My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Runor: I think you could solve the boredom if your husband and you took "mate"...
This drink has saved many marriages, it is just sitting together to drink mate and everything flows ... !! LOL
Now seriously ... I just want to tell you that you are a wonderful woman and that you have helped me and other women here a lot. I also get away from this site sometimes (when everything hurts a lot) I hope you are well. A big hug for you
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Thank you all for your kind words. Having cancer is such a game changer. At first, in those early months, my god, it was hell. The hell you all know. Coming to this place and especially this cozy, comfy living room Micmel hosts, where we come and go, put our feet up, relax and share or cry together... this place is special. It lifts me up. It's a smooth stone I carry in my pocket, reaching in to roll it in my palm and remind me that the earth is solid and I am held in a group of solid women, globally, who 'get' this experience that has, in some ways. separated me from everyone closest to me. That stone grounds me and reassures me and travels with me and connects me. That is why I keep coming back to BCORG.
Candy, good on you for taking a step out into the world of volunteering. I have said before that communities are carried on the backs of the troops of volunteers. The value you add is priceless.
Yndorian, I'll have to be careful what I drink with husband. Don't want him getting any ideas!
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I appreciate this place too. A cozy living room indeed. A good place to go if you are feeling good or bad.
I was feeling pretty good today about things. Been exercising, happy with my new portable washer but it all came crashing down on my when my social worker checked in.
Apparently my SIL went behind my back and contacted the case worker to have a visit. She did not tell me she did this. What upsets me is that even though my apartment is clean, I don't shop for frills, and declined mood stabilizers, she told them that she does not think I take care of hygiene, have clean clothes and spend too much money. This stabs me in the heart because they are the only people left and I can't afford to have nobody but by the same token, they need to see I am looking after myself. I am having trouble with feeling judged and don't like visits being arranged for me. I am not incapable and if I needed help I would ask.
I am just really really hurt because the people who supported me and helped when I needed after my Mom died now think I am this stupid incapable person. It doesn't matter that I do look after hygiene, have a clean apartment. I am still being judged and I find it stressful. My younger brother did not have any use for me either and this isn't feeling any better than that. If I confront it or say anything, I will alienate the only people left. Just feeling really bad about this. I run the risk of my younger brother reading this but need to talk it out. Just really really hurt that I have come through so much and managed with my own cancer, the SE's, my mom's death and I still am judged stupid and incapable. They don't say it like that but it is implied by going behind my back. I am sure they are not trying to be mean but it hurts so much.
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Mara, I am so sorry to hear what your SIL did to you. I can relate because my MIL did something similar to me and I have not forgiven her for it, she has not apologized, and now we're estranged. Going behind one's back is insulting, humiliating and a betrayal IMO, it's hurtful not helpful. I just don't understand how people cannot be upfront with the person involved. Yes, you'll ask if you need help, but your SIL should also have asked you directly if there's anything you need help with or admit to you the concerns. I don't blame you at all for being upset, you've been through so much, and I'm sorry your happy mood was brought down. I just want to send you my support, love and hugs.
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mara you are probably experiencing some very real dynamics but please consider that there can be sources of shitty behavior that have nothing to do with you, and these might include - fear, denial, awkwardness, guilt, cluelessness, etc.... so not directed against you, nor from any hostile motive. However, still shitty to experience.
My family of clueless narcissists actually do love me to their best ability, most of the time. They mostly kick into gear and they mostly mean well. They would all pass a lie detector test declaring their deep love of me. But they can also be stunningly self centered. There was one point in chemo when my sister visited me to "help," but mostly lounged, did nothing about lunch, and needed four minutes of discussion and and 3 texts to "go get some bread and fruits and veggies that you like, and some salad stuff, while I take a nap."
On one hand she was there, 'helping' me. On the other she was completely clueless to my internal desire to hand it all over to her and sleep. She had ZERO maternal skill. She was trying so hard to double check/ get it right/ be perfect that it thwarted the whole point of having help! I recall pulling off my demure smurf hat, pointing to my own bald head and screaming: "There, now do you see?? I am SICK. I need HELP. Please, just go bring food and stop asking questions! This is not easy!!"
But I am also clear that she was NOT trying to hurt me, just doing her own childhood dance of perfect execution instilled by our parents.
