My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Illimae- sounds like a potent trio. In reality I have no idea if I have tiny brain mets- no one has checked and I think the PET only shows part of the brain stem maybe. I'm hoping I have a stupid cancer that can't figure out how to get around these drugs.
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Mae~ I really am hoping that the fact that these are tiny little cadets, and can have their asses handed to them. Hearing that the hormonal medicine is keeping it at bay is fantastic! Just another thing to put behind you. Will be thinking of you everday!
NKB~ what a scary though to think they are just laying there in attack mode waiting to just jump into action. I have had only one test done for my head. But....that was before 15 intermittent seizures this past week. All the immediate testing i passed with flying colors. Dehydration was a huge factor! Took my medicines without adequate food and hydration, big NO NO in chemo world.
Sure does open your eyes, when you feel so good, how could there be anything wrong when you're bouncing around like a bouncy ball everyday! Makes no sense !
Much love ~M~
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Guess it's one of those nights that you just can't sleep. On Sunday afternoon one of the dogs got under my feet and twisted one of my legs around him and I fell. I thought well enough ahead to pull both arms to my inside of my chest like I was hugging myself kinda, or a taiqwan preparation stance. I went down hard on my left hip bone and jarred all of the muscles in my body, on top of all of the muscle pain problems I Am having after my seizures a little more than a week ago. My left hip has a bruise the size of a melon. Everytime I roll over it's painful and swollen. When I roll the other way my arm hurts from the thoracic outlet syndrome, which the nerve pain never stops ever. Now it's just tweaked and hurts more. It certainly is always something to deal with, where this bitchy disease is concerned. I hope everyone is sleeping, like normal people do! Hugs for all 🤗🤗 ~M~
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Thank you everyone. My friend is doing ok. She has her friends, family, and a 7 month old puppy (they bought when they empty nested, her eldest son, his wife, and newborn moved back shortly after though).
Mae-I'm praying for you.
Gracie-So sorry you had to go through all that loss in that short time.
On a up note. We took the motorcycle out Sunday evening, after the remnants of Nate made it up here. Some foilage is out, just beginning here in the southern part of the state. Still pretty. Loved being out and about with our friends (she has MS and is in a wheelchair, we figured how to make a holder/trailer for it on the back of their trike, we'll be doing the same for our trike, once I need one, I'm not giving up riding!). We'll have to get out next weekend too, the weather is suppose to be great again.
Enjoy the rest of your week everyone!
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Lynne(Manchester)~ I am a huge chicken when it comes to riding on motorcycles my DH wants one. I tell him when I am gone, then you can get one. Don't scare me too soon . It was a little too warm for my liking, we took a nice ride together, walked Around the lake and went out to carabbas for dinner. My most favorite yummy place! The leaves were slightly changing then as well. It was beautiful! I love fall but do not enjoy the freezing snow! I hope you have pain free day!!Many Hugs
~M~
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Mae~ thinking of you my friend!! ❤️ Hope you enjoyed American horror!! Many hugs! ~M~
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Lynne, many thanks
Micmel, I may have missed it but do you know what caused the seizures?
Got tumor marker results, my MO doesn't do them normally and it was only 12, yay! (0-25 is the normal range)
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Mae~Hi sweetheart! I am so glad to see you here. I am thrilled for your tumor markers. That's really great. My last reading was 18 so I'm not far behind you. I'm so glad to hear that. Yeah..... I was having tongue issues with ibrance and I couldn't eat. I hadn't eaten anything solid for over two days. Taking chemo without anything to absorb it is a BIG NO NO. I was also dehydrated and hadn't slept for two nights because I felt flu like. Stuff is rolling around our community, colds etc. the flu. Ya know? So it was just a perfect storm. Everything else is ok. But still how scary. My poor family. I know I don't like ambulance rides at all. So glad you're doing good. Let's have an easy week for us all.
