My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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.....this is how I found my dog asleep last night when I woke up. It looks like he had a hard night partying!! Look at his feet, they are not on the ground. His head isn't on the couch. It's onthe grey ottoman next to the couch in our living room lol 😂 too funny animals are. Hope everyone is safe, and hope we have a pain free week! Much love ~M~0 -
Everyday I am trying to get out and do something at least out of the house. Today I took a nice drive about an hour a way each way..it was a beautiful day. I had the window down and I thought that somehow it felt different then the times I had done that before. It somehow felt like the air smelled more alive. The sounds sounded more profound and I was aware of my surroundings more. The busy lives of people who go day to day not having a large grey cloud hanging above their head. Following me wherever I go, worrying everyday,everybody around me slightly different. But you can't put your finger on it directly, because you changed...... my life is no longer my own...~M~
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Micmel, truer words were never spoken.
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i saw this article not too long ago about what things people will say to cancer patients. From people who of course have never had cancer at all. I would imagine each and everyone of us has had someone say something to them. That made their heads spin. Mine was the other day at the grocery store. I have lived here for almost 20 years. I know someone wherever I go. So I was shopping and barely getting done the shopping on my list. I saw someone I knew and they said "oh you look great!" Well while inside I was counting down the seconds to be at home in the air conditioning blasting on me, laying in my bed. I need a recovery period after a shopping trip! Another good one is. This ones classic for me. "Ohhh why did you cut your hair?!" Now this one crushed me beyond crushed. Because my hair was way down the middle of my back. I looked at her with my mouth open, and forced back my tears, and responded with " I had to have chemotherapy to try and save my life". Well that certainly shut her up. But then I cried the whole way home. Any of you have something that someone has said to you, that made you either want to choke them right there and then? , or something that truly hurt to the core?I know I uttered out loud one day to myself while I was looking In the mirror. " you used to be so beautiful, you're not beautiful anymore." I was devastated! I still am. Share the stupid ass things people have said to you. Let's comply a list. I don't care how many we come up with !! It is a topic that bugs the hell out of me. ! Hugs to all.!!
Thank you Lynn. I am sure you have some to add. Lol we all must. ~M~
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Of course there's the random strangers who see my bald head and say "you can beat this!", I know they mean well but hello, stage IV here, ugh. The most offensive was recently and from my mother who was dxd a couple years ago with stage 1 BC and had been through treatment. She emailed me during Hurricane Harvey to see if we made it through without flooding and said "cancer is just a minor thing compared to Mother Nature". Oh sure, no worries then.
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You have to be positive, don't give up, you got this,
My friends mothers cousins best friends uncles sister died from breast cancer and it was horrible. But you'll be just fine, don't even worry.
Do you have a will done yet?
Since you have your hair back, you must be done treatment and feel better.
You should start praying more.
Those are a few I have run into since diagnosis!
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My cousin (male) invited me out for lunch and then said"Don't you feel terrible when you look in the mirror?" Unbelievable!
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Did the Medicine youre on make you gain weight?
Did loosing your boob hurt?
You don't look sick..... honestly you don't ...I would tell you if you did.
I've been thinking about you, I always ask your kids how you are. (Um why don't you ask me?, I'm still here)
Are you going to make it? (Gee. How the hell do I know)
I guess the medicine is really expensive huh? How do you manage?
Some women's husband leave them, when they get sick you know ?