WHOOOOPS I missed part of your post. Just re read and saw what I missed. Hurtful. Sorry my post was based on incomplete info.
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Thank you both. I know my SIL was coming from a place of love and worry. I will just have to show improvement and keep more of my feelings to myself and the professionals. Not worth making a federal case at this point BUT will have to be firmer about self directing finances and my health care.
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Mara, I get the feelings your having right now. I have no contact with any blood relation at all aside from my grandmother ..not by my choice, lets just say, I got caught in a spat between my mom and dad over trying to end child support, my dad gave me and my sister both a small college fund in exchange for stopping the support at 19. My mom had apparently been living large on the support meant to go to us since I was little and her income going away had her worried, my sister gave her her college fund and remained in her good graces, I gave into her demands for money to keep a roof over my head, but when I met my husband and I moved out, the money went with me and then I was accused of abandoning and betraying her. My mother and sister have apparently forged a symbiotic bond and they feed off one another and have since I left. My grandmother who is my only blood contact right now has a sadistic side I've grown tired of, she's the one who told me my mother was stage 4 ovarian cancer out of nowhere after keeping it to herself for months and only told me when I had relayed to her I had progressed to Stage 4. She's also the one who relayed to me the fact my mother had written to her telling her what a greedy awful person I am and that she doesn't think my husband really loves me. Why anyone would relay to ANYONE going through Stage 4 cancer stuff like that I don't know...and why my mom who is stage 4 herself is STILL mad at me over something that happened 17 yrs ago and is saying things out of pure nastiness to hurt me at this stage of the game...well, sometimes you can't argue or reason with an irrational person who's convinced in their own mind they are a saint. It's projection, pure and simple, I see that. My grandmother called today and part of the conversation went "You know, its shame your gonna die and you can't have children, your cousin is 8 months pregnant, boy is she getting big too..."....I ended that conversation quickly....I've decided to cut that final tie. All I have is my husbands side of the family now. Going through Stage 4 is hard enough, adding major family issues on top of that is added stress we don't need. I'm so sorry Mara.
Candy, that is so wonderful about you volunteering, it will be good company for you too when you venture out. Just being around people for awhile, doing something un-cancer related and feeling useful can help with the loneliness. Being apart of something, belonging...I know I feel so much better when I feel like I belong.
Micmel, I hope you feel better soon!! Sinus infections are no fun, rest well, we'll be waiting for you
booboo- I am seriously going to try that trick next scan, I'm going to think about yummy food. I was kinda thankful I had music headphones put on me that were tuned to a station I liked last time....one time it as country...this last time i was listening to "Dreamweaver", I was jamming out. Forgot I couldn't move tho a couple times. Still could hear alot of the buzzing, whirling and churning, but having a distraction is nice, especially when you feel like your stuck in a 2001 a space odyssey tube and your hoping Hal 9000 isn't at the controls in a bad mood.
I made Taco's tonight
Was disappointed I didn't have scallions to sprinkle over top like i normally do. Take care all Those are chia seed taco shells 
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RadagastRabbit, those tacos look yummy!! I'm sorry you've gone through so much with your family; so unfair and really stinks. Your grandmother's recent comment was so uncalled for and just plain mean. I just don't get people sometimes. Big hugs for you!
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Rabbit, I'm sorry you went through that nastiness with your family. It is painful. I do have to say I know my SIL was concerned, not being hateful. What bothers me is that I am the one who should be requesting services or at least consulted. The social worker visit was sprung on me and being told by my nurse last week and social worker that antidepressants were prescribed was a surprise to me. If I need help I will ask, whether it is with laundry, keeping myself clean (which I always was) or housework. I also think taking bits and pieces of info heard during a doctor's visit is not an accurate representation of what life is like. I should be able to say I am sad without being told to get medication when I have always stated I did not want it. I am able to cope much better than given credit for. I just feel people think I am stupid and incapable, that is what hurt me. Not going to pursue it further and going to stop trying to prove to people that I am looking after myself and cats. If they think I am incapable or bad with money or anything, they can discuss it at home. Leave me out of it. If I ask for help, I hope they would still do so, but I will continue to go it alone.
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I'm trying to catch up after only missing a few days. This thread flies. Know that I care and am praying for all of you.
