My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Nkb, Most of us have been taught to do whatever we can to help other people. Unfortunately, we cannot be all things to all people, and sometimes the demands of meeting the needs or wants of another person are outweighed by our own need to survive emotionally and be happy. Life is short, as we know all too well. Someday things might change for you and your sister, but itsounds like it is in your best interest as well as your family's to leave things as they are for now. Your sister made choices, and you had no control over them. You have no reason to feel guilty. Concentrate on what you have instead of what you don't have. Focus on the love and happiness that you give to and share with your family.
Lynne
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I just red a few minutes ago, that Julia Louis-Dreyfus has been diagnosed with breast cancer. A lot of celebrities have had the disease. They need to bring more awareness about MBC. That BC can turn into MBC! (At some point somewhere around 40% does)
I agree about the estrangement of any family member. Something had to cause that to happen. If it was significant enough to bother you all those years ago,I realize it would bother me now. I realize I have changed and have grown up. It was hard to make the choice to eliminate portions of my family. My kids also,they see their friends with a lot of cousins and aunts and uncles, but we don't really have that. The family that I do talk to live Far away in differently states. I am definitely soul searching on this lunch thing. NKB~ sounds like we have similar experiences with this!
Sending good thoughts and vibes ~M~
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Hi everyone! Chelle, you are amazing! I felt that about you for awhile and now I know my instincts were dead on.
Nkb, do I know you? You sure sound like me.
Micmel, I hate to tell you, I am not on vacation yet. Do you remember how Gracie was for awhile? I have been going through that also. I thought Irma was the cause of these horrible feelings, but I have since realized that she was the straw that broke the camel's back. Since Irma, I have not been sleeping or eating. I have lost almost 10 pounds in a couple of weeks. I realized that I was in trouble and am getting help. So that's good! We leave on Oct1399th for our trip. I am excited, but also worried. We have been unable to get the horses in the kind of shape they should be in for this trip. Between the wet summer and the hurricane, the bugs here are so bad, every time we ride the bugs eat us and the horses up. It is awful. Poor BigB got bit on his stomach last week, he jumped straight up in the air and I almost came off. Not good.
On a different note, I had my MRI on Monday. I met with PN on Tuesday. I am neutropenic, so off Ibrance for now. MRI showed no fractures, Yay, but a possible new lesion in left hip and possible bone marrow penetration in right hip. WTH! Anyway, they are sticking with the plan I am on now till scans in Dec. MRI showed bursitis in left hip. That is what is causing all the pain. Hopefully with more rest it will get better.
Lynne, your posts are always so thoughtful and on point. Reason # 2 so describes my family since my dad died in 2001. There is so much drama and backbiting that I finally had to just walk away. I did try to reconcile with my sister early last year. Her and bil were coming down here, so I cancelled a trip Dh and I had planned a and told her that we would be here and would meet them wherever, whenever. No phone call from her. I tried to see my mother last fall, but she was too busy. She also has been to Florida many times in the past few years, but can't ever seem to find time to see me. I cut her completely off this past April. I had done that before but like an idiot, thought things would change. It won't happen again.
Anyway, sorry for the novel. I will try to keep up with you guys from now on.
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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keetmom, I almost forgot. There is a channel called feeln. It is $2.99 a month and chock full of family movies and wholesome series. I got hooked on the series Heartland when it was on CMT. They took it off, but feel in picked it up! Your daughters would probably love it. Hugs, Claudia
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Hi there, checking in. My post radiation blisters and peeled skin are annoying and painful, so I'm relaxing at home today. RO says it looks normal. Also, I have an occasional twinge in the back of my skull, I've had it before, it could be sinus issues or a migraine but of course now it could be brain mets. It started yesterday and I'm pretty sure it's nothing but will mention it anyway.
Other than that, I'm well, catching up on shows and trying to stay reasonably active this week.
Cute puppy and I enjoyed ready the stories of love and loss. You all have been through so much, I realize I've had things very easy. I admire your will, all of you
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Hey all,
Estranged Sister stories yuck. Makes my heart hurt just to type it. Thank God I have good relationships with four of my sisters and the other one I reach out to her once in awhile, she never reciprocates. Its been years and I don't know why. Several years ago I decided through much soul searching that I didn't care why. My husband had a stroke five years ago and at the time we had been married for 33 years. Not even a phone call from my sister. That made me realize that our relationship is one sided and only for outward show.
Last night my surgical incision opened one quarter inch and is oozing. I will have skin cultures tomorrow and WBC blood work. I'm drained today. I am taking some type of penicillin.