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Love stories: Tom and I knew each other from the time we were little kids. My dad and his uncle were best friends growing up and all through high school and after school. So I knew his family and his extended family and he knew my family. He and my big brother were friends. They used to throw rocks at me when I was little. I was that obnoxious little sister or kid sister who idolized my big brother, and wanted to do everything he did. Needless to say my brother and Tom didn't want me around. We both grew up and went separate ways. He moved away from our hometown when he was a young teenager. I married a hometown boy and had kids. Tom never married. After I was divorced a friend of mine was joking one night and said ," you should date Tom ." To which I answered, that would be kind of like dating your cousin. But that friend ended up inviting us both to go camping. When we got to the campgrounds I asked my friend and his wife, where in his tent he wanted me to put my sleeping bag. He said, " oh you're sleeping in Tom's tent". Boy oh boy was I nervous. But I figured what the heck I've known him my whole life and he's never been interested in me so I should be OK. That night when everyone went to bed I got into my sleeping bag and zipped it all the way up to my neck and said" thanks Tom for letting me bunk in your tent tonight. I've had a lot of fun." Then I rolled over and went to sleep. Now at this point in my life I was 29, divorced and raising two kids by myself. Tom was 32 and had never been married. He told me later in our life that that night made him fall in love with me. He thought it was really cute that I was so standoffish. We started dating the next week. We were married six months later until five years ago when I lost Tom to multiple health problems. He was the love of my life and will always be. And I was the love of his life, and was until his death. That's the end of my love story. We had that happy ending, until death we did part. Now I hope and pray that Heaven is real, and that someday Our Love story will continue in a different realm.
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my very best friend in the entire world came to stay with me one day after I had had my mastectomy and Tom didn't want me to be at home by myself. So she came and after a little bit she said " you know, there's a lot to be said about quality of life over quantity of life." She was referring to the fact that I had decided to do chemo. I really wanted to look at her and ask her if she would feel better if I just died now. But I didn't ! Grrrrr! Needless to say she was never my best friend again !
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Gracie, the thought of losing my love,is almost more than I can bare. My dh is my everything! I nearly lost him in an accident earlier this year. He is still recovering. My heart hurts,reading your post! I love this thread,because it is about love and life. The only two things that matter!!!
Love Chelle.
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Gracie~ my sweet friend, welcome,welcome!! I was tearing up when I read that beautiful love story. I have been collecting as many as I can here. I loved the part when you just fell asleep in his tent, so sweet and innocent. That just warms my heart. I am so happy that you found your love and happiness, but my heart truly aches to think you had to go through losing him. You're amazing! I have always thought and knew in my mind. That I would forever never need any other. I believe you have also felt that way and have proven my point. You just only really love that dear person. No one else could ever make any difference. I've told my DH many times. If he were to go first, I would just wait and I know my heart could never love again, just never. It's too full of love for him only. My life actually became a life when I found him. I can relate. Your love story is for the story books my dear friend! Thank you for sharing. That is such a special story, Made me cry! You're a precious woman no wonder he fell for you first!! Big huge hugs ~M~
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Chelle~ I remember seeing your Story about your precious DH and his accident. Is he a cop? I remembered a criminal was involved and he actually hit your husband with the vehicle??? Please correct me if I am wrong and share the story with us, I don't want to tell something that isn't true.I welcome you here. I think way back you had posted here once or twice! We have become a little family here and we post whatever the heck we want too. We share Our plans. We share our thoughts and frustrations stories of our non compliant kids! Okay mainly mine. Lol. But we would love if you would come join us here in our little pub! Big hugs ~M~ Please share with us. If you don't mind.
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M,
Yes, of course I will share. My story will be very long. I will write it in smallish posts each day. I have had a doozie of a life!!! I get the feeling,that Gracie has too. But let's just talk about dh accident today.
March 10,2017 my husband a 20 year vet of the Denver police Department, went to work. Like any other day over the last sixteen years,he hopped on his Harley,and proceeded to go run radar. At 3:00 in the afternoon,He spots a guy doing 60 in a 35. Busy three lane street in downtown Denver. He got in behind him ,lights on. The man went from 55 to 0 in the middle of the street. He stopped so suddenly that the rear of his car, came off the ground. Of course my dear Patrick, hit the back of his car and then flipped over it, landing on his head. The guy jumped out with a fresh tattoo across his chest reading thug life. He said the fucken pig wanted me to stop, so I fucken stopped. His decision has changed our lives, forever.
Patrick is healing from a traumatic brain injury,broken leg,shredded bicep and all of the tendons in his shoulder needed mending. He has not worked a day since the accident. But he is expected to make a full recovery.❤️😊
I can't even begin to tell our story, until I tell you my past.
Let me give you all of the basic info. We have three daughters. 27,22,15. I am 48 was dx at 46. We have two grandsons. So wonderful to have some boys!!!!
