My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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oh Nan, I am so sorry for this setback. They will get it straightened out and you will be back on treatment soon. Lots of gentle hugs for you!
Micmel, you have to really start taking better care of yourself. Seizures are very dangerous. You should get an egg. I had one at 20 and found out that I had grand Mal seizures. I did significant physical damage and brain damage over the years. Mine was located in my memory retention center. I out grew it by 40. You need a neurologitist.
Chelle, love,love,love your little pup! So cute and cuddly! We were looking in NC cause that is where Grandkids live. However, yesterday I looked up top breast cancer centers, looking to compare Duke to UNC. Unfortunately, they are not even in the top 15, whereas Mayo is number 3 and I love my Mo. They also are running a couple of trials I am interested in. There were several other reasons not to , but that was the deciding factor. I love, love, love the mountains in Colorado! Would love to live there! We have looked of and on over the years. I love your stories! You are one strong woman.
Mae, cam it be sinuses. I used to get sinus headaches that would last for days. I hope that is all it is.
Hugs and prayers everyone
Claudia
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Micmel- That is scary, hope you are feeling better today!
Nan- I hope you get some answers and they can fix it!Chelle-glad to "meet" you too...
Nothing exciting here so far this week! I have chemo tomorrow..my Y class today...really hating it dark out in the morning, the girls bus comes at 635 so it is still kindof dark when they get on bus! They are both ready for bed early...Emma earlier then Delaney but still early! But it is Hump Day!0 -
Good morning ladies ~ I am feeling better today. No headaches nothing. I am convinced more than ever it was a combination of drugs. Apparently. Effexor and methadone have a known interaction when taken together. Who knew??
Keet~ Delaney is such a pretty name. I have never heard of it before. For some reason I was thinking Dapheny. Not a common name at all. Good choice. I remember those yucky cold mornings dark and wanting to head back to bed. Time does fly though huh? Seems like fall was here. But it's supposed to go back up again in temp this week!
Nan~ Hello beautiful, I think of you everyday. I am hoping and hoping that they can kick some Marrow arse! Enough is enough for us all. I love seeing your name here.
Claudia~hi sweety, haven't seen you in a few days. So glad to hear you're doing well. It was a scary thing. But something that had never happened before, of course if something like that happens again, I'm going to have to have extensive testing. But for now they are pretty convinced it was the methadone and Effexor. Especially since my dosage was just increased on the Effexor. Won't be taking them near each other ever again! Morning =Effexor. Night=methadone. They said usually people just get overall tired and out of it, when the interaction occurs. But there are a small percentage this happens to. Well guess what. That was a bell I did get to ring.....my own noggin!! Missed you here!
Mae ~ you're on my mind.
Much love to all ~M~
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Nan, wow! Nobody wants to hear those words from their doctor! Hopefully they can get to the bottom of this and get you some good bone marrow "growing". Please keep us posted. Micmel, glad no more seizures!
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Keetmom- Up here in NH, close to the Canadian (Quebec) border, we have poutine. It is made with french fries, cheese curds, and gravy on the top. I don't like it, but my husband and 4 kids do. I do like just plain cheese curds though, which they have in the stores here, but they are white not orange. Enjoy yours! Glad you got to get out!
Tanya-Very scary for you and your son. Glad he's on the mend.
Micmel-How awful. I hope you are feeling better.
Nan- Hoping they figure all of it out soon!
Hugs and prayers to all!