Much love ~M~
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.......My grand puppy Chief is getting bigger every week. I am starting to think soon I won't be able to walk him, like I Do now. If he gets too big, I won't be able to walk him and feel safe that I can control him considering how big he will be getting. They are saying his weight could vary up to 175lbs. I better get my time in now. While I can still manage. Hope everyone is well. Big hugs. Mae~ I am thinking of you my friend.
Nan~ thinking of you too as well miss seeing you here. Hope you're feeling better!
Keetmom~ hi sweety. Hope today was better. And you didn't have to chase the bus!!
Chicago~ hope all is well!
Lynne's~ waving hello hope all is well in your day!
Tanya~ 💐💐, hope you're doing better.
Claudia~~~ ? Vacation? Hope you're ok. Now I am the one falling! I had a baaaad week! Much love to all!
NKB~ can't forget you!
~M~
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Good night ladies. Hope everyone has a peaceful good night sleep, I know I need one. I looked in the mirror today and I can see where my hair is actually growingdown to the tip of my collar on my shirt. The curls are starting to straighten out again. That made my day. What a huge deal that is. I just hope against hope I can keep the hair growing. We all know how at the drop of a dime the treatments can change! Sleep well. Sweet Dreams.
Hugs ~M~
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Goodnight Micmel- I think that it is your turn to have a wonderful stress free week! So lovely that the hair is coming back to normal-it's a big deal toward feeling good.
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NKB~ Thank you. I some how turn into a night owl. I blame game of thrones actually. So much enjoying it. I hope I sleep also. The bruise on my leg is from the back of my knee all the way up to the top of thigh. When I roll over it wakes me up. Hopefully tonight will be easier. Even sleeping becomes allusive dealing with this crappie disease. Rest well. Many hugs
~M~
Mae~Auria Stark is becoming something else ! I am starting to think my favorite woman is Sansa. I just like her. Thinking of you. Hugs my friend.
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Good Morning Ladies~ cloudy here this morning. I am going to be pup sitting in a little while, I am going to walk his little heart out. It seems not too super warm today, which I really like. So that ugly penny keeps popping up in my life again. (Aka:estranged sister). We haven't even had lunch yet and she is already telling people my business and adding her own little spin on things which is one of the reasons I was like...uhhhh no thanks. In the very beginning of the estrangement!Something told me not to go! Have a happy Wednesday! Strong ladies you all are!! much love ~M~
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I must live in a tunnel. I just learned that Tom Petty passed away on October 2 , the day I had my seizures. I really loved his music and grew up listening to it. I don't Think there is a song of his that I don't know. Loosing too many people too young these days. Have a safe day!
~M~
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So this happened yesterday. I've been feeling light headed and shaky, the week after my Taxotere (I've just finished number 6 Fri). I've told my primary and the oncologist. I was told to skip my nightly metformin, which I've been doing the week following chemo, due to not being able to eat much from the thrush and mouth sores I get from the steroids they put me on for 7+ days, to prevent another bad reaction that I had with the first treatment. Well yesterday, I got up to get something to eat, and my knees buckled in the kitchen. I landed on my butt and was fine (nobody was home though, I sat therre for awhile), but this is getting old! Even now, I had an instant breakfast, and I'm still a little shaky. So sick of these side effects! It only happens the week after, and I try to eat something. Usually, its yogurt, ice cream, and instant breakfasts though. Anything mushy and not acidic. I should be able to start eating again by the end of the week. Mouth slowly gets better with the magic mouthwash and bacon soda rinses. Hope today is a better day for everyone!
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Lynne, is the shakiness an SE or a blood sugar issue? Sorry you have to worry about falling alone without a set of eyes on you or just some help.
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Lynne~ OH honey you and I and Claudia are a pair!! I am so thankful you weren't hurt. That is scary. I know exactly what you mean about not being able to eat with your mouth being so sore. That just happened to me. I do use Biotine dry mouth oral rinse. I can't believe the difference. It's like a coating of heaven and relief. I have been trying chicken salad, I swear that something you may enjoy eating ? Protein helps!!! That is what they told me in the ER. I am sorry that you aren't feeling well. I wish we could all Live in close proximity to each other. I would love to sit and talk to everyone in this little family we have become. ! Many hugs!!