I'll write another Oprah tonight,if I get a chance.
Love to you all!!❤️❤️Chelle
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Chelle~I had remembered some of the story and remembered he was seriously injured in the accident. I had child reading that the criminal had thug life tattooed on himself. That's disgusting, I wish I could thug life him right up his ass!! People are so careless with life. I am so very thankful that he not only survived, because we both know, motorcycles have no bumpers. But I thank goodness that he will make a full recovery. He deserves to make that full recovery, and your precious family also deserves to have their precious father. People make me so mad. I shed some tears looking at your picture together. You're a beautiful lady my friend. He's an amazingly strong and driven man. I hope he does nothing but continue to improve. I also hope that some kind of charges were brought against him for his actions and speeding. Losers!!!
I noticed that you were also diagnosed De novo. I was also and so was Mae. I was diagnosed at age 45. It seems like you were meant to pull up a chair here at our little pub. I look forward to sharing and building a nice friendship. All of us here usually daily, check in for support. This thread has gotten my head outta my ass several times. I see strong beautiful women here. One that has flown through radiation like it's no ones business, survived Harvey(Mae)!We have Claudia who is vacationing and horseback riding after riding out Irma. We have Keetmom, who is maybe the best parent and mother I have ever seen. So devoted to her family, and pushed forward with her amazing DH, to take care of their beautiful girls who face challenges every single day like we do, but they are young girls. Lynn, a beautiful spirit, who floats in like a butterfly! NKB,seems to be our calm rational one! Chicago, is a special woman who is dealing with helping her precious mother! Such a hard thing to go through. Nan, my precious friend, her DD just got married and allowed us to see, some of us might just see their children marry and have grandkids! Tanya, our new friend who pops in and out with lovely stories and encouragement for family .I hope you know Chelle, you're also quite strong and beautiful. I look forward to hearing your stories of your life, which has made you the caring good person you are here today! Much love ~M~
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I had more to add to the stupid things people say to cancer peeps!.....
Oh are you going to color your grey, that's coming in since your hair fell out?
My co-worker also had cancer, hers was stage one, what was yours again?
Can you still taste things normally?
Is the mastectomy scar that bad?
You're going to have reconstructive surgery aren't you? I could never not have my breast, I'd rather die first! (Really would you?)
.......just a few more I remembered last night! Ugh! People!!
Gracie~ I wouldn't have had that woman as my best friend either, no thank you. That is just someone who is clueless and would do exactly the same thing those faced with chemo do. Have the Effing chemo! Duh!
~M~
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Micmel
Support and love sent your way. I'm trying not to allow the fear to paralyze me, yet I feel paralyzed. I was working out three times a week also, taking a spin class, zumba, working a full and part time job. I started feeling a little tired but I remember when I got flu bronchitis whooping cough all at once, I remarked, this is the sickest I've been in 10 years. I didn't know it would be the cancer.
My first bout with cancer was at 46. I was young and strong. You sound as if you are too.
This group is teaching me so much about side effects symptoms, tests, remedies. I appreciate you. Keep fighting like a beast. You are stronger than you know.
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Tanya~I have always liked to think of myself as strong. I have always gotten through everything I needed to get through. I am hoping this cancer thing can be contained. My DH and the kids are the main reason i fight so hard. I also know that I feel so much better, now, then I did before all the chemo and surgery and now ibrance. When that lump start to change. It hurt like crazy, it was all I could think of. I think deep down, as soon as it changed, I knew. It was changing and growing so fast. It began to get rigid and hard. That was no cyst. What a terrible day that was. I also wish I could wake up from this dream. Before all the treatment it was such uncomfortable pain. The lump wasn't moving anymore. I knew it was bad. I know exactly what you mean thinking wow I have never felt this sick before. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was Christmas Eve day. That morning I couldn't get out of bed. I was so weakened and feeble. My entire body was feeling like the worst flu I've ever known. Took antibiotics again and it cleared up until later in January of 16. That is the year when my life changed forever.My sons birthday is January, and I was Diagnosed 9 days before his birthday. I've been fighting ever since. You ladies are wonderfully important to fighting. I get to fight right along of some amazing women. Much love and good thoughts.~M~
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Micmel- You figured me out. I do feel much more calm and rational than with the first diagnosis. I also feel better with more blood-severe anemia made me feel fragile- and therefore fearful. when friends wanted to do something active-I would be afraid I couldn't do it or would hurt myself. Feel much better now and am doing more and trying to act normally.