Update: So, I went from being Wonder Woman to not being able to have my TX on Tuesday because of low ANC. What?!?! And my HGB only went up to 9 after my blood transfusion. NOT Wonder Woman this week, more like Wimpy Woman.!!! Next Tuesday we will try again to get TX. If my counts are up enough. I'm getting tired of IFs.. Another day in the life.
Of course this set back has thrown my schedule way off. My sister had the dates she was flying down all set. Now, she's going to have to change everything. It's a surprise a week it seems. She's coming for my September TX, because everyone I know is going on a vacation in September. Plus my port is still not healed. My IR did another culture today and is putting me on a different antibiotic. Grrr
And, life keeps happening. The renovation from my plumbing flood is well underway. The plumbing is repaired ,bath demo is done, my bathroom floor is finished, The painting and toilet are going in today. But, I haven't bought my cabinets yet. My quartz countertop and sinks cannot go back in until I find the right cabinets. Meanwhile, insurance claim money seem like it's flying out of my bank account. And, I'm only on room one of three! Yikes!
I'm sure everything will work out but it does feel a little overwhelming this week. I'm wishing I could get another blood transfusion!!!💞
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I'm so sorry you are dealing with so much going on all at the same time. You most certainly are not wimpy woman given everything going on. The fact that you are still here proves it. Hugs and my best thoughts go out to you Grannax. Makes me think I need to toughen myself up when seeing what everyone else is going through.
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Good morning Ladies~. I'm checking Inand saying. Hello. I have been reading a lot and it seems like our sister Lita is teetering on hospice. It just never stops. 😔
Mae~ i sure did get called out didn't I? Love you all for noticing !
Nap time again. Kicking this sinus infection is a pain in the ass.
Cancer is an anal pore. Plain and simple. ! I have had enough of it and I'd like to kick its ass for all the pain it brings. Abeautifulsunset. Is also struggling. Send the vibes ladies. Send the vibes. Love to all. And NO word about Parry scaring me. Haven't see. Daniel and Leslie either for a little while.
Hugs to all special ladies!
This is your home Runor. That's why you keep coming back. We are like a family ! ❤️🥰
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Mel, positive energy to both you and abeautifulsunset as well.
I did have a better day today, feel much more in perspective and realizing SIL was just trying to help. Not trying to be critical of me. I have to stop taking things so personally. If the topic comes up, I will ask for a head up before professionals called in to avoid being blindsided. Not feeling hurt anymore as I have nothing to prove.
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Hope everyone is doing okay today. I've been finding cooking therapeutic for me lately - tonight is homemade garlic spread grilled chicken pizza, light ranch and bbq drizzle and its topped with cilantro and parsley, we had a caesar salad with it and I had made a pumpkin bread with chocolate chips and cream cheese frosting for dessert. I rarely ever bake/make dessert, but I thought I'd do something different for a change, great for the mood!
I've just been taking my time making things look nice on a plate. I've had these white square dishes stowed away for over 10 yrs, i was always afraid to use them they looked so nice....so i ditched the beaten up plates we've used for ages and have decided we're using the nice plates from now on. Feel better soon Micmel
Mara, i think you've got a good attitude about things
Grannax, can't wait to see pictures when all is done, i bet it will be beautiful!
Bliss, thank you
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Mara~ i have hadan ok day as well for the past two! They have been better. I am feeling better and the medicine is working. But now I don't want to start back on treatment again. Because I know today that's why I feel much better. Ibrance strings you out! Glad you're also having a better day! Somedays none of my thoughts seem to make much sense even in my own head. But then the next day they do.
Hugs to all you lovely ladies.
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Micmel, I have an infallible remedy for sinus infections. I learned it from a old german lady who practiced Germanic medicine. You should put one drop of medicinal hydrogen peroxide 3% deep inside each nostril and vacuum with all your strength as if you want it to reach your brain. For about 1 minute it burns like hell, but don't be afraid because the burning is gone immediately. It is a remedy for the brave but it is effective and fast. Get better soon! Lots of love for you
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Hi everyone😀
Rabbit, that dinner looks delicious 🤤
Mara, I meant to comment earlier and I’m glad you’re cooling off on the home visit for your own sake but damn it, I’d still be pissed. If being frugal is a symptom of a declining mental state anyone who doesn’t love living it debt is in trouble.