Lynne
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Lynne~ thank you very much for the kind words. This cancer stuff is hard work huh? Hugs to you ! ~M~
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Lynn~ it was very scary. I guess that is why they tell you to always take medicines with food!!! It was totally my fault! Hope all is well with you!! Much love ~M~
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This weekend has been a weekend of hell. I mean I can't even begin to explain everything. Last month it was my son, this week it was my daughter. Sometimes young kids can be so mean and when they are. I have to admit. Lately since my diagnosis, I don't have the capability to have my patience like I used to. I don't process things like stress as easily as before. I am looking for compassion and understanding and maybe a break here and there from them, it just doesn't happen. She does nothing in the house, puts barely anything towards the bills, but she does work full time. When she comes home for the day after work, she feels like her day is over and there is nothing left to be done. But there is laundry and cleaning, taking care of making dinner and cleaning up from it, since there are classes being taken there is homework. Lots to be done even after 8 hours of working. I did all those things,single, with two kids for years. Everyday. Through sickness boo boos. Broken limbs. Anything a real parent would do. There is just no one home. Where she is concerned. I had it rough at her age. When I was her age there was knock of my home that I had lived in for 22 years. It was a constable handing me an eviction notice for thirty days, that my mother failed to let anyone know about, and it was too late to do anything. My family home was lost. I know hard. We all do in ways. (Chelle, Keetmom I could go on and on).
Everyday, I consider more and more asking her to move out. She appreciates nothing. She literally is a princess without a country. Her head will spin when she realizes what is going to be able to be afforded, when you start piecing together what everything seriously costs. Rent, utilities, car up keep, getting her vehicle in her own name, changing the title ownership and taxes associated with that change.the increase that will come along with having her own insurance policy. Groceries, renters insurance, cable, electric, water, sewer, trash in some cases. I think the list is endless. I am sick, I don't want to beg someone to do the things around the home, that would. Need to be done, no matter what building they chose to live in. It's mind boggling. Sometimes I wish that either they were like 30. Or back to when they were only 8 and playing silly games in the yard. Hope you're all doing well. Been a rough rough 72 hours for me. Unreal! Hugs to all.
Mae~ thinking of you!
~M~
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Micmel- I'm so sorry it has been such a hard 72 hours! I am more convinced every day that kids have to learn this stuff out on their own. We can't save them from a lot of the heartbreak of growing up and making costly mistakes as much as we want to.
From my experience and what friends have told me of their experience with grown children living with them- you pretty much don't get what you are asking for here. After college my DS moved home for awhile, he was darling, sweet and fun to live with- but, chores, money etc-no. I decided that darling, sweet and fun was good for me and that he probably would never live with me again in life and I wanted to be left with a nice relationship without lots of memories of fights over who took the garbage out. I have plenty of friends who "can't live with their ungrateful kids" who my son said their house was so tense all the time. Some friends of mine have a college graduate who is coming back to live with them and all they talked about was the talks they were going to have with her about leaving her stuff around etc. -This is not going to end well
So my practical advice to you is :1) she moves out on her own and learns all those lessons you want her to and figures out how good she has it with you. or 2.) You create rules, assign chores and dates they need to be done, charge rent and stick by a business relationship In regards to those details. Kids can not anticipate your needs or figure this out on their own. (take my word for it, they can't)
You knew practical was coming from me 😳 (not that I didn't rant to DH from time to time about Mr darling, sweet and fun). He now lives on his own-"the landlady is much more neurotic about the washer and dryer than you". hahahaha
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Micmel, two of my three sons still live with me. My oldest son has Aspergers and is difficult at times. He is able to help me with taking out the trash, dishes, carrying laundry, etc. However, he grumbles and says that he has to do everything around here. He doesn't get the Cancer thing. My other son is in and out, always going somewhere, leaving a mess wherever he goes. He pays $200 rent and pays his cell phone and car insurance. It really never occurs to him to help me, if I ask him he will but he will walk right past every mess or a full trash can or sink full of dishes. Frustrating for sure and his room is a total pig pen. My middle son was just like that, but once he moved out on his own he did a 180. His place is spotless and he is extremely helpful. All of them are always saying how tired they are. I always tell them if they think they are tired now, try adding a house and a few kids, then tell me how tired they are. But they are all good. " kids", never any issues with drugs or alcohol or trouble with the law so I'll pick my battles. But I totally get your frustrations for sure.
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So, I've got 5 tiny lesions to the cerebellum, more scans tomorrow. I'm devastated and angry.