Mae~ thinking of you my friend. 💕You all.
Be safe today no more falls please ! Yikes!
~M~
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Ok you all need to stop getting hurt...I don't want to "Catch" That...LOL
Mich- read your post as estrogen instead of estranged sister and for a second was like Um I don't get it...
Nothing exciting here this week..it is COLD here today like 50...so I am hiding under a blanket on my heating pad...0 -
Keetmom~ you always make me laugh. Sometimes as we all know there is too much estrogen . Lol cloudy here today which I happen to love. I was puppy sitting again today. Boy that makes me happy every single time, I love dogs so much. I jogged with him and played tug of war for a while. They grow so fast. Just like babies I suppose. I had to laugh again at you saying you don't want to catch falling. Lol. It's no fun for sure. Everyone around me is coming down with a cold. I'm going to have to break out the oh so sexy mask!!! 😷
Hope all is well. Much love ~M~
Glad to see you Mae!! Thinking of you!
Does anyone know when Claudia left for vacation.?Just making sure she's ok!
Chicago~ haven't seen you either darling. Hope you're ok. Tanya. Same thing! 💕
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.......here is my favorite puppy just today. Spent some good time with him. Makes me forget my cancer. I laugh smile, pure joy. I took him to pet smart again and of course people flocked to him, I've never seen anything like it. All I know is I adore him. I can't ever imagine treating a beautiful dog/puppy badly. I just can't imagine the kind of cruelty! If everyone could find one thing each day to be happy about and write it down. Maybe after a few weeks of seeing happy things. Maybe attitudes could slowly change. Who the heck knows. Just a thought. Happy Hump Day! ~M~
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i don't know about many states and different rules about getting drivers licenses and testing. PA was relatively easier. In MD you have to wait six months after you turn 16 to even take the computer testing for the permit. After you pass that correctly, then you have to begin a series of things, starting with logging over 65 hours or more on the road with your parent or guardian....then you have to sign up for an actual driving school, that costs anywhere from $325 to $400. Per child. That involves three day time testing driving and then 3 nighttime driving testing, all before you can even take the official test. It totals close to a year for them to even get the license. But what happens to the families that have several children and or just cannot afford to spend a car payment on a driving school, when my driving school was mom INC??.... so many taxes and fees tacked on here and there. Racket! Every young person who plans on driving in MD goes through quite a lot. Not to mention the wait time to even get into a driving school, is months and months because there are so many applicants, some people are waiting over a year, they turn 16 but don't really drive until 18 some of them, if they don't have super organized parents, that are pushing them to get this done.and had made driving school appointments and arranged that months ahead.I was quite interested to see each state Is different. That's includes state inspections as well. Crazy!! Have a nice comphy night, supposed to rain. Love the rain! ☔️
~M~
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ok big time insomniac here!! I don't know what the heck my problem is. I feel so tired, fall asleep for an hour and wham wake up again the very next hour. I even have my turbo charged fan on, to dround out sounds. My son of course forgot his key. Who forgets their keys anymore? Didn't you drive home ?? So that woke me up this hour. Tomorrow is Thursday. One more day until the weekend. We have an appointment Monday with an attorney, going to get my will drawn up and power of attorney and all that stuff taken care of. Even though I got the ok with the seizures. I don't want anything left to chance. Goodnight lovely ladies. Been a slow boards day!
Much love ~M~
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Good Morning~not such a great night sleep, what i call ugly sleep. I realized that I am a little anxious about this Monday attorney thing going on, I thought I would feel like I was taking control, instead i am feeling like I am putting my end of life papers together. It's creeping me out. I know people who are younger than me even have theirs done. It's just that I happen to be one of the people that ended up with the beast cancer. Some days I am ok, others I just can't figure out how all of this happened. I don't want to sit in front of some stranger and talk about my life, when soon I may no longer even be living it. It just seems like something that I can't grasp even thinking about... Rough anxiety day thinking about that!
