My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
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Mara~Say whatever the hell you want, you’re allowed to be annoyed by rude people. I don’t think your Sil would like me very much. I wouldn’t put up with that shit. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, nor your self then what do they want? Shit happens. I would have told that gentleman he was In he wrong line of work and who pissed in his cereal this morning. What a jerk. One of my pet peeves is rude customer service or workers. That’s why they are there.0 -
Runor~ why am I not shocked you're making masks. With your talents. I am a beginner for sure. I find it soothing sewing. Eats up time. Which I like. I get bored during the day. Today I tested all day. Wore myself out. Tomorrow I hope to start again!! Good to see you.
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Moth - loved reading your great news!!
Mae the image on the stairs was priceless
Mel, you made me LOL - Shit Happens! yes it does. Your masks are great! Your daughter manages to be a knockout w only eyes!
Mara, that guy needed someone to stick up for themselves to call him on his bad attitude. 'Bark' is a perfectly clear word. Sorry your SIL is overreacting. Hopefully that will settle down.
Sorry for everyone blue and sick of COVID and scared of COVID. Whole thing sucks.
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I am having a good day so far, walking on treadmill today and waiting for a Walmart grocery delivery. Still stinkin hot out, but it is summer in southern Ontario, always humid. Not as bad as as southern US but comparable. Not planning to go out. The walmart delivery from instacart is still cheaper for the amount of food I get, stocking up on beans and queso of course along with some tortilla chips. Found a way to get my burgers that does not involve superhot walking. It does require two buses but I can live with that since the walking is extremely difficult in this weather. Not planning to go out today. Doing some laundry, surveys and listening to music while I wait. I am doing OK with the covid as I was not much for going out alot and tended to just go where I needed to purchases groceries and essentials. If there is a second wave here, I think we won't have the same amount of panic buying as grocery stores were never closed and the supply chain and limits at the stores cut down on the empy shelves. I admit I do like to keep stocked up on beans, queso etc as those are my staples. Proud I resisted purchasing extra laundry supplies. Those are the ones I quite enjoy buying.
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Hello all.
mara- I too bought Walmart groceries today. Ordered online yesterday and picked up curbside today. They had everything on my list this time!!!! Still limits on TP and paper towels of 1 each. And limit of 6 on canned items. But I even got a tub of 35 disinfecting wipes!!! Limit 1, of course. But have not seen wipes since Feb or March.
I am wiped out. So stupid that I get so tired anymore. Got up at 6am this morning. Did a few simple things around house and then drove to Walmart. Stopped to get gas. Home to put groceries away. It is now noon and I feel like I could nap. I hate this. Makes me feel sad. I feel like 1/2 the person I used to be.
Monday I have second opinion MO appointment at a larger cancer center 2 hour drive one way. I dread the trip. I know 4 hours driving and the appointment itself is going to wear me out. I don't know if I can do this all the time (if I transfer care to the larger center).
I hate this.
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Candy, I empathize with you about feeling like 1/2 the person since cancer. The treatments definitely wipe us out, I would also be wiped out having to drive all that distance let alone wait for your MO appointment. Too bad you can't do it virtually but maybe they want bloodwork.
I am also glad you got all your stuff from Walmart. They delivered all the items I ordered and I actually got double chocolate with almond haagen daz ice cream bar. I love it but had not heard of it carried when my normal place stopped carrying it so was very happy. Stocked up on beans, queso and cereal.
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Hello ladies
This thread mooooves.
Happy to read Maes running out of her bloomers. Too cute and funny.
Mara I had it out with an employee in Lowes once. I made a formal complaint in writing to the manager-never received a response and I left her a voice message. I went to the Lowes again bc I had a paid for pending order and I caught the employee signaling coworkers that I needed to be handled-so apparently the manager told them about me. I was so furious and never returned to that store. Definitely loudly Let them know my continued dissatisfaction and never returned. So yeah the crazy cranky cancer lady will tell you off.
Mel your DD is gorgeous. You’ve uncovered a new talent. You were always so crafty with your wedding decorations and stuff. You have an eye for detail.
Booboo sorry you were feeling blue. I’ll be with you for those Monday scans. You sound prepared for it.