As mentioned before, I’ve written most family off completely, they’re just so toxic. Once while visiting after my brain mets diagnosis and discussing the stats of life expectancy, I was sternly accused of “being negative”, ME?! I’m the happiest person I know but reality has its place too.
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Rabbit~I’ll take some of that deliciousness!!! Now I’m officially hungry. Looks yummy. My DH really is the chef in our house. I make some good dishes. Bur ignore I’m honest I don’t enjoy cooking at all, I really never did. It made me happy to see my family eating meals I made. But now. It seems like a chore to me.
Happy Labor Day weekend ! Hard workers out ! there !0 -
Mae~I learned a long time ago that blood is only red and just happens to have other people that have the same dna type of blood i do. From the same parents and distant family. But during this entire thing. The people who were really really there for me. Didn’t have my blood running through their veins. I also didn’t have their blood running through my veins from them racing to help out. My DH, my best friend , my other cherished friend from when the kids were in school. (part of my sons boy group of friends, one of their mothers) she’s a nurse and was such a huge help. She bathed me one day on one of my worst days. When I was alone. I don’t know about you all, but I don’t want my son washing my ass, and seeing what my butchered breast looks like. It may shock him for life so I turned to her. Friends can be better than family. My DH is my true blue family!0 -
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Mae, SIL was worried I was spending too much. I sold off my condo and am living off proceeds of the sale plus disability. I only bought two large things, a portable washer/spin dryer for the apartment (love it) and a treadmill for my health. I don't feel bad for any purchase anyway. I am really good at saving money, using rewards on my prepaid visa debit to pay for groceries as well. Love it as well.
I finally realized that I have nothing to prove or explain and will just keep telling people I feel good. Thanks for the concern, please ask before contact medical help whether I need it or not.
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good morning all
Checking in from Tampa. Listening to hurricane reports and enjoying my daughters visit. Got some supplies just in case.
Been reading along take care all.
Tanya
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Tanya- Stay safe out there. Tampa is on western coast, right? How much of the hurricane will you get where you are? In Illinois we have to worry about tornados.
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Tanya,
Stay safe. My sister lives in St Pete and I am worried about her too
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Tanya. I'm glad you are taking precautions. Many of our friends here live in Florida. Dallas Tx is getting a torrential rain this morning. If it's hitting the Gulf we often get its affects. We need the rain, not the storm. Take care those in Florida, Houston and Galveston.💞
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I am hoping everyone is safe in this storm. I am following the news and hoping it moves away quickly. Its good to hear people are taking precautions! ❤️To all!
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okay ladies I feel a little better and now I wake up with a sciatica flare up! Ugh! I was doing so well. Limiting my napping. Trying to do something, each day differently. When my DH is here it makes me happy.! So I wanted to do More. His sister and DH were here yesterday. I adore them both! Good people =good feelings, brought back me some goodies. An awesome Tupperware water drinking bottle, and tumbler to mix things in. And an adorable child's cup for snacks and drinks. Loving some of the items! Have a happy Sunday. Thinking of those in the storm. Hoping everyone is safe!!!!!
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Tanya,
I’m hoping we won’t feel the affects of the storm too much; was told that heavy rain is still possible. Stay safe. We also bought supplies just in case we lose power. I will be very glad to see the end of this one!
Mel, sounds like you are making a real effort to get up and out. Good for you. I’ll bet you’ll find that’s the very best way to fight this disease. I know this sounds counter to what you might think, but finding someone else to help is the best way to move forward. Takes the focus off me when I do. It also makes me happy to do something good for others.
Hope everyone is having a nice holiday weekend.
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Mel, I second the good for you. After the illness and now extra pain, the fact you are rallying yourself is commendable.
I echo everyone's wishes for the storm not to be too bad to people affected by it. Hoping for safety for everyone.
Myself, I have been feeling very happy for the last few days. Had a quiet week except for Friday, went out with a friend. Always good to talk to someone about your problems, helps keep things in perspective. Yesterday, I took the day off exercise and housework but today am exercising AND probably will hit some housework and laundry. Only issue I had today was a headache that came on with taking B12 supplement. I know I did not overmedicate but had to take Advil for it. Did not have a headache this morning. Head still feels kind of wonky. Has anyone else experienced this with B vitamin supplements?
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