Cancer is worrying about one thing and having something else slap you out of left field.
Thanks for listening wonderful warriors.
Oh by the way why doesn't my medical info appear at the bottom of my posts?
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it seems like many of us have sister issues. I shared my story here about my sister and why I feel it's not a good idea to reconnect. Then yesterday out of the blue, my mother, brother and I all received invitations to her sons birthday party, Like you haven't spoken to us in 7 years and then invite us to a party??!! I threw mine in the trash. My Mom is so upset and just wants her to leave her alone. I feel that these attempts to reconcile with us are for monetary reasons...she knows that my mom is 80 and has plenty of money. What she doesn't know is that Mom updated her will and wrote a paragraph in there specifically leaving her out. I hate the drama that she is trying to bring into our lives
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Sister dysfunction - I thought it was only me but then I finally talked to my eldest sister about it and realized she treats us all very similarly, with disdain. She loves my mother though. I'm unable to completely X her out. But I'm not going to play make pretend. Thank God we live a great distance apart it makes it doable.
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I don't like my parents and my idiot brother is in county jail (not assault or anything, just stupid), I think I'm squarely in this club, lol.
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Something my DH told me years ago which I think about a lot is when you say something to someone think about your motives for saying it. Be honest and insightful with yourself and If they are not good motives-don't say it.
As a friend of mine said "think whatever you want to think, just don't say it"
Bigbhome-previous life perhaps?
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Good Evening ladies~ I laid my head down for one second and I wake up groggy two hours later. I have had things to do everyday so far this week until today. Having cancer is certainly draining......I am sitting here with my Jaw dropped reading about all the estrangement that everyone has experienced, it seems to be in just about every family somehow or another. Money issues are a thing that used to be a reason I thought this all could have happened, If no one spoke to our father but her,then she'd have card blanque to have everything he has to give. So far it has worked for her. I don't ask for anything, or really even bother pleading any of my side/case. It just never seemed like something worth my time. I can't believe Lynn, that after seven years you got that invite. To me that seems like either a) someone is truly clueless, or b)someone who exhibits slight narcissistic behaviors. (Which has always been the case with my family ) I don't blame you one bit for throwing that in the trash! I think my lunch invitation is in the same bag!!!
Mae~ I'm sorry you're having some annoying pain issues with the radiation. I was hoping that would be healing up nicely and leaving you alone. I read what you said about this twitch, you're experiencing. I can honestly say that daily I have twitches. I have a twitch in my right side that happens quite a lot. Not pain necessarily, but something that is there. I sometimes find myself freaking out about any ache or pain, so I am with you. I get little aches in my ears and skull weekly. My body is one big aching play ground. You're always hustling around and medicines play jumping pain games on us I swear! You're doing way to awesome for that to be anything else than a tweaking coming and going head twinge. I get a coming and going twinge near my liver side, since I had surgery there. I am always worried it will come back. Scary stuff we deal with!
Tanya~ pretend. Ah yes. Know it well. I think my whole young life was spent pretending to like my step monster. She ruined my family (with my fathers help of course he wasn't innocent in any of this for sure) I'm not very good at pretending at all. I also suffer from word vomit, what I think falls right out of my mouth, I have trouble keeping it inside. So I don't and I have washed my hands of all of them. I also love the life I have now with my beautiful family that I love and made myself.
We can pick our noses, but we can't pick our families!!
Much love ~M~
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Tanya~ I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and I am sorry that your incision opened up, no one needs anything else to deal with. Today I felt weak and not myself. It's because I did something three days in a row and that never happens. I'll be hoping you have no further problems after your cultures! Sending hugs! ~M~
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Checking in, spent 2 nights in hospital with Emma, got a 2 hour ambulance ride with her and everything. She is fine now, we just need to figure out how to control her adrenal issues.
I am fighting a cold and feeling miserable so it will be an early bed night..hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.0 -
Keetmom~Oh!!!!! I had a feeling that something was up. You usually check in more frequently and when you hadn't I was concerned about You guys. I am in awe of the way you get things done. I am hoping some rest will slay that cold you have!! The change of weather is coming, that means everyone will be getting colds. That scares me. I am sending thoughts and good vibes to you and sweet Emma! Hugs my friend! ~M~ I am hoping Emma feels better and stronger. She's a tough cookie for sure!
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........Lol, this cracks me up!! I do love dogs. Lol0 -
Lol, the pup looks like he got into someone's edibles!