I went and visited a friend today wore a mask and social distanced and still felt scared. She should be scared of my germs since I was at hospital for 2 appts Tuesday. I relaxed and enjoyed the visit after about 20 minutes of sitting in the edge of my seat.
By the way Clearwater beach is beautiful but a big tourist beach. Anna Marie Island beaches are gorgeous, free parking and for me I can park and walk 5 minutes from the car and put my chair down. There was talk about them putting parking meters but I don’t think they’ve done it yet. Also siesta key beach (also on west coast of FL) sand is quartz and doesn’t get hot under your feet. It also won best beach of the year.
Runor santabarbatlrian dodgers girl SondraF candy waving hello to all and everyone I missed.
Tany
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candy and Mara~Glad you your goods today. Good ole Walmart! Giving amazon a run for its money.
Tanya~ I’m currently watching a television show called Siesta Key, it looks magnificent,if I had a chance to even be there one day I would be thrilled... the Kompoes live there and basically own the island. It’s a great show. My dd needs to see it. It about young 20’s living life pretty damn good there. I can’t believe you mention that. It’s amazingly beautiful area. I am so Jealous, gulf coast , amazing. They showed a sand bar where boat would sail up and hang out in the island for sometime. It looked really amazing. Oh to be young again. ☹️😔.
Now I’m a sewing junkie who pushes masks on people lol. The masks are fun. It gives me something to do. Love the machine. Thank you for the comments on my dd. She really is a natural beauty. I’ve always been proud of her. Also, thanks for remembering my wedding ideas and decorations. That means a lot to me. 🌹♥️!
Trying to get some sleep. Love to all
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Meant to comment on Mae running out of her drawers. Or bloomers as Tanya put it! Lol my hubby would have commented something and done something. That is LOL funny!!
Thank you Santa. For the comment of my dd. She is something else inside and out!
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I am cranky today. Even though I had the best CT news possible, a close relative took the wind out of my sails by texting (after I announced the good scan results) "you'll beat it!" and I'm like wtf? don't make me explain this to you *again* that it's terminal & I'm not gonna pin my hopes on some 1 in 500,000 chance. How many times do I have to explain I'm just buying time? denial is strong in that one.
Also, I haven't had a good sleep for ages - first it was the scan anxiety and now it's the chemo steroids. And I'm on my 2nd fever of the day & feeling miserable but my family has all disappeared to the fri evening online groups/zooms/movie watchalongs etc.0 -
Moth~ your news is pretty awesome. I have the Same problem. They all think since I'm going on five years that I'm cured. I can't even talk sense into Anyone except DH. He knows. One bad scan away from disaster. Is how it feels. No one gets it. I'm sorry. That would make me cranky also. Especially coming off your scan high! Why can't they just say that is great news I'm so happy!!!! ? Sending hugs.
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Tanya, I’m sorry that worry was part of your getting together with your friend but we understand. I stayed several feet away from friends on the 4th and was still a little concerned myself. I had a pre-radiation Covid test on Wednesday, I’m relieved it was negative.
Hi to all
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Moth— for me, it’s my dad. He believes I will beat cancer. No matter how many times I tell him I am terminal and most likely will die before he will, he just shakes his head and says I don’t believe you. It’s so frustrating. Sorry you have to go thru that aggravation.
Scan results for you are super good news. Very happy for you
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Tanya_Djamila: did I read where you were going to have shots in your back?
What kind of shots? None of my doctors have mentioned that as an option for back pain. Would love to have another trick to deal with bone mets.
Also, your description of those beaches sounds so nice. I so miss the water.
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Illimae— your bedtime story made me snicker. PJs falling down. Oh my!
Weather is hot where I am. “Feels like” temps going back up above 100 again. Could sure see myself floating around in n a pool like yours!! Just need a pool and a pool boy to keep the cold drinks coming
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insomnia struck me again! Argh! All I can think about is sewing. I moved into a new pattern and I like it a lot. Going back to the fabric store Tomorrow so I’ll be getting more choices. I’m looking forward to it. Supposed to rain this weekend so I’ll be doing my thang sewing Dh gets to Step away from Work. Hopefully he will.