On the other topic- I only told about 10 people total and my DH told his 3 best friends when I was first diagnosed in 2012. I told most of those 10 about being stage 4 and my DH decided not to tell his 3 best friends. I don't hear any of those clueless statements-because no one knows but, very close special people. Just enough to provide support. I get support and tons of time to discuss cancer and read about how people are doing here. I think people really don't know what to do or say and really don't want to talk about cancer. I love having friends who have no clue-it isn't a topic of discussion because they don't know. I used to worry that they would be mad at me for not telling them-now I could care less if they find out and feel I left them out of this detail of my life. This is my news/life to do what I please with.
I used to feel weird when people said How are you? and I said fine. But, DH convinced me, you are fine, right now-so it is not deceptive. it's just a point of view- and you get to have the one that works for you.
When people say I've never told anyone this -my first thought is -and you don't have to tell me either-only tell me if you think it will make your life better. I don't need the details or drama. I'm good.
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NKB~ you just have always seemed to be calm and collected in your thoughtful responses and keeping the facts (like your DH saying you are fine now) perfect example. I am so with you on the drama part. Which is why I haven't really talked to my sister. Before our estrangement, every week there was another problem, or crisis to handle. It got tiring. Especially when the one who is wearing everyone out, never once learns any lessons. I wish I would have thought about not letting too many people know, but....having lost my hair the way I did. Made that a very difficult thing. Also, I started gaining weight, that was obvious also. Basically my body tuned against me, of course because of the chemo. You seem to have this calming presence, it even shines through your posts. A great quality to have. Hugs to you! ~M~
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.........Today I was lucky enough to babysit the precious little Chief, baby that I consider my grand doggie. He is growing so big. My DS and I took him shopping and bought him two new toys! Then we came home and played with him for a few hours. I couldnt take my eyes off of him. I gotta say I am hooked!!!! This little guy has stolen my heart! ~M~ We took him into pet smart, a crowd came around us asking us if they could take his picture. Most people have never ever seen a St Bernard as a puppy or a dog. I'm finding they are very rare. Around our area anyway. I'm fascinated by this puppy.
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M,
What an adorable grandpuppy!!! What is the name? Him or her? I love dogs! I have two little fluffy mutts and two grandogs.
Ready for another oprah?
I was born in San Antonio 1969. I was healthy at the beginning, but by the time I was three,I had enlarged tonsils and adenoids. Not the usual enlargement. I couldn't taste or smell. I was only 19 pounds when I was a three almost four year old. I made it through surgery,they only gave me a 50/50 chance. All seemed well for a year or so. When I was five,I started having seizures. Several a day. I now had epilepsy. My childhood was spent by my mothers side. Never swimming,riding a bike,nothing. I had an older sister to keep me company sometimes. She was only two years older. We got along great. Best friends,shared a locker in high school. I can remember as kids,even teens,spending the night together. We would bring our blankets ect,in the others bedroom. A very close sibling relationship. My epilepsy medication was more than my parents mortgage payment. I had the best neurologist in the 1970's. His name was Dr.Moe. I can remember seeing him several times on the Jerry Lewis telethon. He told me that I would be able to drive,have children and just be a normal person. So I learned to swallow pills when I was five. And Dr.Moe was right. I haven't had a seizure since I was ten.
Things were good for a couple of years. Then my sister Teresa began to have trouble lifting her feet off the ground. Would stumble and fall sometimes. I can remember as cheerleaders together,she would sit out,when she got hot. After a few months of this. We took her to the Dr. She was dx with chronic progressive multiple sclerosis at 19 years of age. She decided to live as hard as she could, until she could no longer do anything. She had a baby girl when she was 22. Elizabeth Ann. But sadly,she lost even more physical ability after childbirth. She spent the next nine years in bed, before passing away at home at the very young age of 32. Mom and I took care of her with the help of hospice. It was the most heart wrenching experience of my life. I am proud to have adopted Elizabeth and can now call myself a grandma. Elizabeth is her legacy. It will be eighteen years since her death this November 19th.