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LOL!! He certainly does Mae! He looks like he is trying to open his eyes though! It cracked me up, some people love their dogs more than their significant others lol have a happy Friday. Hope you're not in too much pain today with your blistering skin. How is the head today? Hope that twitching crap has gone away!! Hugs to you my friend! ~M~
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I called in sick again today with "boobie burn", lol. And I calmed down about the twinge, I still have it but ibuprofen has kept it at bay mostly. It's on the spot where my head was secured against the hard radiation head rest and I read that it's a nerve issue likelycaused by the inflammation from my skin along with the point of pressure from rads. Occipital neuralgia is a good fit especially with my history of ophthalmic migraines.
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Mae,
You are one of those amazing women that work with stage IV!!! My hats off to you!! I don't know,how you do it. I sleep way too much,to hold a job!!!
I haven't had time to post the next Oprah. But I'll get there. Thank you all for all of the compliments!! I don't feel amazing! I was just dealt a difficult hand. I had to get through it, the very best I knew how. That means, I followed my heart. The right way is never the easy way.
Love and comfort to all!!!❤️
Chelle.
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Mae~I second the amazing comment about you working. I always thought that was something else. Also, something I would not be able to do. I am sorry about your pain from the burning. I hope it will feel better every day. Its Friday, so you get a nice three day weekend. Relax and try to get some rest.
Chelle~ I can't imagine there would be more to tell about what you have been through. Speechless already, I can't imagine there would be more.
Claudia~I know what it feels like to withdrawal from all you care about and be one alone with yourself. I know it well. It usually happens to me around scanning times.
Happy Friday everyone! ~M~
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BIG hugs Micmel!!!!!!
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Chelle and Micmel, thank you but I'm much more lucky than amazing. I still feel great, so I try to make the most of it. Also, my working days will end next spring. Once medically retired, DH and I will move to our mountain cabin and relax, work a veggie greenhouse and do some light hiking for as long as my body will let me
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Gracie~Hi sweetheart! Big hugs right back to you. Sending good thoughts to you, I hope you get your tooth fixed fast!! Love you my friend. 💕~M
Mae~ I don't have too many spots that bother me. One week I have no pain., then the next. There is a little bugger bothering my right hip! That's about it though. I am thrilled to hearabout the cabin. I have always wanted to have one and sit outside the porch with my DH. We have Set some hopeful time limits to when the kids need to get their crap togther. Retirement sounds like a good plan for your DH and you!
Still digesting this sister conundrum! Part of me wants to go to see what she has to say, the other part of me says, you can't teach and old dog new tricks! Have a happy Saturday my friends. Big hugs!
Prach~ peace to you too darling, welcome to our thread! Hugs to you too!
~M~
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......just my daily funny!!! I love dogs lol. Have a great Saturday ladies. My rear end cheek, has some interesting bone pain going on here! I'm just hoping it's A flare, I usually get some pains my second week into ibrance because it's completely back into my system. Hopefully it's fighting those damn bad cells. I always freak out because I Am beginning round #11. I used to always know what my rumors markers were, because I went every month. But the last time I saw him, he said nothing for three months. I felt so happy. But now I am realizing that maybe some of my sanity was knowing where things stood. Now I have no idea. My last marker report they were 21.8. Now it has been over a month since I had to have the blood work and shot done! Of course, goofy pains are going to show up!! It's maddening! Much love! ~M~0 -
Hi Micmel and Friends (maybe you do need a talk show Micmel
-you are a great host),I enjoyed hearing others stories this week. Hope there is more Oprah to come,Chelle.
I was a "patient" at an Iyengar Yoga therapy workshop this week. One strange side effect from my cancer has been scoliosis. Between the spinal mets, and massive fluid and tumors on my left side before treatment, my spine got way out of whack. I have practiced and taught Iyengar yoga for years so it was kind of strange to simply be a "patient" but it is what I needed at this time, and I got a lot of insights on how I can reduce the scoliosis in my own practice.
Micmel-I wanted to weigh in on your sister conundrum. I feel like you might have little to lose by meeting her for lunch. You don't have to commit to a relationship with her again but simply get together for an hour or two to see what she is like now and take it from there. If you were so close once, I think it might be worth a little time even though it must have been so painful for her to side with your ex in the divorce. Having lunch might confirm that you were right to stay away all these years or you might get the sense that you can be in each other's life again in some healthy way. I think people do grow and change, and that none of us are perfect.