Hello Dodgers.... nice to see you. My relative Is my Mother, she won’t even talk about it SHe blows it off like it’s time To change a bandage. It’s very difficult to get through their skulls The river of denial must be mighty nice. Lots of people float there.
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Dodge, When I mention my cancer in front of my mom I can almost see her leave her own psyche and step away from the conversation even as her body sits there, nodding. But I myself am a mother and have to think that if my own daughter came to me and said she had cancer everything in me would reject this and deny it and with the sheer force of my refusal to accept I would blast that cancer out of her. Because it is not the way of the world for kids to die before their parents. It isn't. This, to a parent, is the ultimate horror. I feel for your dad. He does not want you to die before him. The only power he has to change that is the power of his words, and he throws them against the monster cancer where they bounce off and land uselessly on the ground. But he just keeps trying, because it's all he can think to do to save you. Deny that it can be happening.
I know that when you are in the thick of the reality yourself, this only adds to the burden. It's like he's not permitting you to get on with the truth of what you are facing. It's an odd thing, a wrong place for parent and child to be together. He doesn't want to 'quit' on you by accepting your situation. He feels like it would be betraying you. Abandoning you. He might not even be aware that's what he's feeling but I'm pretty sure he is. I feel for you in this and the burden in places on you. But forgive me for saying that I am so sad for your dad too and I would give him a hug if I could. He's fighting for you in the only way he knows how. By not letting it be real.
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Dodgersgirl, I can empathize with you on family not seeing the reality. My younger brother never accepted I was terminal, he always told me to get back to work. The other part of my family, don't outright ignore it, they simply say I may live to 65 which is a similar attitude as you are cured. I don't kid myself being NED in the brain and most likely NED in my body (scan is July 20), that does not mean the cancer will not spread. I am also a likely candidate for lung cancer and colon cancer, the first due to past smoking (I don't anymore) and colon cancer from my dad's side. The other thing that bugs me is when people say everybody's dying. Yes we all are but not everybody is living with a sword over our heads like us and anyone with another disease that will be ultimately terminal. It is a really dismissive thing to say. I have learned NOT to tell them I am terminal. I may be terminal but for right now that feels far away. I accept the fact that it may come roaring back or it won't. My family think I won't die anytime soon, and maybe I won't. I know other stuff could happen but again, when people say everyone is dying, that is dismissive of the reality we all live with. Really irritating.
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Ok, ladies, I am in a mood.
I am hot. And tired of feeling sick, tired of feeling tired. I keep my house cool, but the sweat still rolls off of me. I get tired easily. I have periods of feeling sick, feeling just plain cruddy. It is 8:30am here and already in a bad mood. Oh my.
Then, to top it off, my texting buddy texted me this morning. His plans are to go to a car show today in the next town over. Probably big crowd. He texted there is hamburgers, hot dogs, sodas, and homemade ice cream. And karaoke. WHEN WILL PEOPLE GET IT ABOUT COVID !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We had 11 new cases this week in my small town. This guy is healthy, but he sees that people are at risk--people like me. We do not have contact with each other except by text/phone, but I tell him all the time about others that may be compromised too. I AM SO SICK OF COVID, OF PEOPLE NOT CARING ABOUT THEIR FELLOW MAN. OF NOT TRYING TO CONTAIN THE VIRUS. OF PEOPLE LIKE ME AND US HERE THAT ARE STAYING IN TO TRY TO STAY HEALTHY AND SLOW THE VIRUS. AND THEN THOSE, LIKE HIM, THAT DON'T GIVE A CRAP AND JUST KEEP DOING WHAT THEY WANT.
I am tired of it all. The virus. Our situations. Losing those on here to this DAMN disease. I am tired of feeling sick. I just want to pull the covers over my head today and shut out the world. But I would smother under those covers---haha.
moth- Yep people don't get it. For me-- my sister.
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Candy, totally agree with you on staying masked and distant. He could bring it to others or himself. A young Canadian Broadway actor died of complications of covid19 recently. Only 41. You really don't know what will happen to you, stupid risky move and the car show should be virtual. I am sorry you are feeling so sickly, I hope your body cools down soon for your relief.
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Thanks guys for sharing and commenting ref my dad’s denial of my MBC
I do feel sorry for him. My mom died Jan 2019. They were married 65 years. He is now alone in so many ways. And he has early stages of dementia along with severe hearing loss. Lots to deal with.