I never went to college,never partied with friends. Life's biggest lesson was taught to me at a very young age. I don't regret a minute of it!! I don't blame her illness. I would do it all the same,if I had to do it again. A career be damned. Love is everything. The only thing that matters the only thing that lives on, after death
Love you ladies!!!
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Elizabeth with her youngest, jaxo0 -
Wow, these stories are powerful and heartfelt. We have some STRONG friends here. I admire you all.
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Chelle~. I knew there was something about you, when you told the story about your DH and his accident right after it happened. I remember reading it. I was in awe of your strength then, when i woke up this morning and saw your beautiful story about your precious sister, and elizabeth who you so loving adopted. You're such a beautiful soul to be who you are, to those around you. Your sister was also a beautiful person. You can see the love in the eyes of the child that young as a baby. I am so sorry that you have gone through something that heartbreaking. I can't imagine the heart break you and your family had to go through. Sometimes words just aren't adequate to allow you to understand how my heart feels reading your story. That is too young to have such loss in your life. I am so very sorry that you lost your sister. You are obviously a very special person, mother and wife. That Is a picture of a precious little sweet baby! I worry for my kids also, cancer is cancer. How old is he now? He is a beautiful little guy wow so precious. I want nothing but happiness and good things for you Chelle. Your sister is looking down and loving you everyday for the selfless way you have led your life, even as a younger child. How old were you, when you adopted that precious angel Elizabeth? I agree it's all about living and loving your people. That is really the only thing I really even care about these days. You live and learn. From the sounds of it. , you loved, then learned, then lived, in that order. I am proud to know you, and would be even prouder to call my friend. I am so fond of all you special ladies that surround me here. Thank you for being Here with me everyday sharing our journeys together. Friendship is very powerful. And love rules the world. That's why I made this thread. For stories exactly like the one I just read, and needed my tissues. Sending pure love and fondness for all of you. Chelle, thank you again for sharing your precious story with us. It was beautiful! Much love ~M~ Your story makes me think deeply about being estranged from my sister. It's been 14 years or more since I've even seen her. My brother had a massive heart attack last week,and with my cancer diagnosis, she has been calling and texting to see me for lunch this Monday. I have been giving it some good thought. Dunno. Your story got to me I think! Thank you again 💕
That precious puppy is named Chief. He's soooooo precious. People stop us wherever we go. I'm addicted to him. Seriously addicted lol
Lynn, I agree withy you completely! Strong stories always = strong ladies! We have such an awesome group here.
Claudia ~ we miss you sweetheart, I am thinking she's off on her vacation with her dear sweet Hubby! Thinking of you!
Mae~ I have another American Horror to watch today! Yay! Started season 7 of game of thrones. I don't want it to end. I'm slowing down watching it. I love it.
Keetmom ~ hugs to the girls and you! Hope all is well!!
Nan~ love you!
Chicago~ everything ok in your world I hope !!
NKB~ sending out a shout out to you as well. Our little pub is growing and it is a very special thing I am enjoying tremendously!
Tanya~ hugs for you too my dear! Did I remember you were having heat flashes? My doctor put me on alow dose of Effexor for them, I used to have 20 a day, now I only have maybe 4 if that, and no more changing my clothing in the middle of the night soaking wet. It helped me so much feel a little more normal. I couldn't go out in public even, it was embarrassing!
Gracie~ welcome my sweet friend. Seeing your name always bring me smiles.
Happy hump day!
~M~
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here is something I saw floating around and it was right in line with what we have been saying about things cancer patients endure hearing Yuck! 0 -
Chelle, You have had an amazing life so far. You have experienced great challenges, loss, and pain, yet you have survived and have risen above them to find the joy that remains in your life. Your niece/daughter is so lucky that you have been there for her. You are such a special, loving, giving soul.
