My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Parrynd1, love the painted pumpkins! So creative!
Illimae, I've been thinking of you. You've had a tough couple of weeks.
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Muddling~i love the elegant frame, I think I have one just like it. You do such lovely work. I love the colors you chose, makes me want to have some tea, on a porch somewhere with my sweet DH ty for sharing! 💙~M~
Hope the cold is better Mae! Now I have it back.
Divine ?????
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I’m scared and sad. I go for a CT on Monday to see if latest chemo is working, but I already know it isn’t. My pain has gotten almost unbearable and completely unmanageable again. If the chemo was working I’m sure I wouldn’t be hurting even more. I’m scared that I’m right and sad to face this again.
Oh my god. I just had a complete panic attack. What if there are no other treatments? What if my time is up? For the first time, I’m terrified to go to doctor. I’m so scared. I can’t put it into words.
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Sheilamarie, I’m sorry to read such fear in your post. Is it possible that your increased pain is something other than cancer? If not, is radiation an option? I’m hoping your CT results are better than you expect, that your MO has plans/options and that you are able to dismiss the what if’s for now.
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SheliaMarie, I'm sorry you are so scared. Can you call your oncologist and see if they can work you in for scans before Mon.? Please let him or her know about the panic either way. I get the fear - I think we all do. Hugs and understanding.
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MJH, my mouth is watering looking at that apple crisp!!! Looks SO good! LOVE fresh apple cider too!! Parry love your pumpkins, so cute! Muddlingthrough, that is a lovely little painting, beautiful! We have some talented ladies in the group. Micmel, I wish I had the words to make you feel better, you have had a rough way to go lately. Accepting the new restrictions that your daughters new religion puts on your relationship is hard and I expect that it will continue to be. She has changed her beliefs from everything that she knew and while you have to respect her choices ( which I believe you do) it doesn’t mean that your heart doesn’t hurt for things to be the way they were. Cancer and fatigue and side effects are a part of our daily life and honestly people have no clue.. if they did , life’s would be a little easier. Hoping that things ease up for you soon. Sending you all a hug
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Sheila~I feel your fear honey. I do. I live it everyday. I am going to be honest and tell you that when I had heavy chemo or any chemo for that matter. It hurt like hell, sometimes it's called tumor flare or burn. It means that your body is in battle , if you fall and hurt yourself , damn that hurts. Imaigine that chemo being you falling inside. I always am convinced my chemo is not working with every jab of pain. We all know what You're feeling so much it wrecks my soul. Hold on to us tight. We do get it. Call them and get some Valium! If you can't get there sooner. Either way though Valium to sedate your over stimulated emotions. I am experiencing the same thing. I've been in a terrible funk.
Lynnwood~my funk started with my daughters birthday and I haven't been able to get out of my own head. I have cried for two days. I think what gets me is... DH and I have beliefs also... why are they not important as theirs? I know without a doubt it was hard for her. She came right out and told me. She faced timed me and I saw the indifference in her eyes. I'm hoping the love she got at home will shine through and she will miss the memories and family times as well!
Hi Mae ~Hope you're feeling better! This Cold sucks , I've slept all day again. Geeze
Much love ~M~
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Glad to hear your news Gracie.
Sheilamarie, holding your hand, saying a little prayer. I have been having a lot more pain, so understand your fear. Can we share it, and only fear half as much? I know it sounds crazy , but just sharing here eases it a little. I tried, but can't see my Oncologist till next Tuesday. They told me otherwise to go to emergencies so I am hoping to bear the pain till then. Worn out!
Hi to everyone else. X
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Minnie~I hate when they tell us to go to the Er. So annoying. NO help me now! Don’t make someone who is already in terrible pain, sit and wait for relief.. ugh!!!! Cancer frustration Is real. I am convinced that we all suffer from PTSD. How could we not? Just awful.
You’re not alone Shelia. You’re just not !
Much love ~M~0 -
Gracie, please forgive me!! My mouth was watering over the apple crisp and I forgot to tell you congratulations on your scan results!! That's great news! I hope that your follow up testing shows that you don't have a blood clot! Hope you are feeling better every day.
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Lynnwood~ I cant believe how chilly it has been. Wow!
Shelia~ thinking of you. Because I understand honey. I had myself two good days of ugly crying, not even understanding what to do with the fear in my mind and in my thoughts. I am stuck with these thoughts and feelings and they are never going away. I am holding your hand honey. Boy do I understand.... like muddling said I think we all do.
50's?????
Divine???? 😞 hope everything ok.
Lynne man. Hope vacation is awesome.... Tanya ~Hope you’re pain is better also! I’m in my funk.
Parry~Hello dear.
Pots~Hope all is well with you as well.
Gracie....Bella...Runor....Minnie...Haven't seen Grannax either. Muddling...
Mae.. hope you're feeling better. I know it's a lingering thing.
Katyk~Hello Hello Hello
Miss Bianca... footprints angel...
send out good thoughts please for my friend Dianarose. She's going through a lot. Fighting with all she has. ❤️
Much love ~M~
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http://aboutislam.net/muslim-issues/america/black-muslim-breast-cancer-survivor-walks-17-years-cure/
Good morning ladies
Thought I’d share an article that was written about my journey.
Tany
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Tanya_Djamila,
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Just popping in to say hello to Micmel and all her friends.
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Tanya ~ I am sitting here in full tears you're a beautiful person and soul. Thank you for standing up, thank you for walking. You're a precious gem. I can't tell you how that touched me. Much love much!❤️~M~ you're not alone
Sandy~Hello sweetheart, I hope you’re having a good day. And week, month. Caught the dreaded cold again. Twice already this fall. Ugh. Need a. Bubbble. Ty for caring enough to visit me. 💙 ~M~ love always
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I left a message for my onc at 6 am advising that the pain has gotten unbearable and asking if they could set me up to see if radiation will help. Haven’t heard back from them yet.
