends ! Especially in this time of so many losses this week alone, and this month. Thinking of everyone, and their families.
Much love ~M~
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50sgirl, I searched and searched for your post above about the balancing act we do to be here. I finally found it. (Searching on this forum is a struggle since you can't search a thread, only forums. I've discussed this with the mods but they are clueless.) The joy of the support and friendship against the crushing blows of loss. It's like walking a tightrope but the rope is a razor blade. After reading your post (I read lots of threads, don't think I have ever posted here) that one really rung true, as so many of yours do. I decided this balance is similar to the treatments we take (the support we get from BCO) and the side effects of those treatments (the losses we suffer for being here). I go away for weeks at a time to escape the losses but always come back when I need some people who really get it. That is such a warn out expression but it best conveys what we need. Thank you all for giving that to me.
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Holmes so sorry for you loss.
I had chemo today, pulling me off a med that will hopefully help the fatigue some. I found out today my np who was with my old Dr is coming with my new Dr,, I am So happy, she found my stage 4, and means a lot to me.
Hopefully we have a good wknd. We got a hotel for a few nights, Emma has been sick allweek
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Holmes, I wanted to chime in here and let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers during this awful time. I also wanted to let you know that I do know what you're going through as I lost two babies a son and a daughter within a few hours of them being born. You and your daughter just need to keep talking, whatever you do don't try to sweep it under the rug Let It Be and let the emotions be as I'm sure you know. Sending you much love homes!
50's girl as usual you climbed into my head and put together my thoughts and feelings and such an eloquent manner I have to thank you greatly for it. What I have been feeling is the overwhelming grief as 1 piles on top of the other and forgetting the enormous joy that I receive when one of us gets good news and also the kindness and support of everyone here when I feel in need of set support. I am sorry I lost sight of that it has been rather a rough year in our household and I feel like I am hovering at the edge of the world and if I take one step wrong I'm going to fall off. That's the best way I can describe it. DH has had a very successful neck surgery, thank God! On June 4th he will have the first of his shoulders done and hopefully everything will go well and then six weeks later he will have the second shoulder done. He will be doing rehab the entire time that this is all going on and then after that he needs to have surgery on his lower back. One of the doctors finally had the guts to say to him that he is not going to be able to go back to what he has been doing all of his life, which is Construction. Of course he is having an extremely hard time dealing with this news, as we all know dealing with a new normal is so difficult.
Keep Mom I'm glad to hear that you're doing well I like mildew worried about everyone when I don't hear from them. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and I'm so happy Emma's feeling better.
Love to everyone know that if you don't hear from me I will be lurking, It's just sometimes I don't have the energy to respond.
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I just got back from chemo. Another 3 hours at that office. The PA said she would have my next chemo scheduled for 3 weeks. I go to check out, and this one girl (who always gives me a hard time, unfortunately, the other 2 were busy), says that the dr has to do it. I inform her that the PA has been doing it for the past few months because if I wait for the dr, it would only be one week before my chemo, and it's impossible to find a chair for me. She checked and said there was nothing available,but there was plenty on Fri. I informed her we were going away for the weekend (our Mini Cooper trip) and were leaving in the morning. She starts looking on Wed. I said I was not doing it on Wed because then I would start getting sick on Sat instead of Sun (because I would finish the post steroids a day earlier). She said there was nothing available that day anyhow. She said they'd work on it. I also have my younger grandson's preschool graduation at 1pm on Thursday and asked if I could come in first thing in the morning. She said that they don't allow 1 hr infusions (well, the chemo is one hour, but with the steroid infusion before it it's over 2 hours, and I'm there at least 3 hrs!). I'm ready to say screw you I'll wait until Monday. Oh and my tumor markers went from 134 to 203. I had scans a couple of weeks ago, and they were fine, but it's the first time they've jumped that much in a long time. The PA said that we'd have to keep an eye on it. Even though next week will be my post chemo "hell week (they have lowered my chemo dose again to try to stop all the diarrhea I have), at least it is the one week I don't have to go to that office! Can you tell I'm sleep deprived from the steroids (probably why I'm bitching right now too!).
Thanks for letting me vent!
Bigbhome-Glad your hubby is doing well, and the surgeries are going well too! Sorry he won't be able to go back to the job he loves.
Grannax-Wonderful picture!!
I hope everyone has a nice evening. Big Hugs!
Lynne
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Lynne, sorry you had a hard time with chemo! That lady needs a reprimand!!! My tumor markers continue to climb too. Totally understand that anxiety!!!
Grannax, will be saying prayers for you tomorrow, for a great scan!!