Mae~ thinking of you darling! 🌹🌷🌼
Hope everyone is well!
~M~
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Micmel, believe it or not, once it is done, it is a big relief. I have been fortunate in that I owned a company years ago so I had all things done then. However, in the last few years, I found i wanted to change some things, so I had a trust drawn up to help clearly define everything. I also completed my DNR. Ok, that was rough, but really , I should have done it years ago as strokes run in my family. It is one less weight on our shoulders.
We have not left yet on our trip. We leave Saturday am. I have been dealing with my Wbc that is acting up, then my terrible reaction to the nuepogen shots. Also, depression is becoming a huge issue for me. Not really sure why. Probably part of it due to progression. Anyway...
Love your puppy pictures! I just want to cuddle that guy, he is so cute! We have started talking about maybe getting another Akita. We need one that is a cross between our first one and our second one. Our one was huge! 128lbs, but the the sweetest girl! Our second, was smaller at 78lbs and sweet also, but extremely energetic. So we need a smaller version of our first one. Taking our time making this decision. Might be more than we can handle.
I have been following along with everyone every few days so don't write me off yet.
Sending hugs and prayers to everyone!
Claudia
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Claudia~I would never write you off. I also struggle with the depression, I can't say the Effexor hasn't helped because it has. Everything about this disease makes you hate it and every single thing seems so much harder to solve or even thinking about. It truly is like having a weight carried around on your shoulders. That you can never un burden. I understand completely. But also, dont forget I am here for you everyday. I think of you all often. Big hugs ~M~
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It's not my birthday! But I thought it was very funny!! Because I hate being sung too. 0 -
Micmel,
Totally understand your feelings about meeting with the Atty and all the necessary paperwork. It's almost as though we are systematically putting our lives away...or packing up to move away from homes we love. Of course we get depressed. We aren't getting ready for a party or humanly moving to new or better houses!
Heaven may be a wonderful place, but I like it here with those I love. So...right this second I'm loving the buttery fall sunlight dancing in the family room and having a window open for the afternoon. Drinking life in while I'm here. (And thankful for meds to reduce anxiety.)
If this is what we get...I'm thankful for these ladies who help us allget through it.
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Iwrite~it is the uncharted territory that we really always end up thinking we won't face for a very long time. I am not ready to sit there and actually imagine that one day sooner then later, they'll be referring to it, and I'll be wherever it is someone goes. I would Iike to know for sure where I am going, I am not one to like going places I've never been, i panic when I make a wrong turn. I like to know what is going to happen. But of course, who doesn't. I'll just walk in there and answer whatever and leave as fast as humanly possible. Another thing I just don't want to do. I remember my last onc Visit, See you in three months. I feel fine. But again in November I have to scan and I am not really into going to the doctors or scanning anymore. Three months went so quickly already. I want to get off this doctor oncologist train.
~M~
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Seems like many of us have had a difficult time lately. Cancer forces us to have to do things that are very difficult even if they are necessary. I began the process of exploring long term disability and not returning to my job. Even though I know its definitely the right decision, I will admit that some tears were shed. The lady on the phone probably thought I was some kind of nut job, I started crying as I was trying to explain why I can't work. All of my life I wanted to be a nurse and this is not how I expected my career to end. Group hug to all of us who are struggling. I'm so glad we have each other.
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Lynnwood~I am sorry that you had to go through that. I honestly don't even know how things will even effect me anymore. Sometimes I am just fine, then others I am crying and still sitting on the total shock and despair side, waiting for someone to hand me a big joke banner. That never happens! I agree about the difficult times for us all here lately. I am thankful you ladies are here. Everyday. It helps. Let's always lean on each other. I am sorry that you have to deal with something just as difficult as my dealing with power of attorney! I am feeling the same confusion, denial, sadness that things didn't work out correctly, like my dreams. Our dreams.So I'm with you. Much love ~M~
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