My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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oh Daniel I am so sorry. I will be praying for the both of you.
Sara
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We are thinking of you All and sending you gentle hugs
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sending up as many positive thoughts and vibes as possible. For scwilly for Leslie and Daniel. Their handsome son. Come on Leslie our girl. Strong togetherness and family and support loving and waiting. 💙💙
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There aren’t any good thoughts to comfort coming to mind. It’s all so hard and terrifying.
Daniel, you guys are in my prayers all day today.
Hugs to everyone
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Hugs right back sweet Parry! You are on my
Mind as well for sure. I am storming the skies with thoughts and feelings of frustration and hope that things will just plain turn around. Enough is enough.
Love to all of you.
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The sad thing about today, obviously besides finding out Z is gone and Scwilly is in hospice, is that I realize after almost 5 years on here, I'm just not surprised anymore. I was shocked when Kandy died, Becs, lalady Clair, and Babs. I'm sure there were others. I was ready for Patty. She preparedness us well. But as sad as I am for Z, I am not surprised. I will never be surprised. We are mostly all on the same road. And that is sad.
Sunset
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Beautiful~ What you said does make perfect sense. I think my problem is not being able to accept them Not being around. Not seeing them converse here. It may not be a shock anymore, but like you said. Still so very sad.
I went into the facility to see my dad again. And I stayed with him for a few hours. He was glad I was back. I brought him chicken noodle soup and a Panera huge fresh baked muffin. He tore through it like was no ones business . He was dipping it in his coffee. It scares me when he coughs as he eats. I worry he will aspirate more particles into his lungs. Very scary stuff when you can't get it out. Thus the pneumonia. Which we were told ends upkilling the elderly more often than the original problem. So I am watching him like a hawk. With worry and fear. I needed to see him today. I wanted to remind myself life is out there and I need to find a way to live it. With life only a few things are certain. Love, breathing,pain,laughter ,loss and death. And you're born into some sort of family. No matter what. I have been trying to forgive.. trying to love more.... trying to let go of things that really don't matter when you're writing a posting like this about loss of women you really love and have friendship with.
Daniel~And Leslie~ we are here waiting. Oh yes we are. ❤️🥺
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Thoughts are with Daniel and Lesley x
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Hello beautiful Minnie~. I hope you’re doing well. Always good to see your smiling face....
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No words. Z was one of the first to welcome me to these boards. She was gifted and curious and never settled for the easy answer. She will be terribly missed. And having read so many of Scwilly’s posts, it is so very upsetting to hear that she is in hospice. I hope she is comfortable and surrounded by family and love.
I have crawled into my March black hole. We lost our amazing son two years ago in March at age 31. I am hanging onto the edge of the hole by my fingertips, but it’s hard not to just give in to the despair.
So much loss. Yet we are supposed to carry on.
Donna
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I think this applies to us all about now... sometimes I just can’t form the right words.. so much to just plain deal with. Or just accept. I am Sick of just accepting !0 -
I also need to bring up someone else im greatly concerned about is Sheila Marie... if anyone has heard from. Her. Please just let us know. I know it's been months now. As well as Lynne Manchester. 💔💔🥺
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Sorry Donnabelle, some losses are beyond devastating and it can be very difficult to pick ourselves back up.
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Tears, sadness and prayers after reading today. I feel like my mind is spinning with all of this bad news. Thinking of those who have left us and praying for those who are struggling.0
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Donnabelle, I can't even imagine how awful it would be to lose your child. I wish we could all wrap our arms around you and make you feel better.
Love to all, we continue to think of those we are not hearing from and pray they are doing ok.
Packing today, will hopefully follow everyone when wifi is possible
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because we have to laugh sometimes. I shared this on the cat thread. But we all need a laugh. Daniel. And Leslie. Waiting for you guys!
https://www.facebook.com/1739130072974269/posts/2264265600460711?sfns=mo
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Good morning to all my sisters! Yesterday I read about Z. She was one of the first one to give me hope here.... And Bob,s...... After Bob passed away I was afraid to open the computer and maybe see on other sister disappeared..... I am crashed and my hart is crying....! But what more helps me is thinking that their beautiful souls are flying and shining free of any pain, looking from there for their loved ones.