I am not sure he really understands that I am terminal. I don’t think it’s a protective mechanism on his part. I honestly believe he thinks the doctors are wrong. He had a different cancer almost 20 years ago and he “beat it” so I think he has that experience locked in his mind. And is sure I will have the same outcome
As you all know, it’s just frustrating.... but what about having a terminal illness isn’t??
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Candy-678: I get it.
CoVid— now they say those vulnerable should stay home. Well, that’s like being locked up for being ill, which is hard. But it’s more than that. We still have to eat, pay bills, live, etc. once we walk out of the protective home, we are exposed. Stores here no longer have senior hours at the start of the day so to shop, you are with everyone. Doesn’t sound very protected to me. Yes, masks, social distancing, hand washing all help ward off the cooties. But if you aren’t living alone, all those family members can bring home those cooties. Seems that unless we totally isolate from everyone, it’s not as simple as the media makes it seem to stay safe if sick. I feel more exposed now than ever even though I am mostly homebound
Can’t even go on vacation to run away as CoVid is all around.
Sucks
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Dodgers- Yeah, when the ones that are going out and living life say, "If you are scared, you should just stay in" they are not making sense. We have bills to pay, groceries to get, etc. We still have to live to some degree. We cannot hide inside all the time.
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I'll join this rant. I get so frustrated with self-centered people. All those people who “aren't scared". Well a certain percentage of them WILL end up in the hospital, taking a bed and resources and wearing out the poor medical staff. And when the ICU is full, there won't be a bed for someone else. Someone who did their part. Someone who recognized that we should look out for each other and not be selfish. Look, I have put up with six years of stage iv cancer treatment and the best I can hope for when the end comes is that I die at home with my loved ones near me, and not alone in a hospital, which is how it will be if I die of covid-19. To the people who won’t look out for others: You don't like masks? You miss going out to big events? Boo-frickin-hoo.
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Oh, so agree with all of the sentiments on people's selfishness during this pandemic. My heart just aches for patients and families who can't be with a loved who dies alone except for medical staff. It's not the same as being surrounded with love and support from family and friends. But bless these overworked medical and EMS staffs for their courage and care.
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Shetland- YES!!! BOO-FREAKING-HOO!!!! That is what I would like to tell my friend. I know he loves his cars, and his food. But, sacrifice a little. Do the right thing and get these cases lower. I do not want to die alone, in the hospital, with COVID. I do not want to die of a stupid virus after fighting this cancer.
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Did anyone see the article on the kids going to “COVID” parties? I’m in awe of the stupidity. A 30-year-old died. They gather at a party with someone who has COVID to see who gets it first. I am just shaking my head.
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KBL— I am assuming these are the same kids who were swallowing Tide Pods not too long ago.
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I read an article this week that apparently over 1000 TSA agents tested positive to COVID. I forget the exact ratio, but its like 2x higher than the rate across the overall US population. Man, if getting on the plane wasn't scary enough, the security line is the worst! Oh yeah - remember terrorism? That worry seems like it was ages ago.
People here in the UK seem to be going with the flow for now. I just got back from the grocery store (10 minute walk, over an hour trundling around, ten min walk back with a lot of groceries and I didn't need to use my cane!) and it was nice and empty but you could tell it was all the vulnerable people out. LOT of masks, people doing the Cart Tango in the aisles. I normally just put groceries in my carrying bag, but I needed a cart today and made sure to glop sanitizer all over the handle, then my hands, then my hands multiple times while shopping, washed when I got home and then after putting stuff away. Stupid nose itched the whole time!
We will probably have to postpone our trip in September/October, if anything because if its bad now in the US I can only imagine what its going to be when they let the kids back to school. Not sure where else to go - its not like you can just enjoy a restaurant or a resort in another country especially for the prices they are charging. And I would be nervous about getting caught somewhere if borders shut for whatever reason again.
This really sucks.
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Runor,
I think what you wrote is 100 percent true. Both of my own parents passed already, but I know they would have been in denial had they lived to see me with this disease. My Mother used to always say it is unnatural for children to go before their parents. I guess I see now what she meant.
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