This is by no means the same intensity of a sister relationship but I mentioned before how a close friend "ghosted" me after my diagnosis but then has come around now that she saw I wasn't as sick as I was last fall. I decided to forgive-we have never mentioned it but I do enjoy her company. I'll never count on her to be there for me but I can still enjoy aspects of the friendship. I can look back at my own life-I haven't always been the perfect friend to people with cancer or the perfect sister. I think we all mess up and its worth giving each other grace, within limits. If the relationship is abusive or just totally draining, I also think it is fine to exercise self-care and detach from it. My two cents for what it is worth.
Wishing everyone a happy, healing weekend.
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That is so cute! I love dogs too! We have a malti-poo and a Westie. Our Westie is pretty old, but the vet says he is in great shape for his age. We have had him since we lived in Bend, Or, in 2004. He is a very well traveled dog! He's never been a real cuddler though, that was our Akita. She was positive that she was a lap dog (128lbs)! A real sweetie! She was well traveled also. When we lost her, we were devastated, she was our baby. Even our son cried. We waited a few months, then our Westie seemed lonely so we got another Akita. She was the happiest dog you ever saw! Bouncy, playful and super cuddly. We lost her last summer, while we were in Montana. We got the malti-poo after my first go round with radiation. I had serious motion sickness problems from them doing my face couldn't even turn around quickly without vomiting. I really wanted a cat to cuddle with, but our Akita was not raised with cats, so that was not a.an option. Our neighbor has a malti-poo and he is so cute! I thought a mini one would make for a great cuddler, and he really does. We both are missing having a big dog but really don't want 3 dogs again. My Dh used to say if it ever comes down to him or the animals, he is in trouble, ha!
We are having a nor'easter come through this weekend so we are going to have a video day. Where do you find Game of thrones everyone talks about? I though we could see if we liked it. We tried house off cards, but after 4 episodes we were done.
I hope everyone has a great weekend!
Hugs, Claudia
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Chicago~Hi there sweetheart! Thank you for the sweet thoughtful words about my sister. I know she also has had a hard life. My life hasn't been as hard as hers. I have always thought there was a lot of jealousy issues towards me because I was the youngest. It was hard being her. I was different. I had blue eyes, the other siblings had dark dark brown eyes and hair. I was a blue eyed blonde/brown. I chose different choices and I didn't get in any trouble or do any drugs. I didn't want to be like her so I did the opposite. It was sad. None of us were really watched or protected as children. I think she has some childhood scars to resolve. I am leaning towards seeing how lunch will go. I have been with my sweet DH for 14 years now and she's never even met him. She doesn't even know how he saved my life and how wonderful he is to me. I am the luckiest woman in the world to be loved by this man. Even with the cancer. I am still luckily he loves me. He is a real man. Not anything we had seen or known as kids. I love the fall weather going on here. Finally feels cool. Love being outside in this ! Big hugs to you! If I even tried yoga. I know I would fall over, I have no coordination whatsoever. I hope you enjoy it again. Sounds good for the body! Lol @ Micmel and friends!! Yes you all are truly my friends. ~M~
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Claudia~ There you are! I was getting concerned! I know you haven't been around all that much! My dogs are my world actually. But I have been babysitting another puppy named Chief. He's a Saint Bernard. I am in love with this dog. I get to have a play date once a week or more if I want. I love walking him. Everywhere we go people stop. It is amazing. My two are big dogs. My hound dog weights 87 lbs. and the chow/retriever/lab mix is 65 lbs. they keep me saine during the day. They don't care if i have hair! When I had none!
The Game Of Thrones is on HBO. All of the seasons are on demand. If you get HBO! I absolutely love that series. I am on season 6 episode 9. I don't want it to end. So glad to see you here my friend. I missed you! Did you see Nans amazing pics!!? Gorgeous women here! Hugs to you my friend! ~M~
I am very sorry to hear you have lost your dogs. That is so hard. They become like children and family. I have never owned a little dog. Do they really like to cuddle?
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............Here is my baby. I have had him since he was 8 weeks old. He will be 9 in October!! Love it when he howls!! ~M~ 0 -
Have to share my story of love! I was invited by my friend to a spaghetti dinner fundraiser for the firehouse she is active in. When we got there, it was a surprise party for me! They called it a " We love Debbie" party! ( that's my real name!lol) . I was floored! About 35 of my good friends were there and boy the tears are flowing! I am so blessed! I left work so suddenly that I didn't get to say goodbye to everyone so this was like my retirement party. We didn't call it that because work doesn't know that I'm not coming back. Got lots of nice gifts, some to restaurants, supermarkets, bookstores, Wawa, and some candles and cozy pajamas. My whole family was in on it and I never knew. I am still crying today. If I can figure out how to get pictures from my phone onto my iPad i will try to post, probably have to get my sons to do it.
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