I lost my only sister when she was only 36. It was devastating to my parents, her husband, her son, and me. I still miss her.
I am adding that information here for two reasons:
Reason 1. I know that some of you fear that your children will not remember you or that someone else will take your place when you are gone. My sister had one child. Her son turned 13 the day my sister died, so old enough to have experienced many things with his mother. His father did remarry, and his new wife treated my nephew well. They did grow close. My nephew is now an adult with two children. He still talks about his mother often. His children have heard many stories about the grandmother they have never met. They have visited her grave in Paris several times and left their grandmother little gifts - a toy car, a little doll, rocks. No one will ever replace his mother in my nephew's heart, and he will never forget her. He did have room in his heart for his stepmother, but that does not mean that the love and loss he feels for his mother is gone.
Reason 2: sometimes people close to us disappoint us or our relationships break down. Sometimes the reasons for the breakdown are so serious that the bond cannot be repaired. Perhaps there have been malicious or violent or nasty, mean things done. If that is the case, we need to move on, pray for wisdom, and look forward without ever restoring that bond. If that is the case, it is healthier to live with the rift. Sometimes that other person has so many issues or hate or problems, it would be detrimental to our own well-being to encourage a reconciliation. In some cases, however, the reason that a relationship breaks down is petty or due to our own stubbornness or pride and we are hurt and cannot find a way back to forgive. Sometimes our loved one has truly changed and wants to come back into our world. In that case, we need to decide whether or not we want to have that person back in our life, whether it might be a good thing, whether we can forgive and/or forget. Maybe a reconciliation is still not possible and we need to move on, but maybe it is worth a try. We each have to decide for ourselves the direction to take.
I wish I could still see my sister and talk to her and tell her what a wonderful son she has, but our relationship was a good one. Micmel, it sounds like your relationship with your sister has been poisoned by her problems and history. It seems that you would like to consider a reconciliation, but think carefully. You have lots of stress in your life right now, and I am not sure that it is a good time to add more. My prayers go out for you.
I am sorry for rambling on.
Hugs and prayers, Lynne
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Lynne~You hit the nail on the head. It was her problems and issues and choices that led her and I to the estranged relationship, the second paragraph you had written, I seriously thought you were talking directly about my situation. We used to be inseparable, then I married and got divorced (after two kids and 11 years) and she decided she would rather have my x in her life over me. I know now it was mostly my step monster, that interfered in everything. I am going to give it some major thought . Not only did her choice effect me and my kids, but my DH that I have had a wonderful life with for the past 14 years. I am actually relieved that none of that drama followed our lives. Thank you for your kind words.
Chelle~ is amazing and I like to believe all of her goodness is why she is NED. (Crowd goes wild). 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗. Good things for good people. We should be so lucky to have more people be like her in this world. There is too much selfish acts and nothing short of disgust, with people and some behaviors of people I don't even know. Since I have been sick. I like to think of it as weeding my garden. Getting rid of those horrible thistle weeds. They hurt when you pull them, but after time you heal. You ladies are wonderful. Much love ~M~
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Mae~??? Everything ok? Haven't seen you in a day or so. Everything ok with your blister? Thinking of you !
~M~
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Chile- amazing stories and beautiful pictures!
50sgirl- I thought reason 2 was written directly to me also. I was going to try and reconcile with my estranged sister until I made a list of my grievances and thought no-it would not be healthy for me. She only tries to reconcile around Thanksgivings and Christmas which are at my house since I have kids. Also a psychiatrist friend told me that my sister was aware of what she did- I couldn't blame her horrible behavior on mental illness or not knowing what she did. That is how I always justified it in the past. When she did incredibly hurtful things it took me months of nightmares and anger to get over it and she just sashayed through life destroying whatever she needed to for the slightest advantage . I am happier without her, but, do feel guilty about it at times.
Micmel- I personally don't understand when people take sides in someone else's divorce or actually anything to do with someone else's marriage unless there is abuse. No one knows the inner workings of a marriage but the two involved.
Nan- did you have your bone marrow biopsy yet? How are you?
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