Sending my love to all of you. Elen
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Blueshine~I agree completely Z was informative and strong, she was a person who always dug deep to find out anything to help someone's side effects or direction for choice of treatment.. always empathy with a strong hand and opinion. But with the best intentions and deep commitment to trying out of the box treatments to perhaps move the needle for our sisters to come. I am still in shock and I do realize that she stepped away because she knew. Her family was always the top of her priority and spending amazing time pushing forward no matter how she felt to get that hike in or jog that extra half mile. She is and will always be a warrior. I will perhaps always look for her postings. I feel that way about all those we have lost.
Daniel and Leslie. Thinking of you. Both very much.
~M~
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Huge sorrow fills my heart and soul today. So many stories of how life just goes on and no one sees us. Donnabelle you especially are in my broken heart today. The sadness that is always moving on. I'm in the middle of a emotional mess with my family right now. It's tearing me up. More later.
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Grannax~Oh honey I wish I could wrap my arms around you and let you know you are loved.. I am also in the middle of much turmoil in my family as well. My father, while I understand he's dying, it's a very demanding thing to deal with daily. Now that I'm feeling better he knows it. He called me at 730 am this morning asking me for a cigarette.... it's so stressful. But at the same time. I want to be loving and kind. So many years lost. I feel your pain today even though I may not know why. Sisters lean on sisters m... it's what we do. Hold on sweet one. ~M~
He just called me again. This is going to be something else. Are you coming by? I’m waiting for my sister to arrive. I’m already tired. Life is just plain hard!
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Somedays you're the windshield, and some days you're the bug......
A silly expression but how I felt after reading everyone's posts.
Grannax-love the remodels but so frightening to read of your reaction to the epoxy. Sad to hear of you enduring a "family emotional mess", if only we could escape the pain of family matters, especially with flipping MBC diagnoses. Hope Xeloda is treating you kindly.
Parry-this disease is such stealer of happiness and dreams. We work so hard to stay upbeat and functional, but it can be so draining. I hate that you are in hard place right now and I want to wave a magic wand over you and all the rest of us.
Daniel and Leslie-thinking of you. What a scary thing to have happen. I hope things are settling down and that the findings are not very scary.
Broken about Z, Scwilly, and others that are currently in deep yogurt......( a dear friend of mine who was tragically killed in an auto accident used to say this as opposed to "deep sh***, I always loved it!
Micmel-hang in there with your Dad. You know this, but you will never regret what you are doing for him. You deserve this time with him, no matter how bittersweet.
Donnabelle-losing your precious child; what an unfathomable loss....to live with the heartache must be so difficult. I pray that you will rise up from this so understandable anniversary darkness to feel some sense of peace.
I received bad news today from my PET scan. I knew that the liver mets had progressed from my recent MRI, but now I have mets in my spleen, adrenal glands, one lymph node in my chest, and new lesions in spine and right humerus. Oh joy. I didn't even know that MBC could even go to some of these organs. It's like "who let the dogs out?" (we're talking mean, rabid, junkyard dogs). Had echocardiogram this AM and see MO on Thursday. So I say, "bring on the flipping Doxil ASAP-whatever it takes, I will ride out to meet it" This disease is just really ticking me off right now.
Sending love and sincere hopes for peace and wellness to all....love Mary Jane
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Mary Jane, I like your expressions....all of them. Stealer of happiness and dreams is so fitting.I'm sorry about your latest scan. I think a hard hitting chemo might be just the ticket for you. It looks like you haven't done that in a while. I think we are all feeling a little dejected this week. Maybe tomorrow we can be the windshield.
Wishing the best for all of us.
BeautifulSunset
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Mary Jane, oh drat! I am sorry that your PET scan yielded such unexpected and unpleasant results. Bring on the flipping Doxil, indeed! I hope that treatment begins soon. Sometimes chemo is exactly what is needed, and it sounds like this is the right time. As you know, I wasn't happy to start taxol last month, but I am feeling great and am glad that there were such options available to me. Now it is driving me crazy to have to wait to find out if it's working. I know you will feel better and more empowered once you are back on treatment. You have a full and active life, and I know you will slide right back into the swing of things. Ugh, I just remembered that your dh is away for the month. How is he taking the news? I am sure he wishes he were there supporting you and hugging you. I am sending you a virtual hug, too. I know you have close friends and family, and I hope you are using them to lean on. I wish I had some magic words that would make things better, but alas, words just can't be found right now. Thoughts, however, thoughts are rushing through by brain - thoughts of hope, of possibilities, of that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. I think we all deserve those things. Too much bad news lately. I have not heard from Lynne. I pray she has found some release from the terrible pain.