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Jaycee~so very nice to see you here. Our Lynne's are very special to us. 50's is someone who would give you the shirt off her back, you can tell that is her personality shining through her writing. I created this thread because I already know all About the side effects of the treatments..... I can find that anywhere. But I wanted a thread devoted to love and families and relationships, a place to share anything at all. Good or bad and know you aren't alone and are shown respect and love unconditionally. Although I have to giggle at Lynne and Mae. They say once you're here, I won't ever let you leave. Lol but it's because I've never had a big supportive family, they all suck really except my DH and DS, DSS, and DD even though she's driving me to the edge of sanity right along with the cancer. So welcome.... and I agree about how Lynne seems to nail thoughts we sometimes cannot get out. This is a very loving thread, I am honored to know these women, and honored to share this Home away from home oasis. Hope you will come Back again, but if not, I wish you nothing but decades of happiness!
Bigbhome~so very happy to see you.... I think about you everyday. Wishing DH strength for up coming surgeries.. I know you said you feel the edge.... remember. Day at a time. It's all we can do. So glad to hear from you.
Waving to Gracie~
Lynne~ that office sounds like a circus act. You must be exhausted just dealing with them!! Geeze! Enjoy the mini fest! Be safe though.
Keetmom~❣️❣️ So relieved all is ok. Hugs to Emma. Feel better.
Much love~M~
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hello everyone! We went today to plan the funeral. God definitely had had hands in everything today. The funeral home is not charging to have the server there and they are only charging what they pay for the casket. They wanted the baby buried near my mom and dad but the plots were all taken but since my dad and mom are in the same urn they can bury the baby where my dad was supposed to go. We went to order the flowers for the casket and they lady didn't charge them anything they said it was on them. Very blessed.
micmel- how did mo go?
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Holmes~you precious thing, here you are dealing with this terrible loss, and you remember I saw my Oncologist today? You're such a special woman. I am so glad you are seeing small blessings here and there. I wish you and your family strength and love during this difficult Time. I am just truly sorry. My appointment went well, he was very pleased and said scans were very stable with some shrinkage. He said there is nothing measurable in the bones, I have very few spots some the same one shrunk. Remission has lasted a year. I beg for decades of it. We spoke of the tumor markers lowering again. He just said nothing to detect in the blood. He said my bloodwork was normal. Which was weird. No lowering of any doseage. Too stable To risk he said. He said medicine is clearly working well for me. I have to have bloodwork again and XGeva shot in August. Then a basic follow up with him after. So I have three months, with no visits to cancer doctors, I do have one with my plastic surgeon to check the healing and discuss the lifting of the right. I'm ready to just be done with it.
My daughters fiancé was in a car crash today. His car is totaled basically. They are getting married at the court on Tuesday. They are at the Er right now. This has been a crappy month. He came home and looked bad. Pale and disoriented, his nose had been bleeding, and I thought ehhhhh concussion? Dizzy. Etc. so I suggested the Er. So it's good they went, what sucks is. The stress of all this financial stuff involved with a wedding is getting to them and let's just say aren't really holding their own weight in areas. So it's was pointed out last night and today..... so we all aren't really speaking right now. Very awkward... but all that mattered is that he is ok. The other things can certainly wait. This has been a crappy month. To make it even worse.. tomorrow I turn 48. & nd everyone is not getting along. So... yay me. Going to bed and try to sleep. Hopefully it's minor injuries.
Much love to everyone, please be safe out there ! ~M~
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Micmel~let me be the first to say happy, Happy, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!
I'm sorry you are dealing with all that crap, I hope your soon to be son-in-law is ok...but for one day try to relax, enjoy the fantastic news of remaining NED and enjoy your day!!
Been a stupid, busy week at work...I've been checking in and thinking of everyone.
Love you Micmel... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
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I have been distracted lately with Other Things and thought I would stop in for a quick visit and so much life, so much loss, so many highs and lows and how do we all live these lives, day in and day out and not drop from pure exhaustion? Heartbreak (Holmes). Joy, (everyone who had a good scan or result). Birthdays (Yes, yay you, Micmel, you sexy young thing!) and daughters who can sometimes be peevish brats, even though we love them. There is nothing for me to say, but I feel humbled by my betters. I am sad that I will never get another pm from Bluebird. A voice gone silent. Carry on. What else can we do?
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MicMel, Happy, happy and very happy Birthday!Relax and think at least for one day only about yourself and your Dh. You are alive, young and beautiful. I love you my dear friend!
A lot of hugs. Elena
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY Micmel!!!! You truly are the heart and soul of our lovely group here. I hope you do something nice to celebrate your great scans and your birthday You have been through a lot and you deserve some peace and happiness. I'm sorry to hear about the accident and thank goodness that there were no serious injuries. I'm also sorry about the tension that comes with weddings and all the stress that they can bring. Weddings should be a time of happiness and family togetherness but often are not. Hopefully once the wedding is over things will settle down. Holmes, there are some wonderful people in this world and God bless the " earth angels" who are so generous to help your family in this time of loss. Truly heart touching.0
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Happy Birthday, Micmel! Hope you have a wonderful day.
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Micmel, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR MICMEL, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! Wooooo, yippee! 🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈 I hope you celebrate this special day. Have a piece of cake for me.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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Happiest of birthdays, Micmel!