I can’t seem to wake up. When I’m awake, I’m crying... sometimes in pain, sometimes in fear. Then my eyes get heavy again and I’m out. I think I was awake a total of 2 hours yesterday. Too sleepy to even shower. Just sleep and cry. That’s my world the last couple of days.
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Shelia ~It sounds like you’re living the exact same thing I am. The fear is paralyzing. You’d rather sleep because it’s safe. Then you can’t lay down anymore. But when you get up, the sheer exhaustion of the terror and fear power over us right along with the medicine. I cry sleep and cry and sleep. I am doing the Same thing for two days as well. I just want to feel happy and normal again. I’m so sorry so so sorry that we are going through this. I am hand in hand with you. I promise 💙💙💙💙💙~M~
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Sheila Marie
Call them again. Get someone on the phone. I’m praying for you dear.
Tanya
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Tanya_Djamila, thank you for sharing that article! So wonderful what you are doing!
Sheila Marie, we agree. Try calling again, and if there is a portal, submit a request.
We are sending all you amazing people big hugs, and happy you have each other for support
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Tanya_Djamila thank you for sharing that article. I'm so sorry your dear friend and also some co-workers died from bc. Thank you for speaking stage 4 truths. This quote spoke to me and I hope it got through to people who don't know of this stage since it often gets pink-washed away.
"Energy is sometimes nonexistent. Until there's a cure there's no going back to normal. No beating this—no surviving except for the breath you take this moment."
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Parry- the pumpkins and acrylic flow painting! Wonderful! I have done traditional acrylic painting but am fascinated by the flow process!
Muddling-sweet watercolor!
Gracie-yay, yay and yay! So good to know things are mostly stable! Thanks for checking in!
Sheila-so sorry to hear of your pain and feeling panicked. It surely could be any of us at anytime. Pain completely erodes any sense of peace and well being. In looking at your treatments, it seems to me that there should be several more options. i'm thinking that 1) getting the evil flipping pain under control ASAP, and 2) getting your next treatment plan established will bring you back into some semblance of balance.
Micmel-it must have been so painful not to celebrate with your daughter. Particularly disconcerting when a loved one departs drastically from family traditions-makes them feel like a stranger. Sorry to hear of your crying days, but it does rearrange brain chemistry for the better-sort of relieves a pressure valve or something. Could be any of us at anytime.
Tanya-enjoyed the article! You are a force!
Lynnwood-thanks for chiming in! I wish I could sit down and eat warm apple crisp with all of you!
Lots of baking this week for scout bake sale, end of soccer, season, and Halloween parties! We actually received a little heavy wet snow here today- yikes!
Love and gentle hugs to each and every one of my dear MBC sisters, Mary Jane
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Tanya, great article and powerful message! Thanks for sharing and for all you do for breast cancer patients, especially spreading the word about MBC.
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Wanted to update everyone on my kidney issue. I had surgery 2 weeks ago to inspect the “swollen kidney” . Turns out that my ureter ( which leads from the kidney to the bladder) was narrowed by “ scar tissue “. This was causing the urine to back up into the kidney , this making it show up as swollen on the ct scan. They placed a stent to make sure this area stays open. The stent will be surgically changed every 6 months. No damage was done to the kidney and they biopsied several places in the scar tissue and it was negative for cancer. They are calling it fibrosis which is a fancy name for scar tissue. The interesting part is that the urologist says that this may have been caused by the various cancer medications that I have taken since 2008. He spoke with my oncologist and let her know everything that they found and the plan for moving forward in the future and she is on board. The urologist is a specialist in cancers of the urinary system and will continue to follow me even though the biopsy was negative.
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Lynnwood1960, that seems like really good news, although sorry you have another maintenance thing to do. Will the stent change require surgery too? Hoping this makes you much more comfortable day to day also!
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Micmel, I am sorry that you are having a hard time lately! I wish I could take all of your tears and fears away. One thing that helped me was something that I read... one day we will die, but on all the others we will live. I try to tell myself that I am not dying today and that I can still do everything I was able to do this time last year, maybe a little slower and a little stiffer but still getting it done. Sending you a big hug!! Xox
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thank you lovely ladies. My DH surprised me today because he knows I'm struggling. I wasn't going to make the entry date for the bra contest. I just couldn't drive today too dizzy with this sinus infection back. He came to drive it to the hospital and submit it for me. He's coming to the dinner with me tomorrow and it's mademe feel so loved and cared for like no one ever has. I love him into the depths of my soul and being. I did finish it. I hope it does well. Just knowing I did it and dedicated to my DH for his constant support and loving me with no change, but grew in committed love and life together. I am so cursed and blessed at the same time. Much love to all. Lots ~M~
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......the final product done and gone to be displayed. Thanks to my sweetheart of a man in my life. 0 -
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Back. The red tape says. “They lived happily ever after “ and he darkest red says. “You make me happy “0 -
You did a beautiful job Micmel! So nice of your husband to make sure it got where it needed to go!
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Tanya, excellent article. I too have done numerous walks over the years. Even organised walks for a few years and raised a lot of money, some for research, and some to provide help for cancer patients and their families. My husband walked this year in my place.
Sheilamarie, I hope you have had some relief by now. Thinking of you.
Micmel, what a lovely job you have done! What happens after the competition? Do you get it back?
I was at a Fashion Show today. A local charity does this every 6 months. All the clothes are second hand and vary from beach dresses to formal dresses. The clothes are then auctioned. Was a fun day out, and a good way to raise money
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