Grannax, Your remodel is beautiful. It must be nice to have real indoor plumbing again. Hahaha. Don't beat yourself up thinking you have been treating your family with less than perfect behavior. This disease causes so much stress for all of us. Your MO certainly makes things more difficult for you. Take it from someone who has an MO who makes me feel respected and my thoughts and opinions valuable, it makes a huge difference. You have been much more patient with your MO's attitude than I could be. Once you find the right MO, your stress level will come down a bit. Share your thoughts with your family and make sure they understand the impact that a new, more qualified MO will make.
Donnabelle, I am sorry this is such a difficult time for you. The loss of a child at any age seems unnatural and is tragic. The pain will eventually fade a bit, but the sadness of such a loss can never be erased. A few years is not enough time to heal. Allow yourself this time to grieve as your remember the good memories you once shared.
Daniel, I was hoping that things were going well for you and Leslie. I am sorry for the latest setback. I hope you are able to give us an update soon.
Tanya, Thank you for posting pictures from Hawaii. You and your mother look happy and beautiful. I love seeing those palm trees in the background. If I look out my window, I see snow not green grass and palm trees!
Micmel, I am glad your blood tests and MO visit went well. TM of 23, wow. That is great. Mine has never been below 154, and most recently were 2900. I think taxol will help to bring them back down.
Beautiful Sunset, it is so nice to see you here. Thank you for asking how I am doing. I had my fourth taxol infusion yesterday. I have no serious SEs. I am almost completely bald, but that is a small price to pay if this poison is killing cancer cells. My blood counts are down, but not low enough yet to have to skip treatment. So I am on my 5th treatment in a bit less than 4 years. I am hoping this one is working. How are you doing? I know you have been discouraged because you fear that your options are limited. How are you doing on you latest treatment? Is is gemzar or something else? Are you suffering from any severe SEs? I think about you often.
Hello Blueshine,I have missed you.
Hugs and prayers to all from, Lynne
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MJH~I have never even heard of some of those places. Those dogs had better be put right back! Like Now! I don’t understand why we would ever have to go through such things. I can’t wrap my head about the word progression. No less have some of the closest people going through it right now. You’re amazing and your activities prove it. Dive deep into being a grandma, as you always do and know it only takes one medicine to knock it back to stable. I am wanting that for us all. All!
Beautiful~So nice that you know our sweet Lynne50’s...she is the calm that reduces any storm around here. She helps us weather our storms. I am so glad to see you here. I love the support we share with each other. It’s like Parry said. Team FU!!!!!
Lynne(50’s)~Hello darling. Always nice to see your beautiful self here and am glad to her taxol is kicking some cancer read end. You really really deserve the best my sweet friend. Missed you !
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This came up on my FB today from a Cancer Warrior, just thought I would share it with you
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true statement !
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Dear Ladies~And Daniel...Husband 11 also! I want you to know that this place is important to me. You all as individuals mean something to me. I think of you each separately and hope everyday that we live our best and love our strongest. To the fullest we possibly can. Life is fleeting and precious. It can be taken in an instant. So get busy telling the ones you love how you feel. It’s vital, to be complete human beings that we love fully, because love is the only thing that is free and forever.
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Minnie I’ve been writing my husband love letters for when he will be going through my loss and I’d like to add that saying to one of the cards. Thanks for posting it
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Parry~I know how hard that must be for you to do. I have a clip board container with all of my “Letters". Inside them. I recently had to go inside to find one for my DD. And remove it, I had seen her married and I was at her reception as she was wearing my beautiful wedding dress, that I had saved for her.At my diagnosis, that is not something I ever thought I would see, so I wrote her about it. I cried the entire letter with such sorrow. I couldn't even see what I had written. Fast forward some months.... she's married a year in May. That letter wasn't needed because I lived it.
I got to see it for myself because I didn't listen to some doctor that gave me three years tops... I alsohad to remove the letter for my Step son because he made Eagle Scout and I attended, this June he will graduate. I intend to be removing that letter from the pile as well. Never ever think for one second that a medicine can't fall into your lap, just one doctor has to key in on another treatment for you. Has your estrogen status been checked again.? Sometimes it changes. We know cancer morphs. As you write those letters, remember you're. Not milk with an expiration date. Everyone's cancer is different. You are different. Love you my sweet sister!!
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