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Oh Mae-so sorry to hear this. ((Hugs))
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NKB~ yes when I saw your name I knew the bell would toll. That's completely ok and what I need desperately! I realize the things you said are true. It is a tense home because they do nothing to contribute to the home in which they live. She snaps about everything and I have to laugh at Lynn saying how tired everyone always is. Walk a mile in our shoes and really grasp how tired can be. You ladies are so special answer i appreciate the honesty and bond we all have created here together I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the honesty, from you NKB. I would expect nothing less. Huge and thankful hugs!
Lynnwood~I have made chores deadlines. Had even had a contract written in a white board for everyone to sign and acknowledge, her room is bad and so is my sons. They step over trash and exactly the Same things you just mentioned. If I was laying on the floor gasping for a drink. They would walk over me and say to anyone in the room. "Oh pay no attention to her dragging herself across the room, she's fine!" Then they would leave for hours and come home whenever they wanted money for food or to complain about how hard work was. Never mind. The pile of their own clothing that has been dirty for weeks. I am also leaning to having them move out. I can't be fighting everyone's battle in life because my own is already killing me! Much love to all ~M~
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Mae~I want nothing more than to be with you right now and hold your hand or just sit next to you. I feel the exact same way you do honey. I'm at a loss for words. I adore you my friend. I am here,we are here. Yell, scream, anything but lean on us. Let us love you. I love you my friend. So much in thought for you. Thinking of you my sweet friend. ~M~
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EFFING CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so angry right now. Stop hurting my friends. Stop hurting those I love. Stop hurting good darling people. Just FREAKING STOPPPPPPPPP!!!! I love you Mae! Right now I am hanging on the word TINY!!!!!!!!
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hi illimae.....i'm so sorry to hear your news.....i had 5 too at dx and that was in march of 2015, 3 had grown fairly big by then....they zapped them with the gamma knife and killed them all....i did get 1 more in 2016 and 1 in 2017 but as of my last scan they can only see one dead one left over from 2015...so i guess what i'm trying to say is dont give up cuz they can do amazing things these days and i hope you get a great team that will just zapp those lil buggers away and you can get on with the business of living. sending lots of love
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MAe - I can't believe this. You should be mad! You should stomp about abs yell and scream! Then you will probably cry. We are here, stomping and screaming and crying with you. Then, and you will probably hate me for this, you will pull up your big girl panties and figure out the next step. We will be with you the whole time! Read Nans post and realize it ain't over yet! You need a plan, after your stomping and telling and crying, you need a plan. We will be here to love you and support you through it all. I will hold you close to my heart. Lift you up in prayer. Listen to you rant . Commiserate when you feel icky. Whatever you need.
Love,
Claudia
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I'm doing the emotional hokey pokey between depression and determination but I've always been one to look on the bright side of things. Something that is super hard though is that I feel so bad for my husband and close friends who will have to watch me die too soon (but not now) and for that I feel like a total egomaniac, lol
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Somedays I feel like that is going to be the hardest part of dieing, not today, watching our love ones suffer. I wish we could somehow alleviate their grief and suffering. I ranted for you and cried. You are such a positive person! Keep it up! Now there needs to be a confirmation of those Mets and then a plan going forward. I'm sure you will handle this with your normal funny sense of humor!
Hugs and prayers
Claudia
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Mae, so sorry to hear your news. Hopefully you can get those buggers zapped and be done with them.
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sometimes shit just sucks, today my DH and I were in boston market getting ready to pay. The cashier, looked at us and said literally. "how nice that you are buying your son dinner". Hey bitch. I have been through 14 rounds of chemo and I am just getting my hair back dick head. That isn't my son you stupid asshole, that is my DH of 14 years. It took everything in me not to cry and then strangle her. I barely got to the car before I cried and my heart and already lost all of the self esteem I even mustered up looking in the mirror and at my New hair coming in.I don't like to even go out in public. Because of how I feel about my appearance! Thanks a lot you complete jerk. DH went back after the store had no customers and told them what that worker had done. He told the entire working staff. He just couldnt let it go. Thinking of you Mae. Waving hi to Claudia and Lynn! Hugs. ~M~
Hang On to us Mae. Tiny is the word in hanging on to !!!