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Thank you sweet ladies. I am feeling really great. I am happy and going to spend time with my best friend. My DH is coming up later. 😃. My Sil car is totaled we are thinking he is feeling badly. He went to the Er and they said sprained neck and concussion....he's hurting for sure...their wedding is Tuesday so they aren't really thrilled with the additional expense that this is causing. Hasn't been a great week for them. Or such losses for us. It's hard for me to celebrate too hard, when others are grieving.. so thank you my sweet friends. I adore you all and I appreciate you sharing your lives with me on our thread together. Much love to you all. ~M~
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Holmes, You and your family must be physically and emotionally exhausted. I wish I could be there to provide meals, watch the children, run errands, clean your houses and do other things that you and your family shouldn't even have to think about right now. I am happy that you had so many kind and thoughtful people appear yesterday to help you through a difficult day of funeral planning. Thank you for thinking about us when you have so many other things on your mind. I am lifting you up in prayer and keepingyou in my thoughts.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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This was his car. The air bag went off. Which caused the nose bleed and the concussion for sure. I am just thankful he wasn't hurt and it doesn't look like he is at fault. Holmes~I have to admit, I was laying awake last night thinking of your family. As Lynne said, it would be a wonderful thing if we all could just be there for each other, to take over the things that are mindless and basically unimportant...I am sending love and thoughts of strength to you and you will be in my daily wishes for peace and calm. Much love ~M~
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Micmel: ouch! That is a big crunch in the car. My goodness.
Wishing you a happy birthday. At 48 you are still practically a young pup! Hope you are showered with birthday blessings this day.
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Micmel, first, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Micmel, Happy Birthday to you!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎂🎂🎂🍾🍾🍾
Second, great news from your MO!!! You go girl!!!!!
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICMEL!!!!! I hope you have a wonderful day 😊
Thank you everyone for keeping my family in your prayers. It has definitely been a mentally exhausting week. My husband and I are going to a local park tomorrow and we are going to try to distress a little. Nature usually does that for us.
I hope everyone has a great long weekend!!!
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Holmes, I can’t even begin to imagine what you all have been through. Keeping you and your family in my prayers and sending you cyber hugs
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Today was a breezy 85 degrees which found me doing a bit of lawn mowing/gardening. Have been busy here with grandchildren, visits from friends ,etc. Not much time to catch up with house work, etc. i am finding myself a little muddled and forgetful-worse than normal. My ex-husband was here for the annual work week on his families' hundred year old island cottage. We have an amicable relationship, but my daughter has abandonment issues around him. Anyway, i found myself quite emotional last night driving the 40 miles home from the beautiful harbor town that I grew up in. So many summers waiting tables, sailing, beaching, and at THE very special 100 year old cottage. My ex sister-in-law is still like my sister from a different mother. I felt a tender longing and sense of grief. Not for my ex, but for those crucial developmental years together. We were all working at the same inn where ages ranged from 16-20. We did everything together. I ended up going to the same college as my ex, and we began dating my junior year. We dated for 3 years, and stayed married for only 4 years, but it impacted my life greatly. I think those of us with MBC and other similar diseases may spend a little more time recollecting the past.
Anyway, Micmel-that car! Ugh! Glad DSIL to be was not hurt worse.( Like any of us needs more stress) Has there been a change in the wedding plans that I missed? So pleased to hear you are feeling better.
Lynne(Man) -how are you dear? Sounds like you went through quite a "riga ma roll"at you MO's office. What was their problem anyway? Enjoy the Mini trip!
Lynne(50's) Hey girl! Here you are writing those lovely posts to everyone that needs them! You are a gift!
Worried about Magda-
To all of my other dear MBC sisters-peace be with you. Love Mary Jane
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Happy birthday Micmel, have a lovely day! Lots of love from sunny Spain xx
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Lynne, I was very surprised to see you at lunch the other day. Did you see me do a double-take when I went around the corner and saw you sitting there? I bet you thought I was stalking you. It was nice to see you even though it wasn't planned. I think that the scheduling at the onc's office started going awry when the new record-keeping system was implemented. I have noticed "fake" appointments on the patient portal several times. They usually say " not scheduled", but I suspect that they hog some of the space in the chemo room. My impeccable (cough, cough) analysis leads me to believe that the new system calculates treatment dates in advance based on physician's orders and puts time on hold for infusions and injections. When the actual appointment is made for a different date, the one that was serving as a placeholder sometimes stays there. It can confuses the people booking appointments. Of course, I am probably way off base, but I am one of those people who needs an explanation for everything, so sometimes I have to make things up. Whatever the reason, the treatment you received was unacceptable. If they do not have room to treat all their patients when needed, they have to fix the problem. If they don't, they are going to lose patients. It is not as if they are unaware of the seriousness of the treatments and services they provide. Geez!
Mary Jane, It sounds like you Y-90 mapping went well. I hope that next week's procedure hoes as smoothly. You must be looking forward to getting it over with and seeing the results.
Micmel, Will you be attending the wedding at the courthouse or will it just be the two of them?
Have a good night everyone.
Hugs and prayers from, Lynne
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