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Micmel-WTF?!? People can be such idiots. Glad your DH went back and set them straight. Hopefully no one else will have to hear such an insensitive remark.
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Micmel, gosh you don't need all the extra stress right now, let alone all the extra work! I wish I had words of wisdom, but have also had a hard time with my daughter off and on! It sucks!!! Sending you hugs!!!!!!
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Illimae
I hope all goes well with your MRI
Sometimes all of this stress on top of stress and drugs is enough to give us a migraine.
I pray you get good results.
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micmel
I'm happy you felt better yesterday. I've been thinking of you.
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Hi all,
I missed a few days because life here has been draining.
I'm so sad Mae, but I am too hanging on the word tiny. I'm glad that your doctor used that language. It's enough to hear that anything is there but we need to get the strength to fight. We are here for you dear.
Micmel I'm so happy your DH went back in that restaurant. Sometimes people just need to get cursed out royally. Not that I think your beautiful DH would ever do such a thing. Hah. So sad that people are so insensitive.
The PET scan results showed that the Ibrance is working. My tumors have shrunk. The one in my left hip is still the largest but it also has shrunk. I'm excited and happy even with all of the side effects.
Nan I think you gave me nupogen advice and I did take something like an antihistamine thank you so much. I'm grateful that I don't have to take it anymore bc my WBC are on the way up.
I took cephalex all week for an infection in my surgical incision and today my Dr. called and said the culture came back positive for bacteria so I need to take another medication, augmentin for ten days.
I was so tired from waking up this morning that I went back to bed. No appointments today what a relief.
Take care all.
Loves and hugs to all
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Tanya~ I am happy to hear good news. Congrats to you. I hope you did something special today. It's important to make those times special. Everything We go through fighting this disease. It's a challenging thing to live with everyday. Never knowing what your body is really doing. I was shocked at that worker. I don't know what she could have been thinking, My hair isnt even grey anymore. People sometimes suck. I think people need to think before they speak. But if DH went back to spare one person that feeling.
Off to bed. Now. Mae. I am thinking of you. You're strong, funny kind, and very active. A good plan in order early. Is the way to go. Please always know we are here in your corner. Hugs, big hugs!
Nan~ Hi there. Thinking of you as well. Hoping the marrow solution is coming together.
My DH took me out to my favorite restaurant tonight,Carabbas, that is delicious. We always went at least once a month, until I got sick. We went today and he told me how happy he was because this was our place. It was very sweet and loving. That's exactly how he is. A constant love in my life.
Much love ~M~
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omg~I just woke up and it's like 10:30 am. Like who is this person.?I feel exhaustion from all that had gone on these past few days. I am tired of being tired and sick of being sick. I know you all feel the same way!
Mae~ thought about you all night. We are here when you're ready. We care so much. I am just hanging on to the word tiny. You're our spirit here our easy rider. You'll get back on that horse. We love you. ~M~
Nan~ love you too.
Thinking of everyone.
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Mae- Sorry have no better words.
I had chemo yesterday so taking it slow today...glad it is Friday0 -
Mae- I'm so sorry. Praying for you.
I had my chemo today. My friend's husband passed away on Sun (she found him on the porch floor, a heart attack at 62), and the burial (no wake, no funeral, just a burial and a get together at the house afterwards) was today. I was sorry to miss it. Doesn't it figure, I have chemo once every 3 weeks, and it falls on the same day. I did get to see her yesterday, I dropped off some desserts I made. She lost her youngest son at 27, 2 years ago (he left a wife, and 2 kids, 6 months and 1 1/2) and never got over that. She lost her Dad last year. She's a mess. Thankfully, her oldest son, daughter-in-law, and their 6 month old moved into her large home, about a year ago, and are a big help. How much can one person take?
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